SPACE - BENATAR

The Guardians of the Galaxy were traveling to investigate a distress call to the tune of Rubberband Man.

Peter, chair-dancing to the song, yelled, "Sing it, Drax!"

Drax was snoring with his mouth open from his seat in front of Quill. Gamora lip-synced to the song with Quill.

Rocket yawned and asked, "Why are we doing this again?"

Gamora, annoyed, said, "It's a distress signal, Rocket. Someone could be dying."

"I get that, but why are we doing it?"

"'Cause we're nice," Quill replied. "And maybe whoever it is will give us a little cheddar cheese," he rubbed his thumb against his other fingers, "for our help."

Gamora waved her index finger at Quill. "Which isn't the point."

Quill pointed back at Gamora. "Which isn't the point... I mean... if he doesn't pony up..."

"We'll take his ship," Drax said.

"Exactly!" Rocket agreed.

"B-b-b-bingo!" Quill cried.

Gamora looked at Quill in concern. Quill returned her look and grimaced a 'don't worry about it' expression towards her.

Mantis read her console and said, "We are arriving."

"All right, Guardians," Quill stated. "Don't forget, this might be dangerous, so let's put on our mean faces." Groot rolled his eyes as Mantis snarled. Groot's handheld Terran-vintage video game beeped. "Groot, put that thing away. Now, I don't wanna tell you again." The game continued beeping. "Groot."

In a mocking tone, Groot retorted, "I am Groot!"

(Shut up, bitch!)

"Whoa!"

"Language!" Rocket yelled.

"Hey!" Gamora cried.

"Wow," Drax muttered.

"You got some acorns on you, kid," Quill said.

"Ever since you got a little sap, you're a total d-hole," Rocket told him. "Keep it up, and I'm gonna smash that thing to pieces!"

Groot rolled his eyes.

The Benatar decelerated and Thanos' devastation suddenly covered the Guardians' field of view, revealing the distress signal to be the one from the Asgardian vessel. Bodies were floating dead in space along with the pieces of the shredded ship.

"What happened?" Mantis wondered.

"Looks like we're not getting paid," Rocket commented.

With a thump, Thor's body plastered to the hull of the ship.

Rocket waved his hands and cried, "Wipers! Wipers! Get it off!"

Thor's eyes opened and everyone gasped.

The Guardians got Thor onto an examination table.

"How the hell is this dude still alive?" Quill asked.

Drax, in an awed tone, said, "He is not a dude. You're a dude. This... This is a man. A handsome, muscular man."

Quill spoke in a slightly dented tone. "I'm muscular."

"Who are you kidding, Quill? You're one sandwich away from fat," Rocket shot back.

"Yeah, right."

"It's true," Drax agreed. "You have gained a little weight..." He motioned to his chin and belly.

Gamora left Quill's side at Thor's right and circled around the foot of the table.

"What? Gamora, do you think I'm..." Quill was cut off.

"He is anxious," Mantis noted. "Angry. He feels tremendous loss and guilt."

"It's like a pirate had a baby with an angel," Drax said.

"Wow," Quill commented. "This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay. I'm gonna get a Bow-flex. I'm gonna commit. I'm gonna get some dumbbells."

"You know you can't eat dumbbells, right?" Rocket replied.

Gamora reached Drax's side and picked up Thor's left arm, stroking his triceps before saying, "It's like his muscles are made of Cotati metal fibers."

Quill snidely told Gamora, "Stop massaging his muscles." Gamora, annoyed, dropped the arm with a thump before saying quietly to Mantis, "Wake him up."

Mantis placed a hand on Thor's forehead. "Wake."

Thor woke, violently sat up, and threw himself off the table to stumble a few steps away, then turned to see his hosts all pointing their weapons of choice at him; Groot was still playing his game.

"Who the hell are you guys?" Thor demanded.

LATER

As Thor ate soup, the Guardians stood around.

Gamora said, "The entire time I knew Thanos, he only ever had one goal: To bring balance to the Universe by wiping out half of all life. He used to kill people planet by planet, massacre by massacre..."

"Including my own," Drax cut in.

"If he gets all six Infinity Sones, he can do it with the snap of his fingers, like this," Gamora warned, snapping her fingers.

"You seem to know a great deal about Thanos," Thor said.

"Gamora... is the daughter of Thanos," Drax informed.

"Your father killed my brother." He stood and strode towards Gamora aggressively.

"Oh, boy," Quill muttered. "Stepfather. Technically, she hates him as much as you do." Thor softened a little.

"Families can be tough." He clapped a hand on Gamora's shoulder. "Before my father died, he told me I had a half-sister... that he imprisoned in Hel. Then she returned home, and stabbed me in the eye, so... I had to kill her. It's life, isn't it, I guess. Goes round and round and... I feel your pain."

