I could smell him.

I could smell the ale. The mud. The strong perfume. And vomit.

My arms trembled from the end of my training. The shakes had gotten considerably lesser from the first time. They stopped entirely as my fist slammed into the wooden door. Over and over and over, harder and faster till I heard a yell.

"Coming! Coming, you bastard! The sun's not even u—" I could hear the gagging sound and the feet stumble. Didn't hear any liquid hit the floor. Seems like he didn't eat anything. Typical.

The footsteps dragged a lot more. Sloppy as they headed towards the door. I stepped back to let it open. The door was yanked open the next second by a Killian with bloodshot eyes.

Rage rose in me. "YOU BASTARD!" I screamed out of nowhere. The old man didn't have time to even acknowledge the volume before my foot shot forward and slammed into his chest.

Killian's gray eyes widened as he stumbled backwards, spit flew out of his mouth as he hit the floor on his butt and slid back. I strode right through the open door and slammed it shut as he lay there groaning. "You absolute piece of shit." I hissed as my foot shot forward once more.

Killian cried out as it slammed into his ankle. "Emerys!" I'd caught him by surprise.

"Please." I scoffed as he curled towards his foot and moaned. "That will barely bruise." My eyes roamed the room. The empty and half filled bottles immediately stood out.

Including a partly open chest.

Rage filled my chest as I turned towards it. Killian immediately knew.

"N-no!" He yelled after me as I moved. I ignored him as I used my foot to kick the chest open. There they were. More bottles— sealed and filled.

"Bastard." I hissed again as fire trickled into my throat. It spilled over into my voice. "I asked you... one thing..."

"Listen! Listen. I-I—" he started to stammer. There was a pained grunt. "I need this, Emerys. It's my-my—"

I didn't listen further. My heart thudded so loudly in my ears that I couldn't. Before I knew it, my hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle. My body twisted. I got a glimpse of the fear on Killian's face as I threw the bottle at the ground with my full anger.

My head turned away as it smashed into a hundred pieces. Killian cried out in surprise and pain. "What are you doing?!" He snapped, eyes on the glass and liquid mess.

I wiped the drops off my face as he stared at the remains of the bottle. Instinct made him turn away from it as I slammed another glass bottle into the floor.

He yelled in surprise and backed away. "Stop it! You'll hurt someone!"

Six bottles. And four still left in that stupid chest.

My fingers spread this time as I reached for them. One neck between two fingers, and two bottles in each hand. I think I screamed as I raised them over my head. My eyes screwed shut, hand moved forward and the weight left them. The sound was horrendously loud. Liquid and tiny sharp pricks hit my legs, arms and face as the bottles were smashed right at my feet.

I was breathing heavy as I opened my eyes and stepped back from the mess. Killian was frozen where he was. Stock still as he stared at the ground with wide eyes.

My hand shook as I raised it to point at him. "Don't ever... hide alcohol in your goddamn room." I sneered. "Or the next time, I'll break those bottles on your face."

The threat seemed to get through to him. His grey eyes rose from the floor and moved to mine. Cold, dead, pained. "You... You'll regret this, Emerys Alekto."

"So will you." I whispered back as my rage started to settle.

His eyes narrowed in response to what I'd said but nothing left his lips. I held his glare. The tension made it hard to breathe for the two of us. I almost wanted to swing at him.

How could he? He told me he'd... it doesn't matter. This man is not to be trusted.

A sneer that hadn't left my face started to settle down. His grey eyes didn't leave me as I turned to snag the half-filled bottle by the side of his bed. There was a still a fully sealed one right beside it. It wobbled as my knuckles brushed against it.

"Enjoy your last drink." I whispered as I turned to the door. The bottle swung loosely in my hand as I pulled my hood back down before I left.

The moment I slammed the door of my room shut behind me, the bottle touched my lips. My back slid down slowly against the door as the alcohol stung my throat and burned on the way down. The harsh liquid dribbled down my chin beside my tears as I pulled the bottle away.

"Sosthenes?" I called out in the silence. There was no reply. There wouldn't be any here.

