TW: depression, intrusive thoughts...

Karina noticed the subtle change in Riko instantly, but she didn't comment on it. She just hoped Riko knew what she was doing and would talk with her if she felt like it. It started with a few late nights at work.

Riko groggily walked herself through the front door of their apartment. Karina peaked out from the kitchen and smiled.

"Hi, sweetie. How was work?"

Riko groaned in response and flopped onto the couch.

"I'm guessing it was rough." Karina commented.

"At least I'm not a pencil-pusher anymore." Riko replied with a hand over her eyes. "The warming weather always brings out more crime, but it'll ease up."

Karina set two plates on the coffee table and sat down next to her lover. Riko jumped up. "You didn't have to bring dinner out here. I would've got up to the table."

Karina pat her shoulder to ease her tension. "It's fine, dear. Just enjoy it and then we'll go to bed together."

Riko smiled and quietly picked up the utensils to eat. Something irked Karina in the back of her mind. There was something shifting in Riko. She could tell by the forced smile on her face, but she didn't push it and chopped it up to a rough day. 

Riko eased herself out of bed, glancing back at her wife. Karina had her own bizarre working schedule as a nurse, but Riko was still the first one awake most days. She tiptoed to the bathroom to get ready and was out the door before Karina even woke up.

The morning started well. She was getting reports done when thoughts started coming in her head, thoughts she thought she had left in the past. A sense of dread filled her and she rubbed her forehead. She couldn't be thinking like this, not when an emergency could come at any moment. She shook away the thoughts just in time as a call came through the radio. She jumped up with other officers and rushed to the emergency.

They arrived at the scene of a robbery and saw the bandits making their escape as the police pulled up.

"Stop!" Riko yelled as they ran into an alley.

She had no choice but to follow them and several officers followed her. As they emerged on the other end, a waterbender was waiting for them and sent a wave of water, attempting to knock them off of their feet. Riko quickly earthbended a pedestal for her to stand on and a few others copied her. She looked up and saw the waterbender running away.

"C'mon, we have to follow them!" Riko ordered. They hurried to catch up with the robbers before they got away and saw the last of them jumping into a car.

"Oh no you're not!" Riko yelled, earthbending a wall in front of the car right as the engine revved. They ended up smashing the front end into the wall. Riko smirked.

The team of robbers jumped out of the car, leaving the bags of cash in the car. They were going to fight.

Riko was fighting the waterbender and the two were evenly-matched. They both shot their element at each other, hoping to knock down the other. As the opposing water-whip soared past her, thoughts reemerged in her mind. Riko eyes went wide and she took a quick breath.

What if you let it hit you?

Riko gulped and dodged again. She couldn't crumble at a time like this. They continued fighting, but the one thought bothered Riko the entire time. It rung in her ears like a shadow whispering it over and over again.

She gritted her teeth and intended to end this before she got hurt. She lifted a large boulder from the ground and hurled it at the waterbender. The man rolled to dodge, but it hit his leg, leaving him rolling on the ground in pain.

Riko gasped for air as her coworkers handcuffed the robbers.

"Hey, Riko, you okay?" someone asked her.

She mindlessly nodded her head and helped clean up the scene. 

Riko quietly walked through the door, hoping her lover was in bed. She sighed in relief and walked in. She saw an extra plate of dinner set on the counter and smiled sadly.

Karina is too good for you.

She clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. She had to stop these thoughts. She hadn't had thoughts like these in years. What was going on?

The sense of dread from earlier now filled her chest. She wished the feeling would go away. There was no reason for this. She carefully opened her eyes and glanced at the plate. She slowly blinked and walked away, leaving the food where it sat. 

Karina woke up and Riko was gone, just like every morning. She pouted at the idea that she didn't see the earthbender yesterday, but it wasn't unusual. She jumped out of bed and began to get ready for her own workday. It wasn't until she was grabbing a breakfast bar that she noticed the leftovers from last night still sat on the counter. She frowned and looked around. Riko didn't eat dinner. She sighed and grabbed the plate to put it in the fridge. Again, it wasn't unusual for Riko to be too tired to eat, but that wasn't normally the case. Something was wrong.

