"Shut up and let me go

This hurts, what I can't show

For the last time you had me in bits

Now shut up and let me go

For fear of living in regret I changed this one when we first met"

- The Ting Tings "Shut Up and Let Me Go"

***

Three Years Ago:

“Allison, calm down,” Mother urged from the couch as she flipped the page in her Cosmopolitan magazine that rested in her lap. Mom’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she saw me pacing back and forth in front of the black leather couch she sat on.  

I ignored her and continued my pacing, with the added action of biting my thumb nail. “I cannot stop,” I admitted to my mom. The only thing I could hear after I confessed how I couldn’t stop was the squeaks of the hardwood floor under my feet and the sound of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. The clock’s constant ticking only reminded me of the seconds that were passing by.

“Well, I’m going to go take a bath,” Mother stated as closed her magazine and got up from the couch. She gave me a small smile, “Don’t worry, Dear. You will have the time of your life tonight.”

I gave her a scowl. “Don’t go! Stay here! At least until he comes!” I pleaded. The look on my mother’s face said it all; she didn’t care about how I needed her by my side until Bryan Newton got here.

You see, currently, I was awaiting the arrival of Bryan, who had asked me out the day before yesterday. While I, at first, told him no, my mother convinced me that I should go out with him. She kept rambling on about how I never get out of the house because I always come straight home after school and stay locked in my room, even on the weekends, as I waited for Colton’s call.

It pained me that he was gone to college and I only see him on breaks - after all I was so accustomed to seeing him every single day that it was hard moving on to only seeing him once a month.

I was just over the moon that someone invented phones because without which I don’t know how I would survive without Colton.

“You will be fine,” Mother stated before abandoning me in the living room.

I tried not to be hurt that she didn’t stay until Bryan came. I mean, after all, isn’t your daughter’s first date supposed to be like a big thing?

I remember eavesdropping on a girl in my class, who was telling her friends about her first date. She exclaimed that her mother took a thousand pictures of her and her date before they could even walk out the door. The girl, Roselle, even stated that her father gave her date the ‘drill’.

Sighing, I knew that would not be the case. My parents weren’t attached to me like parents should. Guess that is what happens when someone else (Colton) basically raises their child.

Running my hands through my straight honey blonde hair, I gave a sigh. I was beyond nervous because I’ve never gone on a date before.

What if I make a fool of myself?

Suddenly, I heard the dreaded sound of a car door closing.

My heart picked up as I began to regret agreeing on going on this date. Plus, what if Colton calls and I miss it? Even though mother told me she would tell him I was out, I couldn’t bear the thought of missing his call. My mother voice popped into my mind: “You never get out, Allison. Go on the date with the guy! Have a little fun, unless you're a chicken,” She teased.

The words ‘unless you’re a chicken’ got to me. I hated people calling me that, so somehow I agreed to go on this date.

“Honey, I’m home,” A voice joked from the front door.

My eyes snapped over to the entrance hall door as I felt my world come to a stop. Those weren’t words my father would speak - he would just come in and slip into his office without saying anything. No, those words were spoken, in a joking manner, by “Colton?!” I questioned as I ran into the entrance hall.

He stood there, in front of the front door, in all his glory. “Hey, Alice,” He stated with a wide smirk.

I took off toward him and right before I reached him, I jumped up - wrapping my arms around his neck.

He hugged me and chuckled. “Missed you too,” He spoke in my ear.

“What are you doing here?! I mean, not that I am not thrilled you are here - but I thought you'd be here next week for spring break.”

Colton looked at me with a confused expression. “No, it is this week.”

I shook my head, “No, no. It is next week,” I stated as I walked away from Colton and towards the kitchen. Walking over to the white refrige I looked over at the calendar, which my mother keeps on the door of the refrige. On today’s day there was a large post-it note that said “Allison’s date night”. Noting that my mother must have stuck it on the calendar yesterday, I lifted it up to see that under the sticky note was my writing:

Start of Colton’s Break!! (:

Guilt ran through me for I had completely forgotten about Colton coming home. While I was upset with myself, I was also angry with my mom. I knew damn well that she placed that sticky note over my statement that it was Colton’s break. Bet she figured I would already be gone by the time he gets here. Frowning, I turned around and faced Colton, “Oh,” Was all I was able to say in reply.

Colton, who was standing in front of me, furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at something behind me. “What is this?” He asked as he reached over my shoulder. “Allison’s date night...” He read the post-it note with confusion laced in his tone.

I bit my bottom lip, wondering how to tell Colton. “I-I - well...” I stuttered as words of explanation failed to form in my brain.

“Who is he?” Colton asked in an emotionless voice as he stared at me with stone hard eyes. When he saw I wasn’t going to reply, Colton huffed. “You’re fifteen for fuck’s sake! You are not old enough to date!” He exploded.

