"Questions"

Javier

|25|

"Weh yuh did deh?" Kalíanna's voice echoed through the foyer the minute I opened the front door. Fuck. I haven't formulated a fitting narrative just yet, I thought I would have had more time.

Should I tell her, should I not? She's very unpredictable at times. Honestly, I'm not sure how she'd take the news.

This wasn't the ideal close I wanted for her birthday but things happen, this one was out of my control, because as much as I'd like to be aware of everything all the time—life just didn't work like that.

I'd make it up to her, anyway.

Me being out all morning didn't help the situation.

But I didn't have much of a choice.

After I was done handling Jaheem, I had another loose end to tie up. Juan had failed miserably at his only task, he didn't follow through and so as promised, I killed him.

I slipped my feet out of my slippers and walked further into the house. Looking to the top of the stairs I saw a puzzled looking Kalíanna waiting for me to answer her question.

She looked fresh out of the shower.

She had changed out my hoodie that I gave her this morning, instead she wore one of my white tees. Meaning that she must have been inside my room. Shit. I rushed out of the house this morning in such a hurry that I'd completely disregarded locking the door behind me, or cleaning up after myself for that matter.

Checking my phone I realized that it was now past noon, 2:28 p.m.

I pretend not to have heard her previous question.

I stop right infront of her.

"Slept well?" Her arms are folded beneath her breasts and she walks off, now ignoring my question. I watch her retreating figure, my eyes focused on the effortless movement of her ass.

She ave on draws?

"Mi a talk to yuh." She didn't even spare me a glance, she only nods slowly not giving much of a response. Instead she begins walking down the hall and I follow after her. She continues straight past the first couple of doors on this floor, going to the very end of the hall where my room was.

She stops suddenly, then she turns to me with a grin outstretched on her face. But it wasn't a genuine smile, it was more of an I'm upset but I'm pretending I'm not, kind of smile.

I wasn't falling for it and I didn't have the time for this.

"Open it." I urged, growing impatient.

Mi just want go bathe and go sleep, right now

"You do it—" I hissed, walking past her pushing the door open myself. Just as I'd anticipated my room was just like I had left it, different rounds of ammunition layed on the bed along with a few guns.

Very carless of me.

I start packing them into the drawers that I'd also left open.

I was so upset after seeing the message, so many things going through my head. What was his motive? Did he touch her?  But none of it mattered because I was certain of one thing: him did ago dead.

It was long overdue. He made it easier than I had initially thought, the text was easy to trace and by the time I was there he didn't even bother running—not that it would give him any more of a chance.

Once I wanted you dead, there was nothing you could do about it.

"Mi did ave sumn' fi deal with." And it wasn't a lie, because I did. I slammed the drawer shut, turning around to face her. She sat on the edge of my bed watching me keenly. I walk closer to where she was seated on the bed, towering over her.

She stared up at me. Her eyes filled with so many questions. Then she finally asks.

"Suh early? With weapons involved?"

I stared back at her now genuinely concerned for her. She couldn't possibly think of me as a model citizen, I was far from it.

Maybe, she didn't want to accept that we weren't all good people.

If she still believes that, I had failed––entirely.

She stared back at me, expectantly. . . waiting for me to say what she wanted to hear. But I couldn't and, I don't.

I lowered myself to her height.

"Stop question mi Kali. . .wah yuh think mi do? Work wid eh tooth fairy? Fuck no." She laughed, breaking her serious demeanor. But her smile fell as her gaze zeroed in on my neck.

She reached her hand out, wiping her thumb over the skin of my neck. Dried blood. Her face fell in realization. She looked down on her finger, then back to me.

Speechless.

I took a step back to remove my hoodie and there were similar blood stains on my shirt.

"Wah dis?" She asked, confused.

"Yuh blind? Nuh ask mi nuh foolishness."

"What caused this? Why yuh just a walk round with people blood pon' yuh? That's reackless, what if the police—"

She now stood before me, heated. Gearing up to have a verbal altercation with me that I wanted no part in.

I cut her off.

"Yuh nuh need fi deh worry 'bout all a dat."

