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Still got a heart-shaped bruise
That's how I remember you
Thinking of you
Am I thinking of you?

- Thinking of you, Elias
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Before~ 22 years old

"Are you a prince?"

The girl on his lap gushed over him. After a couple of drinks he was a little more receptive. Well, after watching Ava dancing all over Trevor and kissing him in ways that Alex didn't have to wonder what was going to happen when they left together, he did everything to get her out of his mind. Alex heard it all. That first year it felt like she wanted him to know everything that she did in her bedroom. She was a screamer. That was something that he didn't know about her.

Thoughts of what Ava and Trevor were doing put him in a fit of rage, yet he couldn't show it. The worst thing that he could do was to let it show that he wanted her. He wanted her like oxygen. He always found her in a crowd and did everything he could to peel his eyes away from her. He was lucky that she didn't look at him. If she watched him as she had in the past, she would have known that he was just as in love with her as she had been. All hope was not yet lost, was it? He could literally count the months until graduation in his fingers.

He survived that far, through all the times that he nearly told her everything and each time that he nearly kissed her, telling himself that he never said he wasn't attracted to her, so what would it hurt? It would hurt her. It would hurt his mother. He made a promise which he threatened to break every single day with how much he missed and wanted her, but nonetheless kept.

Alex had forgotten what she felt like and that zing that went through their fingers which sent her into shock near killed him. He saw it in her eyes, she thought she alone was feeling it. More than anything Alex just wanted to forget the tears in Ava's eyes earlier and the touch which nearly made him tell her everything.

He appreciated the distraction the girl with him offered but truthfully, he just wanted to be alone. Yet, Ava had called him out on not dating. He had broken up to see other people and yet Ava had dated far more than he had. In truth, she had taken his words out of context but what could he do? Their lives was a misery no matter what he did. Correcting her would have led to more confusion about why they were apart. It was not like they could be together. It hurt that they hardly said two words to each other but there had been wisdom in his mother's words— a wisdom that hurt more than it was worth. Why couldn't Ava be friends? If only he had that little bit off her, things would have been so much easier to endure.

The girl ran her hands through his hair, while her mouth kissed him along his jaw. His mind was so far that he had forgotten that someone was on him until she did that. Across the room, his friends were looking at him like a dog. He wasn't really. He had a reputation for one night stands and encounters that were never more. It was always when Ava pushed him too far or when he was at the brink of breaking and needed someone to hold him back and help release all his charged energy. Like in that moment.

"No."

After about three drinks the music made his heart  beat fast to its rhythm. Her hands travelled to his arms, she stopped and looked into his teal blue eyes. She stared at him dreamily and all he saw were reflections of Ava when she still touched him like that. Alex found Ava in every girl who touched him, not that it was fair to them, not that he had any choice in the matter, he had just been wired that way since that first time that she kissed him and dared him to take her virginity. Hadn't things always been that way with them? Alex never felt strongly about a lot of things while Ava was passionate in nearly everything she did. It made it easier to go along with her choices as he didn't care one way or another. He gave a damn about her dammit, why couldn't she see that?

Her challenge popped back into his mind. He had to take this girl or some other who was willing or blow his own cover. Alex forced himself to focus.

"But your sister is a queen..."

Alex smiled, answering a question that he had been asked a million times. He was not related to Aiden Henderson. Sure, they got along now but he still liked to give his brother-in-law a hard time."Her husband is the one  that's royal."

"But you get to go the palace?"

"When I visit her."

Satisfied with his answers her hands went back to his full head of hair and lowered it so that his lips and hers met. She licked his lips, biting him slightly. Alex grasped her tighter, holding her firmly. He responded, kissing her deeply. Alex heard wolf whistles behind him and knew that he and that girl would be a topic of discussion.

She wanted him and she wanted this to happen.  But then again, don't they all? Her hands travelled down his sides to his crotch.

Yep.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she wanted this to happen.

Alex lifted her up to her feet. Eyes were on them. Both he and the girl knew it. There was no girl seen with Alex that wasn't talked about the next day. It was part and parcel of the story of his life. Not that he didn't make it worse by being on the basketball and lacrosse team. His friends were noisy jocks too while Alex was often just present, to stop himself from being where Ava was.

How badly he wanted to be with her instead of all this! But he soldiered on, one step at a time.
Once they were in his room she closed the door with her back and stripped out off her clothes. Alex took her to bed. It was a mindless act, it always was or he was thinking of someone else. Truth was, he was always thinking of someone else no matter who he was with. Ava. For a couple of minutes he stayed with the nameless girl getting what he needed and she—God knows what she wanted! He knew he was a jerk and had been for the last four years.

Maybe she was blindly in love with him like many others assumed they were. Alex's relationships with girls consisted of him talking them down from feelings they thought they had for him. Then he was gentle. Then he paid attention not wanting to hurt yet another girl when the price was so high.

He hadn't known that he could be convincing but he always managed to show them that they had fallen in love with a fantasy. If they truly searched themselves, they would realise that they didn't really know him. No one really did know Alexander Evans. They knew what they read about his family to the point that they thought they knew him.

He saw how that could be misleading when you have some much information about a person, but he had only shared his hopes and dreams with one person. It had been so long that he talked about himself with someone who knew him. Now he did his best to avoid talking or people would see through the things he was trying to hide. 

Once the deed was done, he always felt like shit. There was a difference in lying to yourself and doing everything that your body was averted to. Now he had to send the girl away which was another part of this that he hated.

Alex had no desire for attachments and to pretend he did was much worse.

"Thank you," she giggled looking back at him with welcoming brown eyes.

Thank you? Alex smiled- That had been a first.

She grabbed her clothes off the floor. He was grateful that he hadn't need to say much to make her leave his bed."I'll see you again?"

She looked at him hopeful. Alex had never been in the job of selling young women dreams. He sighed. Perhaps she hadn't heard of his reputation or worse, she hoped to be the one to change him. He really hoped it wasn't that because no matter how much he chased her away, she would keep coming back.

It happened to him once, the girl reasoned that he was so nice to her because deep down he liked her. Alex had tried to argue that he was a nice person despite his reputation and ultimately had to admit to her that he would never like her because he was in love with someone else. Maybe she had never told anyone about that or no one believed her. Alex was glad that it didn't break a front that he tried hard to maintain.

"I'm not a serious kind of guy...."

Before he could finish his sentence his phone started ringing on the side of the bed. That freed him from the awkward answer he was about to give. She smiled, quickly putting her shorts on and her shirt over her head. She looked at him and when he gave her his back, he heard the door close.

Their encounter would be remembered for the fleeting moment that it was. Alex reached across the bed and grabbed his phone.

Ava.

After their exchange earlier, he doubted that she would speak to him again. Every weekend they were meant to have dinner together with her family or with her uncle and his cousin and yet for almost three years, they had attended about five times.  Alex had been there on his own a couple of times and was glad that he had sports commitments on most weekends. But not this one, this one they had both agreed and her father had called throughout the week to ensure it was still happening. He had even called Alex's coaches. Rick James was powerful and very persuasive, much like his daughter.

Alex dreaded that moment knowing that she was going to be within close proximity for the rest of the weekend.

"Is something wrong?" Alex answered quickly. Ava wouldn't call him without a reason.

"Can you come get me?"

Her voice was confident and the tone of her voice clear. She didn't sound like she was crying. Even if nothing was wrong, he would go. He would go anywhere she wanted. She only needed to call and she had.

"Where are you?"

"At Trevor's."

"I'm coming."

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