『 admire all that you have lost. .

and pray that they do not get lost again 』

Gentle hands combed your hair, and for once you felt at ease. your mother was with you, alive and well, if not more energetic. Perhaps she wasn't sick like in the past? you could only hope so.

Your eyes felt weird, scratchy sometimes as you'd regularly look at your mother's body. you were still able to see through the skin, see her muscles and bones, she wasn't sick, that much was clear, and you hoped that stayed the same till the end of your life.

You wanted your mother to be alive, to be happy and well. Because if she was alive, your father wouldn't be devastated, and your brother wouldn't be alone for when you're gone.

"[name]-chan, let's go outside?" your mother suddenly offered, standing up as you stared at your reflection, her hair was smoothened down and carefully styled in a way that made you look more feminine rather than androgynous.

staring up at your mother, you silently nodded, taking her outstretched hand and letting her pull yourself up.

it would be fine to at least cling to her right?

just before you leave. .

'Kami-sama, let me be selfish for this one time, and if you were to punish me, please do not take her away from me.' you silently prayed, hoping God would have mercy on you and be understanding.

"don't you want to wear this dress or this set?" your mother pouted holding two outfits, one in each hand. One was a cute sleeveless dress and the other was a plain shirt with a skirt.

you quickly shook your head no, it felt weird being able to dress and show more skin. sure you were a child, but old habits and teachings die hard.

so you ended up going in your kimono.

"such a very traditional child" your mother couldn't help but sigh, despite it she still smiled, "I told your father to let you two wear what you want, times have changed, it's okay not to wear traditional clothes always." your mother muttered to herself.

Your mother, perhaps to match with you, also wore a traditional kimono, and with that, the two of you left the room, hand in hand as you made your way out of the estate.

From a distance you could hear the clashing of wooden swords, a familiar sound you have grown accustomed to in your last life. "Wait here while I go call the driver, okay?"

You nodded silently as your mother left, your hand no longer holding her own and the feeling of loneliness and worry began to consume you. To distract yourself, you find yourself approaching a building that was detached from the main house.

Curiosity got the best of you and so you peeked through the half open door to find your father and brother, your eyes widened, this couldn't be called training, rather it was like a merciless beat down, a one sided fight.

It was not the same as sparring or training, your father was going hard on your brother, past his limits, not stopping with his relentless attacks. Your hand gripped on the doorway, you were ready to head in however you were stopped by your mother, a furious expression twisted on her face.

She yelled at your father and your mouth open agape, sure you were used to your parents arguing in regards to how you and Michikatsu should be raised but. . . all you could do was stare at your twin, your older brother who avoided your eyes, bruises on his face and body, leaving spots of purple and red.

Needless to say, you and your mother's trip was cancelled. They moved to a private room to have their argument, leaving you and Michikatsu alone, the same person you were no unsure of on how to approach.

As you met his eyes all you could focus on was your past lives together, what had been, what had been said, and of course what had been done. You just couldn't let go. Everytime you close your eyes, memories from the past haunt you, you hear things you heard before, feel things you have felt long ago.

The prominent memories that tend to resurfaced was the ones where you brother was in. You remembered the times you followed him anywhere he went, especially when you met again that fateful night, where his comrades died and he seemed so hopeless. .

"I hate you" he'd say, and you began to believe him, but that did not deter you from following him, because deep down you knew he was lonely, but he just didn't seem to accept it. . "Go away damnit!" he cursed, as he turned to you, eyes glaring daggers. Perhaps if looks could kill, you'd be dead.

You took a deep breath, steadying your heart that was beating rapidly. This wasn't like you, you were Tsugikuni Yori(ichi), you are supposed to be the definition of calm and yet. . you shook your head silently, the Michikatsu in front of you right now was innocent, he was once again a young boy, untainted by greed or hatred, or insecurities. He would always be the brother you loved and deeply cherished.

And right now, that brother of yours was hurt.

You held out your hand to him, "Aniki. ." you muttered and his eyes widened in shock "let's get you cleaned up." He gaped at you like a fish out of the water, what was so shocking about this? was he embarrassed that she saw him in such a situation? he shouldn't be, why should the victim be ashamed anyways?

Seeing as he was lost in thought, you gently wrapped your arm around his wrist, tugging him. Bumping into a maid you gestured to your brother's wounds and they quickly understood, getting a first aid kit and some food for the both of you.

And so the two of you sat on the hallway, overlooking the garden of the estate. "You can talk?" your brother questioned, head snapping towards you as he had gotten over his shock, You tilted your head at him in confusion, why ask such an obvious question? but then you remembered, perhaps it was just the same as the past, she remembered never speaking in her early years to the point your mother had made you hanafuda earrings for a sort of charm as they all thought you were deaf and or mute.

"I can." you answered briefly, turning away from him as you closed you eyes, basking in the sunlight. "Why did you only speak now?" Michikatsu asked and you hummed "I never felt the need to until now."

It was nice to be alive again, you could hear the soft chimes of the windchimes that hung from the ceiling.

For a moment you felt at peace.

And in that moment, you wished things would continue on like this while you remained with your family.

Reiwa Era .ᐟ 

🔥 Yoriichi got the hanafuda earring from his mother when his family believed him to be deaf, which was probably a stigma in the past. Now however in the Modern Time or Era, it is not as severe of a stigma back then, so your mother never made you the pair of hanafuda earrings as there was nothing to be ashamed about you being deaf/mute supposedly.

🔥Michikatsu was the first to know you can speak. Then your parents and then the attendants. Of course you chose not to speak much, only sparingly with your mother and brother, never your father.