chapter 01

|The view – Stray Kids|

•••

He just looked outside the window. Contemplating other people's lives happening. The hustle and bustle of the streets of Seoul. It's amazing how everyone carries out their lives and if I didn't exist it wouldn't interfere with anyone's life. They would just carry on with their whereabouts and their careers without ever knowing that a Han Jisung could've been born, and an artist would be made. He thought to himself while still looking through the skyscraper window.

Jisung was on the 30th floor of his hotel. All the other members were in their designated rooms. They could've stayed at their dorm since is in Seoul, but their managers decided it was more efficient if they stayed all at a Hotel near the Stadium where they were going to perform. It was their last stadium concert. It was going to be the concert for all of them since it was at home. In South Korea. No matter how many countries, venues, or crowds they performed to, their favourite one was always Seoul because it always felt like home. 

Seoul, also, meant either the beginning of a new World Tour or the end of one. In both situations, it always felt nice. On one hand, they felt the enthusiasm to start a brand-new tour, to meet all the fans and hear them sing along with them. On the other hand, it was the calmness that was going to be their lives. They got two weeks of vacation after the tour and could relax, be with their families, and maybe even produce some songs. He has always imagined being so successful and loved by so many STAYs that it almost felt like a dream to be living his dream tonight and it was only 3 hours till the fan meeting would start.

But Han was so nervous about meeting Stays later that afternoon that he kept tapping his foot on the beige carpet of his huge hotel room while overthinking everything that was going to happen in the next few hours. He sat on the little bench near the huge window that went from the ceiling to the floor. He looked at the little people, that looked like ants from his point of view, and thought about everything in general. In life. In music. But mostly he thought about the strange feeling that he had since he woke up. It was as if the universe was trying to give him a secret message through an unknown code and he couldn't decipher what it was. He kept thinking and thinking about the feeling and got lost in his own mind.

Suddenly Han's thoughts were interrupted when a loud knocking on the door echoed through the empty room. He stood up from the window bench and opened the door just to be greeted by Chan and their manager.

"Camon' Han we need to leave now. Grab anything that you need and follow Chan." Their manager said. Chan walked in and closed the door, while Han quickly changed his clothes to the ones, he decided on wearing for the fan meeting. Something cute but also hot. Some black leather jeans with a white "Stray Kids" merch t-shirt and a leather coat on top. Pairing everything with his favourite dance sneakers, navy converse high. The makeup and hair were going to be done on the place itself. Even though he doesn't need much makeup since he's already very handsome.

"Nervous?" Chan talked for the first time since he walked into the room. Han just hummed, without looking into Chan's eyes and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. "Hey, what's on your mind?"

Truth is, he didn't know. He had this sickening feeling that something important was going to happen today and he couldn't put his finger on what it could be.

"I don't know man. Since I woke up today, I have had this feeling that something is going to happen, but I don't know what it can be. I have everything that I might need for the concert. My voice is fine. I haven't hurt myself, so I can dance. I have been very careful today to not make any mistakes..."

"Perhaps are just the nerves for performing at home. And it's even a concert in a stadium, so it's normal for you to feel this way. Try to relax on our way to the stadium so you can save energy for the concert and Stays." Han nodded and both men went to the car to join the rest of the members.

"What took you so long?" Minho whines about Chan and Han being late. "Yeah, usually I'm the late one?" Changbin comments and everyone chuckles at his remark lightning up the mood.

"Han here was feeling a lit bit at unease but it's fine now, right?" Chan looked at Han to be sure that his friend was fine and was feeling better after speaking about his feelings. At the end of the day, even with Chan being the leader, he would always take care of the boys like his kids, not because he is the leader because even if he didn't get to be the leader of Stray Kids, he would still just want to make sure that everyone would be doing okay, it's just from his nature. He doesn't like to lose control over things or to be left out of anything that might be bothering the members. Han nodded and gave a small reassuring smile in return to Chan.