Quill glared at Thor's hand on Gamora's shoulder, on the verge of full snarl, and moved around her to push between her and Thor.

"And I feel your pain, as well," Quill said. "I mean it's not a competition, but I've been through a lot. My father killed my mother, then I had to kill my father. And that was hard. Probably even harder than having to kill a sister, plus, I, came out of it with both eyes-"

Thor wasn't paying attention as he stared at his soup spoon before saying, "I need a hammer, not a spoon..." He attempted to fiddle with machinery. "How do I open this thing? Is there some sort of a four-digit code maybe... maybe a birthdate or something..."

"What are you doing?"

"Taking your pod."

Quill cleared his throat, then deepened his voice. "No, you're not!" He mimicked Thor's accent. "You'll not, be taking our pod today, sir."

"Quill," Rocket called. "Are you making your voice deeper?"

"No."

"You are," Drax said. "You're imitating the god-man. It's weird."

"No I'm not."

Mantis gasped before saying, "He just did it again!"

"This is my voice!"

Thor stepped closer to Quill and asked, "Are you mocking me?"

"Are you mocking me?"

"Stop it. You did it again."

"He's trying to copy me."

"Would you stop doing that? He's doing it first."

"Enough!" Gamora yelled. "We need to stop Thanos. Which means we need to find out where he's going next."

"Knowhere."

"He must be going somewhere," Mantis said.

Quill spoke in his normal voice. "No. Knowhere. It's a place. We've been there. It sucks. Excuse me, that's our food." He looked at Thor who was rummaging through their food stores.

"Not anymore," Thor replied.

"Thor... why would he go to Knowhere?" Gamora asked.

"Because for years, the Reality Stone has been safely stored, there with a man we call the Collector."

"If it's with the Collector, then it's not safe," Quill warned. "Only an idiot would give that man a Stone."

"Or a genius."

Gamora turned to Thor and asked, "How do you know he's not going for one of the other Stones?"

"There's six stones out there." He finished rummaging and stepped in front of Gamora. "Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week, when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth. They're with the Avengers."

"The 'Avengers'?" Quill repeated.

"Earth's Mightiest Heroes."

"Like Kevin Bacon?" Mantis questioned.

Thor paused a moment. "He may be on the team. I don't know. Haven't been there in awhile. As for the Soul Stone, well, no one's ever seen that. No one even knows where it is. Therefore, Thanos can't get it. Therefore, he's going to Knowhere. Hence, he'll be getting the Reality Stone. You're welcome."

"Then we have to go to Knowhere now," Gamora said.

"Wrong! Where we have to go is Nidavellir."

"That's a made-up word," Drax commented.

"All words are made up."

"Hold up, Nivadellir is real?" Rocket asked as he climbed the table. "Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend." His tone turned gleeful. "They make the most powerful, horrific weapons to ever torment the Universe. I would very much like to go there, please."

"The rabbit is correct, and clearly the smartest among you."

"Rabbit?"

"Only Eitri the dwarf king can make me the weapon I need." He turned to Rocket. "I assume you're the captain, sir?"

"You're very perceptive."

"You seem like a noble leader. Will you join me on my quest to Nidavellir?"

"Lemme just ask the captain. Oh, wait a second, it's me! Yeah, I'll go."

"Wonderful."

"Except for that I'm the captain," Quill corrected.

"Quiet!"

"That's my backpack."

"Go sit down."

"Look, this is my ship. And I'm not goin' to..." He groped for Nidavellir. "Wait, what kind of weapon are we talking about here?"

"The Thanos killing kind."

"Don't you think that we should all have a weapon like that?"

"No. You simply lack the strength to wield them. Your bodies will crumble as your minds collapse into the madness."

"Is it weird that I wanna do it even more now?" Rocket asked.

"A little bit. Yeah."

"If we don't go to Knowhere and Thanos retrieves another Stone, he'll be too powerful to stop," Gamora warned.

"He already is."

"I got it figured out," Rocket said. "We got two ships, and a large assortment of morons. So me and Groot will go with the pirate-angel here, and the morons will go to Knowhere and try to stop Thanos. Cool? Cool."

"So cool." He grinned widely.

Quill said to Rocket, "For the record... I know that you're only going with him because it's where Thanos isn't."

"You know, you shouldn't talk that way to your captain, Quill," Rocket told him as he entered the pod. "Come on, Groot. Put that game down, you'll rot your brain."

"I bid you farewell and good luck, morons," Thor said. "Bye."

The Guardians nodded and waved farewell as Thor, Rocket and Groot departed.