CHAPTER 1X21

XXI. We Are Better

She had lost sign of Bellamy and everyone standing with her before, the field around her was a whole mess. And she the blood covering her entire face matched it perfectly.

Clarissa killed two more before reaching the tunnel, she didn't recognized herself while doing so. She was sure she tasted like war, and death. She wanted to fight, yes, but now – while feeling her enemies' blood on her skin, while feeling nothing while killing – Clary was sure than even if they won, they would still lose.

An explosion sound echoed, and Clarissa looked up at the sky. A burning flame shooting down. The shots stopped, and she was sure everyone was just watching what looked like a ship.

"The Ark." She breathed, tears shining on her green eyes.

"Clary!" Clarke's voice called out for her, and she turned to face her sister. The look on Clarke's face was of pure horror and sorrow too, she had been wondering what was going down outside but seeing Clarissa – her own sister – she knew she had went through hell, "I need more time here, can you make sure no one leaves the gates?"

"I can do that." Clarissa nodded, turning around to face everyone trying to run, "No one leaves their posts, do you hear me?! I was wrong, this is not run and live. If we run we die, if we stay and hold them off we might still have a shot!"

"Clarissa –." It was Liam, he was trying to argue with her.

"I said don't leave your posts." Her green eyes threatened him, and when Liam's face showed a glint of fear, that was when Clarissa realized how she was acting. Her voice soften, "You said earlier that you trust me to make the choices. So trust me on this, Liam. We need more time."

"Fine," He nodded, and ran off to the wall.

The walkie talkie still on her waist turned on, Bellamy's voice breaking through.

"Bellamy?"

"Clary," His voice was covered in static but she could still know he was just as relieved as she was, "where are you?"

She brought it to her lips, "Behind the walls. What's happening out there?"

"You need to fall back."

"Clarke needs me at the walls." Clarissa told him, "We need more time."

"No!" Bellamy sounded desesperated, "Please, you need to –."

He was cut off by the sounds outsides the walls, it was getting worse. Clarissa tried to get back to him, but Bellamy's voice never came through again. So she did the best she could, and jumped up to the top of the walls, reaching out for one gun on the ground before doing so.

"Reapers." Clary recognized the new arrived people from what her friends had told her, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." That was also when she saw a very familiar figure walking inside the walls, a smile on her bloody face showing. It had been him, "Finn..."

She saw Clarke rush to him, and she dropped her position.

"You are alive." They turned to meet her, Finn's face changing at the sight of her appearance. She wasn't looking good, but she already knew that. "You brought the reapers."

"It was a very crazy idea." Finn breathed, "But Lincoln helped me. He is here too."

Clarissa still hugged him, even covered in their enemies' blood. But then again, she had done it for them. When they pulled away, she looked into his eyes, "You did good, Finn."

"Raven's not good." Clarke told him.

"We have to go." Finn turned to walk inside the dropship with Clarke, but when he noticed his best friend wasn't following he turned back, "Clary, come on."

"Sorry, Spacewalker." She said it with a sad smile. She held her gun higher, determination on her face. And he knew what she was about to say next, "I'm buying you more time."

"You don't have to sacrifice yourself for –."

"Why not?" Clarissa interrupted him, her eyes falling on the dropship behind them with tears, "Raven did. You were right, without her we die. So I'm not letting them get to her."

Finn didn't know what else to say, he wasn't willing to lose any of them.

Clarke shot one last look at her sister before pulling Finn with her inside. She wasn't willing to lose her sister either, but she knew that if there was anyone that was going to survive that war, it was Clarissa Griffin. She had come a long way.

. . .

Clarissa had been firing for three minutes when she ran out of ammo. She dropped the gun on the ground, holding into her knife, now slightly back. She wasn't backing away, she would uphold her promise to Raven. Clary would get her more time. Besides, there was no way she would run when Bellamy and Octavia were still out there.

She was now standing in front of the dropship when a lone ranger sprinted into the camp, axe held high. He was Grounder, and he was running towards Clarissa. She slashed his throath when she had the chance, right after he had punched her face.

