So sorry for not updating twice last month. I think I must have forgotten or thought that I did when I didn't. I'll try to update 3 times this month to make up for last month. No promises, but things are going well for the future chapters so we will see (I am currently at chapter 41 now, so exciting!!!)

Bridger

Arron stares at me like I'm the most stupid person he has ever come across. I probably am, but I also know he's quite dumb himself. Despite all the training, Arron has always had trouble hiding his expressions. He's just always been an expressive person – which is why he could never be a zeta. He's always been good at the stone-cold look, but not the unreadable look. And he can't stick to it either. Unlike Kian, who seems to have such a look mastered and can pull it out at any time.

I look back at him, not allowing his squinting eyes, curling lip, or furrowing eyebrows to curb me. I raise my eyebrows and wiggle my head a bit, trying to elicit a response from the man across from me but he just looks on.

"Arron, I'm not kidding around," I say seriously. "I'm telling you this just so that you're aware, you don't need to play any active or even passive role in this – you actually have no role in this. Seriously."

I've just finished telling him my plan for Kian. I had tossed and turned the idea of telling him in my head for a while, but I figured he'd find out eventually, so I might as well get it out of the way now. Tomorrow is the day Kian and his friends officially leave, having been – begrudgingly – granted a strictly two-week-longer stay.

Since the birth of Jenna's pup - who she named Hailey after being pressed over and over again by Mika - and the rejection between Kian and Arron, things have sped up drastically. I offered Kian a day's rest after the rejection and our little heated session, but he refused to take a break, wanting to continue training. The rejection didn't deter him at all and after he fully recovered the night after, we trained longer and harder – occasionally coming home around one or two in the morning.

But over the last two weeks, Kian has made an incredible amount of progress. Omegas' true capabilities never cease to amaze me and Kian himself has been surprised by his progress. I believe that had he not been so determined, he wouldn't have been as successful in his training as he's been.

Of course, he has a long way to go, but I know Alpha Corzo won't fail him. Alpha Corzo will also be pleased to know just how fast of a learner Kian is as he's prepared an intense and long training course which may easily be half as long as he's made it to be. Nonetheless, I'm insanely proud of Kian and I feel Arron's stupid face he's making would be much different had he been active and seen Kian's progress with his own eyes. But I'm sure even if he did help, he would have belittled Kian's abilities and progress. He wouldn't be happy seeing a strong, talented, beautiful, and smart omega do things that he can do.

"Bridger," Arron says as he releases a chuckle, "I know that you're crazy progressive and - I don't know - see the best in everyone, but...are you fucking stupid?"

I quirk an eyebrow at him. "Am I stupid?"

"You wholeheartedly believe that an omega - a subspecies of werewolf - could possibly run a pack by himself?" he laughs again, finding immense humor in this. "Holy shit! Holy shit, you do! That's the most hilarious thing I've heard in about my entire life."

"You can laugh, Arron, but I do wholeheartedly believe in Kian's capabilities," I defend. "Since they first arrived here, I've trained Kian harder than I have the other omegas and he's been very successful in everything that we've done. Not to mention, Corzo will be continuing Kian's training but with higher intensity and he'll have more time to do it."

"He's an omega, Bridger," Arron contends, all humor gone as he leans up in his chair. "And frankly, I find this incredibly offensive to say that an omega can do what I, an alpha, can do. Kian is not an alpha, he doesn't have the blood, the genes, the anything to become one. You can't magically eliminate and change his biological makeup, Bridger. He. Is. An. Omega. I don't care how badly you want him to be something else, I don't care how badly he wants to be something else. He has a role just like the rest of us and he needs to stick to it."

I try not to bring up how I, who doesn't have the blood, the genes, the anything to be an Alpha, do everything he's supposed to do and more for his pack. I also don't try to argue that the only thing that makes an alpha different from everyone else is, in fact, his genes. If anything ever happened to Arron, it would be me who would become the next alpha. Maybe long down the line, I have alpha blood somewhere in me, but I am not at all an alpha by blood. Yet, I am expected to match Arron in everything he does and is. I try not to bring up how flawed his logic is; that just because omegas are genetically more caring, compassionate, gentle, and warm doesn't mean that they can't be leaders, fighters, or anything more. Kian is all that and more.

