2/11/2076
There comes a moment in everyone's life where they feel like things are looking up. But then reality set in. I don't know what it is honestly, maybe I jinx it every time I think things would look up. It is a bottomless chasm in throw myself into every damn tie, yet I never seem to learn, must've taken that from my father, poor man, good man damn good man but I hope I never become hm.
I haven't been able to sleep much these past few weeks. I don't feel tired I guess. I just don't know what's wrong. That's a lie. I do know. But I just would never admit it. Every night I lay in my bed staring at the brown stained ceiling, a pipe leak from the neighbors plumbing which they dint bother fixing. I can't blame them. Shits hella expensive. I don't know how my dad even manages to afford the rent and my tuition fee. He lost his job 5 years ago not too long after mom left with Abby and Vince. I stayed behind, I don't know why I did that. I guess it just felt wrong to leave dad, but sometimes I don't know if I made the right choice.

14/11/2076
I'm in the third year of high grad. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have friends. I think I'm an average looking guy and I mostly keep to myself. I hang out with one guy, Ian. He's a good friend, my only friend. I think a friend is someone you can open up to tell them about the things bothering you and tosh like that. We share many interests like movies, tv shows, and old school paper comic book collecting. But there is one major thing that makes him so different from me. He's an extrovert. He's a nerd yeah, but he's the type of nerd women like, he's easy on the eyes, if a good cock sucking people pleaser and of course girls throw themselves at him but I haven't seen him do anything long-term with them. I envy Ian, I really do.

16/11/2076
I've started going to the old scrapyard at night. Its not too far off from where I live. I lay there in the trash gazing at the night sky observing the stars burn and shrivel. Did you know we are so far away from the stars that it can take light up to 450 years to travel from the stars to the earth. What we see in the sky is a literal memory. A remnant. I wonder what choices they had taken.

19/11/2076
I've recently started talking to a girl in my class. Abigale. She's pretty. Very pretty. I don't know what else I can say about her, even now as a write I gush at the mere thought of her and every time I talk to her I'd be lost for words. I wasn't aware she even knew of my existence and frankly I'm still surprised that I even get to talk to her and however I do I end up making a fool of myself but it gets her to laugh, I think she's into it.

20/11/2076
Our bill was overdue by 5 months. Apparently, dad couldn't afford the rent and my tuition fee. Needless to say the asshole landlord evicted us. We shifted to a dingy old apartment, its ass but at least the rents cheap. I got a job at a small shop as a cashier. The pay isn't great but it covers up the rent, barely. I might have to drop out at this rate. I'm surprised people are actively hiring cashiers, but then I met the shop keep, an old man and it started to make sense. I've never worked before. Dad never let us worry about money and work. We got what we wanted. It was nice but it made us soft. But yeah times be changing I guess. I suck at this job, the customers push me around but the old man doesn't seem to mind my not so up to mark work. I think he's grown quite fond of me. I just hope he's not a creep.

22/11/2076
I still go to the scrapyard at night. I can't sleep and the scrapyard is peace alludes me, it calls me, away from all the noise, all the neon lights of the city and all the people. Its just me and the old junk. In a weird sense I've come to form a sort of attachment to the place a sense of ownership, its silly but it is what it is. Last night I was able to salvage a visor, first gen made around 2020s if id had to guess. Sadly, it was busted but I think I could get to work if I had the right components and tools. The visor would need very specific very tiny tools.  Think I might be able to salvage them from the yard if I kept searching.

24/11/2076
I really like talking to this girl you know. She shares many of the same interests as I do and she is also a big fan of GrandMega Tenc, only the greatest superhero in all of fiction. Objectively. Anyone that says otherwise is just wrong and the fact that she's a fan makes her an awesome person in my eyes. We had a long chat today. I feel good. Happy even. I saw guys from my class glare at me for even talking to her and it made sense, she is one of the most sought out girl. Despite that or because of that I ignored them, I didn't care about them I was talking to her, nothing else mattered. Everyone could just go to hell.

