Chapter 15
Evan
Too Misunderstood

*A/N* - I think this has to be my favorite chapter of this novel. The reasons, well I'll guess you'll find out when you read (: Also, the song on the side is Yellowcard's "Only One" which really inspired me to write this. I felt like it described the passion with these two so beautifully. Thank you again for the support! (:

”Evan, it’s Bailey. When you get this, come to my house. We need to talk…and I mean really talk,” I replayed the message she left me for the eighth time that night. I stared at my iPhone’s screen like it had the answer to all of my problems and everything I was thinking.

Bailey and I had left things on a pretty broken note, and I wasn’t sure what to expect when I hopped into my car and drove down the familiar road leading to her house. A part of me was expecting her to just push me completely out of her life once and for all. The other part of me was expecting a mind blowing kiss, followed by a massive amount of apologies. I was really hoping for the latter.

To have someone in your life like Bailey Keys was something everyone should wish they had. I may have acted like a Class A asshole, but it wasn’t intentionally at all. I was just so used to being on guard with my feelings when it came to those around me. When it came to Bailey, it was like my guard was dropped completely, and it made me say things I regretted. She only itched for more about my past, and that was just something that I couldn’t give her. And I really wanted to give her what she wanted.

As I stopped at a red light, I turned the volume up on my radio a little bit so I could hear the song that was whispering through the speakers. It was Yellowcard’s song, “Only One,” and my eyes widened at the hit home lyrics that poured through the car. It was as if every situation surrounding my red head beauty was described and I didn’t even need to decipher it to the bone. It was amazing the kind of affect music had on people, their situations…their lives.

I tapped aimlessly along to the song on the steering wheel and accelerated down the road. My mind was running in rapid circles, trying to picture what was about to go down at the Keys’ house in about five minutes. I know I had some serious apologies to divvy out, but then again, I didn’t know if I could do it. If I apologized, it would only make her think that I had changed my mind about opening up about the past…which I definitely had not. I couldn’t give her what she so badly wanted, and I didn’t know how that would affect her anymore.

There really was only so much someone could take before they broke.

I pulled up to the house and parked in the massive driveway. All of the house lights were off, except for one that I recognized came from Bailey’s bedroom on the east wing of the home. I glanced up at her window, hoping I could catch a glimpse of her. When that failed, I took out my phone and texted that I was outside in the car, waiting for her.

It took a few moments before I saw her bedroom light go off and her come through the red oak doorway in front of the house. She walked over to my car and I shut off the engine, sticking the keys in the back pocket of my jeans. She crossed her arms over her chest tightly and shivered slightly at the cold of the night.

It was almost three in the morning and she was suited for bed just like any average person at this ungodly hour of night. Her plain white tee hugged her curves nicely and she matched it with a pair of pink polka dotted pajama shorts. It was a late summer night, but the wind made it almost feel like you could catch a cold if you sat out here for too long.

I so badly wanted to hug her when I got out of the car, but I knew she wouldn’t let me without apologizing first. So I figured I would begin with that, and work my way up from there.

”Bails, I’m so sorry,” I sighed, shaking my head. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and looked right into her eyes. It was the first time I actually looked at her face and I was shocked to see that she looked like she’d been crying earlier. Her eyes were masked in red and they were puffy. “Have you been crying?”

I went to make a move to touch her face but she stepped back before I could even reach her. She shook her head and wiped underneath the rims.

”No,” she snapped. “I’m fine. What are you apologizing for, being a jerk or hiding so many things from me?”

I widened my eyes at her attitude and immediately put up a wall I wasn’t expecting to put up earlier. This night was already starting off far from what I was thinking in the car ride over here.

”Are you kidding me? We talked about this before,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. She scowled at my childish expression and stepped only a few inches towards me, leaving a substantial amount of room between us.

”Yeah, we did. But that didn’t solve anything,” she seethed. “So we’re going to talk about it again, Evan.”

I leaned against my car causally, waiting for her to start another idiotic fight with me again. “Let me have it,” I said, motioning her onward with a hand.

”Stop acting like such an arrogant jackass. You know you’re in the wrong here, but I no longer am.”

”What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow. She was just as much at fault as I was.

That was when she broke down completely. “I opened up to you, Evan!” she shrieked. Her voice seemed to carry to higher decibels seeing as it was so much quieter at this time of night. If she didn’t tone it down, she would be waking up her parents and the neighbors in a few minutes.