"And what is that role, Arron?" I snap, "To be submissive? To be a sex object? A birther? Inferior? I, frankly, find it hilarious that you at your big, mighty rank would be offended by someone who you consider inferior."

Arron takes in a deep breath, puffing his chest out as he sinks deeper into his seat. Obviously, what I've said hasn't waivered his stance at all but it did anger him. He'll likely force me to do something inconvenient tonight or tomorrow as a way to get back at me for standing up to him.

"I don't even know why I'm arguing with you over something so stupid," Arron sighs, "do whatever you want to do, Bridger, you already set yourself and that boy up for failure the second you and he started whatever relationship you two have. When all this fails, don't tell me because it would just cause me too much secondhand embarrassment."

I know arguing with this man is useless. If he's made his mind up that 2+2 is 100, then he will die on that hill and will argue for it in the Moonlands. I'm sure if I brought this up to his mother or father, they'd definitely be skeptical, but supportive nonetheless. I always wonder how Arron turned out to be this lazy asshole when he had such role-model parents. I can't say the same for my father. If anything, I should have turned out like Arron and Arron should have turned out like me.

Nonetheless, I don't bother arguing with Arron any longer. I question why I even thought bringing it up to him was a good idea in the first place. I mean, what would have done if he found out on his own? There's nothing he could have done. I leave his office without so much as a goodbye. I stand outside of Arron's office and contemplate going to mine to finish boring paperwork or find Kian. Since I had other things to do today, I set Kian up with an eta for training in the field and I haven't seen him in a few hours. Call me a lovesick puppy with how I feel the constant need to be by his side.

My mind wanders to tomorrow. We'll be leaving early to take the five to six-hour-long drive to Alpha Corzo's coastal pack. I have already made arrangements for who will be riding with whom. Kian will, of course, be with me; Katie and Mika will be with Char; and Jenna will be Mint. Kian somehow convinced Mint to follow them which I wasn't surprised about considering how Mint is always up for a new adventure despite his age.

Today will be the last day that Kian and I will have together for a while. It makes my chest tighten just to think about it. I had been avoiding these feelings and these thoughts ever since my plan started rolling but now that the day has finally snuck up on me, I can't ignore them. Part of me curses myself for allowing myself to get so involved and intimate with Kian knowing that this was going to happen. We have had many heated nights much like our first ones and I don't know what I'm going to do when I can no longer touch his soft skin beneath me or taste his sweet arousal on my tongue.

Another part of me tells me that we can work in a long-distance relationship. That maybe I can follow another dream of mine that I have never thought possible and place my loyalty in Kian's pack rather than Arron's. I never wanted to be a beta anyway. The thought makes Jace uncomfortable but he doesn't say anything. I sick feeling washes over me when I think about throwing all those years of training down the drain; how angry and disappointed my father would be if I do so. But I also think about leaving Kian and how I don't want that.

I want to be with Kian more than I want to be a beta.

Is that crazy?

'Yes, that's crazy. You've been a beta all your life' I argue with myself.

I sit down at my desk and lean back in my chair. I rest my chin in my hand and sigh. Being a beta has been my duty since I was born. My father made sure of it. I know nothing more than being by Arron's side, correcting his mistakes, and making sure he doesn't make any. But just because I live, breathe, and sleep beta doesn't mean I love the job. I've never loved this job. It's just the only job I have ever known.

As a pup, while all the other children were having fun during recess or having sleepovers, I was with Arron, training. I wasn't allowed to have friends because they distracted me from my duty and loyalty to Arron. If Arron had friends, I was friends with them; if Arron didn't have friends, I was his friend; if Arron eats, I eat with him; if Arron needs a partner for this or that, I am his partner. My father preached loyalty which meant Arron and I were to live practically the same life.

How can I just leave that life? I hate this job, I really do. I hate Arron and I would give anything to just leave; to drop all of my responsibilities and run off to a developing pack with Kian and just live freely. Hell, I'd be Kian's house husband – that thought alone makes me laugh. But...it seems nice. But a part of me is uncomfortable and hates the idea of leaving. This pack needs me. Arron needs me because if it weren't for me, well...Goddess I don't even want to think about it.

My father would certainly curse me if he knew I was thinking such thoughts. He'd treat it like a sin and pray for Goddess to damn me to Hell. He would scold me and yell that he – the best beta to grace this planet – never second-guessed his loyalty to Arron's father. He would complain about my disobedience and possibly even accuse me of treason.

