Author's Update:

Sorry for my long update, I was finishing off my exams for the end of this year💓

Moreover I forgot to make an important disclaimer at the beginning of this one shot series, as it will contain strong language, violence, sexual assault and abuse, going on from now.

Xoxoxoo 😘😘

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"I don't wanna give the wrong impression, I need love and affection, and I hope I am not sounding too desperate, I need your love and affection...".

-Rihanna, Love

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[2 weeks later...]

🔸 KIM GA ON 🔸

- I like you -

The words came out of my mouth with unexpected shyness, my sweaty palms tucked into the pockets of my sport trousers.

It was getting darker, as the sun started going down.

Kang Yo Han was lying against an old skateboard of mine from when I was a kid, fixing up some customer's jeep, who often came to my dad for help with his vehicles. Yo Han was very handy and quick, leading me to be increasingly curious about his past and who he was. He seemed to be perfect in all aspects, living me profoundly bothered and frustrated.

His rough figure, emerged from under the car, shirtless, followed by the prominent abs and his shiny skin, smeared with motor oil. The veins in his arms surfaced as he flexed his lean physique.

-Did you say something? - he asked as if I had said nothing, as if it had not been difficult enough to admit it in the first place.

I stopped my frantic, uncertain pupils on him, shifting my weight from one foot to the other as embarrassment set in.

-I said I liked you- I repeated softly, watching him wrinkle his forehead, almost like if I was telling a bad joke. A funny one.

-You're not serious, are you? -

His words brought me a certain kind of sorrow, a twinge at the base of my heart, blowing away the hope I thought I had.

Stuff started taking shape after that damned kiss he gave me.. And as much as I was pissed it also fueled me, in a good way...

In the upcoming week I found myself seeking his presence more and more. A tad more generous towards him, and passionate to everything he said.
Attentive to his every whim, silent to every rule he defiled at midnight...

I had stopped pestering and provoking him, and all this in the false hope of getting to know him better, building bridges to his fortress.

I knew it was a somewhat hasty confession, more carnal than mental, but I couldn't help it.

Kang Yo Han stirred my insides, and with that... My growing interest.

-Yes... I'm serious - I replied offended.
His hands clenched into two fists, around the tools he was holding, as he got up from the ground, placing the utensils in the box and washing his hands in the small sink nearby, his expression suddenly grim. Threatening.

-You don't know what you're saying...- he hissed through clenched teeth.

I was suddenly distracted by his visible hostility, interrupting my long inner monologue.

- Are you annoyed?- I asked astonished.

He crossed his arms over his chest in disbelief, acting as if I had insulted him. When in fact I had only opened my heart.

-Don't tell me what to feel... -I deadpanned, growing anxious.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously, hesitating over his words before continuing.

- If you were smart you wouldn't go after me, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I have no intention of...-

- I hope you're joking! -
Annoyance now blurred my vision, breaking my words in pieces. And I could barely hold it back, as my body started trembling with hurt and rage.

Was he claiming I was stupid?

I advanced towards him, stopping an inch from his face.

-Then why did you kiss me? Why do you instigate me, why do you seem to do everything to catch my attention?! -I said despondently, observing his dark eyes, intent on looking at me with dense curiosity.

-Kissing someone doesn't mean loving them, I could do it a hundred thousand times and still not be in love... - he retorted, closing the space between us, he pushed me against the rough wall of the garage, hounding me in his arms like a caged animal.

-You should be afraid of me, Kim Ga On... -

He enclosed his hand around my jaw, raising my head.

His arcane eyes pinned into mine.

Cold and incisive.

And only God knew, how much I wished to have a piece of his complex mind.

-I am not afraid of you...-

In truth it was the opposite, I was afraid of me. Afraid of letting myself go so deep that I could no longer rise to the surface.

Afraid of love.... And of everything that came with it, but still... That didn't mean I wasn't ready to try...

In a fluid, gentle gesture he pulled me tight against his chest, catching me by surprise.
My cheeks took on a pink shade, which did amuse him, making way to a small grin on his lips.

-Wrong answer...-he said wistfully

I found myself drawing closer and closer, seeking his warmth and wanting his scent on me.

-Why? - I asked confused.

His lips so inviting and close to mine.

-You ask me why...?-

He frowned, one eyebrow arched upwards. His face serious again, as if to emphasise his disapproval.

-Kim Ga On... you are driven by a misconception you have of me...-

He raised his other hand, resting his thumb on the seam of my mouth.

-You love the idea of danger and mystery... The idea of opening me one piece at a time...-

He pushed his thumb past the line of my lips, in contact with my tongue.

And for an endless moment, he stared at me intently: my transfixed reaction, the desire in my eyes and the embarrassment in my gestures. He seemed to study my person, the shyness that sometimes set within me. That persistent way I had of looking at someone I liked.

-You love the concept of discovering something about me that nobody knows...-

He removed his finger, leaving his taste in my mouth, making me soft on my knees.

-... Convinced to find there someone you could love...-

His hands came down, stopping at the base of my hips, drawing me against him, in such a way to have me wrapped around his body.

My head light and my legs unsteady.

-And here's where you go wrong again Kim Ga On...-

He grazed my neck with his lips, making me shiver strongly.

-Here's where you go wrong, darling... Because I want nothing more from you than to ruin you. I'm not the good guy you think I am. I have no good intentions, especially with you.... -

His gaze was vibrant and full of contempt, inebriated with a furrowing intensity.

-Don't ever say such a thing again...- he added in a dry, cutting tone.

His anger convinced me that there was a stench of burnt in between and maybe he was trying to avoid something else.

- But I like you... Even though I don't know you-

He shrugged, his eyes hard and bright.

- Stop it!-

He broke away from me, leaving me still stunned, picking up his shirt from the floor and walking out on me all heated.

-Yo Han... Wait! -

I couldn't exhale properly.

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[2 Hours Later] - Evening

🔸KANG YO HAN🔸

"I like you, even though I don't know you".

I opened the bottle of wine, spilling the thick red colour into my glass, similar to blood, to what wounded me the most.

My mind still on fire because of Kim Ga On's innocent confession, hurled without weight. Carelessly spoken into the thin air.

And if only he knew who I really was, he would never have said such thing, at least, not to a man like me who had been behind bars, for taking part in the murder of two boys his age...

Also handsome in appearance, healthy and strong like him.

The same characteristics that Kim Ga On possessed, as they were the exact characteristics my elder brother and my father went for...

Murderers.

A man who had raised his own two sons to be murderers.

Apparently a righteous man in front of society, but greedy at heart. Turbulent and violent at home.

I was 16 when it happened, when he forced my brother and i to take part in a crime, for which we ended up in prison as accomplices.

Of all that shit, so much was left with me, toxic and wrong impulses that I wanted to wipe off from the face of the earth...

Dangerous habits I wanted to disown but didn't know how...

I had absorbed the hate and rage within my father, the hunger to hurt and rip a person and that's why I could not love anyone, If not to possess them like objects or destroy them like scraps. Kim Ga On had no idea of the kind of man he had in front of him.

Far from perfection and pure intentions, for rotten was my heart, and languid was my spirit. Full of scars that had yet to heal...

I sank into my chair as I watched the mundane people walk in and out of the pub, sipping my glass, waiting for my brother Isaac Kang to make his theatrical entrance.

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