The next time he had broken down, he and Renjun were sitting on Donghyuck's bed, studying. Lately, Donghyuck had been seeing Mark less and less, and they weren't talking. Donghyuck missed him, but also knew that it was better for him. He was improving himself so that he wouldn't hate himself every time he looked at Mark.

Renjun looked at the clock, "I'm hungry again. You haven't eaten yet, let's go get some food."

Donghyuck shook his head. "I can't right now. I need to finish this reading and draft my paper."

"Donghyuck, it's 10. We need to eat, come on," Renjun said, gently pulling Donghyuck's laptop away from him.

"No, I really need to finish this Junnie," Donghyuck's voice was strained and the older boy could tell that his friend was close to breaking.

"Okay, Donghyuck. How about I go grab us some food and you work, then we'll take a break to eat, okay?" Renjun compromised.

Donghyuck clenched his jaw and nodded, obviously stressed. Renjun knew that Donghyuck's major was demanding, it didn't help that he was taking his hardest courses all in one semester. He was also a naturally hard worker, and once he started an assignment, he didn't like to stop until he was finished.

"Okay, I'll be back. Call me if you need anything," Renjun slipped off the bed and shoved his feet in his shoes, throwing Donghyuck a comforting glance.

Donghyuck hated studying alone. He would get distracted and his mind would take him places he had no desire to go. Currently, he was thinking trying to get through his Physics reading painlessly. He wasn't bad at Physics, so it wasn't bad, it was just that the long list of other things he had to do were weighing in at the back of his mind, distracting him.

When Donghyuck studied alone, it went like this. He wrote out a long list of everything he needed to complete, and started with the hardest/most urgent one first. Halfway through, he'd realize that he was taking too long so he'd try to speed up, only to realize that he wasn't understanding what he was reading, or he was rushing through the assignment and it wasn't good quality work. Then he'd get stressed because he was spending too much time on just one assignment when he had so much more to do. It would lead to him breaking down, and he'd end up having to chug energy drinks to stay awake, which didn't end well.

It was a bad cycle, but at least when he was with someone, they would offer some sort of comfort. When he was alone, it was just his brain, him, and a long list of assignments.

Donghyuck focused on his reading, annotating and highlighting as he went along. He was really hungry, even if he had told Renjun he didn't want to go with him.

Donghyuck worked silently for another half hour before falling back on his bed, wincing when his shoulder ached. His workload wasn't bad today, maybe he could get more than three hours of sleep today. He picked up his phone, wanting to text Mark to see when he was getting home. It was late, he realized, looking at the clock.

Donghyuck stared at his and Mark's text messages in his phone. They hadn't been texting often, either Mark or Donghyuck just reminding the other about groceries and other necessities. They hadn't properly talked in almost two weeks. Mark still had no idea that Hyuck had injured his shoulder, and he was planning on keeping it that way.

But he missed Mark so much. Right now, he wanted to have a movie night with his roommate, complete with his favorite ice cream, chocolate chip cookie dough. Mark always made sure to grab some when he was out getting groceries, and it was just small things like that that made Donghyuck fall harder and harder. Mark was just too nice a person for his own good.

Donghyuck really wanted to cuddle Mark, to have his arms wrap around Donghyuck. He wanted Mark to hug him and tell him he was doing good, that he was smart and he was gonna be fine. Mark knew just how to comfort Donghyuck when he was feeling down. He wanted to tease Mark about his strange sense in fashion, he wanted Mark to play guitar so they could sing together, he wanted to read Mark's beautifully-written lyrics. Donghyuck could only ever focus on Mark, Mark, Mark.

Before he knew it, he was getting under the covers, trying to stop the tears as he stared at his lockscreen, a photo of Mark and Donghyuck at a party, the two of them drunk off their asses, laughing at something someone had said with their arms thrown around each other. Donghyuck had looked happy then. So did Mark.

"Donghyuck, are you still studyi-" Renjun stopped as he got to Donghyuck's door, eyes catching on Donghyuck wrapped in his blankets, hair messily strewn over his forehead, tears streaming down his face, fingers desperately wiping at his eyes, "Donghyuck."

"Hyuckie, hey, what's wrong? Donghyuck-ah, come here," Renjun set down the bags of food he had brought - pork belly, Donghyuck's favorite - and climbed in next to Donghyuck. "It's okay, Hyuck-ah."

Renjun hated seeing Donghyuck like this. Like he was a helpless kid lost in the world, with no one to guide him. He absolutely hated it. It broke his heart to see his strong friend, always getting whatever he put his mind to, looking so helpless and defeated.

"I miss M-mark," Donghyuck sobbed, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to wipe his eyes and nose.

"And?" Renjun prompted gently, wanting Donghyuck to let go of all the feelings he had been bottling up for God knows how long.

"An-And I have so much work to do, and I'm so so tired all the time. And I f-feel so empty. And I'm so hungry, but I shouldn't be eating so much oil, it's b-bad for you," Donghyuck was still crying, his head leaned back against the headboard of his bed, a light sheen of sweat building up on his forehead.

"Is that all?" Renjun asked, rubbing his friend's back soothingly.

"I ha-hate working out. My shoulder still h-hurts and lifting weights hurts my back. I don't wanna do it an-anymore. I never have time . . . to go to the dance studio anymore. I m-miss dancing," Donghyuck sobbed, a fresh wave of tears overflowing his eyes.

Renjun pulled Donghyuck closer, wrapping his arms around the younger boy.

"And I wan-wanna sleep in. But I c-can't. I have to change m-myself because I can't do anything right," Donghyuck rambled, his voice cracking every now and then. "I'm j-just a D-Donghyuck, and Mark can get whoever he wants. And there are much b-better people in the world than Donghyuck."

"Hey, I love Lee Donghyuck. He's my best friend. He may not be the most muscular guy, but he's well defined and agile and graceful. Lee Donghyuck may not be unemotional, but that's one of his best characteristics. He cries when he's sad, and it makes you want to protect him. He'll yell when he's angry, and it'll show you that he cares. He'll take care of you and make you feel like the best person on the planet, because that's just what Lee Donghyuck does. No one else can do it better. You're a whole Lee Donghyuck, and I love him," Renjun looked Donghyuck in the eyes, trying to show him just how much he meant to the other. "So don't look down on Lee Donghyuck. Anyone would be lucky to have him."

Donghyuck nodded, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. "T-thanks Renjun. I love you."

"I love you too, Donghyuck," Renjun assured the younger, grabbing a tissue from Donghyuck's nightstand to wipe his face.

Donghyuck's stomach rumbled, making both of them laugh. "Let's eat," Renjun grabbed the food, settling back down on the bed.