trichotillomania is a sadist, we're best partners for each other. i can't get enough of the pain she brings me. even when my skin gets sore i still want for more even when my nails are transparent and aching, even when my hands and arms are shaking, i would never desire a different waking. even when my nose is running, even when my skin starts bleeding and my nails start peeling, i still can't get enough. i can't imagine a life without the pain, i don't want to imagine a life without the pain. i admit i look forward to pulling in the future. it brings me as much euphoria as lifelong joy. i yearn for pain, it sends pleasure to my brain. this is worse than a high tolerance for pain because i don't "tolerate" the pain, i enjoy it.

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