01

The sound of bells echoed throughout the school hallways, signaling the end of another class. Lumabas ako ng classroom at nag lakad sa maingay at mataong hallway.

Naglakad ako papunta sa Library, I need to study dahil may test kami in our next subject. We have an hour of free time, so I'll spend it studying.

As I made my way through the door, as sea of bookshelves greeted me. The sound of rustling pages fills the air, mixing with the quiet whisper of students as they sit and read. A lone librarian stands at the front desk, checking out books and sorting stacks of papers.

It was one of the few places where I could retreat to when the world felt too loud, too overwhelming. Dito ako pumupunta para makahanap ng katahimikan.

Naglakad ako patungo sa sulok at umupo, nilagay ko ang libro sa harap ng mesa. I begin to read the pages of the book passing through my fingers as I flip them over and over again.

Napahinto ako when I suddenly feel a presence behind me. I turn around and see a man standing there. 

Collins. . .

“Hello! Ms. Second placer.” He said with a slight smirk appearing on his face. Kumunot ang noo ko at bahagya akong napikon. “Are you studying?” Ano sa tingin mo?

I roll my eyes at him. Ano na naman ba ang gusto nya? Bakit kung nasaan ako ay nandon rin sya?"

“Come on, darling, don't waste your time. It's obvious that ako pa rin ang makakakuha ng mataas na score.” He laughs, flashing that smile that I've seen so many times.

I cross my arms over my chest, raising an eyebrow. “Talaga ba? Don't get too cocky, Colins. Hindi pa nga tayo nakapag-take ng test, nagmamayabang kana."

“I'm not being cocky, I'm confident.” He replied with a smirk. Again. “Just like the many times I got first place while you remained at second.”

Naningkit ang aking mga mata. “What do you want?”

“Nothing much.” He said casually. “Just wanted to annoy you and don't give me that look. Am I that unpleasant to talk to?”

“Tangi. . .” Nakita ko ang pagtaas ng kaniyang kilay. “Tangina mo.” Nag ’tss’ lang sya at inayos ang eye glasses niya. He is pretty, yes, but a big ass ego.

Bumalik ako sa classroom namin pagkatapos ng break. Nagpa review muna ang teacher namin bago niya kami pinag-take ng test.

“These papers I have are your graded test sheets, I'll be passing them now.” 

Pinagmasdan ko ang professor namin habang nag lalakad siya sa gitna at nagdi-distribute ng test results. Tinignan ng mga kaklase ko ang kanya kanyang results.

My nerves were on edge, my body tense and my heart racing.

I always pushed myself to the brink, trying to meet everyone's expectations and demands. The validation from academic excellence was all I knew, and losing it would be like losing a part of myself.

My parents always expected me to be the best, the smartest, the one who accomplished the most. I would spend countless hours studying, pushing myself to limits. And yet, even after all my hard work, there was still this sense of insecurity tugging me. Natatakot ako na hindi maabot yon. 

The day Sage Collins walked into my life. No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up in second place, behind him. It was like he effortlessly surpassed my every effort. The thought of not being the best was too much to bear.

My thoughts get interrupted by my professor at binigay ang papel ko. Bumuntong hininga ako. I quickly took my test. 

I was about to look at my paper pero napatigil ako nang may tumapik sa balikat ko mula sa likuran. When I see a cocky smile on Collins face, he starts lifting his sheet and my eyes widened when I see a 99%.

Fuck.

“Dizon. . .“ I hear him call out my name in a very amusing tone. A screams brews in my head but I reply politely.

“Yes?”

“What'd you get?”

“I don't know. Hindi ko pa tinignan dahil inistorbo mo ako.” I carefully slide my paper towards him. He raises his eyebrown in surprise.

“Damn, seven mistakes? I honestly didn't expect this from you, Dizon. What a low score.” He teased with a playful shrug.

I feel my heart sink. I quickly grabbed my test paper and started checking my answers, my heart racing as I realized that I have messed up on seven of the questions. 93—seriously, 93!—I internally groaned. 

I had studied hard for this. I couldn't help but feel a sense of disappointment. Humigpit ang pagkahawak ko sa aking papel, halos mapunit ko na ito.

What happened, Elyse?

“I expected better from you, darling.” He said with a scoff. He leans back on his chair habang patuloy akong tinutukso.

“Do I car—” Before I could finish my sentence, the same irritating called out once again.

"You must be slacking off lately." He snickered.

The professor steps into the front of the students at tinawag ang atensyon ng mga estudyanteng abala sa pakikipag-usap sa kanilang mga kaklase.

“Tomorrow, you will be participating in a friendly debate session.”

My classmates groan.

Tumingin sya sa relo niya. “I didn't realize time passed by so quickly; the brief quiz session took some time. Am I right?” She stated with a slight tone of sarcasm. She glanced over each of her students before continuing. “Anyways, I want you to pick one representative from the male and the other from the female.”

Napatingin ang ilang mga classmates ko na babae sa akin. Ngumiti lamang ako. They are asking me to volunteer. And I'm not planning to back down. Sa mga ganitong bagay si Sage Collins ang lagi kong kakompetensya. 

I'm busy preparing for my future. Everyone can't be blessed with all good qualities. One day you might be dirty, homeless and starved girl. I got dreams to chase. There are people who have expectations of me. 

Not everyone is so lucky to make their own choices, some have to obey rules and pretend to be happy despite how they actually feel.

Living under control means that you have to do what you're told. I spent my whole life searching for validation. Hindi pwedeng mawala lang 'yon.

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