Oct 30
4:17pm

[ best relationship advisers 🥺💌 ]

Xiao
are you kidding me rn

this was your idea, hu 😐?

i knew i shouldn't have trusted you

Hu Tao
relaxxx, it'll work out

trust me 👻

i have gathered the best relationship advisers here.

Childe
i am honored

Xiao
you added childe? really 😐😐

Hu Tao
WAIT WHAT

HOW TF DID YOU GET HERE

i genuinely don't remember adding him

Scaramouche
rename this groupchat to worst relationship advisers bcuz what the fuck is this

Childe
LMFAO YOU ADDED SCARA?? 😹

REALLY??(

HELPP

HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED A MAN OR WOMAN LET ALONE DATE ANYONE 😹😹

AROPP I CAN'T DO TIHS

Scaramouche
literally stfu i hate you so so much. you're not funny, no one likes you, you're smelly and ugly, not to mention incredibly stupid. stop talking 😐

Childe
YOU'RE MAD LMAO 😹😹

Hu Tao
ok i'll be completely honest

i may have just added ppl from the other groupchat that were online rn bcuz i'm lazy

Xiao
sigh

i'm leaving

Hu Tao
NO WAIT

WE CAN STILL HELP YOU

Kaeya
i agree

rest assured xiao, i will turn you into the best partner y/n could ever ask for

Heizou
yea, don't trust that.

Xiao
i don't trust it at all

Kaeya
wow. i see how it is 😒👎

Itto
ooo xiao needs relationship advice, i see

so you want to turn into an alpha, huh

Xiao
archons no. why are you here too 😐

Hu Tao
itto sit your ass back down, i am the adviser here

Itto
THEN WHY ARE WE HERE

Hu Tao
bcuz you guys will help

actually. that excludes you, childe, and kaeya

y'all can remain quiet 😒👎

Kaeya
how dare you

Childe
WHY ME

I JAVE GREAT ADVICE

Xiao
i highly doubt that

Childe
ok let me give you some rn

so.

always start off with a pick up line‼️

Xiao
what

Childe
ppl love that, trust me

Scaramouche
then why are you still single

Childe

YOU CAN'T TALK STFU

Itto
NO. NOT A PICK UP LINE

START OFF WITH ASSERTINF DOMINANCE

PPL LOVE TO BE DOMINATED, THEY FIND IT HOT!!!

Childe
ARE YOU STUPIF, THAT'S GOING TOO FAST

YOU NEED TO STSRT OFF GENTLE

Venti
hey what's going o

nevermind! bye.

Hu Tao
NO, DON'T LEAVE

oh my archons

i made a mistake adding them, didn't i

Heizou
you have no idea.

Xiao
hu. can i leave now

Hu Tao
NO

let me give you some advice

Childe
(pick up lines always work, trust me)

Hu Tao
CAN YOU SHUT UP

Childe
AM I WRONG

Scaramouche
very wrong

Xiao
hu, just give your advice so that i can be done here

Hu Tao
ok so

uh

step one. be yourself!!!

Childe
LAME

BOO

xiao, this is why you should be listening to me and not anyone else

Xiao
he does have a point abt that being lame

i was being myself before but that didn't work

Hu Tao
ok fine then start off with a pick up line and see where that gets you 😐

Childe
it'll get you very far 😉

i've dated many ppl to know this.

Scaramouche
then why are you still single

Childe
CAN YOU STOP SAYINF THAT

YOU ARE LITERALLY SINGLW TOO

Scaramouche
ok

Itto
you are all amateurs

pick up lines are so last year 🤢👎

asserting dominance is what everyone loves

be a true alpha 🐺‼️

Xiao
i'll pass

Itto
of course you will 😒

i always knew you weren't the dominant type

Xiao
what is that supposed to mean?

Itto
it means you are a coward.

Xiao
fuck you, i'm not a coward

Itto
then prove it 😈

Childe
you sound kind of gay rn bro

Heizou
right.

Kaeya

fr

Itto
I'M NOR GAY SHUY UP

Hu Tao
OK EVERYONE SHUT UP

xiao, look at me

are you looking at me

Xiao
i literally can't look at you, we are texting

Hu Tao
STFU AND LOOK AT ME

i have known y/n for 2 whole years.

2 years of being best friends.

i am clearly the most suitable person to give you advice here

Childe
you say this then give no advice 😒👎

Xiao
yeah exactly. you still haven't given me any advice

Hu Tao
ok i will now

take it slow with y/n, but also not too slow

remember that y/n is just as awkward as you are, so don't scare them 😋

Xiao
wow, thanks for the reminder

Hu Tao
SHH

wait did you guys even have your first kiss yet...

DID YOU EVEN HUG YET

Xiao
why is that important

Hu Tao
so that i know where you guys are mentally at

Xiao
oh

yeah, we did

Hu Tao
omg fr

i didn't know you guys had it in you

no way you initiated the kiss though, right 😒

Xiao
yeah, i did 😐

Hu Tao
WHAR

Childe
WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING HIM

Hu Tao
I WAS JUST CURIOUS TBH OK...

I THOUGHT XIAO WAS THE TYPE TO FREAK OUT AFTER ONE HUG

Xiao
please shut up

Heizou
xiao, it seems to me your relationship is going fine.

Scaramouche
yeah, why do you need our help

Xiao
so i'm not doing anything wrong?

Scaramouche
no

Childe
YES YIU ARE

Scaramouche
shut up, don't listen to him

Childe
listen to me, xiao

don't you want to make y/n the happiest they've ever been??

Xiao
yeah

Childe
then take my advice.

start off with a pick up line

Itto
bro literally shut up with the pick up line, that shit never works

what is he even going to do after that, huh?? you ever think abt that??

Xiao
yea

Childe

you won't need to do anything after??

y/n will be so awestruck, they won't even know how to respond

Hu Tao
awestruck? you mean terrified 😹👎

i would literally CRY if i ever saw xiao saying a pick up line to anyone

Keqing
mhm, she does have a point

i don't think xiao is that type of person

Xiao
exactly

Childe
OK THEN FINE

I DON'T SEE ANYONE ELSE GIVING BETTER ADVICE

Heizou
alr then, i will.

Childe
suree. let the emo give relationship advice 😒

Heizou
my advice is to not take any of their advices and do whatever feels right for you.

Childe
lame 👎

Keqing
i wouldn't say that to him if i were you

Childe
waht why

Hu Tao
actually, that's probably the best advice anyone's said so far

unfortunately

Xiao
oh

is that all?

Childe
well, actually

Heizou
yea that's all, don't listen to the ginger.

Childe
the handsome ginger**

Scaramouche
lmao "handsome"

you're ugly as fuck

i've seen roadkills that look better than you

Hu Tao
STOP

Childe
WOW.

i know you secretly find me hot

Scaramouche
wtf 🤢

Itto
getting kind of fruity

Xiao
so what am i supposed to do next

Hu Tao
idk, just go on dates or smth

you have taken y/n on a date, right

Xiao
uh

Hu Tao
oh my goodness

OK SO THAT'S YOUR NEXT STEP

Xiao
i take y/n on a date?

Hu Tao
yep

and i will take care of where you'll have your first date

Xiao
where?

Hu Tao
one of the best restaurants i know‼️

i'll give you the details soon

it'll go great, trust me!

Xiao
alr

i'm trusting you a lot on this btw

Hu Tao
that's fine

you have nothing to worry abt 👻

Childe reacted with 😰