It's the 4th of July and I was expecting a disaster. Christmas wasn't great and I expected this to be the same but somehow it wasn't. 

When I was woken up this morning, at the buttcrack of dawn I might add, I was mad and frustrated. It's a holiday. Why did I have to wake up early? But we went to my brothers grandmothers house and had a huge breakfast. As usual, I babysat, but it wasn't to bad. 

After breakfast we went upstairs, well I did, the kids went outside. I don't recall what I was doing. Probably just sitting there feeling awkward, but a woman by the name of Gina asked me what my plans were after high school. Normally, this would have freaked me out. This, hopefully, shows how much progress I've made. I'm not having anxiety attacks when people bring up college! Anyway.

"I want to go to school to be a band manager." I said quickly. I was pretty glad too, before I wouldn't have been able to tell what it was that I wanted to go to school for.

"What is that?" at least I knew that answer to.

"I would be working for the record label and..." unfortunately she is a woman of many words and she cut me off right there.

Let me also state the fact that this was in front of the entirety of the family and friends that had decided to show up. (Which excluded my uncle). On the other hand this woman was beautiful for being 57 years old. She had to have been mixed with Black and Asian because she had the facial structure of an Asian though I couldn't say what race for sure.

"Oh so you want to manage bands, as in organize events and work in PR, personal resources." I just nodded in response.

She then went on, for a good hour at least, about how getting a degree in music management was the wrong thing to do. PR was where it's at and it would help me if I didn't make it into the music business. 

I really appreciated her not being a jerk about me wanting to go into music. She didn't think I would end up a druggie or passed out on someone's porch. It warmed my heart to know that I could have a conversation with an intelligent woman who had not yet lost faith in our music industry. Seriously, I'm feeling like most people have.

After that conversation we moved on to the point of being a powerful Black Woman. Personally, I never paid much attention to my race or the race of others unless it was asked on an application or something. Other than that, I never saw why it was important. I know where people are coming from when they say that racism is still around, because it is, but outside of that I have no problem with it and even when I do it's pretty rare. 

Still, I thought her opinion was interesting and I listened to the best of my ability until my stepdad so rudely interrupted to take us to the 4th of July Parade that my cousin was in. It wasn't a big loss though, I got candy from it. 

And throughout this whole thing I realized that lately I haven't had very many wishes. I haven't wanted to change myself in these drastic ways that I had before. I'm more comfortable with myself now that I was before and I'm glad of it. I made it through most of the day already without having a wish to be something different. I was content with being me. I'm not saying this day has been perfect because it hasn't. I'm about to lose my mind with my crazy family, but today I've also learned that even people who don't exactly know you might have more faith in you than the ones who do and that's not always a bad thing. Somethings just need to be looked at from a distance that people who don't know you so well, have. 

I just wanted to write because I haven't for a while and explain this. I think it's important.