Riko woke up that morning feeling better, but by noon the feeling of dread returned to her. She quietly growled to herself as thoughts returned to her. She couldn't help it. She picked up a report to try to distract herself, but all it did was make her look busy to her coworkers. She would read a few words and then a word would trigger a thought, and she'd have to stop to refocus. She finally put the paper down again when the word 'car' triggered a larger thought.

Walk in front of a car.

Riko jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. She bumped into someone and quietly apologized.

Mako scowled as Riko bumped into him. She looked sick. He watched her disappear into the bathroom and told himself to check on her later.

Riko squeezed the handle for water and urgently splashed water onto her face. She slammed her hands on the sides of the sink and breathed in and out quickly.

Get ahold of yourself. I shouldn't be cracking like this.

She took in a deep breath and looked in the mirror. She stared at herself for a few seconds before another thought came.

Punch it. Smash it with your hands and let the glass cut you.

Riko squeezed the sink so hard it would crack if it wasn't metal. She dropped her head to avoid looking at the mirror.

No, no. I can't do that.

Dread now filled her chest like a black hole and there was nothing she could do about it.

Why not? Karina would patch you up.

Riko shook her head.

But then again, she's too good for you. She probably pities you.

Rage started to burn on top of the anxiety. She swung her hand back and glared at the mirror. The bathroom door creaking open disrupted her. Her rage washed away and was replaced with worry about someone seeing her like this. She dropped her hand and glanced over. A female coworker stood concerned.

"Riko, are you okay?"

Riko huffed and pulled herself together, if only for a moment. "Yeah, I'm fine."

And she walked out of the bathroom.

The other woman looked back as Riko left. No wonder she was asked to see if Riko was alright. Chief Mako was right to be concerned. 

Riko kept her head down as she walked home. She didn't want to see anything that might make her think. Almost anything could be a trigger at his point. She looked at a mug and thought about smashing it. She glanced at the city and thought about falling from a height. She saw a car and thought about walking in front of traffic.

The Sun had set about an hour ago, so Karina was probably still awake. She was surprised when she arrived home that the waterbender was not home yet. She rose a brow and looked around, hoping to find a note or something. Finding none, she could only assume the woman was still working at the hospital.

Or she finally left you.

Riko took a deep breath and tried to ignore it.

What are you without her? She always makes dinner. She makes sure you're healthy. Hell, even your family probably likes her better.

Riko closed her eyes and shook her head. This had to stop. She glanced around and that was a big mistake. She saw the kitchen knives in their rack and went wide-eyed.

Yeah, cut yourself with a knife. Maybe Karina won't come home for a while.

She took a step into the kitchen and froze.

And what happens if I do this and Karina finds me dead.

She gulped and looked to the floor.

She didn't know how long she had been standing there when she heard keys unlock the front door.

Karina stepped inside and kicked her shoes off at the door. "Riko, you home?" She asked, only because she saw somebody in the kitchen. The person didn't move and that worried her.

"Riko?" Karina walked to the kitchen and was relieved to see the metal uniform of her wife. Her worry returned when Riko didn't move or respond. "Riko, are you okay?" She placed a hand on her shoulder and got an immediate reaction.

Riko jumped around and a glimmer of fear appeared on her face before forcing it away. "Karina! You're home! How was work?"

Karina squinted her eyes and scanned her lover, but she didn't see any injuries. "I'll ask again, are you okay?"

Riko's façade started to crack, but she forced a smile anyway. "Yeah! What would be wrong?!"

She knows.

"You're acting weird. Do you want to sit and talk over dinner?" Karina asked and walked towards the stove to prepare a meal.

"Ah, no that's okay. I'm not really hungry. It was a long day, I'm just going to head to bed if that's okay." Riko stumbled with her words.

Karina watched her for a few seconds and then sighed. "Okay, if you say so. I'll be in bed in a few minutes."

