There's a knock on the door and River leaves Olivia and I to our incessant giggling to answer it. Something in the air changes and I stop laughing immediately. I smooth my blouse and skirt, untying my apron. I stand straighter as I move through to the living room to greet my guest.

"Wow, Steph!" Lindsey says at the sight of me. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you, Lindsey." I let him kiss my cheek and as he tries to kiss my lips, I take a step back.

"Uh, Olivia's in the kitchen. Would you like to say hi?"

"Sure." Lindsey looks at me, intensity in his eyes. His fingers brush my hand as he walks past and I don't dare move.

"What was that all about? I thought you were going to try to be civil?" River asks me, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"I didn't scratch his eyes out the moment he arrived so I feel like that's pretty civil."

He chuckles. "Fair enough." I feel Lindsey's eyes on me and I turn around to follow my son into the kitchen.

"Well, I think Stevie's going to make a pie." I hear Olivia say as I get closer. "I hope it's apple. It's my favorite."

Lindsey looks at me and rolls his eyes. He's trying to get a rise out of me and I shake my head. He looks wounded, shuffling his feet and staring at the tile floor. "I guess I will let you girls get down to it then."

"Wanna help, Lindsey?" I ask.

"Me?"

"No, the other Lindsey. Of course, you, silly."

"I-I don't really know what to do."

"I can help you. My mom sent me her recipe. I have everything here."

"Okay, I guess."

"Wash your hands, alright? Then we can get started on the crust."

"Why don't you just get one out of the freezer section? It's easier."

"It might be easier but this is more fun. Plus, mom said that the effort makes it taste better and it's baked with love." I smile at him, bumping his hip with my own. "Don't you think?"

"I haven't baked with you in a million years."

"It was River's first birthday. I wanted to make this extremely complicated, homemade chocolate layer cake and I messed it up. I was crying, so upset that I'd ruined my little boy's birthday and you came in and saved the day. I don't think I ever thanked you for that."

"I was thanked plenty. You were so happy and you kissed me all over. That's all I ever needed." He nuzzles his nose into my hair and I smile. He kisses my temple and I could melt right into him.

"I miss having you here." I admit.

"I miss being here."

"Do you think you'd ever consider coming back?"

"I don't know, angel."

"Oh...okay." I move away from him, peeling and slicing my apples. I gather all the supplies I need and go about following the recipe, mostly from memory. I remember helping make this every Christmas and 4th of July with my mother. Lindsey stands back and watches, holding his hands out awkwardly. I look at him briefly and giggle. "What are you doing?"

"I'm afraid they'll be dirty by the time I'm allowed to touch something."

"You're cute. Grab the silver tin for me and I will help you lay the crust in there." He looks around, not sure where that would be. "In the cabinet, up there." I point and he reaches it with ease. Usually it takes me a step stool and climbing onto the counter. I prefer not to now that I'm almost three months pregnant.

"Anything else?"

"Um...can you tie the apron around my waist. I don't want to get my skirt dirty."

"Is it new?"

"No, it's old but it's my favorite." He finds my blue gingham apron on the counter and promptly ties it for me.

"You know, I think I remember this apron."

"You should, I've worn it forever."

"I know, but you made it in Home Ec."

A smile grows on my lips. "How do you remember that?"

"I remember you being scared of the big pedal sewing machine. You thought you'd sew your fingers to the fabric."

I cringe, thinking about it. "I kept having gruesome dreams about it."

"I remember. You'd call my house late at night in tears."

"I only took that class because I was so in love with you and wanted to be a good wife. I learned how to cook and sew...how do you think I learned to mend your jeans?"

"You didn't really need that class. You've always been a good wife, Stevie, even before I married you."

"Thank you, but not good enough."

"Why do you say that?" he asks and I look up at him. I try not to cry but I can't help it. "Steph..."

"Because I lost you." I wash my hands, drying them off on an old white hand towel with badly embroidered flowers on them. They were yet another stupid project I had to complete in that home economics class.

"You didn't lose me, and it definitely wasn't because you're a bad wife."

"Then why? Why, Lindsey?"

"Because I told you, I'm not good enough for you. I'm trying to get better but—"

"I love you the way you are. I don't care about you becoming 'better'. You're my Lindsey and I can love you through anything. I always have and I always will." Lindsey looks at me for a long moment and our faces grow closer. Just as our lips are about to brush against each other's, he runs away. He's already half way up the stairs before I even realize he's gone. I sigh, wiping the tears from my cheeks with the back of my wrist. I finish the pie with no help from Lindsey, and when I put it in the oven to bake, I go after him. I walk down the hall, pushing doors open before I see him sitting on the balcony off our bedroom. He's sitting on the railing and I'm terrified he's going to fall. I try to be quiet, I don't want to startle him. I smell pot right away and my stomach churns.

"Linds?" I call out softly and he turns to look at me.

"Hey, Steph." He takes a long drag off his joint and holds it out to me. "Want a hit?"

"No thanks."

"Really? Stevie Nicks is going to turn down a doobie?  This is some primo green, Steves." I shrug. "Well I never!"

"First time for everything."

"The last time you turned me down, you were pregnant with River." he says and I stop dead in my tracks. He chuckles and shakes his head. "I guess time really does change people."

"How do you know I'm not pregnant again?" I ask him and he looks at me, his eyes becoming a deep blue color.

He narrows his eyes, taking another long drag. "Well...are you?"

A/N: okay, I lied. THIS is my last update of the night. Good night! 🌙