More came, and Clarissa fought as many as she could. She was in pain, she had been beaten up more in a second than in the entire night, but she still managed to kill two more of them.

"Clary!" Clarke's voice called out from the entrance of the dropship, and thankfully no grounder was running towards her, so Clarissa turned around, "We have to close the door."

Clarissa could hear the grenades Raven had made being used behind her, but that would not be enough to hold them off, or to win the war.

"But Bellamy is not back yet!"

"I'm sorry, but we need to get inside now!" Clarke insisted, "Or it will be too late!"

Clarissa turned around, her green eyes searching for Bellamy and Octavia. But there were too many people, she couldn't even tell her people apart from theirs.

A grounder rushed through the crowd, his arrow aiming not at Clarissa but at Clarke, and Clary didn't hesitated, she ran to him, jumping on top of him before stabbing his neck three times. He dropped dead right there.

Clarissa finally shouted, "Everyone get inside now!"

It was enough for everyone to drop everything and run inside.

Mines were still exploding at the gateway when Clary herself made her way inside, an expression of defeat on her face. Clarke knew what her sister was feeling, leaving Bellamy and Octavia behind... That was something Clarissa would never forgive herself for.

"There he is!" Finn shouted.

Clarissa turned around, a smile opening on her face when she saw Bellamy rushing inside through the tunnel. Octavia wasn't with him, but figured she would have went with Lincoln somewhere safe. At least she hoped so.

"Bellamy, run!" Clarissa screamed, "Run!"

Clarke breathed by his side, "He's not gonna make it."

Clarissa's heart stopped when the Grounder swung his fist around and knocked Bellamy off his feet. His body hit the ground and that was when Clary tried to rush to him. Clarke held her sister back, the nails even dug inside Clarissa's skin, she wasn't going to let her go off and get herself killed.

Finn looked over to his best friend, the horrified look on her face moved him to grab his gun at the Grounder and fire, but it barely hurt him. He was about to risk his life for Bellamy, because of Clarissa, and that was why Clarke shouted out for him.

"No, Finn!!"

"Clarissa," Miller shouted. "Clarke, we need to go! We can't save everyone!"

That knocked Clary out of her breakdown.

Miller was right, and that wasn't her leading her people to safety. If she couldn't move from there, her people would die. Their people, and Bellamy wouldn't have want that.

"Wait," She still clutched into Miller's arm, tears running down her bloodied face. He flinched a bit at the view, he had never seen her cry, she always looked so strong, "Bellamy and Finn –."

"They know about the rockets, they will get away in time! Now come on, Clarissa!"

That gave her some hope.

Clarissa reached out for Clarke's arm, forcing her sister to look at her, "We need to go!"

"But Finn –."

"We save the ones we can, Clarke." It wasn't what she wanted to say and do, but it was what her people needed, "And we hope them get away in time."

Clarissa wasn't sure where she got all that strength, but she managed to walk almost inside the dropship.

Clarissa had tears streaming down her face, her world falling apart. She searched for Bellamy's eyes one last time on the mess that was bursting, he was on the ground. She wanted so bad to save him, and Finn. But that wasn't the right thing to do, closing the dropship door was.

The things between them two hadn't ended the best way. And when Bellamy found her green eyes, ready to walk inside the dropship, he pleaded for her to close that door with his own eyes. He could see she was struggling, her bloodied face telling him Clarissa had done everything she could for her people, but she couldn't do that one thing. Not without him.

Bellamy realized he was crying now too, while the sounds of fighting filled his ears. Finn was trying to pull the grounder off of him now. He didn't want to let Clarissa go, and he knew she didn't want to let go of him either, but they needed to.

For their people, one last time.

So Bellamy found himself sharing one last decision with Clarissa and nodded for her to close the dropship door. She saw it, and defeated turned her back, finally walking inside. Everyone inside was looking at her in fear, waiting for her to close that door and save them all.

She was hoping Clarke would pull the lever with her, but when she looked behind for her sister, she found her sitting down, petrified. Inside, she was too.

