"Are you ok?" My mom asks and looks at me, concerned.

"I'm fine." I reply sharply, going around like crazy, cleaning up our already clean living room.

Why does everyone keep asking me if I'm ok? Well, it's probably because I'm obviously not ok!

How could I be? I kissed my boyfriend's brother, I lied to my best friend, I lied to said boyfriend, I'm acting crazy and I'm freaking out right now.

I thought I was going to be able to avoid Bennett until I figure out my feelings, but the universe is not helping me. My mom told me yesterday that instead of having dinner with the Wests this week, like they normally do, they decided that it's a great day to have lunch instead.

All of us.... The cherry on the top is that Lilly is also coming. My mom invited her yesterday when we were getting ready for Dylan's game in my house.

So yeah, we're waiting for them to arrive right now.

How great is that? Me, Dylan, Bennett and Lilly in the same room, after what happened... Fucking awesome, only not really.

Well, let me take a step back and tell what happened yesterday and why I'm so nervous.

Last night was Dylan's first game playing for Rutgers football team. Lilly came to my house so we could get ready for the game and for the party that was planned for after the game to celebrate in case they won or to drink our sorrows away in case they lost.

It wasn't a tough game and they actually won by far. I've seen college kids being extreme at a party I went with Dylan once, but college kids at a party after they won a football match, is another level.

Lilly loved every second of it. I, on the other hand, was tense, really tense the whole time, all because of a text message I received earlier in the day.

Can we talk? - Bennett

I stared at the message, as I sighed heavily because I didn't know what to answer. I didn't even know if I ever wanted to see him again.

I still don't know...

I tried to ignore the fact that Bennett's kiss made me see fireworks and feel butterflies.

I tried to ignore the comparison I did between his kiss and Dylan's.

I tried to ignore how my heart was beating so fast when we both pulled away from the kiss.

I tried, but I couldn't.

I can't ignore.

I kept replaying the kiss in my mind, over and over, trying to understand what the hell happened, but I'm failing miserably.

I can't make sense of how I ended up leaning in and kissing him like that. Maybe I was just too intoxicated from playing piano - is that even a thing? - but deep down I don't think it was that.

To be honest, he's a freaking good kisser. For someone who apparently never dated much, he sure seemed to know what he was doing.

Enough to make my knees completely weak and the butterflies in my stomach make an appearance. Like never before.

I've never ever had such an intense and perfect kiss, but NO.

That shouldn't have happened. It's all I could think when we were watching Dylan's game.

"What's going on with you?" Lilly asked me while I was biting my nails nervously, my eyes on the field where the game was unfolding. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not nervous." I quickly replied, biting my nail again, aggressively.

"Yes, you are. You're practically ripping your finger off with your mouth, you keep bouncing back and forth and looking around like you're lost." Lilly looked at me in a suspicious way and I felt she was studying me.

"I just want Dylan to win, that's all. It's his first game as the quarterback and I want to support him. You know he won't have many chances to prove himself."

Dylan is only playing because the quarterback got hurt and will have to stay on the bench for a few games. Dylan was too excited for this as it was an opportunity to catch the coach's attention, so I used this as an excuse to lie to Lilly.

It wasn't a complete lie though, I was excited and nervous for him. That part was true.

But the real reason, obviously, is Bennett. I couldn't tell her that I am beyond nervous - freaking out would be more appropriate - because I kissed him the night before.

24h before the game there I was, locking lips with his brother.

No, I'm definitely not telling her that.

Friday night should have never happened.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Lilly asked one more time and I don't think she was being nosy, she actually looked concerned and I considered for a second, a tiny second, telling her, but I didn't.

Another reason why I'm freaking out that Lilly is coming over for lunch is because she is too perceptive and will notice something is wrong. I suck at pretending things are ok, especially if the reason why I feel terrible is going to be here as well.

Apart from that, something even more nerve-wrecking happened at the party last night.

Lilly was talking to a group of people she had met at another party she went with us, while I was standing there awkwardly lost in my thoughts.

I took the phone from my pocket and I stared at the message for the millionth time since I received it.

