Greg Samson woke from a dream in which he had been chased by a group of kittens to find himself transformed into a giant reptile. He lay on his soft scaled belly, which he found quite strange as his sleep apnea required him to use a bipap machine. Stranger still, the floor of his bedroom had been covered with a few feet of water and a small collection of toads.

Greg moved his little feet, sliding into the cool water which would now be his home. He swam over to the toads which serenaded him with songs of love. He listened, a tingle going down his back to the tip of his spiked tail as he imagined himself cuddling with one of the toads. However, his alarm clock went off, breaking the trance the love music had put him under. He slammed his tail into his dresser, sending the alarm clock to it's watery doom.

"Oh dear," thought Greg, "this is certainly going to cause some trouble down at the office." Greg had been hired on at the office to push papers of all sorts; white papers, blank papers, papers with numbers. He dreamed of one day being promoted to punching numbers, but such a dream had now been destroyed by his transformation into this green scaled creature.

Greg thought to his first day on the job, his manager handed him a broom and gave a grave warning, which at the time made little sense. "Greg," said his manager, "you're going to make a great paper pusher." His manager's eyes narrowed, a small amount of spittle flew from his mouth on accident as he continued, "But if you ever turn into a giant reptile we'll have to let you go."

What an ironic turn of events, the one thing Greg could not do is exactly what had happened. "This is all my fault," thought Greg, "if I had concentrated more on not becoming a monstrous reptile that had filled its evolutionary role millions of years ago and had not significantly changed since then I would not be in this mess."

Greg's thoughts wandered to his family, ever since he was six years old he had worked hard for his family. His Father, Mother, three sisters, two brothers, five aunts, seven uncles, four grandparents, a friend he said could crash on the couch, and the world's largest animal sanctuary he ran out of the back yard all depended on the money he made from his job.

A knock came from Greg's door. "Greg," his sister called out, "why is water gushing out of your door?"

What a horrible day for Greg. First he becomes a monster, and now he finds out the contractor didn't construct a watertight door as promised. "Don't worry about that Ginger," replied Greg, "I'll call the man and tell him to come back and fix the door."

"Why do you sound like a reptile?"

Not having vocal cords or movable lips caused Greg's voice to change slightly, giving away the predicament he had found himself in. However, he recalled an event at the local community theatre that could trick her. "I'm practicing for my part in the Ninja Turtle play, I'm playing Raphael and I don't want to break character."

"You sound perfect. I thought I recognized your voice," said Ginger.

Greg wasn't just a monster on the outside, his lying turned him into a monster on the inside as well.

"Oh Greg," said Ginger, "Mom has breakfast ready, you should come down now."

"Just have her leave some raw plucked chickens outside my door and I'll get them," replied Greg.

Ginger's footsteps led away from the door and downstairs. Greg had not noticed before, but the transformation had given him super human, or perhaps super reptile, hearing. He could hear the bellowing of monkeys from the back yard and his father humming Working For the Weekend to himself. He could even tell each person apart just by the way they walked, and his mother was walking to his bedroom door this very moment.

"Greg," said his Mother through the door, "Ginger said you wouldn't come down for breakfast, is anything wrong?"

"No Mom," Greg said, "I'm just a little sick."

"Sick? I can't let my baby boy be sick without his mother."

Greg's mother turned the handle on his door, the pressure of the water forcing it open and knocking his mother over. The water rushed out of the room and downstairs. "My goodness!" Yelled Greg's father and four of his uncles in unison.

Once the water had emptied and Greg's mother stood up, Greg lay on the floor, eyes fixed on his mother. "Don't look, I'm naked," said Greg.

"My baby boy," said Greg's shocked mother, "why are you green and covered in scales?"

Greg waddled out of the room as fast as his reptile legs could take him, which wasn't much faster than his elderly mother and her wooden leg. He slipped downstairs where everybody in the house had been eating breakfast. They all stopped eating and stared at the green monstrosity that had slithered down the stairs, even the Emus took time from their pecking to gawk through the back window.

"What the devil is that?" Asked one of his uncles.

"It appears to be a reptile of some kind, although I'm not sure of the species," replied Greg's friend that had been woken by the commotion.

"My baby boy!" Yelled Greg's Mom as she tumbled down the stairs, "he's my baby boy!"

"Greg?" Inquired his father.

Greg imagined the future, his family hating him for turning into this reptile. They would have to feed him and make sure he was well cared for as his little reptile legs were useless for pushing papers. He had to make them believe he was dead so they could move on. "No, I ate him, Greg is dead!"

"Oh my God, Greg sounds just like Raphael," said Greg's grandmother on his father's side, "that's amazing."

"Reptiles are so cool," said Greg's youngest brother, "can I ride you around and take you to school?"

"This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to our family and I don't see any downsides," said Greg's grandfather on his mother's side. All of the old men nodded in agreement, as old men do.

This shocking turn of events shocked Greg more than the shock of waking up as a reptile. "But all of you will have to take care of me, I can't do anything on my own any more."

"Nonsense," Greg's father said, "you're a talking reptile. You'll make millions just from the talk shows alone. We'll gladly take care of you if we can have some of that money."

All of Greg's worries were gone. Reality turned out to be much better than his imagination. "I love money," said Greg, "oh, and I don't have breathing problems any more and I have super hearing. I can hear your heartbeats."

Greg's youngest brother jumped on his back. "Greg's a super hero too! You can be the Green Chomper."

A single tear dropped from Greg's mother's eye, Greg heard it hit the floor. "Mom, what's wrong? We're going to be rich."

Greg's mother wiped her eyes. "Well, I was hoping you would give me a grandchild."

"Actually Mom," said Greg, "there's a toad upstairs and I think we're in love."

The toad ribbited from the top of the stairs, professing her love for Greg.

All of Greg's aunts screamed, "We're going to have a wedding!"

Greg roared a gritty roar, silencing the screaming and crying and yelling. "Hold on everybody, I need to tell you something important." Each person waited in anticipation, the badgers and cats and wolverines that gathered around the back door were as silent as the mice clinging to their fur. "I'm starving, where's breakfast?"