Clarissa held onto the lever, pulling it, "For our people."

At the last moment, a body fell into the dropship. Two swords on her hands, and Clary recognized the woman all too well. Anya, guns now pointed at her.

"It's a shame you don't get to watch your people die. It is a nice thing to see." Clarissa was angry at the woman for making her leave the people she loved behind, "Now, Jasper."

Jasper flipped the switch of the control he was holding. When nothing happened, Clarissa looked at Clarke, already on her feet, as confused as she was. Jasper kept flipping the switch back and forth. But there were still no rockets going off.

"Anya, you can't win."

"We will see about that, Skai Kru Kwin."

Anya already knew she was going to lose, but she was ready to die fighting. Clarissa respected that, and in some way she related to the woman. So Anya swung her swords with a cry, quickly being put down by a hit on her head.

But they didn't stop there.

"Enough!" Clarissa shouted, "She is already down, we are not animals!"

"The blood on you tells a different story, Queen." Richard, Clary thought that was his name, accused her. He was angry at her, at the fact that she was the only one able to kill out of anger and get away with it. He wasn't all wrong, "She deserves to die!"

Clarke watched terrified what was happening, and it scared her that they were turning on her sister. Leading was a role for strong people, but she was afraid leaving Finn and Bellamy behind had broken Clarissa, she knew it had broken her.

Clary pulled out her knife once again from her right boot in a rushed movement, and pulled it to Richard's throath. He looked at her in surprise, but mostly fear.

She shouted, "I said enough!"

Everyone turned to face Clarissa, their eyes widening slightly. Anya was still on the ground, probably too hurt to even move. They had gone too far.

"Now you're killing your own people too?" A voice called out, "So much for a Queen."

"I did what I have to do to save you! I still am!" Clarissa told them, her green eyes begging them to trust her on that like they did on everything else, "Believe me, this is me saving you from yourselves."

"They killed our friends." Richard's tone was softer now, almost defeated.

"They were my friends too." She gestured to Anya then, dropping the knife from Richard's throath. Everyone was listening to her words now, really listening. "But she is trying to save her people too. Yes, they came at us but we are not them! We are better than them."

Before anyone could say anything else, an explosion went off so strong that it shaken up the dropship. Jasper had gotten the rockets to work, and in that moment Bellamy and Finn rushed to Clarissa's mind again, and she rushed to the lever.

"No," Clarke stopped her. They were standing next to the lever as they should have minutes ago, but she was there now, and Clary was thankful for that, "not yet. We are surrounded by trees, everything can be on fire. We have to wait, Clarissa."

"Fine," She looked over to Liam, ones of the few she trusted, "tie her up."

He nodded right away.

Clarissa stumbled through the dropship, they would probably have to wait until the next morning, and she didn't want to see anyone until then. She had to pull herself together. But when she was far enough from everyone, she found Raven. She looked terrible.

"Clary."

"Hey there." She wiped a tear from her bloodied face while sitting down next to her friend. A smile was on her face even tho she was crying, "The rockets worked, Raven. You did it."

"Jasper did." Raven corrected, "I am... I am gonna... die. Right?"

"No!" Clarissa shook her head fiercely, "You are going to live. We all are."

"Finn and... Finn and Bellamy?"

"They um..." She looked down at Raven, and her friend knew right away. She only brought herself to say it when the sobs stopped, "They didn't make it inside."

"No," Raven gasped in pain.

Clarissa was dealing with it too.

Bellamy and Finn were probably dead. If not by the grounder's hands then probably the ring off fire had got to them. Clary would like to stay positive, but it was really hard to continue hoping when everything around her was burning down. Literally.

"I didn't even tell him."

Raven didn't ask her what, she knew what Clarissa was talking about.

And while Raven was looking up at Clarissa hoping her friend could forgive her, Clary herself was looking down at her own hands – the memory of her pulling the lever still fresh on her mind –, and she was hoping Bellamy had forgiven her for leaving him behind, because she had forgiven him too.