Asia

I have just been informed that my father is dead, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Now I fear for my safety because I don’t know what the fuck is going on here anymore

“dead??” I asked with a very shocked tone

“yes, we’ve ran many background checks, even on your family history, we’ve searched the nation and couldn’t locate him in Canada, after we initiated a world wide search and no results came up for an Aaron Carson of that description. We have his social security number in our systems but he can’t be found alive on this planet. As we were coming to the conclusion that he was deceased, we stumbled across the name of the cemetery he was buried in and alas it was confirmed that he has passed away two years ago…” they told me

“you’re kidding me, are you serious??” I protested

“very serious ma’am…”

There was a long pause of silence over the phone because I was so stunned I had no words in my mouth…

“is he the only one you can think of as a suspect ma’am?”

“he is right now…” I said discouraged

“we’ll keep working with what we do have miss Carson…” he said trying to comfort me

“okay thank you” I said dryly

His attempt failed

“alright take care now…” he said

“okay you too” I said hanging up

Abel had woken up and came to the front where I was, he saw the frustration on my face.

“what’s wrong baby?” he said sitting down

“I just got off the phone with the investigation team about my dad” I said frustrated as I held my phone up

“what did they say?” he said interested

“they said my dad’s dead…” I said shaking my head “and he’s been dead for like two years”

“damn you’re kidding” he said sitting back in the chair

“I wish I was…this means I really don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore”

“I told you Justin couldn’t be trusted baby…”

“I don’t know Abel, the stories he told me about how he spoke to my dad and knew his name without me even telling him, that shit doesn’t sound made up to me…I think he’s telling the truth but I don’t know how he’s dead if he’s doing this shit…”

“I mean so you don’t think its Justin, it’s not your dad, so who did it?” Abel asked

“that’s the shitty part about all of this…I just don’t know” I said throwing my head in my hands letting out a sigh of frustration

“this is fucked up…I don’t know if we’ll ever find out who killed my sister”

“baby I’m determined and I’m trying. I really am, but this is so fucking hard”

“I understand baby and I appreciate you, but I really think you should look more into justin’s ass he’s still not one to be trusted to me”

“I understand you Abel but I’m definitely going to ask him about this”

“I was going to take a shower, did you need me in here when you asked?” he said

“no baby you go relax, I’m going to get to the bottom of this, you’ve been through enough…”

Which he has, I just didn’t want to add any more pressure on him at all.

“okay baby I love you” he said walking up to me throwing his tongue into my mouth before turning and walking back towards the room

Subconsciously I had no choice but to smile from his warm embrace. He brightens my day even when shit is looking grim.

As he left I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Justin’s number up. The first time he didn’t answer so I called right back, he ended up picking up.

“hello?” he said

“hey Justin, I have to talk to you…”

“what’s up?”

“yeah I talked to the investigation team today and they told me they searched high and low for my dad, they concluded he died two years ago…what the fuck is going on??”

I wasn’t blaming him, just needed answers and fast…

“I don’t know…dead?? That’s impossible, I know what the fuck happened then…I talked to him before and he was weird as fuck when I did…”

“well how can he be dead buried in a cemetery Justin?”

“look I don’t know who’s switching the story up, but you know how your dad was and he even tried adding you on Facebook before, it’s crazy how they can’t find him unless he’s going by another fucking name somewhere”

“what?! That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard, what’s his motive?? He didn’t give a shit about when I was growing up why the hell would he be strong about getting me now??”

“it could be a lot of reasons, jealousy, regret, embarrassment, anything…money even”

“money? I don’t have that much! I’m a med school student”

“and he probably knows that, remember your facebook was open Asia”

Every time he reminds me I have no choice but to shut my mouth, every fucking thing goes back to my facebook being open and capable of being stalked.

“so you expect me to bring up that my dad could be going by a fake name now??”

