A/N -~~ Heys, so there is mention of drugs, selfharm and alcohol in this chapter.
I have a picture of Louis where is trying to hide his self harm scars and I think all of us know that he smokes and drinks ALOT and as for Harry, we all know that during the recording of his first album he had turned to drugs too.
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May 21st, 2017
"Louis wake up for fucks sake!" Lottie's voice screeched through Louis' ears. He groaned and took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes slowly to see a very frustrated looking Lottie standing next to his bed giving him a death glare.
Louis looked at her and she sighed. "Louis get your shit together and fucking take a bath you smell really bad."
"Oh shut up Lottie!" He rasped out.
"No! I won't shut up. Can't you see that you are fucking miserable? You are making all of us miserable too. You are always up here in your room, you never talk to your siblings anymore, do you even know what Daisy asked me today? She asked 'Does Lou hate us?'"
"Wha-"
"No you listen to me...I-I am tired Lou, I am tired of being the adult over here...I lost my mum too you know, I miss her too, Fizzy misses her too, the twins miss her too, we all do and...and I am not asking you to stop missing her but please... I beg you Louis please stop shutting all of us out...You have a son now Louis, he needs you too..." Lottie said as tears strated gathering in her eyes and her expression changed from anger to hurt.
It was true eversince Jay's death almost a year ago , something in Louis had changed. He was already in a bad mental state and Jay's death just made his condition worse. Louis was loosing himself slowly to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Not a single day went by when he didn't drink or smoke an entire pack of cigarettes. The alcohol and drugs were clouding his mind, he no longer could focus on anything not even his music, something that he used to care alot about, he would stay in his room all day and loathe to himself, he would then have a beer, smoke and then fall asleep. He was in a deep spiralling depression and there seemed no way out. He had returned to his old ways of coping with things.
Self-harm.
It was something that Louis used to do when he had just joined One Direction, while the band was reaching new heights of fame, Louis' mental health was depleting. During the starting days of the band in the X-Factor, he was always the outcast, sure the boys loved and cared for him but the media definitely didn't. He was always labelled as the worst singer of the band or the ugliest of all the boys, the hate on social media for being the "twink" or the "gay one" really affected him and he resorted to self-harm as a way of feeling some sort of relief from everything. During those days, Harry helped him alot...but now...he doesn't have his Harry with him anymore to help him cope.
Louis can't believe that he had given into the pressure and cut off Harry by lying to him about cheating on him. He hasn't seen Harry in almost a year now and every single day he regrets his decision of ever giving into their games. After Jay's death he saw Harry once at the X-Factor performance but ever since then he hasn't seen him or any of the One Direction boys. He shut everyone out thinking that it would be better but unfortunately it just made him fall deeper into depression and self hate.
Life hasn't been kind to Louis. Whatever he did, he had done it in order to save Harry from the demons of the world, he just wanted to protect his Harry but instead he just lost Harry and with his baby now gone from his life, Louis lost himself too. After the breakup, Louis found comfort in the company of his mother, he was always a 'momma's boy' and he was proud of that. He could talk to Jay about anything and everything and she always understood him. But God took her away from him too. It's not like he likes being like this sad loner, he doesn't, he wants to become better but he has lost the motivation to, because it doesn't matter anyway.
"Louis....why did you become like this..?" Lottie asked Louis with tears now streaming down her face, "I.." Louis was at a loss of words, he himself was wondering when had he become like this, he had to be strong, his mum wanted him to be strong and he is letting her down. "Lou.." Lottie started and sighed. "Why...why did you leave him?...you are miserable without him.."
"I did it to protect him..he's free and safe and that's all I wanted."
"I don't understand w-what do you mean..?"
"I-I...leave it. You're right, I need to get a grip...I promise I will change Lot-"
"No Louis tell me why the fuck did you leave Harry?!" Lottie was getting agitated at this point.
"Lottie I just fell out of lov-"
"Louis I call bullshit!! tell me right fucking now!....You had a child with Brianna Louis...A child while you were still dating Harry....I don't think mum raised you to be like that!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Louis finally screamed. Louis didn't loose his temper that easily but when he did, it made everyone shut up.
"I. Never. Cheated. Understand? I love him for God's sake." After thinking about it for a moment he let out a frustrated sigh, "...ughh..fuck it....sit down..I'll tell you the truth"
Louis had actually never told anyone about the real reason why he broke up with Harry, to his family he would say that he fell out of love, to his friends he would say that it was a mutual thing and to himself he would say that it was a good thing for both of them.
