I'm Addison Shepherd. And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.

Those words plagued Meredith's mind since she first heard them – standing next to her boyfriend, her lover, her Prince Charming or whatever – uttered by his wife.

His gorgeous, tall, leggy wife who saves babies for a living.

How can Meredith compete with that?

Meredith tried to hate her. She really did. But it was just so hard.

When she found out Addison requested her, Meredith thought she'd act like a jealous and rightfully angry wife – grilling Meredith with medical questions she couldn't possibly know the answer to and punishing her with scut, not letting her even look in the direction of the patient or the OR.

But to Meredith's surprise, Addison was strangely kind to her - she let her examine and prep the patient for surgery, scrub in and even defended her when the patient was making snide comments about her.

Hearing Addison's confession about cheating on Derek first left Meredith even more confused than before, but she must admit it filled the gap she's been missing. Derek never talked about his time in New York or mentioned anything before Seattle. He acted like he wanted to forget that part of his life. If he won't talk or think about it, it never happened.

But it did.

It made her even more furious with Derek. He finds out his wife cheated on him. He leaves his home without a second thought. He meets a new girl in a bar, sleeps with her and wants a relationship with her, all while coincidentally forgetting to mention the detail of him being married. Meredith doesn't care that he probably thought his marriage was over. It wasn't over. Officially.

He made Meredith a dirty mistress. Well, now, dirty ex-mistress.

But she still wants to give Derek a chance. She can't help but still feel something for him. It may not be as strong as before, but it's there, refusing to leave.

But despite all that, from the moment Addison appeared in the hospital lobby, the redhead wouldn't leave Meredith's mind, no matter how much she tried to think about anything or anyone else.

Even Cristina's miscarriage couldn't get her out. Meredith was obviously thinking about Cristina, praying she would be alright, but that meant she had to pray for Addison, too. Addison was saving her person's life. And Meredith, overwhelmed by emotions, couldn't help but hug her afterwards. Initially, Addison was stiff, but she quickly relaxed, hugging Meredith back tightly, whispering that it was her pleasure to help.

Then, Meredith's mother was admitted to the hospital, causing problems for everyone. Everybody looked at Meredith like she would snap at any moment or break down crying. But she's fine. Really. Everything's fine.

Except the fact that Derek kept trying to talk to her even after she told him to leave her alone. He was everywhere, all the time, and Meredith was starting to feel exhausted.

Meredith noticed Addison was also keeping an eye on her but in a more subtle way. She glanced at her in the hallways, offering kind smiles and gentle whispers. Meredith felt eyes on her in the cafeteria, but when she looked up from mindlessly chewing her sandwich, Addison looked away, trying to seem busy.

The day Meredith's mother was discharged, Addison was waiting for her, standing next to the nurse's station. She was holding two cups of hot cocoa. Meredith walked past her, thinking she was waiting for Derek. But then Addison was calling her name in that soft tone she came to love, so she turned around and slowly walked back.

"For good juju," Addison said, offering her the hot cocoa.

Meredith smiled and reached for the cup. Their fingers brushed, and Meredith felt electricity travelling down her arm. When she looked up, she saw a look of barely masked happiness and love buried deep inside Addison's emerald eyes. The electricity disappeared as soon as Addison let go of the cup, but Meredith could still feel it lingering under her skin.

She saw Addison open her mouth to say something, but Meredith didn't want to hear it. She walked away, throwing the cup into the trash. What does that mean? Does it mean something? Why did it happen now and not any other time they touched?

She kept examining her fingers, looking at them closely as if it could help her get some answers. She never felt this way when she was with Derek, not once. The only other time she felt this way was in Europe-

No! This can't be happening. She's in love with Derek. She is!

Desperate to bury the confusing feelings, Meredith hid from Addison for two days. She purposefully let others take pregnant patients in the ER, and when she caught sight of red hair, she quickly walked away. At night, she trashed around in bed and dreamt of Amsterdam, blonde hair, cold blue eyes, and condescending laughter.

I won't get hurt like that. Not again.

She was in the middle of a craniotomy with Derek when she felt eyes boring into her skull. Ever so slowly, Meredith raised her head and locked eyes with Addison. She was in her scrubs, standing in the corner of the gallery, arms crossed over her chest. Her hair was in a tight bun, and a small smile appeared on her face when Meredith looked up at her.

Meredith felt like they were the only people in the room. Everything and everyone around them – the steady beeping of the heart monitor, soft voices of the nurses, Derek's occasional order – disappeared. The only thing she could see was Addison. Her deep green eyes, softly gazing into her own, how her lips curled upward in that cute way.

No!

Meredith looked back down, ignoring how it hurt her. She wanted nothing more than to look into those eyes forever, but she couldn't. She won't.

At the end of the surgery, Derek thanked her for helping and started scrubbing out.

