Charles: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Charles: ...Not you, Rhiannon. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

---

Klara: Love is in the air!

Aedre, spraying a can of Febreze and holding her shirt over her nose: Not anymore.

---

Aylen: you're sick, your temperature is 104.1!

Klara: if I was sick, could I do this.

Klara: *staring at Aylen*

Aylen: what are you doing?

Klara: ..cartwheels. am I not doing them?

Aylen: *softly* no.

---

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?

Rhiannon: A romantic getaway with Charles

Santa: *wipes tear* Me too.

--

Rhiannon: [hugs Charles]

Charles: What is...this?

Rhiannon: Affection.

Charles:..Disgusting.

Rhiannon: [tries to pull away]

Charles:...Don't stop.

---

Klara: What's it called when a shrimp kills another shrimp?

Prongs: A krilling spree?

Klara: No its fucking murder

---

Aylen: cries self to sleep while ripping open a pillow

Aedre: cries self to sleep while crying self to sleep

Prongs: cries self to sleep and listens to soft music and singing along

Rhiannon: cries self to sleep while burying herself with blankets

Klara: cries self to sleep while trying to stay awake

Conri: cries self to sleep while trying to not cry

Charles: doesn't

---

Rhiannon: *putting up "have you seen Charles" posters around the castle village*

Villager: oh no! Is Charles missing?

Rhiannon, wiping away a single tear: no, I just think you should see him, 'cause he's gorgeous.

---

Charles: If I die, my funeral's gonna be the biggest bloody party and you're all invited.

Rhiannon: "If."

Aedre: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and she might not even die.

---

Aylen: The stress is bad for the baby, Rhiannon.

Rhiannon: What? What baby?!

Aylen: Me.

---

Charles: I'm going to stab someone.

Conri: Manners, Charles.

Charles: Politely, I'm going to stab someone politely.

---

Rhiannon: Alright, since I'm the boss, I'll drive. Who wants shotgun?

Aedre: You can't be serious. You ran over someone this morning!

Rhiannon: Well everyone INSIDE the car was fine, Aedre!

---

Aylen: How dumb do they think we are?

Klara: Sometimes Charles leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.

---

Klara: What am I supposed to do all day while you're out?

Conri: I dunno. What do you normally do when I'm gone?

Klara: [voice breaking] Wait for you to come back.

---

*an explosive firestorm goes off*

Aylen: CHARLES! WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!

Charles: My best.

---

Prongs: Charles is mad at me, and I'm not sure why.

Rhiannon: Okay, were you talking before he got upset?

Prongs: Yes.

Rhiannon: That's probably it.

---

Aylen: Don't talk down to me.

Charles: Well I can hardly talk up to you. You're too short.

---

*sees Rhiannon coming*

Charles: Bloody Hell.

Charles: B L O O D Y H E L L

*Rhiannon walks past*

Charles: Beautiful.

Charles: *whispers* 10 out of 10.

---

Conri: Okay. Excuse me. Can we please eat? My body is starting to digest itself. The Knight needs nutrients!

---

Aylen: Oh, I have a medical condition, alright! It's called caring too much. And it's incurable!

---

Prongs: *looking intently at a cupcake wrapper*

Aedre: Feeling guilty about eating the cupcake?

Prongs: I'm debating if I should lick the wrapper or not.

---

Rhiannon: *smiles*

Aylen: *puts on sunglasses*

Aylen: I didn't know Earth had two suns.

---

Reporter: Describe the Queen in one word.

Charles: Mine.

---

Prongs: Rhiannon... that's not dinner.

Rhiannon: What are you talking about? I'm having salad.

Prongs: Rhiannon...

Rhiannon: Okay, maybe it's more... fruit salad.

Prongs: ...

Rhiannon: Okay, it's just grapes.

Prongs: Rhiannon. You're just drinking wine.

Rhiannon: Don't judge me.

---

Rhiannon: Are you saying you like me, or not?

Charles: Are YOU saying you like ME, or not?

Rhiannon: I'm saying I like you!

Charles: Well, then I'm saying I like YOU!

Rhiannon: Fine!

Charles: FINE!! Then I guess we're dating!

Rhiannon: FINE!

Charles: FINE!!!

---

Damien: *ranting on about how hes gonna inform the North*

Rhiannon: *sneezes*

Rhiannon: Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

---

Aylen [on phone]: I'll be home soon. How's everything going?

Conri [on phone]: It's been better... She lost that chocolate bar you got her.

Conri: *helping Klara search for a chocolate bar Conri ate last night*

---

Prongs: Let's do what one shepherd said to the other shepherd.

Aylen: What?

Prongs: Let's get the flock outta here.

---

Charles: Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.

Aedre: People got hurt.

Charles: I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt.

---

Guard: Disturbing the peace.

Klara: Disturbing the peace? I got thrown out of a window! What's the fucking charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking? This is bullshit."

---

Klara: The eyes are the nipples of the face.

Aedre: *Facepalm*

---

Aedre: Alright, but why are you helping me?

Aylen: Because my life right now is a mess and I compulsively take care of other people when I don't know how to take care of myself.

---

Charles: I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for ten hours!

---

Aylen [about Marrok]: I'm glad he's single, because I'm gonna climb that like a tree.

---

Charles: My next partner will be full of grace-

Rhiannon: *stumbles over her own feet, falls down to her knees, stutters while trying to say her own name that only has eight letters*

Charles: -yes, that's the one. Perfect.

---

Aylen: You know, I really look up to you.