There was no point in arguing with me about anything I did because it wouldn't discourage me to stop. Not even my mother herself, could have convinced me to lead a different life. She pleaded with me numerous times—in tears even and here I am today.

They just wouldn't understand.

"Javier—"

"Stop eh noise a mi head."

I hissed my teeth in frustration. The little patience I had left had finally dissipated. I hated having to explain myself over and over again.

It was very pointless to me.

"Doh tell mi fi fucking, shut up."

So fucking stubborn

"Just lowe mi out, badman."

I walked away before she could say a word more.

I would speak to her when we have both calmed down. I couldn't handle the yelling and the misunderstanding that came with the anger that currently filled the room.

I headed straight for the bathroom and after this, I needed a big spliff and my bed.

• • •

"Yo, yuh did link Drag fi eh rest a eh sumn' dem." Jordan asked.

We sat on the wall in front of my house. My mother had gone to the supermarket earlier and I was told not to leave the house.

She cya' stop mi stillz, caz anytime Dandre call mi, mi a shub.

"Yuh know him seh a tomorrow before we get dem, mi a wait pon' him fi link mi stillz." I responded, resting the freshly built spliff behind my ear. The look on Jordan's face was one of confliction. I could tell that he didn't like the sound of that.

"Him a ramp wid we ting eno Javi, look how long him get eh money."

We needed the batch of weed, it was our only way of making money. Especially, for Jordan. He lived with his grandma and she was very ill. He used the money he made to fill her prescription or keep up with her hospital visits. Ms. Evette wasn't getting any better. But he tried his best to care for her. Once she was gone, he wouldn't have anyone else.

A burning feeling sat on my chest. He was like a brother to me. Mi always mek sure him straight.

"Give him 'till tomorrow, if him still nuh come through. . .yuh know wah affi gwan." I assured him.

As soon as the words left my mouth, my mother came walking down the road with a bag of groceries in hand.

When she grew near a string of curse words left her mouth.

"Tek yuh dutty rass off a eh wall, come help mi wid eh bag dem. Dats all yuh want do siddung pon' corner like yuh nuh ave nothing better fi do. Mi sick and tired."

She complained until we were in the house and I stood in the kicthen helping her unpack the bag.

It wasn't much, but it would have to do for the next week or so.

The sound of loud shots rang out in the air and I grabbed ahold of mother, instinctively, pushing our bodies down to the floor.

My heart sank at the sound of car tyres speeding off,

I ran out of the house and I didn't see Jordan on the wall where I had left him.

Bloodclaat

I ran out onto the road and I saw him clutching his stomach.

"Javier!" I ignored my mother's cries.

"Yo, Jordan! Jordan!" I grabbed onto him, trying as best as I could to help apply pressure to the wound. But it was more than one.

A crowd started forming around us.

"Smaddy help mi nuh!" They all just stood and watch, no one was brave enough to help.

I hurriedly take my phone from my pocket, the blood on my hands was making it hard to navigate.

I dialed the ambulance.

"Uno go mek eh man dead? Bomboclaat." My gaze grew glossy when the blood grew too much.

There was too much.

Jordan started to cough and his body only grew heavier in my hands.

"Please nuh." I begged but no one moved.

More shots rang out in the air.

I clutch at my chest, startled. I hissed in realization. Certain memories were haunting. It doesn't matter how many years have passed. They just kept on reoccurring like an unending nightmare.

Some nights I just avoided sleeping entirely.

My room was completely dark.

The sun had gone down.

Opening my room door, I could hear laughter coming from downstairs.

Last time mi check a mi and Kali alone deh yah.

She know mi nuh want nobody a mi yaad

I descend the stairs still hearing the faint voices, seemingly engaged in some kind of conversation. I past the lounge area heading straight for the kicthen.

"Yuh too lie." I heard my mother's voice clear as day. I didn't know she was coming here. The two didn't even realize that I was standing in the doorway.

My mother stood before the stove tending to a pot of curried chicken, while Kalíanna was in the process of dicing potatoes.

"Mi swear." Kalíanna laughed, answering my mother.