Can we talk? - Bennett

I still hadn't replied to him. Maybe if I stared long enough, it would go away.

"Can we talk?" I looked up from my phone to find Dylan's eyes on me.

I blinked once, twice, glancing down at my phone, then back at Dylan. It's like I could hear Bennett's voice asking the exact same question. It was kind of creepy.

"What do you want to talk about?" I gulped loudly, my palms getting sweaty.

"Us." He said, pulling me to a room down the hall. We entered and he led the way to the large bed, where we both sat.

He was serious and all I could think was that he was going to break up with me. I thought he knew about the kiss, but how could he? I don't think Bennett would tell him and I for sure didn't tell anything.

Although I should, but it was just a stupid kiss, a very bad judgment and it didn't mean anything, so why should I mess up the relationship I've always wanted?

Unless Dylan was going to break up with me.

God, this is such a huge mess.

"Look, I know things haven't been great and I'm sorry for not giving you much attention, I feel bad for not being there when you were sick. Hell, I didn't even know you had migraines. Why you never told me?"

Well, what could I say? I never told Bennett and he knew anyway, but that was definitely not the topic in hand.

"I guess it wasn't a big deal. I always had them, but I haven't had an episode in a while.''

"I wish I was there for you." He said in a low voice, squeezing my hand.

"Yeah... me too." I replied, feeling worse than ever with what I did.

"That's what I mean, I should have been there. Practice took all of my free time and I don't want you to feel like I didn't visit because I don't care."

"That's fine Dylan, I know you care." Truth is, I thought he didn't, I really did, but hearing him say this made me change my mind, a little bit at least.

"I want you to know that I'll try harder. I'll be a better boyfriend and I want you to know that I like you, Alex. For real. Like, more than like." He pauses. "In fact, I think I'm in love with you."

I've imagined this specific moment my whole life, but what came out of my mouth wasn't what I planned.

"You what?" I kept looking at him, completely astonished.

"Yeah... I love you, Alex." I couldn't help the complete shock, which then turned into a smile.

Dylan is finally in love with me.

My heart was filled with so much joy.

It was also filled with guilt. He hasn't been the most present boyfriend, but I don't care. I have what I always wanted and I don't want to mess things up.

He loves me! Dylan loves me!

I looked at him and I remembered all the amazing things I've always imagined Dylan to be.

His signature smile was on his face and I leaned forward to give him a kiss.

I wanted to say that I love him too, I tried to say it, but the words didn't leave my mouth.

I was so confused. Why couldn't I say that I love him? I've dreamed about saying this to him, but I simply couldn't.

To be honest, I'm still confused, with everything.

"Now that we have this clear, how about we spend some quality time together?" He leaned over and kissed me deeply.

I tried to take the image of what happened at the auditorium out of my mind, especially when I didn't feel the same firework explosion when Dylan was kissing me.

But he loves me and this is enough! Right? It should be enough!

He hovered over me and I laid on my back, his kisses getting more intense.

I bit his lower lip, thinking that if I deepened the kiss, my mind would go to the right place and that was with him. My boyfriend. The guy I've always loved. The guy who finally loves me.

He's my fairy tale. He has always been.

We carried on with our make out session and it felt good, but I asked him to stop, which he immediately did. I'm not ready for taking this too far, not when I have his brother, out of all people, on my mind.

When we were leaving the room to get back to the party, with me feeling like a complete mess, he whispered in my ear.

"I love that I'll get to spend tomorrow with you again and we don't have to hide it from our families. It will be great."

Yeah... Fuck my life.

The rest of the night was good though, but fast forward and here I am, biting my nails just like I did yesterday as I hear the doorbell ring.

My parents say hi to the Wests and they all step inside, greeting one another. I fit the floor, wanting to avoid Bennett's eyes more than ever.

His inquisitive stare is burning holes in my soul and I start sweating. I hope he doesn't bring up the topic in front of the whole family. What if he calls us out when we are having lunch and tells them we kissed, like "here is your salad Dylan, by the way I kissed your girlfriend."

No, no, no! This can't happen. I grab my shirt collar and start fanning it. Is it hot in here or is it just me?

