The last week of August. I looked at the towering school in front of me. It no longer held the same magnificence that it had on my first day. Then again, I had been here since June, taking some summer courses to get my basic requirements out of the way as quickly as possible. I wanted to double-major in Finance and English, so I needed to get as ahead as I possibly could while I still could.

Now, it was frosh-week. I had completed my first round of college exams before my freshman year had even officially started, but I needed this summer. I decided to move to California and put as much distance between me and my old self. And Caleb.

"Oh my god Ivy, this is going to be awesome!" my roommate, Hannah, gushed. She was kind enough, although a little removed from reality, but her enthusiasm was sweet. Still, I kept my distance. I didn't want to get close to anyone anymore. In fact, I had cut ties with everyone, even Ivan, and just moved here. The only people who had heard from me this summer was my family, and even they didn't really get to see me. School was my excuse to keep everyone at arm's length.

"What should we check out first?" Hannah asked. She was a stunning, raven-haired, petite Japanese girl, with light and clear hazel eyes and flawless skin. She was energetic, bubbly, and extremely outgoing. As we walked through the quad, she stopped at literally every single table and took a brochure for every extra-curricular club. There was no way it was humanly possible for her to join all of them.

I, on the other hand, was only there because Hannah threatened to bring a bunch of strangers back to the dorm for a party if I didn't tag along. I hated the sight of the Sun, the bright buzzing and excitement etched on my classmates' faces... it was almost sickening. I just wanted to curl in my bed and read some Poe or search the web for some dark or twisted literature. Or fanfics. Anything to distract me from my thoughts.

I had refused to deal with the rejection and instead opted to get angry at Caleb for not reciprocating my feelings. And I was angry at everyone else for convincing me - against my insightful gut feeling - that he did in fact have feelings for me. "Ooh, Ivy, try out this ice cream sandwich!" Hannah gushed, sticking half of her eaten dessert in my face.

The overly-sweet smell made my stomach both growl and heave. I moved my face away before I binged on the fattening dessert and ended up puking it out "Ivy?" came a familiar voice I hadn't heard in a while. I froze. I was hoping the enormity of the college would keep us from crossing paths. At least, until I was ready to see him.

Tomboy mode, "ON". "Hey Ivan!" I perked, turning to him with a wide smile and giving him a light, playful punch on the arm. He clearly wasn't happy to see me.

"What happened?" he asked, looking extremely hurt.

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb. I noticed him take in a deep breath. He was picking his words. Because he was worried about scaring me off. "Oh just say it," I snapped, quickly forgetting the facade I was trying to keep.

"You look different," he mumbled. I shrugged. I knew that. "Are you not eating at all?" he finally asked.

"Of course I am," I defended too vehemently.

"Ivy," Hannah ran over to me. I hadn't even noticed that she had left my side. "We have to join this sorority!" she began rambling. "My friend in Washington says they throw the best parties, we absolutely have to rush!" She turned to look at Ivan and was instantly silenced. For three seconds. "Ooh! Who are you? Ivy, if I knew this was the dessert you had in mind, I would have definitely joined you!"

"Hannah, this is Ivan," I introduced them. "Ivan, Hannah," I gestured between them. Ivan held out his hand, but subtlety was never Hannah's strong suit.

"Oh, just give me a hug!" she ordered, quickly closing the gap between them and reaching up on her tiptoes to throw her arms around Ivan's neck. He gave me a quizzical look and pointed at Hannah. I let out a small chuckle. Ivan lightly and awkwardly patted Hannah's back in the hopes that it would make her let him go. Which, to his relief, she did.

"How do you two know each other?" Ivan asked, surprised I had made such a fast friend.

"Oh, we're roomies!" Hannah answered. "So we share everything!" She then winked at Ivan.

"You can have all of him," I offered, to Ivan's chagrin. "We've been best friends since we were basically in diapers. I see him as more of a brother than anything else."

"You never mentioned him before," Hannah pointed out.

"She probably didn't have the time," Ivan offered. "Didn't you guys just move in?"

