(Angst! Some self-loathing)

Familiarity breeds contempt. That's the phrase, isn't it? Although, in most cases, the contempt is directed at the other person or the relationship itself. But not in your case. In your case, your contempt was directed at yourself. After all, you can only overhear "She isn't a good queen" so many times before you begin to question yourself. And you can only fight with your husband so many times before you can't take it anymore.

"We cannot stay hidden behind our walls, Thranduil. As king, it is your duty to help the realms around you as well. Mirkwood cannot survive on its own," you attempted to reason with your husband. "Y/N, we have lived this way for many years. We are surviving. To change now would bring certain death and destruction to my people." You winced when he said "his" people. It was just another reminder that you were not one of them. You weren't an Elf, but a human.

With a sigh, you left the room. All your insecurities began to pile up one right after the other. Soon, it was like this horrible weight on your shoulders and chest. What were you doing? What made you think you would ever be a good queen to a race of immortal beings? What made you think that you, a human, would ever be compatible with Thranduil? The answer was that you weren't. You clearly weren't a good queen and you were incompatible with Thranduil. If you were better, maybe Thranduil would take your advice seriously and maybe the people would respect you.

Throughout the rest of the day and into the night, these thoughts plagued you. You stayed silent through dinner, ignoring the glances your husband was giving you across the table. You felt like the walls were closing in on you. You needed to get out of there and fast. So after dinner, you sped to your room and began throwing things in a pack.

"Where are you going?" Thranduil's voice made you jump. "I-I have to leave." You heard the door close and soon felt Thranduil behind you. He moved to wrap his arms around you, but you moved out of the way. "Y/N?" You could feel tears forming in your eyes. "I'm leaving, Thranduil." You could still feel the heat of his gaze on your back.

"Leaving? Why? Where will you go?" Finally you turned to him with tears spilling over your cheeks. He was back in front of you in an instant, wiping your tears away. "I'm not an elf," you stated simply. "What has that to do with anything, Melamin?" You sniffled and pulled away from him. "It has everything to with what is happening now, Thranduil." Your voice was so soft and dejected, you knew he had to hear it.

"We were never meant to be, Thranduil. Your people agree. They say I am not a good queen. That I am not right for you. And they are right. How could I possibly be enough for the great Thranduil? I love you. With all my heart, but I cannot stay here. I cannot be the queen you need me to be." You cupped his cheek for a brief moment before grabbing your pack and heading for the door.

Thranduil grabbed your arm gently. "Please...Y/N. Don't do this." It took everything in you not to stare into those icy blue eyes. You knew if you did, you would give into whatever he wanted. "I have to. I release you from your vows, Thranduil. I hope you find someone worthy of you." You removed his hand from your arm with the utmost care and opened the door. Every step you took away from him broke your heart. You could only pray he'd heal sooner rather than later.

*time skip*

You froze in place when you saw Thranduil's son enter the gardens. "You are here. I had heard the rumors, but until now, I was unsure. Why did you leave Mirkwood?" You licked your lips. "Legolas-" you began, but he cut you off. "Ada was distraught by your leaving. He refused to leave his chambers. He refused to rule over his people, if the letters I have received from the guard are to be believed. He needs you, Y/N."

"No he doesn't. He never did. Your people did not need me. You heard them the same as I." Legolas' glare could have frozen beer. "You should not have listened. I didn't. Ada didn't. He loved you and though it has been two years, I believe he loves you still. You should return to him."

You let out a soft sigh. "Do you know why I came to Imladris, Legolas? To study. To learn. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be someone worthy of your father." Legolas' brows furrowed. "You already were, Y/N. Please. Go to him. I am needed here, but I can send one of the guards back with you." You simply shook your head, bowed to the prince, and left him in the gardens.

As you walked away, your mind wandered. Did Thranduil really still love you? Even after you broke his heart? Legolas said he was distraught. Was that your doing? You thought for sure he would have found someone else to rule by his side after you left. These thoughts bounced around you mind until you couldn't stand it anymore. You let out a groan.

"Is something troubling you?" You jumped nearly a foot in the air. "Lord Elrond!" you greeted, placing your hand over your rapidly beating heart. He gave you a soft smile. "Come. You can tell me what has you so distressed." It wasn't a suggestion, so you merely nodded and went to his side. As you walked with him, you told him everything that had happened and then what Legolas had told you.

"I am not at all surprised, Y/N. Love, real love, for an elf, comes very rarely. Once in a lifetime. In Thranduil's case, he was fortunate enough to be granted a second chance. With you. Your leaving must have broken him. An elf with one lost love becomes a mere shell of themselves until they eventually wither and die. Thranduil has lost two. I cannot imagine the pain he must be feeling. Nor can I imagine the pain you must endure."

