We weaved between the alleys of game booths and food stalls, stopping at a red tent when Dex challenged James to a competition of athletic prowess. I shook my head as I watched him grapple with the deflated basketball, still invested in the fun despite the fact that the outcome was ... predictable, to say the least.

Then again, the attendant was making eyes at Dex. Who was to say she wouldn't rig the game in his favor?

Noah draped his arms over me from behind as we watched, planting a kiss on the very top of my beanie.

I peered back at him curiously. "What was that for?"

"You're glowing."

The night air was freezing, but my cheeks were burning. I was sure of it. "I am not."

"Are so." He took a few steps until we were side by side, bending down comically as he tried to catch my eye.

I gave in with a sigh, meeting his pointed gaze straight on. There were so many questions dancing around in there, and while I thought I had a pretty good idea of what it was he wanted to know, the first thing he asked took me by surprise.

"Are you happy, Madi?"

My heart rate steadied, if only for a second. It was such a pure question, one matched by the soft, tender edge to his voice. But I was still fidgeting nervously under his penetrating stare, a youthful kind of excitement fluttering in my stomach.

I couldn't find the words to answer him. The word 'happy' didn't truly encompass everything I was feeling. I didn't think any word could.

So I simply nodded.

His mouth twitched. "And you're not angry at me?"

I let out a laugh, rolling my eyes to the sky and back. "For lying? Or for cutting the power?"

He laughed right back, and I swatted his arm gently.

"We could have died, Noah! It was freezing in that cabin."

"Oh, you poor, poor things. I do hope you found some way to keep each other warm..."

My cheeks weren't simply burning, I realized. They were scorching. They were hot enough to warm the entire resort if a storm were to hit.

He wiggled his eyebrows, his grin broadening with glee. "I'll take that as a yes." 

"Take it however you like."

"Oh, come on! You're not going all tight-lipped on me now, are you? Where's the gratitude? Where are the details? I need details, Madison Jane!"

I shook my head again, wishing I could simply melt into the snow and die a little bit. "You want details about the night I spent alone with your best friend?"

"I want details about the night where romance bloomed between my two best friends."

The clarification was a nice one, but it didn't make me any more willing to comply.

"Okay, fine," Noah grumbled, blowing me a raspberry. "Party pooper."

I was still staring at him closely, still tracing his playful features as mine grew wistful. My heart was so full, and it wasn't just James filling it. It was ... everything. It was my life now. It was the people in it—people I didn't even know a year prior. People who cared about me and loved me even though I was often moronic, people who fought for my best interests even when I didn't know where to start.

"Thank you."

Noah tutted."You don't have to thank me, Madi. I love you. I love James. And now I get to love you guys together. Love, love, love."

"No." I grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Noah. Thank you for everything. I owe you. We both do."

"You owe me nothing," he insisted. But he thought about it for a second longer, the curve of his lips turning devilish once again. "Actually, you're right. You do owe me. And I'll happily settle for being the namesake of your firstborn child."

"Noah!"

He beamed. "Such a great name, isn't it? Gender-neutral in a very progressive kind of way, I think."

"We've been together for a day and you're thinking about our children?"

Noah scoffed again, louder that time. "You've been together a lot longer than a day, Madi. He's been yours since that first day in the hall."

I opened my mouth to speak, but my breath caught in my throat. Emotions were choking it, rising from my heart and threatening to spill out. Because I wasn't just happy. I was elated and relieved and grateful and free. It was like my body didn't know what to do with that much joy.

"But you might have to tone down the PDA." He sighed dramatically. "You're going to give poor Dex a brain aneurysm."

I gulped. "Noted."

"Just tell me one thing, okay?" He captured my head under his arm again, locking me to him as he whispered his words into my ear. I couldn't see his face, but I could sure hear his smile when he asked, "Home run?"

"Oh my god!" I shrieked, slapping him away to the sound of his laughter. "You are relentless!" I turned back to the game stall, watching as James and Dex picked out their prize. When I was sure they were still out of earshot, I whirled around again, standing on my tiptoes to whisper in Noah's ear. "Not quite—"

"Not quite?" he shrieked like a wild bird.

I rolled my eyes, my cheeks surely the same color as Dex's red beanie by now. "We didn't have any ... you know." And it's not like we didn't make up for it in ... other ways.

Noah frowned. "Jay didn't bring any? God, that boy really doesn't put bets on himself. But don't worry, baby girl ..." His Cheshire grin was wicked, and he winked. "We'll figure something out."

I swatted him on the arm—much harder that time—just as James and Dex rejoined us.

"We pulled our winnings," the latter declared, making a sweeping gesture to a pile of black fur in James' hands. "We couldn't decide between the dragon or the lion. So, being the good friends we are, we decided to be selfless."

I raised an eyebrow, turning to James for clarification. He looked rather sheepish as he fiddled with his prize, but with a literal nudge from Dex, he extended it into the open winter air.

"Oh my god." I looked up at James quizzically, and he nodded. I plucked the cross-eyed plush puppy from his hands, cradling it in my arms. "You guys won me a miniature Bandit?"

While he didn't say a word, his blue gaze was loud. It pulled me in, turning everything that wasn't us into a tangled mess of static.

"Oh, shoot!" Dex's eyes were wide with sudden realization, his dumbfounded expression entirely genuine. "I didn't even realize that it looked like Bandit."

I turned to him slowly, throwing him a look of disbelief matched by our friends. Noah mumbled something about his attention span under his breath, but with one more look at James, I knew without question that he hadn't suffered the same lapse in memory.