I close my eyes and sigh again.

I imagine Kian and I saying goodbye to each other then driving back home, alone in my car; sleeping alone in my bed; eating alone at my table. I've become so used to Kian's company. I've become used to my cabin smelling like him, his sweet scent creeping through every crevice in my cabin. I can't imagine the day when it stops smelling like him.

'Jace, please. I know you want to say something, guide me' I beg.

Jace sighs. 'I don't know, Bridger. I want you to be happy, you know that. I want you to follow your heart and all that sappy shit. But...when I became your wolf, you were already Arron's future beta. I pledged my loyalty to Arron and Derek. I am uncomfortable questioning it and contemplating breaking it, but...I know that you are unhappy in this role and if you are unhappy, then I am too. I am far more loyal to you than anyone else, Bridger'

'So...what should I do?'

I hate feeling this lost but I trust that Jace will always guide me in the right direction even when it seems he's guiding me to a cliff, instead.

'Kian makes you happy. He's made you happier than I have felt in a very long time. I hate to see that happiness go away. I suggested you pursue him and you did, so I can only stick with that suggestion and say that you...pursue your happiness'

'So follow him?'

'It will be problematic'

'I can be taken to The Counsel for treason'

'You may not be seen as a trustworthy person, after. Other werewolves will be wary of you if word gets around'

Then I will make sure that my leave is on good terms. I will try my hardest to train Arron's delta after Kian's departure. Deltas are required to have some knowledge of the Alpha's Code as well as fully understand the duties and responsibilities of a beta. So it won't be hard to train her to take over. What will be hard is to convince Arron that I'm not a bad person for leaving. He'll certainly get my father involved and accuse me of abandoning my position, however, if he takes me to The Elder's Counsel, they will see that I prepared what I needed to in order to make a peaceful leave.

It'll take some time, perhaps a year if we push ourselves. Kian and I will be mostly long-distance, but I will be willing to make the long drive to his pack if need be. I imagine – or rather hope – that it won't be too bad. We will both be busy – him with building his pack and me with leaving mine. So we won't be thinking about each other all the time.

I nod my head as I open Excel on my computer. This is where I have been tracking Kian's progress as well as keeping Corzo's plans to align my training with his. I open a blank spreadsheet and title it Project 2. I need to begin making plans. The earlier I can propose leaving and training Arron's delta to Arron, the easier things will be for me. I just have to find the nerve to do it; to disappoint my father. I'm leaving my beta role to play the role of boyfriend. Goddess, they are not going to take that well. I almost laugh as I imagine telling my father that I'm in love with an omega and am following him to his pack; that I won't have a significant role and Kian will be above me in rank; that I'll just be his house husband while my omega boyfriend runs a pack. It's so backward and far more progressive than I'm sure anyone could handle. My dad might have a heart attack.

I stop typing and stand up. I need to think this through more. I can't make rash decisions. I know that I want to be with Kian, I so desperately want a beautiful relationship with him. I also know that I hate being a beta and I specifically hate being Arron's beta. I also know that our pack will experience a great loss with me being gone – that's not coming from ego, it's just facts. What if other pack members begin leaving?

"Okay," I whisper to myself aloud. I can't allow myself to overthink. "You want to be with Kian, you want to leave this pack. Focus on that, no overthinking."

First and foremost, I have to get my thoughts in order and then create an action plan, only then will I let other people in on it. Just as I did with Kian, everything will be intentional and as smooth of a transition as possible. I have to make sure things are in order because I know I will get heavy pushback from many people involved – especially Arron. Telling my father is last on the list of priorities, but telling Shaye – Arron's delta – is at the top. She will need to begin preparing as well.

As selfish as it sounds, it feels good to finally be pursuing what I never got to before: happiness and love. Call me melodramatic, but those two feelings were mere concepts to me; I never thought I'd experience them in their purest form. My happiness was always watered down and sure I love different things differently, but not this kind of love. The genuine love for life and another? Goddess, it's all I could ever want.

And I'm going to get it no matter what

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Word Count: 2992

How are we feeling about Bridger's new plan? This dude just keeps making new plans, I wish I was as innovative as him.

I'm sorry if my story seems all over the place. I like to capture how real people think; how emotions and thoughts aren't linear.

Also, I overuse semicolons. It's just who I am 🥰