I remember the time when you are no longer mine and everything starts to fall apart.

All my friends and family told me that it was his loss, but was it really his loss?

I assured them i was fine and doing great since the separation.

I thought i could still fix things and help you keep your sanity from the dark impulses that pulls you deeper into the darkness and drowns you all night in your sleep.

No one knows how i cried that day, that week, that month . It wasn't his fault, i can no longer keep up from all the shit that happened and more of it that keeps coming.

But in the end, it wasn't really his loss. It was mine and i will forever remind my self of how it was my fault for giving up.

I lost him.

After  7 months of separation i saw him again. He was thinner and pale than i remember. Was it my fault?

It was unusual for him to ignore my presence but i have to get use to it by now. This treatment will be forever.

He changed his hair color and hair cut, the dark circles surrounding his eyes was devastating. Was it still the same person from back then?. Is he still sane.

Kakucho tapped my shoulder and signaled me to go outside. We had a lot of catching up and i ask him about Mikey's current situation since i dont have the guts to ask him directly.

"Mikey has been taking excessive drugs given by Sanzu, everything was far from what you remembered . He totally loss it. His Sanity" Kakucho briefly explained everything quietly while looking away.

"You do realize that i can no longer interfere with Bonten anymore.. I've done everything i can in the past." you tried to explain yourself but guilt still consumed you.

"you are my last resource, i cant think of anything else YN. Mikey needs you" his tone raised and hold both side of your shoulder.

"but i dont need him.. We need to move on." you said then clicking your tongue making it bleed. It pained me to say those words, but i cant come back to him. I need to do this for my future.

Kakucho left without another word and when i realize that i was all alone i lean my back to the wall behind me then holds my chest. My chest hurts..

After a week, i was at peace and no body dares to bother me when i asked for space.

It was all peaceful and everything was in harmony.

Not for long, i receive a call from Sanzu informing me that Mikey has collapsed 3x this week because of malnutrition and fatigue. He also said that only the drugs keep him from functioning, he wasnt eating or even barely sleeping.

My hands trembled as i drop my phone, tears has escaped my eyes and i gasped for air when i realize i was being so selfish.

I was doing fine, while he suffers.

I didn't even put him into consideration all this time.

I was so hungry for peace.

I was so selfish.

I took my car keys and went to his penthouse where he is currently resting. As i entered his room that use to be ours, i saw him laying down on his bed awake.

He just stared at the ceiling like he was no longer there. It feels like his soul has left his body but still breathing.

"Mikey-kkun?" you whispered while sitting beside his bed and stopping yourself from crying.

You held his hands and it made him snapped out of his thoughts and look at your direction.

"im here" you caress his cheeks and kissed his hands.

His eyes were now showing some glimpse of hope. He sat down and stared at you.

"YN!.." he said with a surprise look on his face.

"Are you going to leave me again?" he said and that made you flinched.

You were thinking before responding to his question. Should i stay?

"No, i wont leave you again." you said then hugged him. You can feel his hands embracing you too.

After a few minutes, you can feel your clothes were soaked from his tears.

"i feel so lost without you. " he whispered enough for you to hear.

You keep on comforting him until he calms down.

Month has passed and you kept your words. You stayed by his side.

He quit his drug addiction and was living a healthy life while being the bonten number one. Well, his Dorayaki addiction was on different level. Probably the only addiction he wont quit.

He held your hand while both of you enter one of the private club that was owned by Bonten.

Arriving at the VIP lounge. A group of girls entered and started entertaining some of the bonten members.

Mikey pulled you and made you sat on his lap. He caress your face down to your chin and would plant few kisses on your neck.

Not minding the people that surrounds you. He would embrace you so tight that you could almost feel how scared he was to lose you again.

When you tried to convince him from loosening his grip. He would respond with a pout. It was adorable, but it won't change the fact that ge was stubborn.

"Hey, look at me. I wont leave you.. Okay?" you whispered then gave him a peck on his lips.

He nodded then let go.

You smiled at him then kiss him again.

I dont know what i will do with my life if i ever lost you.

________________

Authors note:

Im back, 😁