My eyes squeezed shut as I struggled to hold the tears back. The rage started to fade away. The vividity of the cuts on my face was the only thing that stood out. The warmth that dripped from them down my chin.

It took some time, but I managed to force myself to my feet. A random rag made its way into my hands. The dregs of alcohol in the bottle were poured on it as I wiped my cuts clean. I winced at the first touch. It continued to sting till I applied the salve Pippa used for cuts. These would be gone by the next time I met them. They shouldn't have cause to worry about me. I could already see it on their faces when I left this mor... last morning. Yesterday.

Exhaustion weighed down my mind and bones as I managed to bathe before I flopped into bed. Sleep felt like barely a moment before there was a knock on my door.

Killian refused to meet my eyes or talk to me as we headed downstairs for dinner. There was a lot more venom in his voice today as he spat insults about me to his friends and anyone who would listen. My table was still in the corner. I was still alone as I ate. There were complaints about yesterday. The others spat about how I ran like a coward, a dog with my tail between my legs, a lizard with a broken tail, and other analogies to do with tails. Old men seemed to really like tails.

"Two hundred swings." Was his first order when we got to the practice hall. I stayed silent as I warmed up and began.

He spat every order. And I took it all in silence. Even when my arms wouldn't move anymore, and my feet refused to take a step. After a while, I didn't even know how I finished that training session. It was the first one where Killian stayed till the morning broke. He got to his feet. "Breakfast." He barked.

I couldn't reply as I struggled to breathe. The back of my hands rested against the cold ground beside my head. I could only grunt in response. Surprisingly enough, he waited as I struggled to my feet and pulled my cloak on. He seemed to enjoy the struggle I went through, even during breakfast.

Climbing the steps back up to my room had me wheezing. I leaned heavily against the wall as I dragged myself over to my door. There was a sound of a door opening further in the hall. I didn't even have the energy to panic as I spotted the other two Apprentices walk down the hall. Their eyes simply widened as I pushed my jerky door open and slipped inside.

I didn't remember washing up. All I remembered was how good the bed felt. My pain sunk into it, my exhaustion, and any thoughts of what had happened in the last day. None of it mattered now. None of it mattered when I closed my eyes.

It was cold. So cold.

My shivers wouldn't stop despite the two blankets and full clothes I lay under. My head hurt. My bones hurt. I think I was hungry... but I couldn't think.

Her food. I need to cook for her.

The sky outside was dark. I hadn't even noticed the time pass by. Cutting vegetables was hard as I swayed. I'm not sure what the food tasted like when it was done an hour later, just that it was ready. Mother didn't even glance at me as usual as I placed the plate where I normally did and picked up the one from yesterday. Empty for once. The sheets rustled. I ignored them as I turned to the door and made my way downstairs.

The water felt colder than normal. I shivered as I washed the dishes. Did I have an appetite? I didn't want to sleep either, but my head felt heavy. The cold water only made the cold feel worse. T—

My head turned to the side as I heard a soft knock. This time of the night...

Another knock, a little more insistent, yet softer.

I had to take the time to wipe my hands before I walked over. A cold wind brushed by me and made me shiver as I let Kieran in. He shook the cold off as he watched me quietly close the door and lean against it. I smiled up at him. "It's nice to see you."

"You haven't been to training in three days." He pulled his cloak down. His hair was messy. "You look like... when was the last time you ate?" His brown eyes were filled with concern.

It's been... three days? "I... don't remember." I pushed off the door. He watched me walk back to the sink where I picked up a pan. My hand shook.

"You cooked. For yourself?" I didn't reply. He sighed. "Fates damn you, Emerys." He whispered as he walked over to me. I stumbled to the side as he used his hip to bump me away. The pan was taken from my hand as he started to scrub it. "I'm making you some eggs. I'll get you soup tomorrow."

"I don't nee—"

"It's not a question." His brown eyes were narrowed in the dark. He glanced at me. "You're shaking. You're suffering from weakness because you clearly haven't eaten. Shut up. Sit down, and eat what I make you." He continued to glare at me as he flicked the water off his hands and wiped the pan down, all without breaking eye contact.