“it wouldn’t hurt to try, you know I’m not the one who pulled the fucked up stunt…”

“I know you didn’t, you couldn’t have, you knew my dad’s name and how he was even before I told you…that’s proof enough for me”

“just knowing me should have been proof enough for you, pretty fucked up you even suspected you fucked a killer at one point and got pregnant by him…”

He had a point but I was in no mood to feel shitty again

“okay Justin I understand! I get it! I’m sorry! I know it’s fucked up to think someone I lived with could be a killer all of a sudden I know but you have to understand me to, someone was shooting us a few weeks ago and this shit is still in the air, I had lost a baby months ago and I just needed to get away for a while”

“yeah into the arms of another man…”

I heard the pain in his voice, this shit is too much for one woman to take.

“Justin don’t be that way please, I’m not trying to make this worse than what it already is”

“I know Asia but shit is fucked up right now and it still hurts that you thought that way towards me”

“look I’m going through a lot, I need to be blamed when all of this shit is over not right now please…”

He sighed “whatever…”

“I mean I’ll mention it to them but I don’t know how much of that they’re going to feed into” I said chuckling at the story myself

“well I know what happened when I spoke to him and other than that, I have no idea who did that shit…”

“I understand, well thanks for the heads up”

“no problem…”

“okay bye”

“see ya” he said hanging up

I knew he still loathed me in a way, but I had to get to the bottom of this shit once and for all…we’ll handle my personal relationships after all of this shit is over

Later On That Day

I was on the phone with the investigation team regarding what Justin had told me earlier that day

“well ma’am if your father in fact is faking his death and using a different identity it would be nearly impossible to discover where he is now, our search database is strictly identity based…and he could be a John Doe for all we know, or even taken the identity of a woman, besides, there’s records of his grave plot in our database…chances are he is deceased ma’am.” He said

“well it was a worth a try in mentioning it…” I said

“thank you for the information though”

“no problem” I said

“have a nice day”

“thank you, you too” I said hanging up

“what did they say baby?” Abel asked

“they said if he’s faking his death and going by a different name it would be impossible for them to discover who he is now, the guy said they have his grave plot location in their records too so they think he’s dead…there’s no chance of them really pursuing that theory though…”

“damn…” he said shaking his head

“I know”

“I don’t know, what is Justin saying about all of this shit??”

“he’s just saying he knows he spoke to him before and he was acting crazy which I don’t put it past him, my dad most likely was nuts, but he said he didn’t do it and wouldn’t do anything like that”

“and you believe that shit?” he said dryly expecting me to say yes

“well…” I said shrugging my shoulders

“that’s bull shit he’s feeding you, someone killed my fucking sister that night and we don’t know anyone else who hated our relationship besides him…”

“well he never really hated our relationship, he just…”

“fuck that Asia! Stop defending the mother fucker! He didn’t want me with you and you and I both know that! Shit’s fucked up and you know it!”

I stayed silent, I know he was right but honestly I don’t know what to think right now…

Three Nights Later

I’m at the grocery store tonight. I decided to start cooking again, that’ll take my mind off of a lot that we’re going through. Besides, I want to resume a normal life, maybe this will mask some of the abnormalities we’re facing right now. Abel’s back at the loft, before I left he was working on a few songs. When I heard the lyrics, I heard him retelling the story of the shit we’re going through right now. One thing I adore about him is that his music is the truth whether anyone wants to believe it or not.

At first he wasn’t comfortable with letting me go out but I assured him I would be okay, besides I needed to get out the house.

I wrestled up taco ingredients and Spanish rice. I thought making something special tonight would really get me in a different mood. Seeing as this particular grocery store didn’t have the taco seasoning I needed for the meat, I had to run to another after I got everything I needed. Abel called like every 5 minutes to check on me. I appreciate him though. I love that in him.

Because I had to locate to another store, it’s getting darker and darker outside. When I finally find the taco seasonings I needed it was closing time for that store and I was the last car in the parking lot as the employees were beginning to lock up and clean their stations out. I’m leaving the store with one small bag of some Brisk teas and taco seasoning packets. As I’m walking I begin to take my keys out of my purse. When I finally get my key in hand I hear another set of keys…strange, I’m not rattling my keys much right now, what’s going on?

