~Heather~

Now, imagine waking up to the biggest shitstorm ever. Imagine that you're just getting up, nice and relaxed, ready for yet another day of being glorious and glamorous, when you go online, log onto your social media feed, and just see a shit ton of messages talking about a controversy. A huge one. One that has divided the entire school into two warring sides, some people rooting for the original Court and Dunk couple and others backing the new couple, all of them arguing about toxicity, rightness and honesty. Ironic as they display those very traits: toxicity, overwhelming self-righteous, and a very obvious dishonesty and disloyalty.

Well, I woke up to that shitstorm. That big, steaming shitstorm that could clear out an entire state.

And of course, I was the one who had to go and clean it up, sweeping and scrubbing up all the mess, piece by stinking piece.

Rather annoyingly, I woke up to messages flooding my inbox, telling me to go and talk to Gwen and Courtney at once. Courtney was panicking, sending me messages that betrayed her freaked-out brain and detailing how she'd stupidly posted about Gwen and Duncan's cheating. Gwen had been offline for an hour now, retreating from the cruel slew of hate comments left behind by Freshmen and Seniors alike. Everyone was getting onto her. Everything was getting onto Courtney. It was all one big, stinking, steaming mess.

Naturally, I was incredibly pissed when I found out that Courtney had gone ahead with the plan before we'd put all measures into perfect place. Her stupidly blind rage had resulted in a huge mess that I had to now mop up and clear away with as little residue as possible. If so much of a whisper of bad news lingered around Courtney then all my perfect planning would have gone to waste. If Courtney was demonized now then I couldn't assert my own dominance over her. All my perfect planning would go to waste.

"This is terrible," I mutter, shaking my head as I scroll through the endless sea of comments. My lip curls in disgust as I spot a certain entry, the text detailing a very graphic and disturbing revenge plan suggested by another student. "Horrible."

"It's the way of life," Alejandro spoke casually, scrolling through a much similar feed to mine. Wordlessly, he displayed his phone screen to me, showing me a picture that contained a witchy-looking Gwen enchanting a stupefied Duncan to walk away from Courtney. "It's how the food chain of the school maintains itself. When a weakness is spotted, all swarm in to benefit from it."

Yeah, that stupid food chain. It was because of the food chain of the school that I had to grow prickly defenses after middle school and junior high. Being nice, believing in other's trust and them turning a new leaf were all stupid things to believe in once you hit high school. In high school you only really had yourself to rely on, yourself, your skills and how well you could manipulate others' perceptions on your personality.

By playing by those rules, by crafting myself to become a formidable and heartless queen, I managed to stay afloat. None of the smaller fish dared to snap at the mighty shark that seemed to prowl at the top of the tank. But then, like with every food chain, there came new predators and the old ones had to fight to maintain their spot as the top killer. Otherwise everything was knocked out of balance and a bunch of chaos followed after that. Chaos is never any good for anyone.

"Well, it must suck to not be an apex predator right now then," I try to appear as if I don't care, as if I'm not worrying about how my own spot in the food chain will be affected by this, but I know it is obvious. Throughout my years here, I've never faced anything like this. This social media war, this cry of Duncney vs Gwuncan is a lot more dangerous than any other threat has ever been.

Yet, I still find myself smirking at Alejandro, trying to unnerve him, "Even the vultures would pick on you."

"That's exactly what's happening, mi vida," Alejandro confessed, smooth and full of his usual charm. Effortlessly, his green eyes catch mine, matching his charming grin, and he says in a smooth, low voice, "And pretty soon it will happen to you too."

He saw through me. Like always, Alejandro saw right through my prickly guard. Right now, he knew that I was in the same helpless position as everyone else in this whole Gwuncan vs Duncney war. I didn't know which side was right to place all my bets on; I didn't know what side would protect my reputation best. While I was certain that Courtney could help me, could be the scapegoat I needed to raise my own image, I don't know if that will work anymore.