”Sh!” I scolded, coming up to her and placing a firm hand over her mouth. I covered her protests as she tried to push me off of her.

”Get the fuck off of me!” she shouted, finally succeeding in pushing me off. I fell against my car with a small thud, and turned to look at her with surprise written all over my face.

”What the hell is your problem, Bailey?”

”My problem?” she breathed. “My problem seems to constantly be you, Evan Warren!”

”Bailey, you really need to…”

She cut me off with her rant again. “No! It’s my turn to talk now. You had your chance!”

I was about to cut in and tell her that I hadn’t had a chance to explain anything since she’d yelled over me, but I thought ill of it and kept my mouth shut.

”I trusted you with my secrets! I told you about all the pain I suffered from Lanie and her stories!” she cried, her face turning a light shade of pink as the tears started to fall and her body started shaking.

”I thought that maybe…just maybe a guy like you would finally get it, you know? I’d be able to have someone to find comfort in, someone who would tell me that it would be alright, and actually mean it! You’ve been nothing but a closed-off asshole that has dragged me along for months! I don’t know how I could have been so stupid!”

”Hey, I didn’t drag you along!” I shouted back in protest, finally deciding to say my peace. I should be able to have a shot at saying how I felt about all of this shit too. But Bailey wasn’t letting me have it.

”Yes you did!” she cried, wiping away a stray tear that had fallen past her cheek and down her neck. “You’re even still with Leslie after all of this!”

”You know I can’t just…”

”Shut up and let me finish!” she screamed, getting a little bit closer to me. I backed against the car, not sure what she was going to do.

”You don’t push someone to open up to you, and then not do shit in return, Evan,” she seethed. “I trusted you with my deepest of thoughts and you can’t so much as talk about Aaron without acting like you’ve spilled some government secret. Newsflash, jackass! Everyone has a past! You can’t hold onto everything like it would kill you to let go. Because guess what? It does end up killing you either way. It eats away at you, slowly and painfully. It gnaws at your heart and your mind until you want to rip them out to save yourself from it all. It eats away until you’ve finally realized that you’ve had enough and it’s time you do something about it. Keeping that pain in, Evan, is what kills you. Not letting it out!”

I stared at her wide-eyed at first, not too sure how to respond to words like that. It definitely had hit home for me, and I actually had a gut wrenching pain hit me straight to the core. It killed me to see her freaking out and breaking down like this. But she needed to understand that it wasn’t as easy for me as it was for her.

”Bailey,” I urged, grabbing onto her shoulders.

”Unless you plan on finally opening up to me, get your hands off of me,” she warned slowly and softly. Her tone held a slight evilness to it, which I determined could only come from a place that hurt her deep down. I was the one causing her all of this pain. I was the one doing this to her.

I slowly released my hold on her and gauged her reaction. When she finally realized that I wasn’t opening my mouth and my hands had left her body, she merely nodded. It was an official sign that she had given up on me, just like so many before her had done.

”I…can’t…” I mumbled, my voice strained and laced with hurt. I wanted so badly to open up to her and give her the relief she needed. I was the one making her feel so bad and I had the capability to stop it.

But I couldn’t will myself to do it.

”I can’t believe you,” she whispered tightly. She put her hands up in surrender and turned to walk away from me. She stopped in her tracks for a second and turned to face me again.

”It’s been years. When will you finally learn to just let go?” she questioned, her eyes trained on mine. They were begging me to say something…anything to make this moment better than what it had started out as.

When she said those words to me, though, I felt the wall drop slightly and anger from somewhere deep within me bubble up to the surface.

”You don’t get to say that shit!” I seethed angrily, my hands clenching into fists at my sides. If she had been a guy, she would have been on the ground, clutching at her face. But this was Bailey, and I couldn’t hit a girl no matter what they had said or done. But I could punch something else.

I slammed my fist into the driver’s door of my car. “Damnit, Bailey!” I shouted.

”Fuck you for even saying that to me!” I continued. I held onto her eyes with a growing vengeance and watched as her pained and surrendered expression turned into that of a frightened and shocked girl.

”Evan…”

I cut her off. “No! Now it’s my turn to speak. You don’t get to say shit like that to me, when you know exactly what it feels like to lose someone close to you! Do you know what it’s like to have your father die without even getting the chance to say goodbye?” I yelled on.

I didn’t care if it was three in the morning. I didn’t care if neighbors around us were sleeping and probably calling the police to report a domestic assault. I cared about settling the score and making her pay for what she had said to me. No one gets to disrespect me and tell me to let it go. Who can let go of their dead father?