I began to walk a little faster to my car…I don’t have any weapons with me besides this grocery bag and my body limbs, hell I was worn out, I didn’t feel like fighting tonight. Then I began slowing my pace down as I realized it could have just been me hallucinating.

“calm down Asia, you’re okay…” I said giving myself a pep talk

I could have sworn I heard someone say “yeah Asia, you’re okay…” from behind me. I couldn’t make out the voice but I was so sure I heard those exact words. I quickly turned around only to find no one there. That’s when I began sweating from the inside out. I put some pep in my step and began power walking over to my car. Now as I’m walking I began hearing separate foot steps behind me. Now I’m freaking out! What the fuck is going on with me?! I turn around and see nothing there. Maybe it’s really nothing. I examine my surroundings as I’m desperately trying to get to my car. I see a few surrounding buildings, some trash cans, and the public park that was now darkened in the night time sky from across the street. These surroundings gave me the creeps! Made me realize that if there was someone following me, they had the perfect hiding places.

It’s like every time I take a step I begin to hear someone else take more steps behind me. It’s fucking scary man. I just said fuck it and hauled ass the rest of the way to the car. This steady walking isn’t doing any good, they could have been killed me if they wanted to!

I quickly opened my door and threw that bag inside without any care in the world. I jumped inside the car and quickly locked all of the doors around me. Then I let out a quick sigh of relief as I felt safer. I began my engine and began driving back to the loft. What the fuck is going on with us?!

Later On That Night

I finished cooking and Abel and I are both sitting at the kitchen table with our plates out in front of us. I’m not talking at all though. I think he notices it too. I don’t care right now, what happened at the grocery store scared the shit out of me!

Abel

I’m sitting here smashing the shit out of my tacos but can’t really enjoy them how I usually do because I notice Asia sitting there looking at her plate. It’s pretty hardening. She came right in and played it off well as she began cooking. Now all of these feelings must be coming to the surface because she isn’t masking her pain very well now.

“baby what’s wrong?” I asked

“nothing baby, just eat okay…”

She’s trying not to put stress on me, guess she feels I’ve been through enough. She doesn’t know that whatever she feels, I feel by now? I’m not buying this “nothing” shit.

“Asia, stop lying” I said sitting back in my chair

“I don’t wanna worry you Abel” she said putting her face in her hands. It’s almost as if she was trying not to cry

“baby, I’m worried already, stop trying to protect me…that’s my fucking job, tell me what the fuck is bothering you…”

“well tonight when I went out to get the ingredients for the food, I heard someone behind me and I was so fucking scared” she said beginning to cry

“word? You fucking heard someone behind you?” I said getting even more worked up

She shook her head as she sniffed up sadness. She grabbed some tissue from the table and blew her nose.

“I was so fucking scared, I even took the long way home to lose whoever it was if they were trying to follow me…” she said

“damn baby, see this is why I didn’t want you to fucking go out alone” I said beginning to kick myself in the ass

“I know! I know Abel, I’m sorry baby…I just want this shit to be over”

“it’s okay bae…I’m fucking sorry for letting you do that shit alone fuck!” I said getting frustrated

How could I be so fucking stupid!? If whatever was following her had of killed her I would have committed suicide for sure. Losing all of these people in my life I love is not what I signed up for at all.

Later On That Night

Asia

Abel was laying down as we spoke for a while. He fell asleep about 10 minutes ago and he’s out like a light, snoring and everything. I’m laying down thinking about all of the shit that’s going on with us right now! Its fucked up man! I don’t know what to fucking think anymore! I don’t have a life anymore! Whatever is stalking us controls my life right now. I don’t even know what we did to fuck anything up!

I’m beginning to feel as though everyone is a suspect…Justin, my dad, any fucking body else who decided to fuck with us! I’m a wreck and I know it!

I guess all I can do is get some sleep. I got comfortable and positioned myself to be facing Abel. I feel safe when I face him even though he’s not much protection while he’s calling the hogs in, but still it felt good to know my man was next to me sleeping or not.