In no time they were in the makeup section, backstage. All 8 members were being dolled up and at the same time, they were just messing around with each other, like the kids that they are. The staff always loves to work with them due to their family-chaotic energy.

"Alright, guys! Listen up!" Their manager said, making all the fuss that was happening to stop, and all the eight pairs of eyes were staring at the man. "Stays are already sat down on their places, you already know how this goes. But I like to always remind you. If anything in there happens that makes you uncomfortable make the signal that we have agreed to. Understood?"

Not that was usual for these meetings with fans to go bad or anything, but sometimes, rather rare even, some sasaengs come to the event and that always makes the members uncomfortable. Also, solo stans make everyone uncomfortable because the members feel bad about not having the love and support of all of them. At the end of the day, a real Stay loves the 8 members equally and supports them all. Apart from these rare episodes, fan meetings are always the best interaction that Stray Kids can have with Stays, they get to talk to each other and laugh a lot. However, today, Han wasn't feeling the fan meeting, something was still off, and he couldn't place what. As close to the room where the fan meeting was about to happen, the fastest his heart was pounding. He started to sweat a lot because of the nerves but tried to keep it discreet and mask it with a smile.

This can't be happening. We are taught about this, but I never thought that this would happen to me so soon. Han thought to himself while he rumoured around the room trying to recognize someone. A person that he didn't even know, but his heart was beating for.

•••

{Eunwoo POV}

"OMO! I can't believe today we're going to see Stray Kids! Ahhh!" Jiwoo said excitedly to Eunwoo. Both girls started jumping around the living room while squealing in excitement. It was the first time that both girls were going to a Stray Kids concert, and on top of that one of them got tickets to the fan sign. Unfortunately, not both got a ticket, but to make things better the girl who was going was going to give the presents and letters from the friend who couldn't go.

It's always difficult to get tickets for fan meetings, and to manage to get at least one was a blessing, so both Eunwoo and Jiwoo were happy to at least have one of them to go. And since it was Eunwoo who got the ticket, she was the one who was going to attend the event. She needed to be there by 2 pm and the travel to the stadium was a minimum of 1 hour by public transport.

They quickly got dressed and prepared everything that they needed. Phones, portable charger, clear water bottle, light stick and extra batteries, merch, polaroid to take photos in the fan meeting and during the concert, presents and letters for the fan meeting, and most importantly the tickets.

Eunwoo was wearing black leather jeans with a black see-through crop top with some red and white thunder drawings that she painted, underneath she had a plain black spaghetti strap t-shirt. She pairs it up with some black converse high and some silver accessories and a pair of red sunglasses. It wasn't the typical everyday style but since she was going to be face to face with the 8 most important people in her life, she wanted to look extra good and cute. Therefore, she put a little bit more effort into the makeup and hair. Putting some neutral eyeshadow, but some red eyeliner. For the lips, she decided to make it simpler and went with a simple red lip tint. For the hair she decided to do some piggy tails and then braid them, leaving her curtain bangs on the side of her face.

As for her friend, she went with some dark blue combat trousers with a white crop top that had some blue printings on it and she pair it up with some black combat boots and some chains on the trousers, as well as a blue beanie. For the makeup, she decided to go with some blue eyeshadow and make some little thunder drawings underneath her eye on the edges and painted her lips a nude colour. She got her hair straight so it wouldn't be too messy and made sure that her bangs were as flawless as they could be.

"I can't believe that you are going to be seeing Stray Kids right in front of you! You are going to meet Channie!" Jiwoo's bias is Bangchan and her bias wrecker is Seungmin. As for Eunwoo, her bias is Changbin, and her bias wrecker is Lee Know. [a/n's: if you want, change your bias].

"I'm as excited as you are. I'm so nervous to meet them and make a good impression that I don't even know if I'll be able to walk there and speak with them." The truth was: Eunwoo had this lingering feeling. When she was getting dressed, when she was putting on makeup, when she was finishing her gift. It was strange, and even though she thought that maybe it was the thing that everyone wishes it is, she was certain it couldn't be that.

