As soon as that long day at school was over I was ready to go to Aurora's house with her. I was sure that if I went to mine, chaos would reign and I am in no mood to listen to my mother argue with Conrad.

''Odette!'' I heard someone calling me, I turned to look and it was Conrad.

''Where are you going?" He asked while looking at me and his gaze then went to Aurora.

''To Aurora's house.'' I said not that I had to explain myself to him.

''Mom said you should come home with me, she has something to tell us.''

''Why didn't you tell me earlier?'' I asked clearly annoyed.

''Because you left right away.''

''You should have called out.'' I said, and he looked at me without saying anything.

''Anyway, let's go. I'll see you later Aurora.'' I said and after I waved goodbye to her, Conrad and I left together towards the house. Even walking side by side it's so uncomfortable. Other than that I wonder what mom is trying to tell us, definitely not something good.

''Don't be mad you can go to your friend's house later.'' Conrad said after a while.

''I'm not mad.'' I replied and then I walked past him and opened the door to the yard. Immediately I took the keys out of my bag and we both went inside.

''Mom.'' I said immediately after.

''In the living room, both of you.'' She said and just by the tone of her voice I could tell she was really upset.

''Sit down.'' She said demandingly and we both sat down across from her.

''What happened? I didn't do anything today.'' Conrad said with an apathetic tone, and he was also satisfied that for once he hadn't done anything for a day.

''You're asking what happened? I was sent a paper from your school. You're almost absent from all your classes and let's not talk about your grades. To cut it short if you don't attend even one class again you will be expelled from school for misbehaviour and let's not forget that you won't get the scholarship to enter a sports academy.'' She said while I wondered why I had to be present in all this. Clearly, Conrad's school life is none of my business.

''What? No way. I'm going to go talk to them, I can't be kicked off the team.'' He said and stood up from his seat angrily.

''Aren't you listening the whole time? If you don't go to your classes you're already off from the team. The important thing now is to behave yourself, start studying and of course attend your classes in time and all your lessons. It's up to you.'' She said with an uncaring look, after all I was sure she was waiting for this day to come.

''Fine I'll do whatever you want.'' He said and sat back down in his seat.

''Sorry to interrupt, why did I have to be here?'' I asked because I was already angry, I could have been with Aurora right now and not hearing about Conrad.

''Because Conrad will need your help with his homework. I'm counting on you because you're a very good student.'' She said, so confident that I would be willing to help Conrad. That's all I need now.

''What? No. Let him have private lessons. He has so many friends there's no way they're all bad students.'' I said and stood up from my seat while my mother did the same.

''I didn't ask you Odette, he's your brother and you ought to help him.''

'' He shouldn't have done anything stupid in the first place mom, I don't care. He got where he got by himself.'' I said now shouting.

''You're absolutely right.'' Conrad said right after and I looked at him.

''I'm sorry mom, Odette. I'm going to my room.'' He stood up quickly and walked off to his room with his head bowed, maybe he finally realized he had crossed the line. Mum and I were obviously looking like aliens at what Conrad said, not only did he agree with what I had been saying for so many minutes, but he apologized, a word that hasn't been in his vocabulary for years. All the times he has argued with Mom he has never apologized to her and of course he has never admitted his mistakes either.

''I'll go talk to him.'' She said immediately afterwards.

"'Better not. Leave him alone for a while.'' I said and after she agreed I headed to my room. I didn't feel like going to Aurora anymore. One thing I am sure of though is that everything Conrad has done is a reaction to everything he feels and doesn't say. I think I need to talk to him.

I went to his room and knocked on his door. After waiting for his approval, I went in.

''Odette.'' He said and looked at me curiously. I'm obviously not used to going to his room.

''I want to talk.'' I said and after he nodded for me to sit down I sat on the chair.

''Look Conrad, I know that over the past few years we've lost all communication between us. We've become like two strangers since... dad's death.'' I said and at the sound of my words he rolled his eyes. I guess he didn't expect me to talk to him about this topic since we never talk about it.

''You better leave me alone.'' He said nonchalantly and laid back on his bed turning his back.

'No, Conrad, I'm not leaving. You think I don't know why you've changed? Why you've grown apart from me and Mom? It's clear that his death has affected you as much as it has affected us, but you still don't know how to deal with it. You've kept your emotions bottled up all these years, and as a result, you're lashing out differently. Do you know how many stupid things you've done? Now you're in danger of being expelled. If Dad were here, he'd be disappointed in your behavior. I know you're hurting, and so am I, I miss him every day, but please don't let it get to you anymore. I'm here, Conrad. You can talk to me. You think I won't understand you? Or am I going to make fun of you?" I said, and then immediately turned to look at me.

''You're right.'' He said and got up from the bed.

''You're right Odette. I'm keeping it all inside me because...I'm responsible for his death.'' He said and I immediately got a whole shudder at hearing his harsh words. I never imagined that he was thinking like that, and it made me so sad.

Ten years ago.

We were at the city's amusement park. It had just opened, and we were all excited. Conrad and I went to a lot of games and then we were going to the circus to watch a show.