This was her chance.

She took a deep breath and gave him an olive branch, hoping he would take it and end her suffering.

Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

--------------------------------------

Will he? Won't he? Will he? Won't he?

Meredith's heart breaks every time the door to Joe's bar opens.

And every time the person in the door isn't Derek, she drinks another shot of tequila.

The more she drinks, the less it hurts.

She wants to find whoever invented tequila and kiss them. But with her luck, they would already have a partner. A partner they wouldn't tell her about. And then they would string her along with sweet promises, and then-

Ding!

Meredith drinks another tequila shot, not bothering to look anymore.

When her friends see who it is, Izzie's eyes widen, and she snorts; George spits out his drink, making a mess everywhere, and Cristina doesn't even bother telling him he's gross. She's too busy staring at the person at the door, her mouth open in a big 'o'. Meredith would laugh if it were anybody else, but now it only makes her heartbeat quicken.

Is it him?

She lets the soul-crushing hope invade her again and slowly turns around.

Blue eyes meet green, and Meredith has to surpass the urge to hide behind the bar.

Addison Montgomery-Shepherd strides towards her, making slow, deliberate steps through the crowd.

The voice around her drowned out the clicking of her high heels, but Meredith could swear she hears a faint echo anyway. Addison has got on the black coat Meredith first met her in on that fateful day one month ago, and her shiny red hair is cascading in waves down her back, framing her sharp cheekbones. A soft touch of light red, almost pink, eyeshadow highlights her green eyes, and her dark red lips curl upward when she sees her.

She looks relieved, as if she already expected someone to be here instead.

Meredith quickly turns back around, wishing she could become invisible.

"I think we should go," Izzie says. She grabs her drink and sits a few tables away, ensuring a good view. After wishing Meredith good luck, Cristina follows her.

George stays a little longer.

"What if she's here to murder you? You know, as revenge. It happens," he says. His breath tickles Meredith's ear as he leans forward so Addison won't hear him.

Meredith waves her hand. "Don't be silly, George."

George straightens up and reaches for his glass.

"We'll be watching," he promises, "and If she tries something, I will throw a dart at her."

Meredith smiles. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The moment George disappears in the crowds, Addison sits beside her, putting her purse on the counter.

Meredith can't help but wonder why she's here. Does she want to talk about Meredith ignoring her for two days? God, I hope not.

What if Derek sent her to say that he picked her? Is he so much of a coward that he has to send his wife to tell his ex that he's done with her? Or maybe she doesn't know?

Should she tell her? She should. She will. Yeah. Good plan, Meredith.

"I said pick me," Meredith blurts out, her gaze fixed on the empty glasses before her.

She feels Addison's eyes on her. It makes Meredith aware of her lifeless hair and chipped lips.

"To Derek," Meredith clarifies when Addison isn't saying anything. "I said that to him – pick me, choose me, love me. I mean, how sad is that?"

Addison is still silent. Maybe she doesn't know Meredith is talking to her? She isn't looking at her. Maybe she should. To look like she means business.

Meredith takes a deep breath and finally looks at Addison. To her surprise, Addison's eyes flicker around her face, never quite stopping. Is she nervous? Are we both nervous? Is that what this is?

"Are you here to murder me? Because if you are, be careful!" Meredith warns her. "George will try to hit you with a dart."

Addison lets out a small laugh. "Don't worry. I'm not here to murder you," she finally says. She leans forward, a humorous glint in her eyes, and whispers, "If I were, I would make it look like an accident."

Meredith starts laughing. Loudly. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd is funny? Or maybe it's just the alcohol. It's probably the tequila. Right.

Addison turns around and waves at the interns, who are trying to seem like they aren't watching their every move. When they notice they're busted, Izzie waves back with a small apologetic smile, George holds up the dart firmly pressed between his fingers, and Cristina looks like she's trying with every fiber of her being not to laugh.

"Why are you then?" Meredith asks when Addison turns back to face her. After a few moments, she realizes she forgot a word. "Here?"

Addison's eyes stop at her nose. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Because I want to tell you my side of the story."

"Oh," Meredith simply says, relief flowing through her veins. What else would she want to talk about? "Are you sure you don't want to wait until I'm sober? I'm a much better listener when I don't have alcohol inside."

Before Addison has the chance to answer, Meredith waves at her friends.

"Hey, guys!" she yells, grinning.

Addison sighs. "Meredith, that's not necessary-"

Meredith waves her hand dismissively, her head still turned toward her friends. They are laughing. Why are they laughing? This is serious!

"Tell Satan I'm a better listener when I'm sober!"

George lets the dart go, his face red like a tomato. Cristina turns around, her shoulders shaking from laughter. Izzie is the only one who at least shows a thumbs up, nodding aggressively.

