Christmas.

Either one of the most chaotic or joyful times of the year; sometimes both. As the majority of the world's populace run around like chickens who have had their heads cut off in search of all their Christmas necessities and presents, a few lucky handful of us avoid the crowds by staying in.

Though I have managed to escape the Christmas rush by organising all my presents at an earlier time and not having to prepare anything myself since I would be going back to my family home to celebrate, a long drive home alongside numerous other drivers was unfortunately awaiting me.

The last few weeks had been such a blur of stress and pandemonium that my desire to escape this tornado of disorder which I had been trapped within was building up and threatening to burst within me.

In contrast to the slightly eery serenity that I experienced standing alone with Theo out in front of the rough water and stormy skies, the days following the Harrington & Co. Christmas party would be filled with pure mayhem. As task after task had to be completed and the company sought to make the best use of us before we all went off for our Christmas breaks, I along with many of my coworkers were pushed to our utmost limits.

It is due to these last days of work I have just pulled through that the silence and simplicity of this car ride I've embarked on, all by myself, is pure heaven. After wrapping up my Friday at work and my entire work year, I had come home to spend last night with Jess and Charlie watching some cheesy Christmas movies, the type that really weren't the best quality content but were the most relaxing to watch sometimes. There was no other way I would've wanted to have spent my Friday night.

Fortunately, Christmas Eve has fallen on a Sunday this year so I'm actually able to travel home to spend it with my family. I woke up this Saturday morning after quite the indulgent sleep in, ran a few last necessary errands, packed my bags and by the afternoon I was on my back home to my dad's; leaving Jess and Charlie home to look after the apartment.

This trip didn't start off the most smoothly. Getting out of the city wasn't the most easiest experience with dozens of others trying to do the exact same thing. Moreover, the Christmas playlist I had tried to play to cheer me up and put me in the Christmas mood kept stopping because I was getting a horrible connection to my mobile data.

Half an hour into my trip and I'm ready to pull my hair out and turn around. Thankfully, just when I need it most, the traffic begins to clear up a bit and I'm starting to make progress with my trip home. I abandon the Christmas playlist for a feel good playlist I have on my phone, the tunes of an array of artists, from ABBA to Little Mix to Coldplay, all working together miraculously to get me into a better mood. 

The time goes quicker as I begin to sing along to track after track, tapping along with my fingers on the steering wheel and thanking god that no one was around to hear my pitchy voice. I revel in my solitude, the situation allowing me for enough peace to escape from the flood of thoughts and troubles which had overwhelmed my mind for quite some time now, but not providing so much silence that I began to overthink things.

It almost reminds me of that night, standing beside Theo as the cool wind pushed the hair around my face and sent the water rippling in a hauntingly beautiful way before us. We just stood there with each other, not even looking at each other or saying a word, simply enjoying our escape from all of the people in our lives and their judgement, which had clearly been plaguing Theo's mind so malevolently.

I hoped for his sake that Christmas time would prove to be a time for the calm and for resolution, though I questioned the potential for this considering what I had gathered about his relationship with his father. I didn't know much about their relationship but from what I could see it wasn't the most smooth sailing father-son relationship around, questions of independence and perceptions of Theo's capabilities creating some conflict between the two.

Whilst I was aware that the main holiday for gratefulness had come and gone last month, Thanksgiving, I was not going to pass on the opportunity to use this holiday as a chance to appreciate the good in my life. At this moment, as I ponder over how Theo might be celebrating his Christmas with his family, I find myself grateful for the peculiar yet perfect make up of my own family.

We may have been complicated by the troubles of divorce and a mother who was quick to pick up and move to the other side of the world without us, but, somehow my dad and grandmother had managed to make it work, putting us first and creating the best composition of a family that I could've asked for.

Despite her own daughter separating from my father and said daughter abandoning us, my dad and grandmother would still come together every year in the ultimate cultivation of love, tradition and harmony; prioritising our happiness as they always did. Albeit, it didn't start off the easiest and the first few years without Mum had definitely been quite hard for us tearful young children and our lonely father, but we managed to make it work with some effort and now I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dad has never been much of a cook when it comes to anything too complex or that isn't made on a barbecue so each year we go over to Baba's house on Christmas Eve to help her prepare our Christmas meal. We stay up till midnight, sometimes because we still haven't finished all the food, so that we are with each other when the clock strikes twelve to wish each other a Merry Christmas while, of course, dressed in our most cheesy set of Christmas themed pyjamas. We share a few little presents which are stashed away in the stockings that hang from the fireplace and then, if all of our preparations are complete, we go to sleep.

When we awake, usually by Baba coming around to wake us all after a long day, my dad, Lexi and I all go to church while Baba takes all of our food and anything else to my dad's house to have ready for us when we return. As soon as we get home we change from our more formal dress clothes to something a bit more relaxed and cosy to put the finishing touches to Christmas lunch.

It is only after we have filled ourselves up completely with the array of delicious meals which Baba puts together that we allow ourselves the delight of ripping open all of our presents.

Exactly two weeks later we do it all again.