Riko was saddened when she still felt the black hole in her chest when she woke up the next morning. The previous mornings had at least been a new start to the day without it. It worried her initially, but she had a job to do. She forced herself out of bed to get ready for the day.

Waking up with the black hole in her chest continued for the next three days, as well as the hurtful thoughts. She tried pushing it all away, to focus on her job, but it just got in the way.

You shouldn't even be working here. The police force doesn't need someone with mental problems. If they find out what's going on, they might fire you.

Riko pushed her hand to her head, sighing deeply. The thoughts hadn't stopped, but she was getting better with her reactions. However, the black hole only got worse, and crept up her neck until she was almost choking on it by the end of her shift.

She rushed home to avoid any triggers and sighed when she reached her door. Home wasn't completely safe, but it was the best she had. She frowned when she smelled the scent of food. She gulped, trying to ease the dread in her throat, and walked further inside. A small smile made its way when she saw her wife cooking. Karina glanced over her shoulder with a smile and nodded to her. Riko slid next to her to see what she was cooking.

Karina internally frowned when Riko hadn't taken to opportunity to snuggle up to her backside. She pushed the thought to the side. "How was work?"

Riko shrugged. "Nothing crazy, so I guess good."

Karina rose a brow and raised her hand to Riko's cheek but stopped short. Riko was surprised by the motion and it showed. "Can I?"

Riko stared at her for a second before nodding. Karina slowly laid her hand on her cheek and pressed their lips together. She carefully pulled away, seeing a peaceful look on Riko's face for the first time in days.

"What's wrong?" Karina asked. And the peace was broken. Riko straightened up and looked away.

"Nothing! What-" Riko started but stopped when she looked back at her wife.

What am I doing? Karina's my wife. We're supposed to confide in each other. And she's here asking for it. Talk to her!

Riko sighed and lowered her head. "I... Maybe later. I'm kind of tired."

Karina grabbed her hand and squeezed with reassurance. "That's fine, as long as we talk about what's been bothering you. Do you want to sit for dinner?"

Riko nodded, as much as she'd rather go lay in bed, even though she hadn't been able to sleep. 

Riko started to worry when she woke up the next morning with the black hole already to her throat. She panicked as she grabbed her lover's hand. Karina mumbled as she sat up but woke up instantly when she saw the fear on Riko's face.

"Riko? Riko." Karina whispered her name, cautiously grabbing her cheeks. "Look at me, babe." Karina carefully pulled Riko to look at her completely. "Talk to me. I can help."

She can't help you.

Riko pulled herself away and laid her head in her hands. "No..."

"No what? What's wrong?" Karina asked, sliding down to her level and laying her hand on her leg. "Talk to me."

"I'm fine." Riko groaned. She reached one hand out to grab hers and Karina could see the pain on her wife's face.

"You're definitely not fine. Do you need a doctor?" Karina asked with obvious worry in her voice.

Yeah, you might need to see a shrink.

Riko huffed and swung her legs out from the blanket.

"I-I'm sorry, hun. I didn't mean to wake you." Riko mumbled.

"Uh-uh, you aren't going to work like this. Sit back down." Karina ordered.

"I said I'm fine!" Riko wasn't trying to argue, but she was desperate to get out of their apartment.

"And I can tell you're not 'fine.' Tell me what's going on." Karina answered.

Riko was already standing up and pulling her armor on. "I'm sorry, Karina. I promise I'll talk later – tonight. But at this rate we'll both be late for work."

Karina crossed her arms, kneeling on the bed. As sleep faded in both of them, Riko got ahold of herself. Karina knew she would regret letting this go, she could see the pieces of Riko falling apart.

"Fine." Karina spat. "But you have to promise to come home right after work so we can talk."

Riko nodded with a fake smile. "You got it, hun." She kissed her on the cheek and ran out the door.

Karina sighed. "You better not do anything stupid." 

Riko let out a sigh of relief when she sat down at her desk. Her little tiff with Karina had actually given her mind a break. It wasn't long before her mind was busy again.