When I finally clear my head and fall asleep I began having horrific nightmares. I seen myself in a delivery room. I seen doctors all around me.

“push Asia, keep pushing, you’re almost there” the nurses encouraged me

I seen myself straining, I pushed and pushed so hard until I felt the pain. They pulled a child out of me but their faces became hardened as they looked at me with terrible grief and back at my baby with horrible disbelief.

“what’s wrong?!” I screamed

Then I remember seeing my beautiful male child in the arms of a nurse. He was still born and has blood covering his mouth, cheeks, and coming from his nose. He wasn’t breathing at all and looked lifeless in her arms, she was holding a plastic doll for all I know. My child was so lifeless is shook me outside of the dream. I cried and cried so hard this was painful to bear in this dream.

Then my dream flashed to myself being a little 14 year old girl. I remember walking up towards my kitchen but stopping right outside of the entrance. I hid behind the wall as I heard my mother on the phone yelling and arguing with someone. I had to listen.

“no! no! bull shit! I told you Asia was graduating from 8

th

grade this weekend!” she yelled

Then she’d pause as if she was listening to the other person on the line. I heard the yelling of a man’s voice.

“but you said you could do that! Did you not? No answer my got damn question! You know what, you’re her father and can’t even come to her graduation? Don’t come around when she’s grown either! We don’t need you damn it, you just keep paying every month for my daughter” she said hanging up “asshole!” she said to herself in frustration

I seen myself in the dream sitting outside the kitchen threshold. I fought tears back as I began feeling like if my own dad didn’t give a fuck about me that no man would ever. It kind of hurt to know that he said he would come but now he’s making up bull shit lies to skip the event. I felt pushed to the side.

Then my dream flashed to the argument I had with Justin the night I called Abel on the phone, the very same night I arrived back in Chicago after leaving Toronto. It all freaked me out, I can’t believe what I’m seeing!

“whatever Asia, it’s still fucked up how you come back acting like you don’t know me and shit” Justin said to me

“Justin I acted this fucking way-way before I left! You’re just catching feelings because we were separated for so long and I went back to our hometown!”

“I fucking love you girl! What the fuck am I supposed to think!?” he screamed

“I love you too but I need a break! What part of that don’t you understand?!”

“whatever Asia…” he said pulling his keys out of his pocket and turned around

“wait! Where are you going??”

“to my uncle’s house, fuck this…” he said walking away

“what’s wrong with you! why are you acting like this! we’re both adult here!”

“we are and you’re not being real with me right now, pretty childish Asia…”

“what the fuck! I told you everything!”

He laughed “really? Everything…”

I could have sworn I heard him say “about fucking that short fuck…” under his breath but I could be wrong…

“what?!” I yelled demanding he tell me what he said under his breath

“nothing! I just cant believe you don’t want me with you now, fuck it I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight…”

“what is that supposed to mean Justin?!? What the fuck do you mean by that?!?” I yelled

Then I woke up choking! I woke straight up in the bed. I felt my pillow, drenched in sweat. Damn these dreams are fucking with me tonight. I’m sweating, I’m hyperventilating, I’m scared right now! What is going on with me?!

I began trying to calm myself down by controlling my breathing and giving myself another pep talk.

“okay Asia, they were just dreams…real ass dreams but they were only dreams, they’re over, they can’t hurt you…” I said shaking my head “wooo” I said attempting to shake these thoughts and feelings away “you’re okay girl, just lay back down everything’s okay”

I remember calming down before laying back on the bed. It was too sweaty so I used my cover as a towel for the night to lay over my wet pillow.

The Next Day

Abel won’t leave me in the house alone anymore. I can’t say I blame him, nothing has given us peace of mind in a long time. From those dreams I had last night, seeing my past come back to haunt me…especially when it came to my life without a dad, it touched me. It really showed me a picture of how much a dick he really was. When I seen the argument Justin and I had, I didn’t feel that he was behind all of this. My dad is really beginning to click with