The soulmates' feelings.

She was only 20, soon to be 21 (in a month), so she couldn't feel her soulmate's emotions, she hadn't even met them – or had she? That's not the point. The point is: she wasn't 21, therefore she can't feel her soulmate or know who he is. However, if he's already 21 then he can feel her and know it's her.

"What if Chan is my soulmate?" Jiwoo said when we walked in the cab that we called to get to the stadium faster. I sighed, but part of me came to start thinking, what if one of them is my soulmate or Jiwoo's soulmate. That would be so fun, but so scary.

Jiwoo would know if one of them is her soulmate, she's already 21, and she turned 2 months ago – lucky her because if I was 21, I would understand this sickening feeling. I keep telling myself that is only the nerves. But I'm starting to doubt my explanation. My heart is pounding harder and harder the closer we get to the stadium. I'm starting to sweat a lot. "Hell, I can't do this Jiwoo." I let it out before tears start menacing my eyes. This feeling is so overwhelming that my eyes want to tear up, but I can't ruin my make-up, it took me too long to make it look as perfect and beautiful as it is.

"Eunwoo breath in and out. Like I'm doing, look." Jiwoo demonstrated while making small circles on my shoulders to help me calm down. I couldn't be near those 8 boys. I really couldn't. Unfortunately, I was aware that Jiwoo needed to be the one to go instead of me. She will be able to behave and not start having a mental breakdown there just because she isn't dealing with this amount of emotions.

"Jiwoo, you are going instead of me. I can't go. My anxiety is through the roof, and I can't even think about seeing them in front of me, let alone speak to them at such a small distance. You must replace me."

And so, she did, she tried to make me go, but I insisted on her replacing me and after some rough 10 minutes she agreed. Once we got out of the cab, I got her to the entrance of the fan meeting place, and I headed to the queue for the standing seats for the concert.

I didn't go to the fan meeting, but I still feel sick to my stomach. Ugh. I thought to myself while I sat down on the floor and tried to let the feeling go by eating. Yeah, eating seems like the right thing to do right now. Maybe is not anxiety, it's hunger.

Once I finished my sandwich, I still had the lingering feeling that something was off. Not even a good chicken sandwiched could help me...this was serious.

•••

{Han POV}

The fan meeting started, we sang, danced, and teased each other and the fans. I love being with Stay. Seeing them in person and meeting them is always amazing. Though today I'm not at my best, this feeling still hasn't gone away, and I feel like is only increasing with time.

"Next fan please come" Our manager announced and a tall girl with black straight hair. She was beautiful, like all Stays are. She came near me and spoke for the maximum time she could. She explained how she wasn't even supposed to be here, how her best friend was the one that got the ticket but couldn't make it last minute. Then she gave me all of hers and her friend's presents. I started to read one of the letters, her friends I believe.

"Dear Han Jisung,

Even though you are not my ultimate bias, you are every STAY's bias, and that also includes me. You have been my biggest source of motivation and inspiration. I wake up and go to college because of you.

Maybe I should have started this letter by introducing myself, lol.

My name is Eunwoo, I'm a 20-year-old economics degree student, I'm in my final year and I plan to take a master's in bank economics and banking. I love to go on walks and listen to music every minute of my life. That's how I got to meet you, Stray Kids. Your music motivated me to work on myself and better myself. But it was your personalities that caught me and made me a Stay.

Specifically, your individual vlogs are the videos that I love the most to watch, especially yours (sorry for the rest of the skz, I love them all). The thing that I love the most about you, is how honest and down-to-earth you are. You never fake, or sugar-coat your feelings. On top of that, you all are the most hard-working people I came to meet. And, as I've mentioned, that motivates me to do better, and to work harder.

And you may think that these are meaningless words, but they aren't. They are the truth. I have been struggling a lot lately to finish my degree. And doubts have been forming in my head. The "what if's". What if I'm not capable enough to get a master's; What if I fail; What if I'm just not good enough. I have been questioning my capabilities and my worth just based on the amount of stress and anxiety that I have been feeling lately with my degree. And if I feel this way about a degree, how can I take a master's? Right?