Take a drink of your coffee. It's steaming hot and will probably burn your mouth.

Riko shook her head, ignoring the thought, but it didn't help the creeping of the black hole in her chest.

Thoughts like this continued all day, some she could ignore, others bothered her.

She had a hand to her head, trying to soothe herself, when someone approached her desk. "Riko?"

The woman jumped up and saluted. "Yessir!"

Mako shook his head. He would never get used to that. "At ease... Are you okay?"

Riko felt a silent growl in the back of her throat. People liked to ask that question a lot.

Maybe they should.

Her lip twitched and she nodded. "Yes sir, just a little tired honestly." Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

Mako sized her up but didn't see any problems. "Make sure you're getting enough rest. You never know when an emergency is going to come up."

Just as Mako was walking away, the alarm went off. There was an emergency. Riko grabbed her gear and rushed out with the other officers. She saw out of the corner of her eye Mako grabbing a phone and dialing a number urgently. She growled, hoping he wasn't calling who she thought he was.

The only reason you haven't been fired is because you're Korra's daughter. 

The police rushed to the scene where a riot on a shopping center was underway. Citizens were running out of the building while looters grabbed what they could. It had started with a fight between two groups that exploded into a bending match. They had to get control of the building and find the people responsible for starting the fight.

Some officers urged people out of the building while others searched for the two parties. Riko was always used in search parties due to her incredible sensing ability.

They had found several people still fighting in the food court. Debris was strewn all across the room. "Police! Freeze!"

When the fighters saw the police, they all scattered. They each followed after an assailant. Riko chased after a young man. They ran towards an exit, but the man skidded to a stop when he saw police were waiting outside. He turned back to Riko and rubbed his chin. He thought he could earthbend a new exit if he could just get through her. He puffed his chest and pulled the earth up.

Riko let out a quiet chuckle. He was an earthbender. That had to be his own bad luck. She eagerly pulled the ground up as well.

No words were exchanged as they threw earth at each other.

What if you let it hit you?

Riko stumbled and had to roll away to dodge the next rock.

Let it hit you.

Riko gasped for air, but not because she was tired. More rocks were incoming and she forced herself to dodge.

"What, are you getting tired?!" The man exclaimed. He pulled a large boulder from the ground.

Riko huffed and prepared for the next attack.

Just let it hit you.

Anxiety spiked in her as she dodged at the last second. The boulder hit her shoulder and sent her sprawled on her back.

Don't bother getting up. Let him kill you.

Riko glanced up, sweat rolling down her cheek, and saw him walking up to her with another boulder. She rolled away as he smashed it at her. She bounced back to her feet, not wanting to leave herself open again.

They started to throw rocks at each other again. The next boulder came at such a fast rate, Riko would barely dodge it even if she was in her right mind. With her mind making her stall, there was no way she could dodge it. It crushed into her stomach and slammed her into the wall. She coughed blood as her back hit the brick wall, and then she crumpled to the ground.

The man walked up to her, she could hear that much. She forced herself up about 3 inches before grabbing her side in pain. She dropped her head, letting her forehead touch the cold floor. Her ribs were definitely broken.

It was quiet for a moment. The man was considering his next move. Run?

"Heh, you police are pigs. What's the harm in slaughtering one of you?" He said with a dark chuckle. He quietly rose a boulder bigger than any of the previous ones.

Riko peeked up with one eye, her gut dropping at the sight of him ready to squash her. But she couldn't move.

You did this to yourself.

Riko grit her teeth and lowered her head again, ready to accept her fate.

Air suddenly flowed through the room like a hurricane, tossing the man away from her and making him drop the boulder. Brown boots appeared in Riko's vision and she slammed her head into the floor.

I knew he was calling her.

Korra stood protectively in front of her daughter. Air flew wildly around them, making it hard for their opponent to see.

"You must be out of your mind to think you're going to kill my family." Korra spoke harshly. Riko thought she was talking to her until she finished the sentence. The woman glanced down to her child. "Can you move Riko?"

Riko growled, fisting her