Meredith smiles and turns back toward Addison. "See? I told you."

Addison is silent again. She is looking at her lap, a strange expression on her face.

Why is she-

Oh, I called her Satan!

"Sorry I called you Satan," Meredith apologizes, her eyebrows creasing with worry.

"It's okay." Addison lifts her head, and to Meredith's surprise, she's smiling. Meredith notices she has smile lines around her eyes. For some reason, Meredith always knew they would be there. She couldn't picture her smile without them. "But just between us, I prefer to be called The Ruler of All That is Evil."

Meredith nods. "That's too wordy, but I get it. It sounds cooler."

"Yeah."

Meredith notices that Addison is staring at her lips. Meredith can't help but look at Addison's lips in exchange. She started it!

Addison's lips are elegant, like everything about her. Her dark red lipstick perfectly follows the edges, highlighting the almost heart-shaped upper lip. Her mouth is slightly open, and when she licks her lips to wet them, Meredith looks away, feeling the heat going up her cheeks.

I need a drink!

She quickly reaches for an almost empty tequila, her last one, and finishes it with one gulp.

"I'm ready. You can start explaining," Meredith says. She makes sure to look into Addison's eyes this time. While looking at her, Meredith notices something strange. Is Addison Montgomery-Shepherd blushing?

Focus!

Addison takes a deep breath, her gaze fixed on Meredith's forehead. "Derek and I started dating when we were in med school. We were young and-"

"Beautiful."

Addison's eyes widen, and she looks to the side, her cheeks getting a red undertone again. But she quickly recovers and continues. "And beautiful. But mostly young. All of our friends thought we were soulmates. And back then, I thought so, too."

Meredith puts her left elbow on the bar and leans on her hand to keep her head upright. Stories make her sleepy. "That's sweet."

"Thank you." Addison starts playing with her wedding ring. Her gaze is flickering around Meredith's face, still not meeting her eyes. "In the beginning, our marriage was amazing. But the more time passed, the more distant it started to be. We were both buried in work, and in the rare times we were at home at the same time, we didn't even talk to each other. We didn't even bother to fight in the end."

The more she talks, the faster she rotates the ring around her finger. Her eyes are full of pain and regret, and all traces of humor disappear from her features.

Meredith pouts. She looks so sad.

She almost reaches out to hold Addison's hand but then changes her mind. Instead, she starts talking.

"Wow. That sounds like my parents. Except my mother and father fought - a lot. And my father isn't a surgeon. And doesn't have Derek's perfect hair."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Addison says, her tone sincere.

"I think he doesn't mind," Meredith says, waving her hand. "But what do I know? I didn't see him for twenty years. I don't know what his hair looks like."

The right corner of Addison's lips twitches upward, and her eyes lose some of that deep gloominess. "I meant- Never mind."

Meredith smiles, glad to see at least some sadness disappear from Addison's face. Even her fidgeting with the wedding ring slows down.

"The last year of our marriage was like living with a stranger. When we talked, it was about work. We didn't talk about our problems and thought a cure would come through, and it would be as amazing as in the beginning. But no."

"And then Mark happened."

"And then Mark happened," Addison repeats slowly, each word carrying an enormous weight behind it. "I haven't seen Derek for a week and haven't talked to him for two. And Mark was just there. He spent evenings with me, making me laugh, making me feel seen. It was like I was fading away, and he made me feel like me again."

"A breath of fresh air," Meredith whispers, thinking about Derek's confession in the rain. "Like you were drowning, and he saved you."

Addison raises her eyebrows, curiosity flashing across her face.

"Derek said that when he told me about what happened," Meredith quickly explains. "He didn't say that about you and Mark, though. He was talking about me. I asked what I was to him. He said that. And I said that it wasn't enough."

Addison finally looks her in the eyes, her gaze soft. "I-"

Whatever it was that Addison wanted to say was drowned out by the sudden beeping noise all around them, including their own pagers. Meredith tries to listen to the broadcast over the annoying noise.

A train accident.

She jumps down from the bar stool, wanting to help, but when her feet touch the ground, everything starts spinning, and she falls forward.

"Meredith? Are you okay?"

Hands with maroon-colored nails gently squeeze Meredith's elbows, supporting her weight. She is surrounded by a smoky vanilla-and-amber scent, making Meredith feel like she's standing in the middle of a golden forest.

When she looks up, Addison's face is swimming in front of her. Her soft emerald eyes are too close, and Meredith's breath catches in her throat when she gazes upon her lips.

But before she could process that strange tingling feeling in her stomach and the electricity she felt when Addison caught her, the redhead is forcibly moved away from her by the huge mass of surgeons in the bar that decided to help the poor train victims. A few moments later, George, Izzie, and Cristina are by her side, dragging Meredith with them to the hospital.

This day just won't end, will it?