25/11/2076
I saw a girl at the scrapyard tonight. Pale with a scrawny figure. Her outfit stood out to me as it reminded me of the fashion trends of the early 2000s. I wish I was from that era. She laid on the scrap few feet away from me. We didn't talk but I think I heard her crying. I'm not sure. She didn't bother me but it felt like she had crept into my personal space. I realize now as I write that it is retarded but that's just how I felt in the moment.

27/11/2076
I saw Ian and Abigale at a restaurant today. I watched them from the window, they held hands, he talked she laughed and then they went for a kiss. I couldn't watch. He knew I liked her yet here they were. He would hype me up to talk to her. He could've told me he was dating her. He never mentioned it. She never mentioned it. I guess I knew they talked, because he'd sometimes tell me about the things shed be going through but he'd make it sound like he got that information for me, so that I could get closer to her. So he lied, they both did. Made me look like a fool while they laughed behind my back. I wanted to rush in and beat him for lying, for faking, for playing with me but I didn't. I couldn't. I'm a coward. But one thing did happen tonight the glass of delusion shattered in front my eyes.

29/11/2076
The girl from the junkyard approached me tonight. Girl from the junkyard, I need to ask her name someday. We didn't talk. At all. She laid next to me on the scrap. Closer than she usually does. I saw her losing herself into the sky's starry freckles, as I would. She offered me a cigarette. I refused I don't smoke that tosh. She did. As pitiful as it might sound I wanted to wallow in my misery alone yet there a I was smoke being puffed at my face. What a fucking day.

2/12/2076

The old man got robbed the other day. Assholes took everything, even the fucking cat. He blamed me for not standing up to the robbers but what was I supposed to do, they had a gun and I wasn't going to die for a crusty old thrift shop. Needless to say, he fired me. Figures. I told dad about the whole shebang and he was worried. He tries to hide it but over the years I've been able to tell when he does so. Dads family was rich and I guess as a consequence it brought with it its own baggage. He said he wanted to give Abby, Vince and I a life he didn't have, a life where he'd always be present in our life. All the money in the world yet granddad couldn't afford his time with his children. After mom left, my uncles and aunts disowned dad for reasons I still don't know, so here we are. Dad told me he was going to apply for a few jobs and I felt useless.

4/12/2076
I've grown used to the girl at the junkyard's presence, god I need to ask her name. I've gotten used to her cheap smokes too, I didn't think I would. I had brought the visor with me today. I was able to find most of the components Id need and the necessary tools. I worked on it under the moonlight. The girl crawled over and watched me work. She wore an oversized shirt that could've easily engulf two of her with ease and she wasn't wearing a bra, I wasn't checking her out or anything, the shirts neck size is just too big. I remember asking myself at the moment if she was trying to seduce me or if she was just ridiculously naïve or something. I don't know. I wasn't able to get as much work done on the visor as id hoped because of all the shifting around I had to do but she seemed to be entranced by my work on the visor.

5/12/2076
Dad couldn't get any of the jobs he applied for. He's in his mid-60s which isn't that old for any kind of job these days. People work at Giovanni City till their 80s and 90s but they use the best implants and enhancements in the market. We can't afford those. I tried to cheer him up but nothing. I told him about the few jobs I had applied for all of which pay pretty good. He gave me a weak smile and told me that I make him proud.

10/12/2076
Abigale tries to contact me but I haven't responded to any of her texts for a while now. I was my fault for getting my hopes too high with her but still I think I deserve to be angry about it. I want to distance myself from her. I want to distance myself from Ian. I just want to be alone. I don't know if I'm being weird or immature but I just don't want all this noise. I just want some peace. I want someone to love me. Dad loves me but I desperately want the love of a woman. I just don't know what choices to take that'd lead me there. It's embarrassing to admit but it is what it is.

13/12/2076
I got a job at Johann Industries, one of the biggest tech conglomerates in the city. Its an internship really but for an internship the pay is really good, double what the old man paid me. Which doesn't say much. The desk girl gave me a vidband that's given to new employees to help them familiarize themselves with the building. The job itself isn't anything to write home about, its mundane and stupid chore work. If I had a choice I would've never taken it but don't really have a choice do I.