"Alex, are you ok?" Lilly's voice startles me. I didn't even notice she arrived practically at the same time as the rest of them.

"I'm fine, it's just hot." Lilly looks outside the window.

"It's like twelve degrees outside. It's not hot." She narrows her eyes and I don't know what to say. She noticed something was off before we even get to the table.

I don't have time to say anything to her, because Dylan is suddenly in front of me, spinning me around and planting a kiss on my mouth, making everyone gasp.

"All right, it's better if you get your hands off my daughter." My dad laughs, but I can tell by the deadly glare he gave Dylan, that he's not joking.

Dylan pulls away, but keeps an arm around my shoulder. "Sorry George, I'm just happy to see her."

"Right, it's not like you dropped her off at two in the morning last night. You don't fool me, I saw you kids kissing on the porch." I feel my cheeks red again. I was indeed back home late last night, but I had no idea my dad noticed.

I glance at Lilly, but she has her eyes on Bennett, with a frown I recognize too well. She is totally suspicious that something isn't right.

Well, Bennett looks like he might punch a wall, so yeah, none of this is giving good vibes.

"Sorry, I forgot I need to grab something Denise asked me, I'll be right back." I'm glad that our moms are out of sight because I can use this lame excuse to get out of this awkward situation.

I excuse myself, running upstairs and locking myself in my room for a minute, when I finally feel like I can breathe. I'm so nervous, that my breathing is shallow and I feel like a migraine might strike at any time.

I grab my pills from the desk and I take two at once. The last thing I need is to have an episode today.

After I take a few deep breaths, I finally open the door to go back downstairs, but when I'm close to the stairs, I hear the voice I'm trying to avoid.

"Alex, we should talk." Bennett comes out of nowhere and I have a feeling he was sneaking on me, waiting for me to get out of the safety of my room to corner me.

"Jeez, you scared me. I think they are waiting for us, we should go join them." I resume walking to the stairs, but he grabs my arm gently and I stop way too close from him.

"Don't avoid me." He practically demands.

"I thought we said we were going to forget about it, so this is what I'm doing." He lets go of my arm and nods.

"It seems you and my brother are doing well." He remarks and I can sense the bitter tone in his voice.

"I told you I want to make things right with him. It's what I wanted my whole life, Bennett." I say, not sure if I'm saying this to him or to myself.

"Things change. What's wrong with wanting something different now?"

"I don't want something different." I reply in a second. Truth is, I don't know what I want. All I know is that after Dylan and I talked last night, he's been amazing and I can't ruin that. He said he loves me for Christ's sake. How could I ruin it? "I want it to work."

"How long will it take for you to realize he's a piece of shit?" I look at him astonished and I feel the urge to defend Dylan.

Ok, we kissed, Dylan is his brother, but that doesn't give him the right to say bad things about him like this.

"You know what I think? You're jealous." I cross my arms over my chest. I feel the air shift to animosity and somehow I know this won't end well.

"Jealous of what exactly?" Well, he didn't deny.

''Of Dylan. Because everybody loves him, because you're opposite from him.'' Where the hell is this coming from? I say as if it's a bad thing, but Bennett being so different than Dylan is actually good.

''Are you fucking serious right now? We kissed, do you seriously think I'm jealous of Dylan? How can you be so oblivious, Alex?" I try to shush him to not talk too loud, but he ignores me. ''This is seriously incredible! I guess you're right, if this is what you think, then I believe there's nothing for us to talk about. I just hope you're happy.''

''I am.'' I cross my arm challenging him.

I have completely lost my mind.

Is this my pathetic attempt at fighting with him, so I don't have to deal with what happened between us? If we are on bad terms I don't have to worry about feeling things I shouldn't.

Why do I have to make so many bad decisions? I know it's bad, I just can't stop myself, what makes it even worse.

''I promise I won't laugh when he breaks your heart.'' With that final statement, he turns around and goes down the stairs in a second.

I keep there for a couple more minutes pacing from one side to the other, trying to calm down.