If Gwen and Duncan end up winning this war, if they are seen as the victims of this ordeal, than I will fall down the food chain. Everyone will learn about how I manipulated Courtney to spiral so far into her own despair. Everyone will know how I set this all up, basing it all off one silly accident. No-one but myself and Alejandro knew that the Gwuncan kiss was an accident and just that. No-one, not even Courtney, knew that I had used that to try and win. If everyone finds out, if everyone knows, then I am screwed. If everyone finds out, if everyone knows, then I will lose.

I need to hide the truth. I need to make sure that Courtney wins.

"Please, I'm too good at this to be caught out," Smoothly, I hide my own panic and shock, pulling out a confident smirk. Courtney will be my tool to victory. I know she will be. Scrolling further through the feed, my suspicions are confirmed; she just posted about how Tyler was the living evidence of it all. "I may be in a tight spot right now, but I'm not an emotional fool like Courtney. It was only a matter of time before she was thrown under the wheels of the bus and I had always planned for that."

"Sure," Alejandro nods, choosing to act as if he truly believed me. He's humouring me. How condescending. "Believe what you will, Heather."

Then, just as smoothly as he had smirked and read through me, he got up and left me alone on my table. Alone. Alejandro only ever did that when he was toying with me, trying to make me go insane with wondering just what he was going to do next. And he knows that I know that. He knows that I cannot afford for him to turn against me right now as he knows too much about my plans and motives. He knows too much about me.

Suddenly, the panic sets further in, my heart stopping and my body freezing: Is Alejandro going to betray me?

Swallowing thickly, I force my eyes to drift toward his desk, stationed on the other side of the class and situated next to lamebrain Lindsay. Easily, she smiles and laughs with him, saying something about how smart he is and how she's lucky to have him as a lab partner. Part of me bristles at that, feels a tug of jealousy in her long-dead heart; the other part is full of fear, pure, alive and real fear, paranoid about just what he was saying to her.

However, before I can decipher anything, the bell rings and class is officially in session. That means all of my probing will have to wait until next period - or until break if he manages to evade me during transmission.

As I sit at my desk, staring at my phone and wondering about Courtney, about what might happen next, I find a terrible feeling settling in my gut. I find something heavy settling in my stomach. For the first time in four years, I actually feel alone. For the first time in four years, I actually feel... regret.

I guess what they say about power is true: once you're at the top of the tower, it's awfully lonely, awfully cold. All you really have to rely on is yourself.

~*O*~ ~*O*~ ~*O*~

~Courtney~

Regret is a feeling I've become used to over the past few weeks. After having the foundations of my life blown up into fine ashes, I've grown used to wanting things to go back to how they were before. So much regret clouds my life now. Regret about Duncan, regret about Gwen, regret about agreeing to join Heather's side, regret about yelling at Bridgette, regret about posting that stupid post on the school's social forum.

Right now, I am monster. Like Izzy had predicted, just as she had warned me, joining the dangerous game of manipulation, control and lies that she and Heather play has led to me losing myself. I don't recognise me anymore. I don't recognise anything I do. Everything in my life has become distorted and disjointed. Everything within my existence has taken on a different and quite frankly wrong meaning.

There are things that shed light onto what, well who, I once was. My room is still the same. Burnt sienna decorates the walls, my certificates and pictures scattered here or there. Endless study supplies litter my desk, my bed is always made, my closet is filled with all my favourite outfits and jackets and shoes. I am still a neat-freak. I am still a studious student. I am still physically Courtney. But I don't feel like her.

Courtney, the old me, wouldn't walk into school with her head held high after all I've done. Old Courtney wouldn't have styled her hair with clips and braids and streaks of honey blonde. Old Courtney wouldn't arrive at school, late, pulling up into the car park at lunch, music blasting from her car, wearing her favourite wedges and a pair of her mother's expensive designer sunglasses. Old Courtney wouldn't have a hangover. Old Courtney wouldn't trust Heather.

But new Courtney did.

New Courtney walked into school with her head held as high as it could have fucking been. New Courtney styled her hair however she damn wanted it to be, ditching the plain looks of her old persona. New Courtney arrived at school late, pulling up into the carp park at lunch, music blasting at full volume from her car, wearing her favourite wedges and a pair of designer sunglasses she had stolen from her mother. New Courtney had the worst fucking hangover. New Courtney... she wasn't sure if she trusted Heather and that was the problem.