”I don’t care if it’s been twelve years or twelve days! Losing your father doesn’t just disappear! Do you know how many times I replay that moment inside of my head? Do you know how many times I’ve wished I could do it all over again? So I could say sorry, or so I could even say goodbye before he walked out of that door?” I carried on. My chest was heaving from the anger and the yelling, and my fists were still clenched, ready to hit another car door again.

”You don’t get it! So don’t try to justify anything to me! A sister is a whole hell of a lot different from a father, Bailey! You can’t stand there and honestly ask me when I’ll let it go. That’s pure and utter bullshit. I’ll never ever let that go. And for you to ask me to do that, well that just makes you a complete bitch,” I seethed the last word like it was venom dripping from my tongue.

Her eyes were wide and she looked so riled up. It was like an attack dog was being released from its leash and it was ready to pounce.

”You’ve had years to get over it, Evan!” she screamed, coming at me and pointing a finger into my hard chest. I ripped it away and threw it aside, staring her dead in the eye.

”And you got to say goodbye,” I whispered angrily. “That’s what so different from me and you, Bailey. You knew.”

”And that makes it any better?” she yelled, as fresh tears masked her face and rushed down her neck. She didn’t bother to wipe them away this time and threw her arms up in the air. “She died right in front of me, Evan!”

”You knew,” I stated, simply shrugging my shoulders.

”She withered away right in front of my eyes!” she cried. “You don’t know what it’s like to have someone you love, die right in front of your eyes for days on end, knowing you can’t save them. You were too young to understand what was going on!”

Before I could even think, words spewed from my mouth so quickly that it reminded me of the morning in 2001. I was desperately wishing I could have a do over.

”Lanie wasn’t half the person my father was. It’s different,” I scoffed.

My own eyes widened in disbelief at what I had just said to her and I felt my stomach drop to my feet. If I could replay that moment, I would take it all back and say something that tried to solve this mess. I would try to make her understand. I wouldn’t be this cocky, arrogant son of a bitch that just said something like that to someone so hurt.

”Oh my god, Bailey I didn’t mean to…” I rushed, but she cut me off with a simple raise of the hand. Her face was flushed from its original tainted pink and a third batch of fresh tears framed her lids. I was such an asshole.

”I’m done, Evan,” she simply stated, putting emphasis on done. Her voice was scratchy from the screaming match and oddly calm. But if anyone was sitting in my exact spot right now, they’d see that her eyes read those of hurt and heartbreak. I couldn’t believe what I was doing to her.

You would think that after all these years; I would finally learn to think before I opened my mouth. I should have known that words can’t be taken back, especially words of that vicious kind. I didn’t understand why my mouth sometimes ran faster than the rational part of my brain. I completely destroyed something that had made me so utterly happy for the first time in years. I was getting so good at being the bad guy.

It was becoming like a second nature to me to be the king of fucking things up. 

”Bailey,” I called, reaching a hand out to her now retreating figure. My head was spinning with the things I should have said, instead of those crappy ones. I ruined it all.

And now I couldn’t take it back.

I watched her as she slowly padded up her porch steps and softly shut the door behind her. Her eyes were filled with tears and slowly spreading over her face. I felt a piece of myself break along with her, and I had never experienced something this close to bad before.

Not since hearing about my dad’s death from my grandmom that night in early September. Nothing had come close to this pain since then.

The pain was something I felt for her, but for myself as well. I was reprimanding myself so hard that I was left with no confidence. I didn’t understand why I decided to do the things that I did. I hated that I managed to be such a terrible person to those who I cared about the most.

I stared at her door for a few more fleeting moments before opening my car door and slowly putting it into reverse. I backed out slowly from her driveway, knowing it would most likely be the last time I would see Bailey or this house ever again.

I needed some type of guidance, some type of comfort. I didn’t want to wake up Aaron at this time of night, even though I knew he wouldn’t care. He would gladly open the door for me when I arrived and invite me in for a late night beer. But this was different.

This feeling I had was something so far from what Aaron and I had talked about lately that it didn’t seem right to be at his house. I needed somewhere else to go to chase away these nasty gnawing feelings.

As a last minute decision, I made a right turn on the next intersection and made my way to the one person who I knew I could talk to about this feeling. This feeling that was too familiar for my own liking.

I went to visit Lieutenant Warren.