Words left unsaid will sit inside your mind screaming.

----------Simple Reminders.

ALEX'S  POV
I grabbed her diary and opened the first page. It was her handwriting. I missed her so much. I was dying to get just one glimplse of her and may be I would find more of her in this diary. I carrased her beautifully written words.

"Life was indeed a bliss when you held my hand and said you'd stay forever. But life had other plans. I have a lot of complains but none can be heard by you. A LOOKBACK TO MY LIFE, to my story, the feelings, the words left unsaid, the love which will remain with me forever and will go straight to my grave when I die"

As I read her words I felt the pain inked on the paper. I wanted to know what happened with her and why did that jerk leave her when she loved him so much that she kicked my love away. But it was her personal diary. There was a little voice inside me telling me not to go ahead and close it but a larger section of my insides was too curious and I flipped the page. The letter dated back to ten years ago and it was written to Z. Z ! Did she wrote this letter to me ? Gosh ! I thought she never remembered me but here she has a letter for me too. A foolish smile played on my lips as I start reading her letter.

Dear Z,

I still dream the same dreams I saw for us, being with you forever. Here I go back to the time remembering the whole of you for once again. I know that you will never want to lookback to that time but still for my peace of mind I'm writing you a letter which probably you'll never find in this life.
My mind goes back to the time when all the juniors were asked to come to the amphitheatre to view a dance competition. Aoran and I were fighting while the show went on. Then they called a boy on the stage. Yes he was from amongst us. He dedicated a dance to his mom. Mom, which I did not have. I was so stunned by that guy's moves, flexiblity, expressions and emotions. I wanted to know his name. For the first time I wanted to know a guy's name. Then there was somthing with nature that I found that same guy dancing on the stage in farewell evening after one year. That Mr. Farewell ! His dance touched me again and somthing inside me felt so heavy when he disappeared from stage. I don't know what was that feeling but yes there was somthing in the enviroment. Then our paths crossed again and led us to Varsetille Dance Academy. I was shocked to see you there. May be it was our fate how we kept bumping onto each other and that unknown bond between us soon took the name of friendship. And then when you were leaving it rained heavily like heaven reacted to my emotions and cried. That day I was on cloud nine when you asked me out for the lunch. I never went out with any guy other than Aoran which is why I was so nervous. Everytime you smiled looking at me my hearts skipped its beats. I used to watch youtube tutoriuls on how to look pretty but never tried it thinking you will laugh at me  like others. Watching you from the receptionist's desk saving my gaze from your pry eyes I adored you. The way to carried yourself, the way to tied your hair into a small pony tail, the way your heavy beard drew me your maculinity. Those sharp ocean deep greyish blue orbs always made me feel so weak in my knees, no matter how hard I tried not to listen to my feelings, my heart rebelled more everytime. The day when you asked me 'Are those fries more attractive than me ?' I lost it all. I honestly wanted to tell you that nothing could be more attractive than blue eyes and a heartbeat. You were such a distraction. Day by day every feeling of mine acclerated. I tried to control myself but nothing went my way because by then your actions controlled me.

Yours and only yours

Isa

As I finished reading the first letter entry I was already in a state of confusion. She kept my things with utmost care and then her confession. Why did she go then if she was mine and only mine ? Were there some reasons for which she pushed me away ?

I was not thinking straight. My head was full of lot many questions. I wanted answers so I flipped the page and looked at the second page. It contained a letter which was again written to me.

Dear Z,

I miss the way you called me Isa, the way you dropped letters on my window sill, the way you lied that I was a good dancer, the way you showed me what love is and where it's limits exist. Thank you so much for coming in my life and sharing your life with me. Honestly I check my window sill everyday hoping if there is any letter from you. But you never wrote me any letter after Miami. Anyways ! You know I miss you so much. There is so much inside me that I can't even express in words. I always thought what I did to deserve you. And yes I was right when I thought this because I never deserved you. I was a nerd whom everyone ignored, everyone made fun of me and you were like some celebrity with huge fan following. Even though my love had not developed for you that time but there was a unique power which attracted me towards you. You were too hot and I was not even near the word h. You were out of my league. But then we became friends and I didn't know that Z and Zachary were same. On the ball night I came to know that you were that secret admirer and I was dancing in heaven. And then you took me on date where I ate like a fish and when you told me you love me I couldn't believe it was real. I was afraid to let you in because everytime I let somebody in my life they made fun of my looks and bitched around. But then you were different. You made me feel loved, the girl with with worn out clothes and ugly looks. Thanks for leaving me and telling me I didn't deserve you.

I just need some sleep now.

Yours and only yours

Isa

"I left you ?" What us she saying. It's not what really happened.
"I never left you Isa." I touched the paper as I saw the ink was messed up with her tears. But I never left her. I received her letter. But it seemed like she never sent it. I just asked her for sometime in my last letter which I sent her through Erin.

OMFG ! ERIN !

I hurridly put her diary aside and grabbed the bag which had my notepad. I took it out and flipped through the pages. It contained my letters which I wrote to her. I read all of them one by one. I reached the last letter.

Dear Isabella
Don't get me wrong but it's what I realised today. It just happened last night to me that I realised how big fool I am. I think I have realised that what I had for you was a mere infatuation and not love. I'm sorry I'm writing all this to you and not telling you anything on face, but I won't be able to face you now after whatever happened between us. I'm sorry Isabella but please don't wait for me and continue living your life as you lived and I just wanted to tell you as we were in a relationship we should be transparent to each other. I slept with a girl here. I'm sorry Isabella but yeah I don't love you now. Hope you understand.