Well, wrong. I came to understand, due to you, that I just need to have confidence. Confidence in me and my brain. I know I have what's needed, I just need to stop listening to my doubts and let the confidence shine. I just need to put in the work and believe in myself.

Please never stop being who you are. You are my reason to be here, the reason I still try every day, and the reason my parents have a daughter right now. You may not have the conscience of how much you give to STAY's every single day, but you give so much of yourself and help so many of us that I'm afraid that I'll never be able to repay you because you gave me a purpose to be alive. And for that, I'm grateful for the rest of my life.

Thank you for being yourself and for always being here.

Love you,

Park Eunwoo"

Once I finished the letter, the lingering feeling was even more prominent...Could this be what I think this can be? I looked at the girl that gave me the letter and asked if it was from her friend, I knew this connection couldn't come from her, otherwise, I would've felt it when she was talking to me.

"Yes, that one is. As it is the little squirrel plushie, she made it herself. Hope you like it!"

"Wow! She made it herself, that's so cool! Is she coming to the concert later?" The girl only nodded and then proceeded to talk with I.N. I only looked at the letter and hugged it. Her words warmed my heart so much that I felt the need to hug the little piece of paper as if to try to feel her. When the next fan came, I kept the letter in my back pocket, only giving the rest of the presents to our manager. I want to have you with me during the concert since I couldn't meet you in person yet. I can feel that you are near me. Who could you be, my soulmate? I thought to myself while I spoke with the new fan. The thought of having found my soulmate is frightening because I always dreamed about this moment, but I'm an idol, things are complicated for me, and she doesn't deserve to have someone as complicated as me as a soulmate... Who are you Eunwoo?

•••

{Eunwoo POV}

After two hours the doors opened to the standing seats and Jiwoo was already back from the fan meeting. Needless to say, she couldn't shut up about it, to which I was thankful since I also wanted to know all the details.

"They are so beautiful in person. So nice and funny too. Their dynamic in person is the same as we see in the cameras, and that warmed my heart so much. Before you ask, yes, I gave your letter to all the members and the extra plushie to Changbin, he loved it by the way. But who was more interested in your present was Han, he even asked if you were coming to the concert. I don't know what you wrote in that letter, but whatever it was, he loved it a lot. I even saw from the corner of my eye that he hugged the letter. Girl, you won."

I squealed in excitement as I and Jiwoo started to do our happy dances. Han may not be my bias but at the end of the day, every Stay is an ot8 and Han is everyone's bias... the man is the definition of an all-rounder.

"You're telling me that Han Jisung hugged the letter that I wrote to him!" I still couldn't believe it. That made me feel way better, especially considering I had to go to the bathroom during the fan meeting, due to the sickening feeling, that, by the way, hasn't gone away yet. But I decided to ignore it the best I can. What matters right now is the concert and seeing the eight angels that saved my life, and not giving attention to this feeling, that clearly doesn't want to go away.

Once inside the stadium, the lights go off and music starts to play. "It's going to start OMO!" I squeal in happiness and start recording the stage. After 2 minutes all the boys appear, and the stadium is filled with screams from Stays, the excitement is deafening. The feeling is becoming unbearable at this point, and I start to feel like I'm about to faint. I signal to Jiwoo that I'm not well, after that I can't even hear a thing that she's trying to tell me, partly because of the screams but other due to my fainting. The last thing that I see is Jiwoo calling security and me falling in her arms.

•••

{Han POV}

This feeling is becoming more and more uncomfortable, she's here I know it, but it will be impossible to see her with the number of fans in the stadium. I wish I could at least have a photo of her, but I don't. So, I can only imagine how she is. The instrumental for DOMINO starts, which means we are about to appear on stage. The excitement is amazing and hearing the screams from Stay is even better.

We finally walk in and start singing, but when we are almost finishing the song, our manager says that a fan fainted