I didn’t mean to blow up on Devon, and I felt horrible after I finished the last sentence. Her face showed so much pain I could almost feel it, and she looked as if she wanted to cry. She held the tears in though, but I knew she was majorly upset…

What had gotten into me?

She turned to walk away but I grabbed her arm gently, “Devon…”

She yanked away from my grip harshly, not even facing me when she spoke, “I want to go home. Now.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the lump in my throat grow from sadness and regret. I followed her downstairs and she faked a smile for my family, I spoke, “Thanks for lunch mom, I’ll be in touch this week. Love you guys.”

Devon smiled, “Thank you for lunch Mrs. Phillips, it was amazing.”

“No problem Devon, it was nice meeting you! Come back next week!”

We were out the house and I wanted to apologize to Devon, and I knew I should, but would she even accept the apology? She was majorly pissed at me, I could see it in her eyes, her voice held so much harshness… it sliced right through my heart. 

Why did I say that to her? I was never the one to hurt someone with words… and all of a sudden I’ve hurt three people?

What was wrong with me?

Just apologize Amanda… you owe her that much… 

If I didn’t start conversation this was going to be a very long car ride home, I sighed, “Devon… listen…”

“No, I don’t want to talk about Rachel. I don’t want you to think I want you to be her or anything.”

I pulled up to a stop light and faced her, grabbing her hand and pulling her gaze to me. Then for a split second I caught a random flashback.

~O~

Devon was mad at me, I accidentally went off on her… 

I was upset though… she had hurt me. 

I grabbed her hand, pulling her eyes to me, “Devon… don’t be mad at me…”

She shook her head, “You called me a bitch…”

~O~

“Amanda? Are you going to go or what?”

I looked up from her eyes, the light was green, I pressed forward. What the fuck? When the fuck? Where the fuck? The last part… she had said a name… I could tell, it was just to mumbled for me to understand who she had called out.

Who called who a bitch? I had never called Devon a bitch? I had barely knew her for a week!

I was completely confused now… I had never fought with Devon before… so where did that come from?

I sighed, “I’m sorry ok? I’ve just… I’ve been thinking about a lot lately… and I’ve been moody. I took it out on you, and I’m sorry…”

She nodded, staying silent for awhile, “It’s fine Amanda, don’t worry about it.”

I rolled my eyes, she was still mad. What were we? 10 years old?

“Devon… don’t be mad at me.”

Her eyes snapped up at me, this got her attention, the same lines in my flashback… she sighed. Her face softened and I could tell she wasn’t here anymore, she was thinking of something else. 

I pressed, “Devon, tell me what’s wrong.”

She looked at our interlocked fingers and shook her head, “I don’t want to bring it up again…”

I pressed some more, “Devon…”

She realized we had been holding hands for some time now and pulled away quickly, “It’s uh… it just reminded me about the first time me and… Rachel had a fight.”

Now I realized why she didn’t want to bring it up… I had just gone off about Rachel towards her. Which I still felt bad about by the way. 

I questioned, “What happened?”

“She blew up on me and called me a bitch… even though I deserved it.”

Wait, isn’t that just what I remembered? Like five minutes ago…?

“What happened?”

I was suddenly intrigued about this, and I wanted to know what went on between Rachel and Devon.

“Um… I blew her off for a boy, and she got upset because we had made plans already. It was a pointless fight but…it hurt her a lot for some reason. Looking back now I understand why it did…”

I looked at her, “Why did it piss her off so much?”

She started to talk, “Because she li-” then she stopped mid sentence, “Because she was a jealous friend I guess.”

I tilted my head as I pulled up into the parking lot, that was so not what she was going to say… 

But I wasn’t going to press on towards the subject. There was no use, she wasn’t going to tell me and I wasn’t going to piss her off more then I already had today. 

We began walking to the dorm, and I was glad the tension was at ease between us. I hated her being mad at me, it sucked, it was a shitty feeling, and she was  going through enough without me being a bitch.

When I opened the main door my eyes locked with Samantha and she grimaced, seeing me and Devon together. 

I was taken back to last night when she practically molested me, even though I let her. Sure, it felt good and I thought she was cute, but did I really want to go down that path? Did I want to label myself as a lesbian after one week at college?

Was that even possible?

No. I didn’t want to go down that path…

“You coming to the room or what, Amanda?”

I snapped my eyes away from Samantha’s and smiled at Devon, who was crossing her cute little arms with a slight smirk on her face. 

Ok, maybe I wanted to go down that path with Devon…

I had fallen into this undying love for this girl within the first week of knowing her. 

Sue me.