For this transformation to work, for me to become the true monster of this tale, I have to forget everything about myself. Shedding my own style was easy, anyone could change their wardrobe and attitude. Coming to school late after taking some of my mother's stash of wine had been easy too; no-one cared enough to even notice that I was acting out. The only issue, the only thing I hesitated with, was Heather. The sneaky devil who was responsible for this all.

Eyes followed me from all angles as I climbed out of my car, teetering a little in my wedges. No-one dared to help me, no-one even called out to me, instead they all just stared, disbelieving that it was really me. I mean, who would believe it? Courtney, goody-two-shoes Courtney, was coming into school late, definitely drunk and definitely not in the right state of mind. No-one could predict that. No-one could believe that.

Ignoring the poking stares of my peers, I stormed ahead into the main building, my sights set for the cafeteria. I had something to settle, a final part of me to say goodbye to, before I continued with this act. If I truly had to become a monster, if I truly had no chance of redemption, then this part would be easy and effortless. This part would hurt me no less than when I had bleached my hair and decided to down some wine.

If only it was really that easy.

Still running on the burning adrenaline in my veins, I entered the cafeteria and went straight for my old friends' table. As soon as I reached within eyesight of them they all froze in place, taking in the sight and surprise of my new appearance, before finally coming to their senses. If you could even call it that.

"Courtney," Bridgette blinked, swallowing a bite of her sandwich. Her eyes were still wide with shock. "You look... different."

Obviously. I made sure that I didn't look anything like I did yesterday. Part of me loathed her - the old me that only wanted to cry and forgive and despair. I couldn't face seeing her everyday. I couldn't stand the idea of appearing weak. But, of course, no-one got that. No-one ever thought about how maybe Courtney was tired of staring at a broken reflection in a perfect mirror. No-one thought that maybe Courtney was tired of being... tired.

"I needed a change," Casually, I shrug, acting as if it were nothing big. "After posting last night I realised that a lot of things needed to change about the old me. I realised that I can't blame other people over everything, I needed to change some stuff about me too.

"Are you... ok, Courtney?" Gwen asked, ever the one to point out if I looked shitty. She always made out that she cared. Even after I showed her how her betrayal had hurt me, even after I'd revealed what I knew, she still acted like she was my friend. My ally.  In reality, every word that left her mouth burned my ears and soul like corrosive salt and burning acids.

"Do I look ok, Gwen?" I didn't mean to snap; I didn't mean to hiss. Honestly, I think over time my brain has just wired itself to immediately protect me from Gwen and Duncan. It made me strike first, before anyone else did, so that I couldn't be taken by surprise again. It made me hostile to protect my already fragile heart and mind, to stop it from chipping and cracking further from anymore brutal betrayal.

"Whoa, calm down," Duncan spoke next, appearing very alarmed at me. No doubt he was also terrified of what I would do next. Everyone must have been shaking, anticipating crazy Courtney's next outrageous act. With how I was now, they probably thought that I would kill them all. They probably thought that I was here to cause more trouble.

"There's really no need to get so hostile," Geoff agreed, his eyes also wide. I noticed how he looked ready to spring into action - most likely to restrain me. Just the thought of it made me wince.

"Do you all think I'm that fucking crazy?" I end up shouting. I don't know how but I end up shouting. Angry tears are pouring from my eyes, hot and wet and salty, and I know they are just adding to the crazy-ex image. They are adding to the fact that I have just randomly disturbed my old friends for a reason that is entirely stupid and insane. Yet, it must be done. I must do this if I wish to win and leave this all behind. "Do you all think that I came here to just yell and scream and fight with you all? Honestly, I just - I just want to talk!"

"Then let's talk," Leshawna. Big, strong and brash as all hell Leshawna. She didn't take shit from anyone, least of all me, and she could definitely see through this all. Like a pillar of support, she stood beside me, her hand resting on my shoulder and a kind smile spread on her lips. "You look like you need it, Court."

