notes: warning for mentions of bodily harm and suicide

it was quite difficult to imagine that reyes never walked into finding out about their secret relationship. he seemed to give them more disappointing looks, quite judgemental. surely he didn't tell moira. at least, that's what genji and cassidy thought. but then again, the secret was out, and there was nothing they could do about it.

they stopped the kissing at night, and did it about 2 times a week maximum. they wondered what gabriel thought, and if he saw them again like that, on what would happen. they were hauntingly worried about the consequences.

meanwhile, aside from the situation they were in, cassidy was doing his nightly routine. brushing his teeth, weirdly focused on his hygiene for once. genji opened the window and sat at the balcony, to be left alone thinking.

cassidy noticed genji's strange behavior. he only went outside when he was constantly overthinking. he slid open the door, to be greeted by a shivering genji.

"cmon now, you should come back inside before you freeze out there."

"fine." he slowly got up and approached the sliding door, ambling back to his bed.

"what's the matter sugarcube?" cassidy asked. "you seem real off today."

"it's nothing." genji hesitantly replied.

"nuh uh, something's up. spill it out."

"it's about gabriel knowing...about us."

"but we're not even a—"

"listen cole." genji interrupted. "we really need to talk about what we keep doing every other night. if it's really genuine or if it's us constantly lusting for each other's touch. i don't know what to do about this."

a sudden pause rang in the room. "genji, i really don't know either. believe me."

"well let me ask you this, are you gay?"

the answers genji gave were so blunt that you could never answer it correctly. cassidy looked off to the side before giving his answer.

"if it means that kissing you is apart of that, then i guess so."

"okay...how about this." genji tried to sort out his words in the best way possible to finally put closure on their situation. "if you ever saw me with someone else—in which was either a man or woman, how would you feel about that?" he asked.

cassidy didn't even need to think about his answer. "i'd be hella' jealous, that's for sure. but if you were happy with them i wouldn't try to ruin that."

"i see."

"how about if it was me?" cassidy asked, now wanting genji's answer.

"same as you said." he responded, not needing to elaborate more.

"so we're both gay?"

"yes—no—oh for christ's sake i don't even know!" genji then slammed his hand on their nearby coffee table and pushed all the belongings on top of it to the ground out of pure frustration.

"genji, it's okay, we can figure it out together. you don't have to figure it all out today." his words barely reassured genji's tense state.

"no it's not! i can barely understand why we're like this." genji pressed his fingers to his temples. "none of this makes sense."

"listen to me," cassidy begged, trying to calm genji down. "you're freakin' out over nothing. take deep breaths. sit down."

"don't tell me what to do."

"sit." cassidy's voice was sharp. "sit down. look at me."

hesitantly, genji obliged in defeat, taking a seat on one of the sofas. he didn't drop his upset expression.

"we're okay, alright? we're okay. it may not make sense. but we're fine. we don't need labels for what we are. we can just be..." cole trailed off, searching for the right word. "us."

"but what does 'us' really mean? is this normal?" he anxiously asked.

"i may not know it exactly, but there are worse people out there. 2 men wanting to kiss each other doesn't seem that bad in my book."

"but to gabriel it is."

"who cares what gabriel thinks?" cassidy blurted. "he can think whatever he wants. he may think it's weird that you're half human doin' stuff with me, but it's not his problems to worry about." he then let a finger touch the left side of genji's chest, pointing to where his heart would be.

"in here is what matters. whoever even decided to let this happen to you—turning you into a cyborg, are prolly' the most cold blooded person to exist to go that extent."

genji frowned. "you don't know what you're talking about, if we're gonna go that deep."

"sorry—i should've know better."

"nono, it's okay."

"no," cassidy insisted, filling himself with guilt, " i shouldn't have assumed nonsense. i'm really sorry genji. i know it's a touchy subject for you—"

"cole, it's alright. i'm okay with telling you what happened since we're well—close now."

genji let out a deep breath, intertwining cassidy's hands with his, finally making proper eye contact with him.

"it was my brother who did this to me. his name is hanzo. i refused to be a part of my fathers business, so he tried to kill me."

the silence in the room felt excruciatingly loud for how quiet it was. cassidy could almost feel one of his ears pop.