Tears were in your eyes. Thranduil was...dying? "Do-Do you think I should return to him?" Elrond smiled again. "That is not for me to say, Y/N. It would not do for you to return under the same circumstances you left. You must be certain. Only you can choose. However, for what it is worth, I do believe you are a wonderful queen." Without another word, Elrond left you standing there even more confused.

For the next three days, you confined yourself to your chambers. You needed the solitude to think. If you returned to Thranduil, you wanted to be sure it was for the right reasons. You needed your heart and your mind to agree for once. You loved Thranduil. You knew that. You loved him more than anyone or anything else. But could you handle the constant doubts of the people you were meant to help govern? Could you ignore them or, better yet, put them in their place? You couldn't make a decision until you knew for certain, so you sat and you thought.

Finally, you emerged from your chambers mentally exhausted but with a smile on your face. You had made your decision. You soon came across one of the servants. "Please ready my horse. I wish to leave within the hour." He bowed his head and left you to go in search of Legolas.

Legolas gave you a smile when he saw you. "Y/N," he greeted, his blue eyes noticing the pack on your shoulder. "Are you leaving?" Rolling your eyes, you nodded. "I have decided to return to Mirkwood. To Thranduil, if he will still have me. I have realized that you were right. The only thing that ever mattered was how I felt for your father and how he felt for me. Other opinions be damned."

"I shall travel with you. I am not needed as much as I thought. I have not returned home in a while and I do miss my father." You gave another nod. At least you'd have someone on your side when you returned to the elf that was once your husband. You only hoped he would still be willing to be just that.

By the time you reached the borders of Thranduil's realm, you were exhausted, but still hopeful. You had spoke to Legolas at length about his father and everything that had happened. The prince had assured you many times that Thranduil had not chosen anyone else and that more than anything, he longed for you to be by his side again and that you had made the right decision.

As you approached the gates, you were stopped by the guards. You you're your hood up as you wondered what was happening. "My prince, you are welcome back in Mirkwood, but this stranger is not. King Thranduil has ordered that no one be admitted into the realm unless invited."

"He will wish to see her," Legolas insisted, but the guards did not budge. Finally, with an irritated sigh, you removed your hood. "You were told that His Majesty would wish to see me. I suggest you open the gate this very instant or I will find another, less polite, way to get in which could cost you your job." They gaped at you for a moment before placing their hands of over their hearts and bowing.

"My Queen! Forgive me, I did not know it was you." You straightened your spine. Maybe you could do this after all. "Perhaps you should have asked before making assumptions. And you would do well to remember that I am indeed your queen. While I can encourage the king to dismiss you, I can also do it myself. Or, I can be merciful and forgiving," you finished with a smile. You didn't want them to think you had changed so much while you were gone. You only wanted them to know that you had a backbone now. "Now, would you kindly open the gates?" The guards in question returned the smile and did as you asked.

"Go on. I'm certain you wish to speak to Ada alone," Legolas whispered when you were inside. You quickly made your way to Thranduil's chambers only to be surprised by another guard outside the door. You smiled and made a motion for him to move. He looked a bit unsure at first, but soon shifted away from the door. You wasted no time in opening it.

"Did I not tell you that I was not to be disturbed?!" Thranduil's angry voice drifted over to you. He was seated at the table near the balcony, his back to you. You stepped further into the room before speaking. "I'll go then, shall I?" You had never seen Thranduil move so quickly. In the span of seconds, Thranduil had turned around, saw you, and was in front of you.

For moment, he stood in front of you, eyes wide. Several times, he started to reach out and then stopped himself, as if he were afraid you'd disappear the moment he touched you. With a soft smile, you reached over and took his hands. "It's me, Thranduil. I am here." He stared at you a moment longer. "You've come back to me?" You nodded. "I have," your voice cracked a little and you knew there was no fighting the emotion clawing at your heart. "I am so sorry, Thranduil. I should have stayed. I should have tried to be stronger for you. I-I should have been more brave."

"Hush, Melamin. You are not to blame. I never told you what a wonderful queen you were. I never showed you how much you mean to me. But I shall never make that mistake again. I will spend the rest of our lives showing you, if you are here to stay. Are you?" You took a step closer to him and wrapped your arms around him in human custom. "I will never leave again so long as you will have me, my love," you whispered. "Then I shall never be without you, for not a day shall pass that I will not have you." He pulled you closer, enjoying the feeling of having you in his arms again.