I let out a tired sigh and sat down as he'd ordered. He watched me as I let my head rest on the old wooden table. I watched him as he moved about in the kitchen, as familiar with it as me.

He frowned as he opened some more cupboards. "No bread?"

"Ran out. Not energy to go buy it." My words were mumbled into the table.

His shoulders fell as he tried to sign again. "You make it so tough to take care of you, my love."

My stomach fluttered at that. It had only been a week since he'd started calling me that. I didn't know what to feel about it yet but it felt nice. "It's just so easy... my love."

"I'm the only one allowed to say that. Find your own." He turned and grabbed a clean plate to serve me. "No, I won't let you eat from the pan." My lips fell shut before I could say that. He met my glare, amused. "Eat." He placed the plate by my head with a spoon. It smelled... like food.

I raised my head and picked up the spoon. Kieran didn't turn away till I had the first bite. He raised an eyebrow. I nodded at him. "It's good."

"How's the salt?"

"Fine."

"Spice?"

"Okay."

"Lies. I didn't add any chillies." He cocked his head. "Can you even taste it?"

The texture of egg... "Yes..."

"You... look like you're going to throw up."

"Nothing to throw up." I mumbled as I took another bite.

He sighed and turned away. "Finish this. I'll take you to bed."

I smiled as I ate the eggs. He'd probably left them unseasoned because I was sick. "So, what did I miss?" My stomach growled for more as the food hit it. So I was hungry.

"Nothing new." Kieran shrugged as he scrubbed the same pan again. "Sona gets increasingly annoyed every day you're not there. Dami gets increasingly annoying every day you're not there." I chuckled. "Almost punched him today when he suggested you might have given up."

"Should have." He paused as I said that and turned to face my smirk. "Would be amazing to return to a bruise on Dami's face."

He snorted as he struggled to hold a laugh back. My smile widened. "You know there are other ways to make it obvious we're together." He turned away from the sink and looked me over.

I waited expectantly as I turned my head up. He hesitated a bit before he moved forward. My lips parted as he lowered his head. Confusion crossed through me as his hand pressed against my forehead instead, and then to his own. "You're running a very high fever." He frowned.

He was so close. His lips were so close. "Has been for a few days." A sigh left me.

"Are you taking any medicine?" His brown eyes held mine.

I nodded. "The usual... but it won't go away."

"Because you're barely eating." He grumbled as he pulled away. My head swayed forward as the warmth of his hand left me. "I'll make the tea. And finish the eggs. Don't think I didn't notice you stopped eating."

My eyes met his as he glared at me over his shoulder. Kieran... perfect for me in every way.

But he wasn't here.

My eyes opened as a tear dripped over the bridge of my nose. The sky was dark. I could hear the knocking.

Killian was at the door. He'd wait till I was ready to head out. But I couldn't... I couldn't get myself to get out of bed.

My body hurt. My arms, legs, core, back... but that wasn't it. My chest hurt. I missed him. I missed when it was just the two of us. His broad shoulders moving rhythmically as he cooked for me. The soft, rough touch of his hand in mine. The heat of his body, the lips on my neck...

"Alekto?" Killian called out as I refused to move.

"Go without me." I called out, my voice echoed in the room. "I'll meet you in the practice hall."

"You need to eat." He replied. "Come out, Alekto."

I didn't reply. He called out to me a few more times. Then I heard his boots walk away. I had an hour to myself. It took me half of it just to force myself out of bed.

Killian found me stretching in the practice hall. The door opened to let in a waft of fresh food. I turned to see a covered plate in his hand. The plate shook as he walked over to me. "Eat."

I looked up at him from the ground. "Why did you..."

"You need food if you're going to train as hard as you do." He grunted as he crouched to hold out the plate to me. "Take it."

The plate shook. It tilted towards me. I took it just so he wouldn't drop it. He grunted again as his knees clicked when he stood up. There were bags under his eyes. He looked... shiny. He wiped his forehead as leg bounced uncontrollably.

"Is it tough?" I asked slowly as I placed the plate on the ground, away from me.

Killian met my eyes. "Is what tough?"

"That." I looked him over. "Is not drinking alcohol that tough?"