When I manage to finally go meet the rest of them and we all sit to have lunch, there is some tension in the air. Our parents don't seem to notice, but Lilly does. Bennett is beyond pissed and Dylan is being too cozy with me, but I'm trying to keep a distance.

We eat in silence while our parents chat about a bunch of things none of us care about.

Dylan starts talking about the game last night, after my dad asked him something about football. I can't tell what it was because I wasn't paying attention.

"It was great. We were relentless and the other team didn't stand a chance. Not to mention our two incredible interceptions."

They chatted a bit more about it and then changed the subject to his plans for surfing in California this summer again.

"Can you please stop talking about your trip? No one gives a shit about your stupid attempt of surfing." Bennett, who was quite the entire dinner, snaps.

"Bennett!" His mom says, giving him a pointed look. I guess if the tension wasn't clear before, well, now for sure it is.

"Why are you so cranky today? Did your girlfriend upset you?" Dylan jokes with a baby voice and I feel myself sink in my chair.

"You know what? Maybe that is it." I gasp, practically choking on my pasta. My mom looks surprised, Denise looks at her son with curiosity and Lilly looks at him as if asking a silent question, like "what the hell are you talking about?"

"You have a girlfriend?" Denise asks and I look at Bennett. My cheeks are red, but not because I'm embarrassed, it's more like I'm angry.

I'm feeling so guilty that I forgot he's no saint either.

"Come on, I was joking, Bennett wouldn't have a girlfriend." Dylan snorts a laugh and I roll my eyes.

"What if I do?" Bennett shrugs and I feel my mom and Lilly's inquisitive eyes on me. Why the hell are they looking at me?

It's obviously Kate he's talking about, but my mom doesn't know it and as for Lilly, I'll add this to the list of things I have no clue about.

"Why haven't we met her? Is she from school? Oh, or maybe from camp?" Denise starts her excited inquiry and this time I choke ungracefully at the mention of camp, making Lilly seem even more suspicious.

"Camp?" Dylan laughs out-loud and both Bennett and I glare at him this time. I'm not even sure why I'm annoyed with Dylan. I guess this topic annoys me in general. "Another nerd? Yeah, bro, why haven't we met her? Weird much, is she? Bring her home to our next family dinner."

"NO!" I scream and all eyes are on me. Think quick Alex, why would you say no to Bennett bringing his girlfriend home? I can't say that the reason it bothers me is because well, I kissed him, so I'll have to lie. Again. "I mean, he barely even knows her. She seems nice and all, but he can't bring a girl he doesn't really know to our dinners."

I realize what I said and it wasn't a good answer, so I mentally facepalm myself.

"How do you know she is nice? Have you met her? Oh, of course, you and Bennett are close friends and have been spending a lot of time together, so of course you know about her."

Dylan turns to his side to face me and if there was a hole on the ground, I would hide in it.

"You and Bennett have been spending time together? Since when?" Dylan asks and I don't know what to say.

"Yeah Alex, tell him since when we're best buddies." Bennett's sarcasm is obvious and I glare at him, with my cheeks on fire.

"Bennett has been tutoring me, that's all." I say quickly, acting casual.

Dylan is glaring at his brother, who is glaring at me, Lilly is looking back and forth between all of us, while our parents watch the whole thing more confused than ever.

I see my mom nudge my dad on his side and tell him to say something, but all he answers is "I'm not getting in the middle of it, I have no idea what's going on."

"Well, I think everyone is a bit tense. Bennett, you should invite your girlfriend over. If you're dating her, she must be special and I look forward to meeting her."

Bennett nods at his mom's comment and I feel like throwing up.

Lilly leans over and whispers to my ear.

"Damn, we have a lot to talk about."

Yes Lilly, I guess we do...

.........................

Hello Lovely Readers,

I don't know why, but I find this chapter quite funny.

It was obvious that Alex would have a hard time dealing with what happened, especially after Dylan dropped the L-word, like whaaaat?

I guess this makes things harder for Alex. Although she feels something, her dream is coming true, how can she turn her back to that?

Thank you so much for reading, I'm enjoying the journey of writing this story and I'm loving your comments! <3

Stay tuned, there's a lot to happen!

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