18. Anyone Out There

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It was a quarter till 5 am and I was still on my car headed towards the airport. I have never been so wide awake at such early time, but there was so much adrenaline rushing through my body for my (hopefull) reencounter with John.

As I arrived at the massive JFK airport, I knew I couldn't go back now. I drove around to find a parking spot, in an instant I could barely feel my gut as I stopped the car in a parking slot. I could not believe what I was doing, but I had to stay positive so everything ended up well. I took a breather in the car and put my head down on the steering wheel. I finally got my act together and jumped out the vehicle and grabbed my luggage from the trunk.

Now where did I need to go? Of the few spontaneous things John said to me about this trip, he had mentioned that we would meet at the 4th entrance of the airport, since it was supposedly the least transitioned area. I slowly made my way across the empty airport. There were barely any people, even though it was already a decent morning hour. I took a seat near the entrance and thought of what this day would be. I couldn't believe I was trusting this man to show up. After all, everything I knew was that the flight was in the morning and we had to meet up here, this was truly ridiculous.

Time passed by, 20, 45, almost a full hour and he'd not gotten here yet. I was starting to get desperate. The airport was already starting to seem more full and crowded. Was I set up? Was this some comedic way for a brit to end a one night stand? I tried to keep these thoughts out of my head, and instead maintained the little hope I had for John turning up, which was slowly turning slim to none at all.

I saw the banner with all the upcoming flights. There was only one headed towards Italy, which boarded in about an hour. It was already aroundo 6:30 a.m., and I started to feel stressed and dissolutioned.

I got back to my seat and covered my face with my palms. I already started to feel my forehead getting warmer, my cheeks already boiling from the pressure in my hands. I uncontrollably started to whimper and shake, and I felt all my skin get tense and irritated because of how much I wanted to cry, however I was not about to humiliate myself in public like that.

I was so mad at myself. How did I ever think that this was somehow "true love"? How was I so easily amused by the presence of a rockstar that had probably already forgotten about me in less than a week? Why did I fall for this?, I was so foolish. I was a grown 19 year old woman who made the most immature mistake of her life. As much as I don't want to sound like a teenager, I felt so broken inside, I truly had faith in John, I could have assured that he looked at me in a special way, that he actually felt love for me. But I was wrong about everything.

After all that mental deteriorating, I burst out into unstoppable tears. I had never felt so much disappointment and pain, yet so much frustration like this. The water works didn't stop, and eventually, I found it hard to breathe with my nose all clogged and runny. I managed to calm myself a little, even though I was still sniffing very harshly. I rested my head on my knee caps and closed my eyes. I felt so exhausted already. I decided I was going to stick around here until 7 a.m., and if nothing came up I would have to head back home with a lot of explaining to do. I let out a couple of more cries and waited for the time to run out.

I looked at my watch and it was already the planned time to leave. I turned around to get my suitcase, but I couldn't help but hear a voice coming from a few feet away

–“Where could she be”– a male voice asked himself.

I found it quite ironic how someone was just asking where a certain person could be, I was on the same terms questioning myself where would John be right now. Oh well, defineitly on some better vacation. I packed up my bags and started walking towards the near exit and suddenly I felt a slight tap on my shoulder

–“Irene..”–

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