"Oh, Ms. Smarty Pants here has been working her tush off, literally and figuratively, since the start of summer! She moved in in June and I moved in a week ago since my family's moving cross country and we figured it would be easier to just have me move into my dorm early rather than moving to the new house and then moving again into my dorm a few days after. We're basically besties now!" Hannah squealed. She wrapped her arms around my body and rested her head on my chest, shaking me slightly as she squeezed me. Normally, it would bother me, but in that moment, I only noticed the hurt in Ivan's expression. He thought I left him, or that I replaced him.

"Hannah, didn't you say you wanted to check out that theater group? It looks like they're doing some improv exercises over there. You should show them your skills," I stated to her, nodding in the direction of a booth outside of earshot from us.

"Oh true!" she excitedly replied. "OK, don't go anywhere, I'll be back in a jiff!"

I breathed in relief. "So, that's your new bestie, huh?" Ivan asked. "Needed a newer model?"

"This has nothing to do with you," I stated. I suddenly felt extremely tired and dizzy. I needed to sit down. I eyed a bench and made my way to it, Ivan close in tow. "I just needed to get away," I informed him.

"Why?" Ivan asked. "Everything seemed to be going great, then we get back from the beach house and you just disappeared. I only knew you were here because Ella told me. You were avoiding my calls, barely responded to mine or anyone else's texts, and I find you here and you're barely you. I can tell you're starving yourself. What the hell happened?" he demanded.

"Nothing worth noting," I bitterly replied.

"It has to be something if it made you turn your back on everyone and get yourself down to this obviously unhealthy size. I mean, at first I thought things worked out between you and Caleb and you were secretly meeting each other, but I came to find out he moved and was basically ghosting everyone too," Ivan informed me.

I felt some tears escape and stream down my hollowed out cheeks. I wasn't delusional. I knew what I looked like at that point. "He ghosted me too. In fact, he ghosted me before we even left the beach. Right after I told him how I felt," I told Ivan, keeping my voice steady. I at least managed to master that skill.

"Oh," was all Ivan could say. He tried to gather me in his arms, but my bitterness returned and I shrugged him off, then stood up.

"I'm fine," I lied. "I don't need your pity. I just need you to not try to convince me in the future that a guy likes me when he clearly doesn't. Not that I'll make the same mistake twice and listen to you again," I coldly explained.

Ivan stood up and looked down at me, his eyes examining mine. Probably searching for a shred of humanity in me, or some piece of the old Ivy. But there was no room left for her in this shell of a body. There was barely any room in there for the quiet, reserved girl with no personality that I had become. So there was definitely no room left for the old me.

"Can I at least get a hug from the sister I haven't seen in months?" Ivan asked. The tone of his voice was light and humored, but his eyes couldn't hide their pain and worry.

"Sure," I consented. We hugged, and I lingered in the familiarity of his warmth and protection. I almost forgot that I was mad at him. I finally let go. "Hannah's waving me over. I should go," I stated.

"OK," Ivan answered, looking anxious at the prospect of leaving me to my own devices.

"I'll text you, or you can text me, and we'll catch up," I tried to assure him. He gave me a doubtful look. "Fine, here," I said, pulling out my phone and texting him. "That's my dorm, so if I don't answer you, you know where to find me. And if I'm not there, I'm usually in the library, in the lowest basement level in the rooms by the storage closets. It's all the way in the corner by the ancient languages section. Now, I can't escape you," I confirmed.

Ivan nodded, looking only slightly relieved. I walked away and didn't dare look back as I made my way over to the theater group - one of the few groups that actually interested me.

* * *

"Come on!" Hannah whined, trying to convince me to go out. But I didn't have the energy. I just wanted to curl in bed and read. Or sleep. Or binge on stupid online videos. Anything to avoid my thoughts without having to interact with people.

"I'm tired," I excused.

"You're always tired," Hannah pouted.

"I'll try for tomorrow night. Orientation officially starts tomorrow anyway, we'll probably meet a lot of people and find more parties to go to," I reasoned.

Hannah's expression brightened at that prospect and she nodded enthusiastically in response. She even let out a little squeal. She turned to her mirror to fix her makeup when there was a knock at the door. I opened it.

"Hey," Ivan said in a reserved tone.

"What's up?" I asked in as equally reserved a tone.

"Wanna chill?" he asked hopefully. I shrugged and stepped to the side to let him come in.

"Oh, I get it," Hannah winked at the both of us.