Louis sighed and started telling Lottie what really happened and why everything happened.
"So it started with..."
....
"..And that was the moment he walked out and I became the man that I am now..." He finished, with silent tears now running down his face.
"Oh-" Lottie couldn't even form any words. Her brother was so fucking strong, and so fucking in love that he did everything in his power to protect Harry's happiness even if it meant loosing his own. She engulfed Louis in a bone crashing hug. After a few minutes of holding onto Louis for dear life Lottie pulled away and started, "I am so sorry Lou for what I said..."
Louis gave her a small smile and mumbled an 'it's okay'.
"You need to tell him."
"What?"
"Yes Louis you need to tell him." Lottie seemed persistent. Louis rolled his eyes at her, "Lottie if I wanted to tell him, I would've told him like months ago. It's better if he doesn't know, he would just blame himself when it isn't even his fault, Hazza- I mean Harry is like that, he cares alot about everyone you know" louis finished. "Louis did you hear Harry's new album?" Lottie asked.
"H-he released a new album?" Louis was quite shocked.
"Uh yeah? I tell you what... I listened to the album, listen to it, after that, you yourself would run to him and tell him the truth."
"What do you mean?"
Lottie opened spotify and opened Harry's page on it and then handed the phone back to Louis. Louis looked at the pic of Harry and the album and smiled, not a fake one but a genuine one, he stared at it for a minute just admiring Harry's back on the cover for some reason, "Harry Styles" was rhe name of the album, and louis chuckled remembering how indecisive Harry must've been to a point where he just named the album "Harry Styles". He suddenly felt proud. He felt so fucking proud of his Harry, the 'Bakery boy' made it. He saw the number of streams that it had gotten only in a matter of 2 days and felt happy for him.
"I'll not play it myself and leave you to listen to it alright?" Lottie said.
"Yeah okay.." Louis said and then Lottie left the room closing the door behind her.
He first looked at the set list.
Meet Me in the Hallway
Sign of the Times
Carolina
Two Ghosts
Sweet Creature
Only Angel
Kiwi
Ever Since New York
Woman
From the Dining Table.
He started with the song Meet me in the Hallway and waited for the song to start playing,
(Music)
"Meet me in the Hallway..
Meet me in the hallway" Louis smiled to himself, he was listening to Harry's voice after so long but he also felt a pang in his heart when he heard how painfully sad Harry sounded.
"Meet me in the hallway
"I gotta get better, gotta get better
I gotta get better, gotta get better
I gotta get better, gotta get better
And maybe we'll work it out
I walked the streets all day
Running with the thieves
'Cause you left me in the hallway"
Louis knows what the line "left me in the hallway means".
A few days after the breakup, Harry had come up to Louis and asked him to get back together while they were standing in the hallway of a hotel, Harry had fallen to his knees infront of Louis and begged Louis to take him back, Harry even said that he would be okay if Louis didn't love him fully, he just wanted a little bit of Louis' heart. Louis wanted to tell Harry so bad that his heart belonged only and only to Harry but he couldn't, he just ran out of the hallway and left the younger one of the two there crying.
(Give me some more)
Tears were now freely flowing down Louis' face, he could hear the pain in Harry's voice, he didn't even want to imagine the place Harry must have been in to write such vulnerable lyrics. The song was an absolute beauty and Louis immediately understood the meaning of the lyrics.
Louis felt his breathing becoming irregular, he tried taking in deeper breaths with no avail, he took the earphones off and threw the phone across the room, he grabbed his hair harshly and let out a blood-curling scream. He then brought his knees to his chest and sobbed. Lottie came in running in his room a minute later, panicking, when she saw her brother in such a state.
"Lou!" She screeched and hugged Louis tightly.
"I am such a bad person....such an i-idiot Lotts, he didn't deserve even an ounce of pain that I have caused him. He didn't.." Louis said between sobs.
"Louis you did everything to protect him.....but you need to meet him and tell him the truth love."
"How can I even face him after everything?"
"You can and you will...I talked to Gemma recently, she said that Harry is in London...you need to go back there and talk to him"
Louis knew that he had to talk to Harry but he didn't have the courage to face him. He told Lottie that he would think over it and she sighed and said okay. Then she picked up the phone from the floor and gave to it to Louis, thankfully it didn't break.
Louis didn't do anything that day, he just laid in his bed and stared at the ceiling. Around 8pm in the evening he picked up his phone again and played another one of Harry's songs.
Sweet Creature...and woa- (to be continued)
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