15/12/2076
I finally got the visor working tonight. It wasn't the prettiest repair but it got the job done. The girl cheered me on. I asked her name today by the way. Her names Anne and I should've asked it a long time ago but I'm an introvert, talking to anyone yet alone a girl is not normal for me. I switched on the visor and was greeted to a bunch of errors and a prompt shutdown. It had a corrupted OS. It wouldn't work without it. Ill install some compatible 3rd party OS on it tomorrow. My my new job I can afford forking some cash on that.

23/12/2076
I got fired last week. It was stupid. An office whore made a huge scene about me being inappropriate with her and what not. I don't even know her. I could've said something back but I chose not not to, my rationale being that if I let her vent out people will catch on that she's just making tosh up. But of course who would you believe, office whore or the intern who hasn't even tried to prove his innocence. Of course you'd pick me I'm just that irresistible. I make myself laugh. I haven't told dad yet but think he suspects it. I've been making excuses why I'm at home more often nowadays and sometimes stay outside to avoid total suspicion.

24/12/2076
I finally installed the OS on the visor. The software was from the early 2040s. It'd be hard to find or damn near impossible, but not if you know where to look. Its abandonware at this point so it was dirt cheap but still I would've preferred if it was free. I set it up and tried the visor. Anne looked at me excitedly. It was weird seeing her smile. I offered her to try the visor. She liked it. I was able to get some Ars installed on it and we took turns fucking around with it.

26/12/2076
Tonight something weird happened. Anne brought an old data chip she wanted to try on the visor. It had an AR which she wanted to try out. It wasn't like any AR program id seen so it took me some tinkering to get it to run properly after which I handed her the visor. She grinned stupidly during the hole time, cute but still stupid. I don't think I've seen her be this happy. Ever. She asked me if I wanted to try it. I didn't want to because I didn't know if shed be okay with it but she told me that if she wasn't she wouldn't have asked. Made sense. The AR was of a beach. Just the ocean wave hitting the sandy beach arithmetically and the moonlight giving it a cool effect. So here's the weird part, Anne tried to kiss me. I broke contact because it was so sudden. My brain went mush and I could form any logical thought so I just sat there. I probably looked like a total idiot. She stumbled on her words and kept apologizing. I wish I could say I handled the situation smoothly but I made it so fucking weird that I don't even want to write about it.

29/12/2076
Dad took his life yesterday. He didn't leave any note or anything. Just me. I'm staring at his urn as I write and I keep asking the same question over and over again, 'why did you leave me?' I haven't talked to anyone and I haven't cried since he died. I'm just numb right now. Abigale hasn't contacted me she probably has forgotten about me. Ian called multiple times but I dint want to talk to him. Anne hasn't been to the scrapyard since our incident. I probably embarrassed her. Not probably. I did embarrass her. I wanted to tell her about everything and maybe even apologize but I guess I pushed her away too. Fuck it. I don't really have much to live for maybe ill join dad soon. I don't know.

13/1/2077
Anne came to the scrapyard today. I asked about her health and apologized for my stupidity. I told her that I'd understand if she didn't want to talk to me. Anne didn't utter a word. She probably did hate me. I remember placing my hand on her shoulder when she was about to leave to which she winced. I asked her if she was a hurt to which she shyly nodded. I don't know how I mustered the strength to look her right in the eye and ask her to remove her shirt. Looking back, I'm surprised she didn't smack the shit out of me. I carefully removed her from her body. My gaze drifted on the constellation of burns scattered all across her body. After my insistence to know who did this to her she told me about the culprit, her mom.
The anger I felt when I heard that was unlike anything id ever felt. Anne apologized. It was probably embarrassing for her to stand in front of a guy topless. I've been reflecting, I don't act like myself around her because as she was reaching out for her shirt I kissed her. She didn't hit me and to my surprise she pulled me closer and kissed me back.
I lay here on the scrap. Anne is asleep, her head on my lap. I've given her my jacket so that she wouldn't catch a cold. Anne asked me to run away from the city with her. I didn't think much about it and agreed to do so. I don't really have anything here for me. I don't know if I've made the right call, I can't take care of myself, I couldn't take care of dad, how would I take care of her?
I just looked over at her. She seems so peaceful right now. I chuckle at the sight of her drool dribbling down my thigh. I think I made the right choice.