"Please," I responded, rolling my eyes. Ivan stepped in and nodded at Hannah. He didn't want to give her any indication that she was free to be as touchy-feely as she had been when they first met.

"Well, I'm off," Hannah announced, coming over to give me a quick hug. She then gave Ivan a long, lingering hug.

"I think she likes you," I teased once Hannah had left.

"Really? I think she's being a bit too subtle," Ivan joked. For a moment, we slipped into our old relationship. But the moment was stolen by an uncomfortable silence.

"So, what would you like to do?" I formally inquired.

"Movie?" he suggested. I shrugged. "You can pick," he offered.

"My taste in movies has changed. You'll probably be traumatized," I warned.

"I'll take my chances," Ivan bravely dared. He sat on my bed, hooked his phone up to my extra large screen, opened up a video app, then handed me the phone so I could choose the movie. I decided that I would give him a taste of what the new me was like and picked the most depressing movie I could find.

I sat on the bed and Ivan pulled me into his chest, wrapping me in my blanket. I didn't want to admit how cold I was feeling, but I was grateful for the gesture. I let myself be slightly vulnerable and nestled into his chest as the movie started to play.

"Well, you did warn me," Ivan commented once the credits started rolling at the end of the film.

"You didn't like it?" I asked, knowing what his answer would be.

"It was intense," he admitted.

"Yeah," I responded, looking down at my hands.

"Can we talk?" Ivan asked. "We can go for a walk if it makes you feel better," he offered after he must have noticed my hesitation. I conceded.

We left the dorm, and for the first five minutes of our walk, the only thing I heard was our footsteps and distant blaring music.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ivan asked. I did. But I didn't. I couldn't explain it.

"I don't know," I finally offered.

"OK," Ivan slowly let out. I could tell he was trying to figure out the best way to approach this without hurting me or scaring me away.

"The morning we left," I started to explain, "The morning we left the beach house, remember after we finished riding the bikes?" I asked. I looked to Ivan as he nodded. "And how, after that, you went in and I went to talk to Caleb alone?" I continued, looking for confirmation. Ivan nodded again.

"Well," I sucked in a deep breath, "I told him how I felt. And all he could do was lie to me and say he needed to take a shower. Those were his last words to me. He immediately deleted and blocked me from everything and ignored my texts. You think I ghosted you guys? Try being ghosted by someone who's literally standing right in front of you and pretending that you don't exist," I relayed.

Ivan held out his hand. "Come on," he said. "Let's go." I knew he wanted to take me on an adventure. And I wanted to go on one. But my body was refusing. I took his hand and tried to match his pace, but I felt the exertion on my heart and needed to slow down. I needed to catch my breath.

"Are you hungry?" Ivan finally asked. The truth was, I was always hungry. But the mere thought of eating made me sick to my stomach.

"No thanks," I politely declined. Ivan gave me a disbelieving look.

"Well, I am. And there's this diner I want to check out, so we're going. You don't have to order anything," he assured, I'm guessing in response to my fear-stricken expression. "But I'm hungry and I don't want to end our night just yet. I miss you," he honestly said, baring his heart to me. I couldn't refuse such an genuine gesture.

"OK," I gave in. He took my hand once more, led me to his car, and we drove to a nearby diner that was just off-campus.

We found a booth in a secluded corner, and after getting some water, Ivan turned to me and commanded, "OK, tell me what the jerk did."

"I already told you," I answered. "After that, it was pretty easy to decide to come here. I was already thinking of coming here, but after that, I just came. I called up the college, asked about taking some summer courses, and moved in right away."

"And the anorexia?" Ivan bluntly pointed out. I looked down at my lap, ashamed. It was the first time in three months that I was not proud of my extreme weight loss. I finally looked up at Ivan.

"I hated the girl looking back at me in the mirror," I finally admitted. "I still do," I honestly added. I took in a shaky breath, but I managed to quickly regain my composure.

"I know," Ivan breathed. "I don't know why, but I know you've always battled with yourself," he admitted.

"Hello!" a perky waitress came to our table. I barely looked in her direction. My eyelids felt so heavy. My snubbing didn't seem to bother her though. "Welcome to Moon Diner! My name's Olivia, I'll be your server tonight. Did you want anything to drink besides water?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Not even a diet soda?" Ivan hopefully directed at me. I only shook my head again, not wanting to dispense more energy than absolutely necessary.