Baba Emilija was christened Orthodox and though she was married to my late Catholic Italian grandfather at quite a young age she still carried on with her own religious traditions. So while she may join in on all of our Christmas celebrations and traditions, in her religion Christmas is actually celebrated on the seventh of January (as according to the Gregorian calendar).

Each year, on the seventh of January, she prepares a lunch with more traditional Slavic foods and we participate in the traditions that she grew up doing. We later exchange the last few presents we have left to share, a bundle always being left behind for this day.

To say that this time of the year was a busy time would be an understatement for most, let alone when you have two Christmases to celebrate like I do.

Thoughts of all the Christmases that have come and gone and the memories that were shared get me through the ride home. When I finally arrive at Baba Emilija's house I am practically skipping with excitement to see my family and spend some quality family time together. It had been a fair few weeks since I had seen my dad and grandmother, longer than I would ever usually allow it to extend, and I missed them more than words could convey.

As soon as I make my way through the surprisingly unlocked front door of Baba's house, bags in my hand and beanie covered with a few scattered flakes of snow, Lexi comes running around the corner to practically tackle me to the floor with a hug.

It had only been two weeks since I had seen her and, although I would always miss having my little sister, this certainly wasn't the longest or hardest time I had been without her. However, I was completely aware that this would have been some of the most stress inducing weeks of her life, a time when she needed her big sister to care for her.

In this moment, with her arms wound tightly around me, her most baggy Christmas sweater on and her hair in pigtails, all that I could see was my innocent little sister who needed me.

"You're here!" Lexi exclaims, rather loudly in my ear, as I frankly struggle to breathe with how tightly she is embracing me.

"Who is it Alexia?" Baba calls out from the other room, presumably the kitchen.

Lexi grabs my hand, pulling me along beside her as she leads me to where Baba is standing over a massive bowl of dough, one of her delicious treats on their way to being made.

"Look who's here!" Lexi sings, making Baba push up her glasses and look up from the bowl to see what had got Lexi acting this way.

"Oh, my Bella!" Baba exclaims, quickly wiping her dough covered hands on her apron so that she can rush over to me and pull me in for one of her warm and soft hugs. Once she is satisfied with the duration of our embrace, she takes a small step back so that she may take my face between her hands almost to inspect me with a smile stretched across her face, filling me with a sense of pride and joy.

Shortly after, my dad comes in from the backyard to ask what all the racket is about only to be surprised by my presence too, promptly pulling me in to his strong arms for a hug.

They all put everything aside, joining me at the dining room table to conduct a long needed catch up over a plate of Baba's delicious choc-chip cookies. I fill them in on all that has been happening with work and with Jess and Charlie at home..

As they recount to me all that had happened in their lives since they had last seen me, even repeating all that they had told me over the phone, I look out for any hint of a response to Lexi's pregnancy yet nothing seems to come up. I don't want to bring it up myself in case she hasn't told them, but surely she has? There was only so much that she could hide.

With my attempts to figure out Dad and Baba's position of Lexi's pregnancy failed, I move on to asking Baba if she needs any help with the Christmas preparations. She assures me that pretty much everything is finished and that I should go and gain some much needed rest, the fatigue within my features after some strenuous days at work and a relatively lengthy drive clearly visible.

I reluctantly agree to her orders once she guarantees that there really isn't much for me to do, giving everyone one last hug before I take my bags and myself down the hallway to the spare bedroom Baba has had for Lexi and I to share since we were children.

I swiftly search through my belongings to find my pyjamas, a tan set with a bright red Rudolph-like nose on the centre of my top, and drag them along with me to the bathroom where I take a quick shower and get ready for bed.

When I return to the room I find Lexi lying on her bed, one hand cradling her stomach while the other scrolls through her Instagram feed. Within the walls of our bedroom she is clearly not being discreet about the pregnancy, reminding me to ask her about how much Dad and Baba knew.

"Hey." I say to her to alert her of my presence.

She looks up from her phone with a warm smile on her face, moving to a sitting position so that she can look at me easily while we converse.

"Hey," she replies, "Feeling better?" she asks me.

"Yeah," I answer her. "How are you feeling?" I ask, looking towards her stomach.

"I'm feeling a bit better. The morning, or all-day sickness as I like to call it, hasn't been too bad this week. Makes it easier to hide the pregnancy." she tells me.

"You haven't told them yet, have you?" I ask her, nudging my head in the direction of the kitchen where we had left Dad and Baba.

"No, I haven't." she answers bashfully, looking down at her lap so that she won't have to be confronted with the unconsciously judgemental look of mine that is awaiting me.

"Hate to break it to you but they're probably going to figure it out sometime between you developing a baby bump and you giving birth to an actual baby?" I remind her.

"I know, I know," she assures me, "I'll tell them soon. I'm just waiting for the right time. I figured having you here with me would make it easier."

"Okay." I respond, wanting to believe her.

I leave the conversation at that, turning off the ceiling light and turning on the lamps so that Lexi could still see before crawling under my toasty bedsheets.