They were very close, sometimes I think my mother forgets that she isn't actually her daughter. I observe for a few seconds more before making my presence known.

"Uno suh loud?" I asked, entering the kicthen.

I walked over to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water.

"A you push me out, Javier?" My mother asked, playfully turning around to look at me. She wore a warm smile on her face, one that reached her dark eyes that were an exact replica of my own.

Before stepping away from the stove she covers the pot.

"Come give mi a hug." I didn't move from where I leaned against the counter. "Mommy—" She was far too affectionate for my liking. "Stop gwan like." She pulled me into a hug and I embraced her. Secretly, I relished in the feeling of her in my arms.

She releases me to help Kalíanna with whatever she was doing.

"Yuh sleep out eh whole day?" She questions.

"No, mi did go work." I took a seat at the kitchen's island watching as they both worked together to prepare dinner.

"Wah yah do a Mobay?" I

"Mi come look fi mi son, a crime?"

"And yah cook? Yuh mad." I said, jokingly.

"Mi know man."

She was always welcome but she really used the come whenever you like, to her advantage. Especially, because she knew that I lived alone so she wasn't really intruding.

Kalíanna was quiet, when she spoke it was only to my mother.

I'm going to enjoy provoking a reaction out of her.

Kalíanna

|25|

I haven't spoken with or seen Ms. Shauna in a long while. I'm glad that I got to see her, though. We talked about just anything and everything while we prepared dinner. I even updated her on the events of my party. Leaving out a few major details, of course. We had a good time catching up. That was until Javier woke up.

We made curried chicken with white rice. It was very good, it's been a while since I've had a home cooked meal. I was far too lazy to make anything myself.

After dinner, Ms. Shauna retired to her room.

Throughout the duration of the dinner, Javier tried tirelessly to get me to engage him. Even after dinner as I washed the plates he was there and now as I walked up the stairs towards the room, I've claimed as my own, he follows after me like a lost puppy.

I enter the room not bothering to close the door behind me. As expected, he follows behind me and soon the click of the lock follows.

The way he dismissed my worries earlier was very upsetting. Of course, I'd be concerned if I woke up to an empty house, my phone missing and him gone.

Then when I went to check his room, there were weapons lying on his bed casually.

Then hours later, you just waltz in with blood on you and expect me to shut my mouth and mind my business.

Sorry, if I'm concerned about your well being.

I tried not to let the things he do bother me so much but when it's blatantly in my face it's hard not to ask questions, ok?

To make matters worse, this big load a shit ave eh audacity fi tell mi stop eh noise?

"Stop ignore mi." He came closer to where I layed on the bed, bringing his face closer to mine. He made it even harder for me to ignore him.

He was very persistent.

I look at him and the way his plaits fell in his face as he leaned over me. Both of his hands on either sides of my body caging me in. I leaned back on my elbows staring back at him.

I still don't answer him.

"Buil' nuh." He nudges me.

I was the one getting annoyed

"Javier, nuh you tell mi fi leave yuh alone?" I questioned, thinking back to earlier. I pushed him off of me. "Weh mi phone deh?" I almost forgot to ask.

"Mi room." He said, he walked over to the mirror looking at himself.

"Why mi phone inna yuh room?"

"Why Jaheem did a text yuh phone?" He shot back.

Jaheem? The thought brought me back to the night of my party. In my drunken state I could have sworn that it was him that was talking to me. But it couldn't have been. How would he even know that I was having a party in the first place? It just didn't make any logical sense.

I haven't seen him since—just a very long time ago. I didn't even wanna think about the last time we were together.

Javier couldn't have thought I'd go anywhere near him, or worse keep contact with him.

"This morning after yuh party eh man text yuh phone." He elaborated.

"A never him." I denied.

I recalled handing my phone to the person and them giving me their number. I even texted the number myself. How could I not have realized it?

"Mi know fi a fact seh a him."

"How?"

"Becuase I traced the number back to him and after that? I tracked him down and killed him." He spoke in a cold tone and I knew that he wasn't joking.

The look in his eyes while he said it was unnerving, he didn't show an ounce of remorse.