I never realised how much one person can completely influence your life. In the smallest way someone can bring the biggest change to everything. It's funny how opening up to people can cause such happiness sometimes. You know your not alone, but then at the same time it makes it so easy to get hurt, but I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. That hasn't happened yet.

Right now I'm happy, and I'm trying my best to hold onto that. One choice changed the outcome of a whole weekend. My choice? I showed someone, a very close friend my thoughts and opinions. the deepest and darkest sides of me that I haven't shown anyone outside of strangers. 

I can't really say what provoked it. I guess at some point though you just know, alright this shouldn't be a huge secret anymore. I'm not saying I'm going to go around and start telling everyone about it. Just people that I really trust and have really trusted for a long time. There are three people in my life who have lived up to this title and one of the is the infamous Dawn.

I told her I'd send a link to something I wrote, kind of like an online journal. It wasn't mandatory for our friendship, but if we're going to be close I should give her the chance to know right? Well, she read it. All of it. I was nervous. How often do you let someone see you as you see yourself? No filters in the slightest? Not very often I would guess. Why? Because it's nerve wracking. We don't like it. As humans we long to be accepted but hate getting to the nitty gritty of things. We don't like dirty details it makes us uncomfortable, but if your going to be close to someone, why not tell them?

If there is one thing that I've learned it's that no one stays when they have to find things out the hard way. They never do. It's always a matter of how they find out. For instance if I say I don't like someone's outfit, and they hear from someone else that I said it, that would be worse than if I said it to them. Anything can be taken out of context and over exaggerated. Maybe I just meant the scarf or something. But they didn't know that and now they're mad. It's the same with anything. If, for some reason, I really feeling like saying something, it's easier to not have to go back and explain everything. Reading this doesn't mean that you know my life, it just means that you know the jest of it. The parts that I decide to document.

When I sent that message to Dawn I was at war with myself. I wanted her to see it, but at the same time I wanted to keep this secret. There is a time and a place for everything and it's hard to say when something is the right time and place. Even so I sent it, this story got one more read for each chapter, and the next day, I got a response.

And it's funny, it really is, knowing how much a person can change an attitude. The solitary focus that I had. Maybe, I'm not totally alone, maybe talking and showing people what we think is a way out of a labrinth that we so often get lost in. Two minds are better than one, and I think that can be used here. It wasn't until I shared my information with someone else that I realized how much of an impact something so simple could have. Even as I sit on a brown worn down couch in a too crowded living room, I can't help but feel as though I was as free as a bird. I find myself thinking about how liberating the feeling is, even though I'm physically not as free as my spirit. 

My mind wonders to things that I had never thought of before and for the first time in a long time, things seem to be looking up, then I realize something: this is what it feels like to have a wish come true. A wish to be positive and to feel positive, that I didn't even realize that I wanted. Something so simple and delicate that it can't be held in the palm of your hand, but holds an importance that can be felt in your soul. This is a wish that should have been in my wishing jar a long time ago. I'm not even upset that it's not. I'm just glad that I can stand back and watch as things take their time falling into place around me. Somehow, now I know that I can wait it out until things get better, it might even be worth it in the end.