"Doctor...Doctor..." Someone's sweet voice rang in my ear as I was shaking my shoulder. I slowly opened my eyes. The first thing I noticed was the faint smell of antiseptic, followed by the beeping sound of the electrocardiogram monitor. I slowly lifted myself up, sitting up with my face down. I stared silently at the body lying on the bed in front of me for a moment before turning to the nurse who woke me up.

"I...haven't I slept for a long time?"

"It won't be long. It's only ten minutes. We wondered if we should wake the doctor or not." The nurse smiled softly.

She was wearing a nurse's uniform, a long blue coat over it. This is the uniform of the Department of Cardiology (CCU). Seeing my hand on thepatient's hand indicates that I do not want to leave. "Doctor, would you like to rest in the doctor's waiting room? You should still go with the resident doctors who have shifts." "Ah. Okay. I should go back." Iquickly let go of his hand, lifting the back of my hand to touch my nose before standing up. I looked at the ECG monitor, blood levels, and checked my heart rate and blood pressure again just to be sure before I left the room. I took out my phone to check the time. It's 3:50 a.m. on March 19. It's almost morning. I stepped out of the door of the CCU Department with a commotion behind me.

"Is that patient the lover of the Emergency Department doctor?"

"I guess so. Poor doctor. I think the doctor is who brought him here and there."

If you want to gossip about something, just wait until the door is closed and then say it, right? I walked over to the elevator, pressed the down button,and looked at the floor number with fluctuating emotions. The events of the past four hours have been more than exhausting for me. 

When Tol was taken to the Emergency Department, I was on a defibrillator with him to control his tachycardia, which had already reached 200 beats per minute. After that, the heart rate returned to normal. But he was too tired to wake up. An endotracheal tube was placed for him.

While waiting for the cardiologist to come down for an evaluation so that he can be transferred to the CCU Department. Tol's heart stopped beating once.Luckily Sing was able to help get Tol's heartbeat back while I was dragged away by the nurses because I was starting to lose my mind and scream loudly.

Tol was transferred to the CCU Department the day when the situation was more stable. N'Tol's parents followed to keep an eye on their son since 2am.I myself sat behind the nurse's counter to monitor from afar until Tol'sparents returned to rest, then I sat by the bed, holding hands and looking athis face.

His face was no longer covered in blood like before.

But the state of unconsciousness and endotracheal tube was the same as before.

In my mind right now, there are two directions. One side in wardly wants to reset the whole event to correct everything I've missed. The other party still wants to continue the loop this time. Now, Tol can be alive with or without 100% recovery, he still has to wait for the neurologist's evaluation again.First I had to go back to sleep to see what would happen and if everything would be reset if Tol hadn't died. I entered the elevator, the purpose was to stop at the Emergency Department to get medicine. I think I may need a strong dose of sleeping pills to be able to sleep tonight.

---------------

"Rescue..."

"Rescue..."

I heard the voice of a young woman, from a distance where an eleven-year old boy built a sand castle with his father. The boy's father stood up and searched for the place where the panicked screams had come from.

"What's going on?" The father's question made the boy nervously stand up. A woman ran to meet the boy's father. The boy realized it was an aunt -a close friend of his mother.

"My...home...i drowned, Dr. Tul. P'Oat saved my baby but he's stillunconscious. Come check him out." The aunt grabbed her father's hand,her eyes red. The boy opened his eyes wide in fear.

"Did she drown.?!!" The boy burst into tears, before rushing to the sea,ignoring his father's prohibition. What the boy saw was a boy about 5 years old lying unconscious in the sand. Her father is sitting next to her wet with water. He was shaking the baby to wake his baby up, and looked around not knowing what else to do.

"Back then, everyone was still playing together..." The boy's voicetrembled. Then, the boy saw his father or also Dr. Tul hurrying to the body of the drowned child and taking off the baby's shirt.

------------------------------------

My feelings after waking up are choking like drowning. I woke up with my sock and Sibra the cat jumped on my chest like every morning which I use as an alarm clock to this day. I sat up with a heavy feeling and a headache.It was probably due to the effect of the drug and forced to sleep for many hours. I dreamed about an incident that seemed to have happened in the past. I can vaguely remember that when I was five years old, my mom and dad took me out on the southern island of Thailand. And then there was anaccident that I don't remember the details of.

Then I grabbed my phone and looked at the screen. It is now 7 a.m. on March 19, the day after Tol was admitted to the Emergency Department.

I flashed the screen several times. Being able to remember Tol immediately is because today is not the start of a new round. But time still moves forward as usual.

It's really over. The damn loop is over. But I no feel happy even just a little.

I have to put this half-awake body due to lack of sleep and take sleeping pills to wake up to work at 8 am instead of Ai'Sing who took over my shift last night. When the Emergency Department door was opened, all the doctors and nurses turned to look at me and stopped all action at once. I quietly went straight to the changing room, took off my short jacket and puton my dark blue uniform. When I walked out, there was a girl walking towards me with messy hair and pale lips from not wearing lipstick. She'sN'Kung, a sophomore resident. She worked last night after Sing's shift so she witnessed everything that happened at that point during the shift.

"Is the doctor okay, P'Tin?" Kung asked with a worried expression.

"How is she?" 

"Alright." 

I inhale. "Leave me alone and take care of the rest of your patients."

Kung's case hasn't been very busy, only two cases left.

"There was a young man in there, drunk and his car was hit and his shoulder hit the ground. His shoulders are skewed forward. Now then,shoulder adjusted and Kung left the X-Ray to be re-examined. Another case isan 80- year-old man. Congenital disease, diabetes, high blood pressure,cholesterol, along with mouth distortion. His left leg and arm wereweak, had a CT scan done, and had cerebral ischemia. He's just been called to prescribe medication."