“Calm down, Cole,” I urged as I placed my hands on his broad shoulders.

His brown eyes bore into me. “Calm down?” He gritted. “You are fifteen, Allison!”

I took a step back, allowing my hands to return to my side. I hated when he called me by my name - I preferred for Colton to call me Alice. However, he never called me by my nickname when he was mad at me, which always made me feel guilty for I never, ever, wanted to make Colton mad at me. His approval and happiness towards me was all I ever wanted. “I’m sorry,” Was all I said in reply to him.

“What are you sorry for?” He asked with a stern look.

I looked down at the floor knowing he wanted me to admit what I was sorry for before he could forgive me. That was Colton for you, acting so parent-like, but the thing was, he wasn't my parent. Colton was my best friend in the whole world, who just happens to be ten years older than me and took care of me growing up. “I’m sorry for forgetting about you coming home,” I confessed honestly. As the words slipped out of my mouth I knew that was not what he wanted to hear.

“That is not what I’m mad about,” He stated the obvious.

I glanced up from the ground, relieved to find that the anger swirling in his eyes was now tamed, unlike before. “I-I’m old enough to date, Colton. My mom and dad said-”

“Your mom and dad don’t have a say in this,” He hissed at me.

I sighed, knowing he was right. My parents’ decisions when it came down to me never mattered, the final judgment for everything was left to Colton.

I can still remember how three years ago, when Colton was attending a local college and staying next door at his parent's house, my parents decided to go to the movie theaters and see a scary movie.

They invited Colton and I but he said no because I was not old enough for scary movies. My parents stated that I would be fine. However, Colton shook his head and said I couldn’t see the movie. My mother and father didn’t argue, they shrugged their shoulders and said ‘okay, we’ll be back later’.

That wasn’t even the first time he did something like that. In third grade my class was going to take an overnight trip to the Hershey Theme Park. My parents had signed the forms and were willing to give me the money to go - however, Colton said no. He didn’t think it was a good idea for a seven-year-old to go on an overnight field trip.

I, of course, cried about to my parents but the simply informed me that if Colton said no, then maybe I shouldn’t go.

Even though those examples were years ago, I knew my parents would still, to this day, give Colton the final word.

“Colton-” I was cut off by the doorbell ringing. My eyes shifted over to the exit of the kitchen.

“Don’t you move a muscle,” Colton demanded as he turned to leave the kitchen.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I defended myself, for the first time in a long time.

“I can and I will,” He informed me as the doorbell dinged for the second time.

I glared at Colton and stomped my foot. “Gaaa! I hate you!” I exclaimed as I really didn’t hate him - but the power he has over me sometimes.

He took two long strides to me and pushed me back slightly. My back collided with the refrige and once so, Colton caged me in with his arms. “You don’t mean that,” he proclaimed with a sense of sadness leaking in his voice.

“Bryan is a really nice guy, Colton. I-I wouldn’t have agreed to go on a date with him if he wasn’t.”

“Cut the bullshit, we both know your mother pressured you into going.”

I nibbled on my bottom lip, unsure of what exactly to say next.

Colton removed his left hand from beside me, leaving me room to leave. “Go to your room,” He instructed with sternness.

I looked at him like he had gone crazy, “Don’t tell me what to do."

Colton put his hand back beside me on the refrigerator. He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at me. “I will tell you anything I want to and you will listen.”

“You’re not the boss of me, Colton.”

His eyes shifted into a darker color, showing the elevation of his anger. “Alice,” He breathed as his hot breath cascaded over my face. His right hand slipped off the refrige and landed on my arm. His hand traveled up my arm, over my shoulder and stopped at the nape of my neck leaving after-tickles. The palm of his hand moved up some more and cupped my left cheek.

My lips pressed together for I had nothing to say to him.

“You are not leaving,” Colton told me as he dropped his right hand from my face, “This house with him.” Was all he said before dragging me out of the kitchen.

I tried to walk at a fast pace in order to keep up with his long strides, but in the end I had to jog next to him in order to keep up.  Soon we came to my room and when we entered he let go of my hand and pushed farther into my room. “You are not going on that date, Allison,” He told me before walking out and closing my door behind him.

I growled and walked over to my door. I twisted the brass door knob and pulled but the door wouldn’t budge. It was then that I realized he locked me in here somehow.

I banged on the door with clenched fist. “Let me out of here Colton! I am not a prisoner! You bastard!” Silence lingered in the air once I stopped hitting the door after a minute. He was more than likely scaring Bryan off by now.

Turning around, I pressed my back on the door and slide down to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my legs and pulled them to my chest. Resting my chin knees, I sighed.

Damn you, Colton...