"Is not eating food tough?" He countered as he leaned forward to place his head in his hands.

"You eat food to live. Alcohol is just... a drink."

"So is water."

"You need that to live too." I shrugged as I leaned forward to stretch out my back.

"I need alcohol to live." His voice was muffled.

"No, you don't." I replied, a grimace formed on my face as it started to pull at my hurting areas. "You... want it. You don't need it. You just feel like you... need it because you've... been drinking for so long." My back clicked as I twisted by the waist. He still had his face hidden. His leg still bounced. "You'll be fine... without it. Just hold out."

"Easier said than done." He grumbled immediately. "You know I'm still getting shards of glass out of my room?"

I turned to the other side. "If you're asking for... help, I'm not off... -ering."

"Most Apprentices clean their Master's rooms and do small errands for them, you know?"

"Most Masters don't get their drunk asses kicked by their Apprentices. Or drink before they train them. Or—"

"Shut up."

I smiled as I twisted by the waist a few more times. "Slept well?"

"Shut up." He repeated. "Also..." I looked back at him as he held out a box. "Clothes."

"For what?"

"Since you live here as an Apprentice, you must dress like an Apprentice. It's all a bit big to hide your form, but wear this whenever you're here."

"Right..." I eyed the box. "How loose is it?"

"I'm sure you have the skills to tailor it to your own sizes." He replied dryly before he finally placed the box on the ground. "There's multiple sets there. Wear whatever."

"Got it." I had seen the other Apprentices wear the same clothing. It was black, with leather detailing from what I had seen. It didn't look very comfortable.

However, I was wrong. It was very comfortable.

After another session where Killian stayed the whole night and went to breakfast with me, I got the time to try the clothes on.

They were baggy as I'd expected, but the waist fit well. I didn't mind the rest of it. It could be folded up to keep it out of the way. There was even a set of under clothes given to wear under the normal set. All black, with the leather lines as I'd seen. The chest crossed over and tied at my side. The underclothes were a simple vest and short pants. The best combination for me to move around in was the best and the baggy pants. However, the next day, I quickly found out that Killian would rather I wear the required shirt over the vest. Not baggy enough clearly.

When was the man sleeping? He'd stay awake through my training, eat breakfast with me, and then go train his other students. Was he even getting any sleep?

He'd somehow gotten a lot better. The shakes, the leg bouncing... Apart from throwing up after dinner one day. As per his own rules, he cleaned up his own mess.

The training was upped a notch nearly everyday. Small ways, but enough to make me realise the amount of sleep I got after had started to feel inadequate. It gave me less time to feel alone, especially on days I couldn't meet the girls. They'd leave notes about being away on missions on the village board. There was no way to meet them like that.

Staring at those words on the village board... would leave me empty.

I had nothing to do. My days off were empty. I whiled them away roaming around the village or sleeping. There was a corner of my room where I'd kept a pillow, it was surrounded by wood shavings from when I couldn't sleep. I'd picked up a book or two from the Blackwater library, and the village one. It kept me company in the silence.

There was a book hidden under my robes as I headed back out to the village. Sosthenes woke up and went through my monotonous training memories. There were a few comments about how I'd gotten stronger, faster. I had noticed a severe improvement in my stamina after about a month of this. However, I was annoyed. I'd had enough of the swings and the same movements. I wanted new.

The village was busy as usual. Peak of the day meant I was barely glanced at. Just another adventurer that passed through. My usual cloak covered my Blackwater clothes. They were very comfortable, no matter the temperature, or time. I rarely wore my own clothes inside the castl—

There.

Sosthenes alerted me. My eyes shot to a familiar script. My language. My language... with an address.

I read the page over and over, committed the words to my memory. And then I reached out and snatched the flyer underneath it, and it. I can't let myself be seen targeting or reading one particular page. We'd been trained to stand away from the board so no one would notice us focus on one particular thing.

Mana filled my hand. It heated up as I forced fire to channel out of me. It was hard to use specialised mana with my type of mana. However, the paper lit up. I grimaced as the flames tick up my arms under the long cloak sleeves. Ashes