I nodded. For the first time in many days I could see cases of patients I had never known before. "Okay thank you very much. Kung can go rest."

Kung nodded. She seemed more tired than usual from the effects of working late shifts. "Then I'll let you go." She turned around and yawned and went straight to the break room. I turned to look at the subordinates standing around me. They are two interns and a younger brother, a resident doctor named Pong. Today, the crew is all boys.

"The trainees received many different shifts." I tried to go back to being the "gentle" Tin again, although not 100% completely, but it didn't matter."If there is any problem, you can ask P'Gap and P'Pong at any time.Let's go."

---------

"The younger brother is hypoxic to the brain, which happens when his heart stops beating." Professor Pot said while displaying an X-Ray ofTol's brain on the screen. I saw the neurologist as soon as I visited N'Tol soI took the opportunity to ask. "With my eyes, I can only say that the situation is not bad but it is difficult to know how much he will be able to recover in the future. We'll have to wait and see, perhaps an ECGwill be taken again." I looked at the screen sadly. Professor Pot patted meon the shoulder.

"I just heard the news. Stay strong. I've been through worse. I can still turn around and be there in the end.The more the loved one visits him like this and the patient knows about it, the faster he will surely recover."

My eyebrows twitched when I heard words of encouragement like this. The rumor that I was N'Tol's boyfriend must have spread everywhere. Besides,the fact that I personally brought Tol here adds drama to the story.

"I'm not..." "Oh, hello P'Tuu". Then the professor didn't listen to my explanation, but instead turned and saluted the head nurse of the Resuscitation Department. I sighed and walked out from the nurse's counter straight to N'Tol's bed, which was next to the window. I pull a chair and sat next to his bed, looking into Tol's face who was still sleeping comfortably. Tol will be better if the person you love is by your side right?So where did N'Mai disappear?

I quickly shook off the negative thought. N'Mai may have visited while I was in shift. I fixed Tol's untidy shirt, adjusted for a disordered intravenous(IV) fluid, and turned to check that the ventilator was set up correctly.

Maybe this makes me feel better. I feel happy when I take care of someone,especially someone I feel special to me. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I picked up the phone and looked at the screen then tap to receive the call. "What's the matter, Doctor Tul?" "Hello,Doctor Tin." Another voice finished the strong greeting, resounding. "Is the doctor working?" 

"I'm not." I flashed a smile. Dad and I like to call each other like this since my exam to the Faculty of Pharmacy. My father is an experienced general practitioner who can do everything from midwifery to surgical assistant. He was the director of a community hospital for 20 years, an idol for everyone.Now Dr. Tul is a retired star king, making her mother's husband forever. But he might come back from time to time to check on people in thecountry side. 

The only wound in my father's heart was the loss of his first daughter. This may be the reason that motivated him to be a doctor to this day and also thereason why I decided to do more research in emergency medicine.

"If so, please send me a PDF that I requested. Doctor still haven't sent it to me yet." Dad still talked like that forcefully.

"Oh, I forgot. I'm busy." I approached Tol's hand to properly move the oximes that had slipped out of Tol's finger.

"Why do you talk like an official?"

"I'm on the phone while checking in on the patient. If the patient knows I'm calling his son, it might not be all right."

"Aww, if you talk like this, even a patient can I heard it all, Dad."

"Really?" Dad laughed. I shook my head. Now I know from whom Iinherited my sense of humor. "Don't forget to send it to me, Dr. Tin.Dad hasn't updated his knowledge yet and his mind will remind him.Poor patients who have to treat knowledge from 10 years ago"

"Yes yes, I'll send it tonight. I'm busy right now."

"Okay, Doctor Tin.." I started to hang up but my dad continued.

"You said your son, Aunt Pang and Uncle Oat, are being treated for a heart condition in Dr. Tin's hospital?"

I frowned at the two foreign names. "Who is Aunt Pang and Uncle Oat?""Yeah. It's been along time. Tihn probably can't remember. AuntPang is my mother's best friend. We used to go to the beach together.At that time, Tihn was only 10 years old. Aunt Pang also has a youngson. Her family moved to Bangkok so we didn't see each other again."

I opened my eyes wide and turned to look at Tol's face. 'Has her son ever drowned?' "Right right.Dad went to help the boy. He's been protected for three days." My dad laughed so hard that I wince and wonder what's so sad laugh.

"That time, Dr. Tin was crazy because the boy was as cute as a girl.When the boy was saved, Tin was also depressed because he thoughthe didn't take good care of him. As soon as I woke up, we went to make merit together at the temple by the sea."

My heart started beating harder. "I... think I'm a little impressed."

"Tin took my hand and walked up to the ancient Buddha that the villagers said was very sacred, and said..." Dad said and laughed. "...You can protect me from death until you get married! Mom and Dad barely managed to separate you two in time."

I almost choked when my dad said that. "Ah,I've been talking about that for a long time. I mean, the baby we're talking about is a young man now. Dr. Tin please check to see if there's a young man that maybe. Is your son being treated there? I think he's on a ventilator, so he should be in the ICU or CCU."

My hands are shaking uncontrollably. My eyes drifted over Tol's face.

"Brother...his name...what's that?""I only remember only .'s nickname. Wait a minute, I'll ask you again."

 "His nickname is so good..." My heart beats so fast right now it can go up to a hundred beats already."Tol." Dad replied.

 "His nickname is Tol."