Z

SHOCKED !! FREAKED !! ANGERY !!

DAMNIT !! It's not written by me. Firstly I never address her as Isabella. I always called her Isa. Secondly it was my handwriting but it was not written by me.

"Oh my god...I ....I was such a fool to not to face her." I pulled my hair in frustration. Damnit ! I ruined it all. Why did not I dare to go to her ? Wjy was I so afraid to ruin her relationship ? The relationship she was never in. My insides were so hollow. How could Erin do this to us ? Why did she do it ?

"That bitch...I'll rip her apart. " I yelled as I was loosing my nerves.

That bitch trapped me in her web that night and ended up with me in my room. No ! I don't even remember doing anything to her. How could she be so cruel to break my Isa's heart.

My brain was giving up. I could not think clearly. Why did Erin changed our letters ? I shouted in frustration banging the table. The vase on the table fell down and Robin came running.

"Alex...?" He said slowing as he saw me holding my head. I was supressing my feelings. There was so much anger pent up inside me. I just wanted Erin in  front of me wherever she was on planet. I wanted to murder her.

I looked up and he ran to me and kneeled down in front of me. He held my hand tightly and looked into my eyes.

"What happened ? What is there in these diaries ?" He asked rubbing my hand.

"Isabella....she..she is my Isa." I managed to say as my eyes moisted and my cheeks felt numb.

"W-H-A-T ?" He jerk my hand and rose up. "Forget her Alex..you are not going back to her" He said as he looked at me sharply.

"She did not leave me. I read her diary Robin. The last letter I sent her was changed." I said calmly giving my brain some space to think and process.

"How do you know that ?" He asked. "Dont be a fool again Alex" He said.

"Look..here...this notepad. It's mine. The last letter in it is not written by me. I did not write this letter. That bitch Erin changed it." I yelled as he looked shocked just as me.

"What about the picture of her with Aoran ?" He said looking away.

"It could be fake Alex. I read my Isa's confessions for me. She loves me." I shouted on top of my lungs as a tear rolled my eye. I quickly wiped it off.

"Yeah...but Eric can't be fake right." He said jerking his hands up in air.

"You're righ.....No way ! No !" I fell on the bed as the realisation hit me. The picture was sent to me seven years ago and Eric was nine.

"Why ? What happened ?" He asked looking at me questioningly gripping my arm.

"Because Eric is nine" I said as by now more tears fell down my eyes. His grip around my arm loosen as he stared me for a moment. I didn't what I was thinking was right or not. But the things were quite in positive favor. Everything played into my mind, her words, my calling her a whore when I was the real manwhore fucking around. I hurt my Isa so much. I called her names. I was such a vulnarable husband. I went back to the day when she said that she never saw Eric's father after the next morning. How she said that he slept with another girl and left her. I saw the  pain in her eyes and the fact that pain was caused by me gave me more resons to hate myself.

"Does it mean..Eric..is.." He stopped mid way raking his hair thriugh his fingers. "You used precaution right ?" He asked shaking my shoulder.

"I have no doubts." I said wiping my tears. I never broke down in these ten years and today I was crying like I lost someone too precious. Yeah ! I had lost so many things.

"Alex..." He shook my arm making me look at him.
"Eric is my son" I wisphered remembering how she let me love her that rainy night. I just wanted to know what she felt like. How she managed our little boy. I took her diary and flipped some of the pages and randomly read one or two letters which was around the time I was in Miami. I turned over few pages and found a letter which was stained with so much ink due to her tears. It hurted me so much to see her tear stains.

Dear Z,

Heya ! You know what I have a news for you. But sadly it won't reach you. I gonna become a momma and yes you are gonna become dadda. I am really so excited to welcome our baby. But I know you won't ever want my baby. It's okay. I'm just sharing my happiness with you. Today Aoran and I went for my blood test and the gyno confirmed it. He is happy too, he is gonna become uncle. I don't know why tears are falling from my eyes. I am so happy while there is a small fear stashed inside my heart. What if my baby grows and questions about his father ? What if I tell him about you and he ends up hating you ? No ! Z you don't deserve hate. I love you so much. Even our baby will love you too. I know you don't love me but today I'm so happy that I head no attention to that fact. You may have gone Z but your traces will never leave me. I'll always see you in him.

Yours and only yours

Would be momma

The diary fell down on the floor as I realised what I missed in my life. I missed my everything. I missed out taking care of my pregnant lady. I missed out the birth of my baby. I missed out when he first spoke, I missed out his first wall and downfalls. I missed his first birthday. I missed out so many things. I was a looser. An idiot to believe in those letters. Just for once if I would have not cared about anything and meet her things would have been different.

Eric ! He was my own flesh and blood. He had my genes. The way I had chubby cheeks when I was a kid, his eyes a replica of me, his thin lips just like me, his dancing...everything had a trace of me. She was right.

"Water ?" Robin handed me a glass of water.

I was failure. I failed as a good boyfriend then and a good husband now. I failed as a dad. Because of my foolishness and too much caring my own blood had to suffer for his dad. My heart pained when I recalled his classmate Ryan calling him illegitimate. Her telling him stories about me and not ruining my image. She was so beautiful always inside out. I clenched my fingers and the glass in my hand broke piercing into my skin.

I deserved it.

"What did you do ?" Robin yelled in blurr.
I will make things right again. I have to go to her. I got up and slammed the door shut. I could hear Robin yelling in background.

"Wait...the doctor is on the way"

Do hell with doctor.

******TO BE CONTINUED*******

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