when everything else feels like it's falling apart and to make me feel less like I'm just here as a filler in everyone else's story—"

"—Ella, you're definitely not a filler," he reassures me, leaping forward now from his retreat and grabbing ahold of both of my hands to squeeze them tightly as though that can demonstrate to me the earnestness of his words. 

"I'm an obsessive over thinker. That's the reality— it is who I am," I continue, needing to set the record straight and deliver that utter honesty he keeps bringing up. "It brings its plusses to me in life, but it also certainly brings its drawbacks, like now. Trust me, I have thought of about every single possible reason out there that we shouldn't try; that I shouldn't take a chance on us. And even though I could probably list hundreds of reasons — yes I still do want to try because I think I've fallen in love with you and  I can't believe I'm actually saying this. It's just absurd! It's crazy that I feel this way after only months of knowing one another, after never even dating. But it's true."

"Ella, I don't know the exact moment but I've fallen in love with you Ella. Somehow it's happened slowly but all at once — like when you fall asleep and one second you're awake and thinking but then before you know it you're waking up to a new day. And I wouldn't have it any other way because that just tells me how much I love having you in a life, because who wants to be stuck living life in a way that has you sitting there consciously counting down every minute. 

"But Theo, we've been going back and forth for so long, one step forward and then one step back. How do we even continue forward with all that scarring to our relationship?" One of us needing to bring us back down to reality because just as our relationship had unfolded rapidly so was this conversation. "God, I wish we could have done this all differently but it's been like this from the beginning."

He looks at me with consideration for a moment before he drops his hand from my cheek, moving back. I begin to think he has given up, that he's realised he can't keep fighting for this and against my doubts. 

But then, he outstretches his hand to me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, staring down at it with eyebrows lifted in confusion. 

"Hi, I'm Theodore Harrington. From the moment I first saw you on my balcony I have not been able to get you out of my mind and I would love nothing more than to get to know you more and spend every moment possible with you."

Sensing my hesitation with his hand still floating in the air, while my mouth sits there slightly ajar, he drops his hand to once again join it with his other on top of mine. 

"Ella, we can start over. It's not too late. We start over as two people who are finally clear about what they feel and what they want. Two complete open books who aren't going to let any more insecurities or what ifs get in the way."

Now, in some idealist fantasy we would collide together in desperation and joy as we embrace one another and kiss with the backdrop of Brooklyn. Ultimately, if I've learned anything in the last few months it's that things don't have to be like in the fairytales. They don't have to be perfect or like they've been planned. 

Pursuing anything with Theo has defied each rule I've had but it's never felt more right. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just going to throw out all of my rules and plans. They've stuck around for so long because they have mostly worked. But maybe I've learned that it's not the worst thing to challenge them sometimes, to test the boundaries a little and see if they can be altered so that they focus more on what makes me truly happy and not always just others.

So, with no overwhelming scene of reuniting, we instead just move our heads forward to lean our foreheads against one another. Our hands hold on to each other tightly as we well and truly open the door to the biggest what if and only accept it; childish grins creeping onto our face as we take the plunge. There may be a multitude of questions awaiting us and things to work through but just for a moment — this one simple moment of peace — I am happy to say that they can wait. 

The End

Or is it?