this morning I flicked on some sparkly eyeshadow and the rosy tint made my eyes glimmer, shine, like I always wished they would back last October. Sometime I think back to fall last year and feel the pit perpetually in my stomach eat me up a bit more. I wanted to be thin, unscarred, happy, beautiful. While I did not fit into the size zero dress my sister could squeeze into or have thighs the same color all way round, I was beautiful. I was not sparkling though; how could a dead thing provide life? I'm so glad I escaped, nails clutching the rock wall, breath heaved out of me.

1.12.16