Chapter 27 | Torn Into Two

Everything felt numb. I was sitting on my bed replaying every moment of what just happened, in my mind. To be honest, I didn't know what to feel. It was a mixture of anger and sadness rolled into one.

How could I be so stupid?

I knew that I shouldn't have gotten involved with him. It should have just been strictly tutoring.

My mind wandered everywhere and filled with so many unanswered questions. He was just using me to get to Shane.

A soft knock soon came at my door.

"Go away," I muttered.

I didn't want to see anyone. I wasn't in the right mind to talk about it.

My door creaked open, and in walked Shane.

He looked and me and sighed. "You know I can't do that, Jade."

I shook my head at him and looked at the palm of my hands. My eyes refused to look him in the eyes and admit that he was right.

I should've listened to him, he knew him better than I ever did.

There was a dip in the bed from where he sat down. I could feel him wanting to say something but knew he was holding his tongue, hoping I would say something first.

I wanted to tell him that he was right about everything, but I couldn't. For once, I thought that maybe it would be okay to do something for myself. To go after something I wanted, but there was a reason that I didn't.

This was that reason.

The silence was taking over the room. I don't know how long we've been sitting here, it could've been an eternity, but the pain I felt in my heart was still there.

All I wanted it to do was go away.

"You can say 'I told you so' now," I muttered to Shane.

My eyes still didn't meet his, but I could feel him inching his way closer to me. His arms wrapped me in a big hug, letting my forehead press into his shoulder.

The simple gesture made me feel the tears stinging in my eyes.

I haven't cried yet because I feared that if I started, it would never stop.

Shane sighed. "It's okay to cry, you know?"

"I should've listened to you," my voice broke.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Jade. I never wanted you to get hurt like this. This is why I didn't want him hanging out with you all the time."

The tears started flowing out of my eyes, as I pulled away from the hug.

"It's just that I got my hopes up."

"About what?"

"Him loving me back. It's alright though, for the last few years I've spent all of my time loving people that don't love me back. It's nothing new."

"Jade-"

"I honestly wanted to believe he was different, you know?" I asked, my voice shaking.

I could feel my heart breaking with every word I said out loud. Everything felt like a nightmare and all I wanted to do was wake up.

Sadly, it doesn't work that way. This is the painful reality that I have to face, and I didn't know if I was ready for that.

"I know," Shane muttered.

The next sentence I was about to say, broke my heart. It hurt just thinking about it, but it was the truth.

I swallowed the lump in the back of my throat. "For once, I actually thought I would be good enough for someone. Turns out that I wasn't. It was just false hope."

"Jade, you know that that's a lie."

"It sure doesn't feel like it."

Shane sighed. "He isn't even worth your tears anyway. Please don't cry over him. You know, by far, that you can do better than a guy like him."

I shook my head. "What if I can't?"

"You will. He's just a boy that can't decide what he wants, so he just plays games. Trust me, you don't want that in your life."

He's right. In fact, he always has been. I've just been too blind to see the truth.

"I actually loved him. It was so foolish of me, to think that he loved me too."

---

A few hours later I got a text from Ray asking if we could meet up at Starbucks. I agreed to it, just so I could tell him the things I should have said in the hallway at school.

I just slipped on some sweats before going to meet him. It's not like I had to impress anyone, let alone, impress him anymore.

I walked into the Starbucks, only to find Ray sitting down at a table already.

When his eyes met mine, he stood up immediately. Right away, I tore my eyes away from him, trying my best not to break down crying.

"Jade-" his voice got louder as I approached him.

"Look, I just came here to say a few things," I explained.

I could feel the tension between us. It was a feeling that I never wanted there to be, ever.

My brain was mentally preparing the words to come out of my mouth, but they were scattered everywhere. It was a struggle trying to pull myself together, so I wouldn't be the girl who broke down in public.

"I can explain myself," he pleaded.

There was already a mountain between us that was too big enough for both enough to climb. Honestly, I didn't know if I was willing to climb it, even if he was on the other side of it.

The way he was looking at me in this very moment made my heart physically hurt. I could feel the pain radiating throughout my whole body.

This boy broke me.

"There's no need to. You didn't really love me, I get it."

He shook his head and tried to grab my hand, but I quickly moved away, not wanting any physical contact with him. Being here in the same room was enough to handle.

"That's not true-"

I stopped him. "I was also just a game to you. A girl that you could take advantage of, over your precious little scoreboard."

"The scoreboard didn't even matter to me anymore. Not for a while."

I looked down feeling a tear streak down my face. "The fact that there was even a scoreboard hurts."

"Jade, you know I never meant to hurt you," he explained.

"And yet you still did, ironic."

I could feel myself building a wall around the thought of him. It was something I always did to close myself off from the situation.

It was just so much better than feeling the pain.

"Don't do that, don't close yourself off to me."

I scoffed. "You should've thought of what you wanted before you went and did it."

His face turned red. "I didn't know how you turned out to be! You think falling for you was part of the plan? I never pegged you to be a kind hearted girl. I expected you to be like your brother."

"Here's a thought, why didn't you just get to know me before?"

"You're a Clarke."

I looked away from him. "It's just a last name. I could have stayed away from you because of your history with my brother, and frankly, that's exactly what I should've done."

"So you're saying that I was a mistake?" his voice broke.

"You're not allowed to do that. You can't play the victim when I'm the one you hurt."

He held his tongue.

"I think I should go now," I muttered.

"Jade, wait."

I shook my head. "I think it's best if you just forget about me, and I'll try to do the same."

"No, this can't be the end."

Tears rolled down my face. "I'm afraid it already is." 

---

A/N: Yay for the early update! I literally just finished writing this chapter. Honestly, it was really difficult to write, because I had to channel my inner sadness, but in the end it was all worth it. Yes, this chapter is back in Jade's POV. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Maybe there will be another early update this week, who knows? :) Until then, thanks for 20k! <3 Much love