"Thank you," I sniff, smiling at Leshawna's own grin. It was nice to be around her again. It was nice to be around them all again. When I'm around them all, I can forget that I feel like crap most days. I can forget that I am hurting massively. But only when I am around them; I can only forget temporarily.

"There's no need to thank me, honey," Leshawna sighed, taking a seat on the table across from the main group. She makes me follow her, most likely to diffuse the tension floating in the air. "Like I said, you look like you need it. For the past week, you've been bottling up a lot and it's been taking its toll."

Something within me deflates at that, calms down to a simmering boil. Somehow, a relieved breath leaves my lungs, loose and flowing and oh-so-easy. So much time had passed since I had felt like this. So much time had passed since I had someone to genuinely confide in. Sure, Anne-Maria had helped a bit. Some her of tough love, crazy night out and heavy smoking had made me realise a few things. Thanks to her, I was able to sort my thoughts out and reach some sort of clarity. But Anne-Maria could never be the same as Bridgette or Leshawna's support. No-one could really calm someone down like how Leshawna does.

Unlike Bridgette, Leshawna didn't take shit from anyone. If you were hurting, if you crying your lungs out, she would support you all the way while also beating you back into sanity. Leshawna was that one friend who could pull you by your collar, slap you across the face and get you to realise where you'd fucked up. Leshawna was someone who could maybe fix me. But only maybe. Part of me feels like I am already too far gone to even have a chance at turning back.

"I have no idea what I'm doing right now, Leshawna. Honestly, I've had no idea what I'm doing for the past while," I admit, allowing my shoulders to sag as I curl up into myself. Some tears are still brimming, rolling down the sides of my face as I sniff. I don't like them; I've never liked crying. But maybe I needed this.

"Yeah, I figured that," Leshawna agreed, nodding as she carefully eyed me. Despite her cautiousness, she hadn't stopped comforting me. Her hand was still patting soothing circles into my back, her tone was still understanding. "When you yelled at us out of nowhere, declaring that you had new friends, well - that confused all of us, Court. We had no idea what happened. We didn't even know that you were really just... hurt."

"Yeah, I'm good at hiding that," I laugh a little, sniffing once more. Unsurprisingly, it sounds bitter. Slowly, I scrub away more brimming tears. "I've always been good at it. When no-one really gives a damn about you, you learn how to deflect your own disappointment."

"But what were you disappointed at?" Leshawna asked, looking at me. She smelt like pear soap, soft, comforting pear soap. "You're one of my girls, Courtney, you should've known that if we knew about Gwen and Duncan then we would have told you. You know I would always tell you if something like that happened."

Silence. I have no answer for that. Disappointment is something I'm not too good at pinpointing. Honestly, I find that I'm disappointed at way too many different things these days. Duncan was someone that I held a lot of disappointment towards; Gwen was someone who was just racking up more and more disappointment each day; myself - I'm slowly drowning in my own swamp of disappointment as we speak. I'm not even sure if I can snap myself out of it.

"I don't know," My voice cracks, salty tears spilling down my cheeks. "I-I don't know what I was disappointed at! I don't know why I decided to just yell at you all and sever all ties. I was hurt and confused and I thought - I thought that..."

"You thought what, Courtney?" Leshawna asked, not at all mean but not at all entirely supportive either. "You can't forget what you think. If you really thought that we were hiding the truth from you then maybe you need to reevaluate the entire situation. Maybe you need to distance yourself and not us."

"And why am I the one who's done something wrong?" My voice raises, automatically. It's an instinct, my only defense in the weakened state I'm in. Shouting and making a scene is the only thing I know how to do anymore.

"Because you're not just a little victim in all of this Courtney!" Leshawna raises her voice too, but she's still calm and level. I can read it off her, I can see it; I'm just not ready to hear it. I'm not ready to hear that I've done something horribly, terribly wrong. Because that means... That means that I am becoming the very serpent I had vowed to kill. That means I am becoming the frozen queen herself, the one who sent me down this path of lonely, empty power-seeking.

And if I am her - if I am becoming Heather - then I will be a