Conri: Because you're short?

---

Charles: Sorry, I'm late... I've been doing things.

Rhiannon: *enters room* I'm the things.

---

Aedre: Hey Rhiannon, can you give me some dating advice?

Rhiannon: Just because I'm with Charles does not mean I know how I did it.

---

Klara: Uh oh.

Rhiannon: What?

Klara: Somebody's in love.

Rhiannon: Yeah, right. I just think Charles' smart. It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him.

Rhiannon [later that night]: Uh oh.

---

Aedre, looking at the food: What the hell is that supposed to be?

Aylen: Noodles. Kinda burned.

Conri: They were instant noodles. How did you burn instant noodles?

Aylen: With no fucks given.

Aedre: Why am I not surprised. She made us fried rice once and gave us all food poisoning. I threw up twice.

Aylen: But did you die? I don't think so!

---

Aedre: Is brooding a sport where you come from? Do they hold competitions? Hand out trophies for the best scowl?

Charles: I'm not "brooding".

Aedre: Moping, then. You seem like you're a champion at it.

Charles: I'm perfectly content at the moment.

Aedre: Oh, that's you smiling? Glad you clarified that. I'd never have known.

---

Klara: Remember the time you made me lick the swing set?

Aylen: No.

Aylen: I said, "Klara, don't lick the swing set." Then you said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then you licked the swing set...

---

Klara: My mind is like an internet browser; several tabs open, half without feedback, 1000 pop-up ads, and where the fuck is that song coming from?

---

Rhiannon [after winning an argument]: Don't be upset because I bitch-slapped you with intelligence.

---

Aedre: Okay, how do I ask him out?

Aylen: Roses are red, violets are blue. Guess what, my bed has room for two.

Aedre: OH MY GOD!

Conri: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in my car.

Aedre: STOP IT!

Klara: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream.

Aedre: GUYS!

---

Aedre: Honestly, I'm ready to fight 24/7. Even in death. Take my ashes and throw them into the eyes of my enemies.

---

Prongs: *moonwalks out of awkward situation*

---

Charles: I'm gonna do something dangerous.

Rhiannon: Oh hell no.

Charles: Hell YES!

Rhiannon: No!

Charles: Yes. You can't stop me.

Rhiannon: Alright, I'm coming with you.

Charles: Oh hell no.

---

Rhiannon: Let's make nicknames for each other!

Charles: Okay..?

Rhiannon: How does King sound?

---

Conri: Charles put salt in my coffee because I annoyed him, but I'm going to continue to drink the coffee because I'm petty and I don't want him to win.

---

Charles: What a nice quiet day on the island.

Aylen: *starts screaming*

Charles: Oh for God's sake.

---

Prongs: My middle name is danger.

Conri: That's a lie. Your middle name is cutie pie.

---

Klara: You're the ocean.

Aedre: What?

Klara: So fucking salty.

---

Conri: What's the problem?

Aylen: She keeps replacing normal words with animal names just to annoy me.

Klara: I don't do it on porpoise.

---

Charles: Come on, just let me scare a few trick-or-treaters.

Aylen: You're going to horrify them!

Charles: It'll build character.

---

Charles: You're late again.

Aedre: Listen I wasn't even going to show up today so don't even start

---

Aylen: Do I look straight?

Klara: Not in the slightest.

Aylen: No, I mean my parking.

Klara: Ohhhhh... In that case, yes it's fine.

---

Rhiannon: Don't waste money this month.

Klara: I wont.

*a week later*

Rhiannon: What the-

*penguins swim by in the pool*

Klara: Don't worry. I stole them.

---

Conri: You're a hot mess, you know that?

Klara: At least I'm a fun hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks, and glitter.

---

Rhiannon and Charles: *arguing*

Klara [inhaling, from another room]: I can smell the sexual tension

---

Aylen: I'm the kind of person that likes to think things through.

Conri: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.

---

Charles: Every time you talk, I get this warm and fuzzy feeling inside me.

Charles: It's really nice, but it's bothering me. So please stop.

Rhiannon: Warm fuzzy feeling?

Rhiannon: Oh my god, Charles do you have feelings for me?

Charles: What the Fuck is a feeling?

---

Prongs: If coral gets stressed, they die. If I was coral I would be dead.

Aedre: What does coral have to be stressed about?

Prongs: Current events.

Aedre: Get out.

---

Aedre: Why is Aylen standing on the table?

Conri: She likes to be tall.

---

Klara: *walking around still disappointed six hours after leaving the aquarium*

Aylen: What did you think a tiger shark was, Klara?

---

Charles: Aye, wanna get drunk together and maybe make out a little later?

Rhiannon: ...

Rhiannon: Yeah, why not.

---

Aylen: You're a smart-ass, you know that?

Charles: Objectively, I'd say I'm very smart. Although it has nothing to do with my ass.

---

Charles: What is with you? You act like bothering me is your sole purpose in life!

Klara: Don't flatter yourself; eating is my purpose in life. Bothering YOU is a hobby.

---

Damien: Take off your armor, and what are you?

Charles: A man who could snap your neck at will.

Conri: A lass who could stab you through the gullet and laugh about it.

Prongs: An elf who could turn you into a Christmas ham.

The Alchemist: Someone who could poison you when you least expect it.

Aylen: A werewolf who could rip your throat out.

Klara: A jester who could smash your skull, and play with your entrails!

Aedre: A woman could strangle the light from your eyes.

Rhiannon: Literally Death incarnate.

Damien: Im out of here.