' Happiness? '

“What am I doin’ with my life?
This moment won’t ever come again
I’m asking myself again, am I happy right now?”

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"You fucking stupid thing! How dare you got so low on you exam?!" He shouted, pushing your head to the wall.

You covered your head, tears rolling down your cheek non stop.

He took the belt and whipped it to you roughly but you didn't dare to let out any crying sound.

"Why? " You said.

He continues on.

"Why are you doing this?! " You tried your best to said out while crying.

"BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID BRAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DID I SPENT FOR YOUR SCHOOL?! YOU STUPID CHILD! YOU INHERITS YOUR FUCKING MOTHER BRAIN! "

The anger inside your heart start to boil hotter. Your fist makes a cracking sound.

It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt. It's hurt.

That's what you thought. You heart, your soul, your feeling. 'Love' does not exist in you.

He suddenly stopped.

" Get out! " He commanded.

You stood up and quickly get out of the house, knowing what's up after this.

He closed the door while glaring at you.

Bam!

The door was slammed shut. A 'click' sound was heard from inside, meaning the door is locked.

"If you want to eat, search it by yourself. " He bellowed.

I knew it already, you fucker.

You hugged your body to warm yourself from the autumn's cold.

It's almost winter.

You look at the leafs on the ground, yellowish and orangish color leafs falling from the branches. Like how your tears keep on falling down.

It's an endles autumn.

You close your eyes and tears fall down.

Everybody hates me. I know I'm just a worthless child. I knew it all. Just let me die. I want to die so much. Why can't anybody just kill me already?

Suicidal thoughts had always on your mind.

One hours had past, you're shivering in cold. The door is still closed. You sigh. Your stomach growls in hunger.

Your legs is sore, your stomach is empty, your body is cold. The not so thick school uniform is not helping you to withstand the coldness.

You continue to stand, not showing any sign of trying to sit down.

Two hours past by like a month, your finger doesn't feel like a finger anymore. It feels like there's no finger at all, like how you feel how love is.

The door finally open, your father looks at you and signal you to get in.

You try to walk, but it is very hard. You feel like ice stone. Your legs feels like it was gone already.

"Get inside quickly or you don't even have to get inside at all! " He yelled, resulting you to flinch.

You quickly force yourself to walk. At last, you had gotten inside.

Ah.. It's not cold anymore..

He leaves you once you got inside. You quickly go to your room, locking the door so he won't be able to open it freely.

"Did you fucking know how hurt it is?! Huh?! You fucker, stupid dog, stupid idiot, motherfucker dumb ass shit! " You silently open your mouth like you're screaming at him.

Tears start falling down again.

"Stop crying, Y/n! Stop it! You're not a baby! " You slapped yourself hard.

Red hand print appeared on your smooth delicate skin.

The tears didn't stop but you're crying more than just now.

Not because your slapped on yourself, but because your father had never loves you like how he was in the beginning.

You turned around and saw your grade paper. The anger boils again.

" I hate you. If only you're a higher grade mark, I'll not gonna get beaten like this. " You took the paper and shredded it into pieces before thrown it to the ground.

"I hate this place! Gosh, how many years have I waited to run from this hell? For 6 years? That's long enough. I'm leaving. " You count using your fingers as you said the words before finally stating that you'll leave.

Someone is trying to open your room. You look at the door with wide eyes. The door knob is twisting again. Suddenly the door slam open forcefully by a kick.

"You damn bastard. How dare you did not open the door after I try to open it. " He pointed at you with his index finger.

You glared at him.

He scoffed, " Glare, glare what?! You such an undisciplined child! " He threw the lamp near your door towards you.

You avoided it and it makes him more angry.

He walks to you in a heavy steps, you quickly grab your bag and jump out from the window before he gets to you.

" YOU FUCKER! COME BACK HERE! " He shouted.

You didn't stop running even with being bare foot on the cold ground.

The sound of him yelling started to fade.

You gasped for air,but your foot was still running.

It's hurt. It's cold. It's hurt. It's cold. It's hurt. It's cold.
I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop.

The thoughts was running on your mind, you shaked your head to get it off from your head.

"AHHHHHHHHH!! " You suddenly scream out from frustration.

There's no one around.

A giggle escaped your mouth. Slowly, it started to sounded louder, and louder; turning it into a big laugh.

What are you laughing at? Of course, you're laughing at how pathetic yourself are.

"What the fuck am I going to do now? Die? Suicide? Search for shelter? I got nobody. I don't even have friend. " You wiped the small tears that was formed in your eyes.

The sky had already darkened before you realized.

"Ah~ You're lonely too, moon. Just like me. " You smiled wryly.

A huge growl sounded from your stomach.

" You are hungry? Let's just die together by starving. " You look at you empty stomach.

You suddenly crouched down, hands curled into a ball as you silently cried; your heart was breaking and it was on its peak of holding on.

"This is painful. I hate myself! Why do I even exist if my only choice is to endure a terrible life ?! Why can't I just die already?! " You yelled.

You looked in front of you, not too far away was a neon lights with words.

' The Devils '

Your mouth suddenly curved up.

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TBC

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