"Alright!" Olivia perkily continued. "Do you know what you want to order?" she asked.

"I'll have a double bacon cheeseburger, with extra spicy mustard and avocado, and truffle fries on the side," Ivan informed Olivia.

"Great choice!" Olivia complimented. "And you?" she asked, turning to me.

"I'm good with just a water," I replied.

"Not even a side salad?" Ivan asked.

Seeming to pick up on Ivan's mission, Olivia added, "It's pretty small, low calories, I can make sure the dressing is on the side and leave out the cheese and croutons." I noticed them both exchange glances and felt the bile rise in my throat. Who did they think they were, conspiring to get me to eat? I'll eat when I want to.

"No thanks," I curtly replied. "I'm not hungry," I emphasized through gritted teeth.

"Alright then," Olivia answered, acting as though I had communicated in the most pleasant manner possible. She took our menus and walked away.

"Ivy-"

"You're not the first person to try to force me to eat," I interrupted. "I don't like it. I'll eat when I want to, and I'll eat what I want to, and I don't feel like having a salad right now."

Ivan gave me a disappointed glare but dropped the subject. "Why didn't you talk to any of us?" he asked. He was jumping all over the place, trying to find answers... answers I wasn't sure I was ready to give.

Swallowing my pride, I told him, "I just didn't want to talk to anyone. Because I didn't want anyone to come looking for me or to find out about what happened at the beach house or to tell me if Caleb was seeing someone. I wanted to deal with my hurt on my own. I was doing just fine," I lied at the end.

"We're not your enemies," Ivan pointed out.

"You guys did convince me he liked me when he clearly didn't," I debated.

"First, it's not like we did it out of malice or with the intention of hurting you. It was quite the opposite. We all just wanted to see you happy," Ivan started to explain. I rolled my eyes and noticed him glare at me again, but he continued as though nothing happened. "Second, I think he was freaked out, but I'm not convinced he doesn't feel the same."

"Just stop it!" I hissed. I didn't want to raise my voice in a public place. "It's clear how he feels about me. He's so repulsed by me that he couldn't even wait until we got home to start ignoring me. And he moved away to avoid me even more, although he should have saved himself the trouble. I already left. That's not the action of a guy who's in love or even remotely interested in a girl. That's a guy who can't stand the thought of even being in the same town as his annoying stalker."

"Honestly, he seemed to be the one stalking you," Ivan tried to make light of the situation. I huffed, then got up.

"Excuse me," I said, not waiting for Ivan to acknowledge my comment. I headed to the girls' bathroom.

I went into a stall and just sat on the toilet. Getting up so fast and walking so quickly to the bathroom made me feel a little dizzy. The dizziness wasn't as bad as it used to be, but I needed to remember not to make any sudden movements. I tried to focus on slowing my breathing so that my heart could calm down a little bit.

"Ivy?" I heard a voice call out after a little while. A slightly familiar and bubbly voice. "It's Olivia," she identified herself.

"Yeah," I feebly responded from the stall. "Just not feeling too well." She knocked on my stall door and I opened it for her.

"You look a little pale," she commented. She seemed like a nice person, and her eyes didn't seem to hold any judgment for me. "Do you need anything?" she asked.

I chuckled. "This is the best customer service I've ever gotten at a restaurant, I must say," I answered. "I don't think I've ever been offered anything in a bathroom stall."

Olivia's smile was gentle. And piteous. I felt the bile rise up in me again and I had to make an effort not to burst in anger at this complete stranger. "I'm fine," I barely got out before things went black.

* * *

"WAKE UP DAMNIT!" I heard. I felt myself be violently shaken back and forth.

"You might hurt her that way," I heard a much less panicked voice instruct.

"Too late," I groaned. It was an effort to open my eyes but I managed to get them open. Ivan and Olivia were kneeling next to me, and a bunch of strangers were gathered around them.

"Don't get up," Ivan said, holding me down by my shoulder.

"I refuse to continue lying on a bathroom floor," I disgustedly insisted. I sat up and felt my head swirl. I closed my eyes to make