TW:PTSD, torture and killing

Your POV

Bang

"wake up soldier!" A man shouted opening my eyes I see I'm back in the Hydra base..this doesn't make sense

"Good" A man replied I think he's my handler

"Rust"

"Steven"

"Out"

No..no not again stop this isn't really right?

"Scared"

"Russia"

"STOP..STOP this isn't real!" I shout at the man

"But it is Soldier"

"No..no this is a dream"

"No..soldier this isn't a dream.. you really think you can leave us? We will always be with you Y/N your never safe from us"

I go to shout but nothing comes out

I'm in a black room...I hear yelling

"Cmon soldier, the red rooms had a defective you need to put down" My handler says

I start walking even through I'm trying not to we walk into a room together..it's where they'd have us go to kill someone

I watch as the bring in a widow and..

No...no..no it can't be...Yelena...

"She's betrayed us soldier, you must put her down" they say smiling handing me a gun

"Please...Y/N you love me. Don't do this" Yelena says with tears falling

"But if he loved you Yelena would he have let you get caught?" Someone asked

"I..no no this isn't real..this is a dream.." I say again as they put a gun in my hand

"No Y/N this is real now put her down"

"NO!"

"YES SOLDIER"

"Y/N..please if you really love me"

"I do.."

"NOW SOLDIER!"

"NO!" I shout as I try to stop myself I can't as the trigger gets pulled.

"NO!" I wake with a gasp sitting up in my bed looking around seeing I'm in..I don't know

"Y/N..." I hear someone say it sounds familiar and so far

"moya lyubov, come back to me it's..(my love)" I feel someone's hand touch my shoulder and I grab them flipping them onto their backs putting my hand around their throat

"Y/N! It's me stop! I won't fight you!" I hear a familiar Russian accent say

"Yelena..?"I say feeling tears fall down my face

"moya lyubov, it's me. Stop your okay" Slowly I take my hands off of her realizing what I've done I go to quickly get off of the bed but she grabs my hand

"Wow, wow no babyboy come here" She says sitting up

"No..no..no I...I hurt you" I stutter out

"No you didn't, I'm fine. I'm okay come her let me take care of you" No I don't deserve her care nor love not after what I've done I shake my head no but I don't stop her as she pulls me back down into her arms

"No..no..we..we where back their...they..they found out about us...made me kill you.." I stutter out letting the tears finally fall completely

"Shh, shh we are out, we are safe. They can't hurt us anymore remember we got rid of the Red Room and Hryda with the Avengers" She says softly to me running a hand through my hair

"No..no.." is all I keep whispering over and over again and she hum's softly taking me we are out and safe.

As I start to clam down she lays back down pulling me on top of her

"Go to sleep moya lyubov, I'll be here in the morning" She says softly kissing my forehead I nod my head as I keep remembering her words now

We are safe

They can't hurt us anymore...

A/N:Okay I tried not my greatest work yet so I hope you all like this! This maybe the last I post for a couple of days my dysphoria is kicking my ass