When I wake up the next morning, after yet another indulgent sleep in, I jump straight into the tasks of the day, helping Baba with the various meals she was putting together and wrapping a few last minute presents. The day goes past quickly and before I know it it's midnight and we're wishing each other  a Merry Christmas. We gather together in front of the open fireplace to exchange the bunch of presents which are tucked away in the Christmas stockings. The ripping of wrapping paper reveals presents that were on each of our wish lists, hinting at what further presents were to come later on in the day. Then we all head off to bed, in need of sleep to fuel us for a busy day. 

Baba wakes us all in the morning, always the early bird, so that we can begin to get ourselves ready for church, myself pulling on an emerald sweater with a high waisted black skirt on top. While I wait for Dad and Lexi to finish getting ready I allow myself the opportunity to quickly put on some light makeup and put my hair up in a curled ponytail.

Once all three of us are finished getting ready we make our way to my car so I can drive us over to church which is only mere streets away. We arrive at church with time to spare before the early Christmas service begins, taking the chance to choose our desired seat. Soon enough more people begin to arrive and the service begins. We sit through the entire service and even stay long enough after it to catch up with a few familiar faces from around town, a neighbour or old school friend here and there who I haven't seen in quite some time.

Once we are done socialising we make a pit stop at Baba's house only to grab all of our things, food most importantly included, and load it into my car so that the four of us can begin to make our way to our family home.

It takes some time to unload and organise things once we do arrive, a number of presents needing to be organised and the dinner table needing to be set for Christmas lunch. When we are finally able to seat ourselves at the table to eat, all the work done makes it even more satisfying, all of us not leaving any time to waste before we begin filling our plates. Serving plate after serving plate is passed around the table, the rich aroma of the delicious dishes before us making us all the more eager.

Well, that is all but one of us apparently.

Lexi seems to just be sitting there, pushing around the contents of her sparsely filled plate, as she loses herself in her thoughts.

"Alexia, could you please pass the salad?" Dad asks, forcing her out of her reverie.

She nods in response, picking up the bowl before her.

Suddenly, she stops mid-way, keeping the bowl of salad firmly in her grip in front of her as her face seems to lighten up like she is experiencing an epiphany and my dad's arms await outstretched for her to pass it.

Neither him or Baba have noticed yet as they fill their plates with food and converse between themselves, but I have and am currently looking over the table at her with confusion written across my face.

I give her a look, scrunching up my eyebrows and tilting my head at her. She immediately flashes her gaze away from mine in a worrying way.

"I'm pregnant."

Two simple words send a clash of cutlery falling down onto plates. Both my dad and Baba have an expression of utter shock displayed on their faces, mouths agape and eyes widened.

I've known about the pregnancy for two weeks now and I still find myself reacting in almost the exact same way due to the surprise of her sudden announcement.

"Excuse me?" my Dad exclaims, the colour quickly leaving his face.

"I'm pregnant Dad." Lexi repeats.

"Oh I hear you Alexia but I can't believe the words that have just came out of your mouth." he explains to her.

Baba immediately starts crossing herself from where she is seated across from me, muttering 'lord help me' under her breath in her first language. A moments silence overwhelms the room as Baba and Dad take a moment to recollect themselves, taking in this new information.

"How long have you known about this pregnancy?" Dad asks.

"I had my suspicions but they were only confirmed two weeks ago." she informs him.

"I presume you've known about this longer than us." he guesses, turning in my direction.

I nod in response, not wanting to involve myself or say something to complicate things further.

"Are you keeping the baby?" he questions, making that silence return again for a moment as we all look to Lexi and await her response.

She takes a deep breath before answering, "I haven't decided yet."

Her uncertain response bids the return of the silence, the sound of the clock chiming in the corner of the room acting as the only relief to the hush that has overwhelmed us.

"My Bella, do you have something to tell us too?" Baba suddenly asks, turning to me with her eyebrows raised, almost testing me.

"Uh... nope, nothing on my front." I tell her, nothing in my life even veering close to the relevance of Lexi's announcements today.

Following my response, few words are exchanged other than someone asking for something to be passed around or if we were done with our meals. Baba is quick to collect our plates and though I want to help her tidy up I know my attention should be directed to my little sister who is currently rushing out of the room and down the hallway as quickly and silently as she possibly can.

I swiftly follow her to where she sits on the floor against her bed, the same blush pink, sticker adorned bed that she has had since childhood, crying into the blankets which lay upon it. I rush to join her on the floor, taking her into my arms so that she may completely erupt into tears against the surface of my shoulder.

We stay like that for quite some time, the moist sensation of her tears seeping into the fabric of my sweater as I move my hands over her back to attempt to calm her down. I check the time only to find that at least half an hour has had to have passed.

Lexi notices the numbers which flash across my phone screen when I check the time, looking up at me with eyes wide with innocence and hopelessness.

"I don't know if I'm ready to go back out there." she almost whispers to me.

"Whenever you're ready. I'll be right by your side no matter what." I assure her, receiving a soft nod in response from her.

We stay like that a little bit longer, her tears slowing coming to a halt as she attempts to regather her breath. Suddenly, the sound of a hand lightly tapping against the surface of our bedroom door grabs our attention before it slowly begins to ease open.

Baba stands beyond the door, peeking her head through the gap she has created.

"I just want to see