"i—i didn't know...my goodness genji, that sounds...so horrific. but how could he even bother to hurt you? you were his brother."

"my father was dead, and my brother needed someone by his side. i tried to leave, but he stopped me."

cassidy noticed how broken genji's face looked. it seemed his life never consisted of happiness, but only emptiness, never getting the love he desired by the people he cared for most.

"angela found me while i took my last breaths. in emergency, she gave me the cyborg body i have today." he then looked down at his one metal arm, and where his thighs would be, if he ever had them.

"it hurts to move sometimes, but it's okay. for the longest time i've wondered if this was ever really worth it. there were days that i would cut my arm, just to feel something again. i was so miserable, i wanted to kill myself for the longest time. i had dreams of jumping off the cliff of where my hometown is, letting the wind take me away..."

he heavily took a shaky breath before he continued. "when i got asked to work for blackwatch, it made me feel wanted. i wanted to have that chance again, though i'm basically being used for my skills," he joked. "at first i was nervous, since i had a lot on my mind, causing me to doubt and be angry at everything. it still comes around sometimes, but meeting you really helped me with a lot of my—thoughts. so...thank you."

genji had finally finished what he felt was best for the both of them to hear. he didn't tell anyone, not a soul, about any of this, except for cassidy now, the only one who knew.

for the first time ever, genji noticed cassidy had been tearing up by hearing his story. it was the first time he had ever showed raw emotion; let alone crying, in front of him. cassidy quickly held genji close and sobbed, crooking his neck down his chest, though he was quite taller than him.

"oh genji..."

"don't cry dear, i'm alright." genji tried to hush him by attempting cole's silly pet names. "it's all in the past now."

"you're so...strong. to go through a-any of that. i'd probably jump off a bridge if i ever became a cyborg. let alone have my own brother try to kill me." his voice cracked mid sentence, before he continued. "you deserved better. especially from yer' family."

"it was nothing." genji looks downward. "really."

"no, it wasn't. it was something. a lot actually." he let go of genji's grasp and held his metal hand.

"it may have been a lot, but it's in the past now. no need to worry about it anymore."

"you're right...maybe not for me, but at least your brother isn't still after you to finish the job."

"what do you mean, not for you?" genji asked, adding on to what cassidy meant. "is there someone after you?"

cassidy cleared his throat.

"you see, uh...i had a lover not too long ago before joinin' blackwatch. her name was ashe. she was a fighter all right. not like your typical girl. she was feisty, and didn't let anyone stand in her way. i loved her because of her confidence, and she liked me cause' i was just one of her personal favorites, i guess. never knew why exactly.

genji nodded and listened on, giving cassidy his full attention.

"she tried to kill an old friend o' mine who had betrayed us not so recently. i kept tellin' her it was wrong, and she...she..." a lump in his throat appeared and wasn't able to let out the words properly.

"she almost killed me with her bare hands. i actually thought those would be my final moments...she got what she wanted, and left me there to rot. even then...i still took responsibility of the murder that night because, a part of me still loved her, and i didn't want her to get in trouble."

sniffing his tears away, he awkwardly chuckled. "i guess we do have a similar past, shimada. almost getting killed by the people we love most..." he stared at the floor. "i know for sure if i ever see ashe again, she won't hesitate to pull the trigger like she did that night."

genji looked at cassidy with a gentle expression, his eyes beaming directly at his. he leaned in to give cassidy a tender kiss on his lips. he held his face, as soft as silk and honey, embracing how hot his cheeks were by the tears that had streamed down. he then broke the contact, deeply staring into cassidy's eyes. whispering in his ear, he calmly spoke.

"no matter what happens, i will always protect you." not needing to say more, he moved a strain of cassidy's hair away from his face.

cassidy then leaned in, not to kiss genji, but for his forehead to touch his. though it was blocked by the metal plate, he didn't care. all he needed was to feel him. closing his eyes, only needing genji's touch to be comforted.

"i don't think i've ever wanted anybody more than i want you." he said, with a beaming smile.