"Stand over there to take a picture of you." My mother said to all three of us. My dad took us both in his arms and then mom took the picture. We were outside the circus.

''Let's go kids.'' My dad said excitedly and grabbed our hands. We went inside the circus and it was amazing. Then we found our seats and sat down.

"Dad, I want to eat." Conrad said.

"Now?''

"Yes." He said whining.

''Okay, let's go.'' He said and grabbed his hand as they walked out of the circus. The show had already started but Dad and Conrad hadn't come yet. Mom and I assumed there was a huge line, and they were still waiting for Conrad to get something to eat. But we were almost halfway through the show and then police officers burst in to get us all out. When we got out of the circus there was a panic. There were several ambulances, some people were injured, others on the ground without moving and some were crying while looking sad and scared. I still couldn't understand what was happening. Mom finally asked a police officer what had happened. The policeman told her that the big ring had broken, and some people were injured while some were killed trying to save those who were stopped up high. My mother started pulling me by the arm like crazy looking for Dad and Conrad. We finally found Conrad alone while he was crying non-stop.

"Conrad." Mom said and hugged him.

"Where's dad?" She asked.

''I... I don't know.'' He said and that's when he collapsed. My mom in her attempt to revive him spotted my dad in an ambulance bed just before they covered him up. We lost the ground beneath our feet. He had died trying to save Conrad and everyone he could. Later when Conrad had recovered we found out that because there was a huge line and he was already tired of waiting he wanted to get on one of the rides, dad didn't refuse apparently and eventually the inevitable happened.

''You couldn't have known, Conrad,'' I told him right afterwards.

''What are you saying Odette? If I hadn't told him to leave the circus in the first place, he would be here with us now and I wouldn't be the way I am.'' He said and I saw some tears in his eyes.

''Conrad, Dad was a hero. He saved you and other people along with you. I know it's unfair that he didn't make it, but you have to go on with your life without thinking about all those ifs. He would never, ever want you to blame yourself for that. I'm sure he would have chosen a thousand times to save you just like the rest of the people without even thinking about it.

''Odette's right.'' Mom said and walked into the room. I didn't know she had been listening to us for so long.

''I'm sorry I didn't mean to listen, but what Odette said is right Conrad. I know you're hurting, I never thought you'd blame yourself. Please don't do this. You know it was something you couldn't have foreseen, and your father wouldn't have wanted to see you like this.''

''It's so hard.'' He said as he sat on the bed, and we immediately sat next to him.

''It's okay to cry, dear. Let everything that is weighing you on the surface and together we will solve everything.'' My mom said while patting his back. Finally Conrad broke out, he started crying so much, without stopping. Mom immediately hugged him while I held his hand.

''I'm sorry for everything.'' He said through his sobs.

''It's all right Conrad.'' She said and looked at her.

''I know I haven't been the best son all these years, but I'll make it up to you.'' He said with determination.

''You're the best Conrad, you're a tough kid for sure, but you won't doubt my love for you even for a minute. Let's make a new beginning together. This time I'll be beside you and hold your hand. I'm sorry I couldn't understand you.'' She said with a disappointment in her voice as well as in her eyes.

''No mom don't blame yourself. It's clear that you always tried but I never let you.'' He said apologetically. He looked really regretful for acting like that, but I can't blame him now that I really know the reason behind everything. I hope from now on things will go back to normal between us. Without yelling and fighting and of course being like strangers to each other. After a few minutes we left his room and let him rest.

''Odette, I'm sorry about before. Conrad's homework isn't your business, I shouldn't have forced it on you, I'll find someone...'' She was about to say but I interrupted her.

''I'll help him, Mom. I want what's best for him.'' I said and she smiled while hugging me tightly, then she went downstairs to the living room and I went to my room.

I picked up my phone as I had two calls and three texts from Aurora, I immediately called her back.

''Odette, what happened? Did your mother have a fight with Conrad?" She asked, of course what else could she ask when she knew that this is our daily routine, could we do something different for a change?

''Yes and no. We're fine Aurora. Finally, Conrad opened up to us and told us how he feels.'' I replied.

''Really?" She asked in surprise.

''As unbelievable as it is, it did happen. I thought we'd be like this forever. I was afraid I would leave home to study and become a complete stranger to Conrad. Although we still haven't said much, but in time we might become actual siblings again.'' I said, having a hope for the future that lay ahead of us.

''It will happen Odette, I'm sure it will. If Conrad has already taken the big step to talk to you about all the things he feels, then you are definitely on the right track.'' She said with a tone of confidence, and I hope she was right in what she said.

''Thank you, Aurora! See you tomorrow.'' I said and our call ended. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Living every day with fights and tensions, I was always anxious that Conrad would say something stupid or do something foolish that would have resulted in Mom yelling all day and all night. I want to hope that he will actually change. That everything really can be harmonious between us, that Mom can calm down and not have her mind constantly on what Conrad is doing. Certainly, for Mom to stop stressing and calm down, Conrad will first have to stop living the way he does and become more responsible and serious from now on.