I had to remind myself of the promise I'd literally just made to Noah. Tone down the PDA. But my heart was still swelling with more emotions than I knew what to do with, my hands squirming with the urge to pull James in and unleash them all on him.

I settled for the next best thing; I reached for his hand, laced my fingers through his, and let him pull me through the maze of booths and stalls.

It was nine-thirty when we found ourselves in line for the Ferris Wheel. Night had fallen over the resort, but mellow lamp posts and festive fairy lights lit our snowy path. Blair had finally escaped his parents' clutches, bounding over to Noah and stealing every inch of his attention.

I wasn't quite sure why the 'no PDA' rule didn't apply to them, but as I watched them share a stick of candy floss from a few paces behind, I found that I didn't really mind. Actually, that serotonin was going to keep me going for weeks.

Dex was also watching them beside me, a small smile lifting the corner of his mouth. My curiosity peaked, and I turned to peer at him slyly. 

"What happened with Astrid?" It was only the day before that I'd watched the striking ski instructor flirt up a storm with Dex on the slopes. I'd hoped we'd run into her again. I'd hoped that Dex would run into her again.

Instantly, his demeanor changed.

"I haven't seen her since yesterday."

I frowned. "No?"

He shook his head, his auburn strands catching on the wind as he avoided my persistent stare. But I scorched him with it. I couldn't help it. I knew Dex too well, and I saw there was something pulling at his features, turning them cold and hard. Plus, I was nosey.

He sighed. "She didn't get the promotion."

I scrunched up my nose. Was I supposed to know what he was talking about? To be fair, I couldn't recall much about that trip outside of the rollercoaster that was me and James.

"There was a job opening," he clarified. He was still looking up in an effort to avoid my eye, studying one of the red and white carriages as it descended from the sky. "She went for it. She found out this morning that she didn't get it."

My lungs constricted, and I drew a sharp breath. "Do you think..." I didn't want to say it out loud. I didn't even want to think it. Do you think she was using you? 

"Yeah, Madi. I do."

I winced, taken aback by his dry tone. But I knew his irritation wasn't directed at me. I just didn't know what to say or do to make him feel better.

One thing that I did want to do was find Astrid and give her a taste of Madison Watson—the Madison Watson that arrived at Camden at the beginning of the school year, that is. The Madison who wasn't afraid to speak her mind, to stir chaos, to punch six-foot-something guys square in the nose, and to rain hellfire on her mother in front of all of her stuffy friends.

But I had a feeling that destroying Astrid—metaphorically or literally—wouldn't make Dex feel any better.

I leaned my head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's not."

I wanted to say more. I wanted to do more. I wanted to give Dex as much love as the universe had given to me, to find him someone deserving of his heart. But I didn't know how.

He smiled, resting his head on mine. "No, I mean ... I don't know. I think I'm going to take a break from all that for a while. From love, from trying to find it."

His pledge twisted my heart. It sounded oddly like the resolution I'd crafted at the beginning of the school year. A resolution that got me into a lot more trouble than I ever could have predicted.

"Dex, no. You shouldn't let a couple of bad experiences get you down. You shouldn't give up."

"I'm not giving up. I'm just ... taking a break. I think I need to. Like you did." He shuffled on the spot, the cloud over his eyes lifting. "There's a lot that I need to work on, Mads. My confidence and stuff. And I want to focus on school right now. That way, if I do find someone one day, I can give her everything."

I didn't know how to tell him that he was already capable of giving the right girl everything she could ever need. I continued to search his face instead, letting what he told me settle in my mind. It still made me feel a twinge of sadness, but that didn't mean that I didn't understand. When I gave up on men the first time, it was for the wrong reasons. But when I took a break from love the second time, it was for the right one. That difference meant everything, and I think it was one that Dex understood.

I mirrored his small smile, giving his arm one last squeeze. "Well, you'll always have me."

But our moment of vulnerability seemed to have ended, and his soft grin kicked up playfully. "I know. I've been trying so hard to get rid of you."

I rolled my eyes, answering his laughter with a shove.

I should have seen that one coming.

Two riders spilled out of a carriage in front of us. James turned, cocking his head as if to ask whether I was joining him.

It was a dumb question.

"Do you want to sit with us on the Ferris Wheel?" I asked Dex before I pulled away.

He screwed up his face without thinking twice. "Absolutely not."

"You've hogged him enough for one night, anyway," Noah added, stealing our friend's arm from mine. "Don't make me take you on for custody."

"Haven't you heard?" Blair cooed, taking Dex's other arm. "She's sleeping with the judge."

"Not quite," Noah mimicked with a sly smile.

Outrage stole my composure as my jaw hit the floor, but James grabbed hold of my hand too quickly for me to object to Blair's insinuation—or Noah's. And, with James' thumb painting featherlight patterns into my skin, objecting to anything where James was concerned was the last thing on my mind. 

"He really does have the worst luck, huh?" I asked as the attendant sealed us into our carriage. I placed Bandit Junior on my lap, fiddling with his tail while I peered up at James.

"Dex?" he asked, draping his arm over the back of my seat.

I nodded as I settled into his side. Just the day before, nestling into his embrace seemed as good as a pipe dream. Now, it came so naturally. I didn't even have to think twice before tangling my legs with his.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "I think he has a point."

"You do?"

"Mhm." He lifted his other hand to cup my face, tucking a rogue curl behind my ear. "Good things are worth waiting for."

He threw me a knowing glance, and I met it with a knowing grin.

"Wow, Bennet. That was very smooth."

"You liked that one?"

"I did. Although I think I deserve some credit for the setup."

He paired his raised eyebrow with a simmering smirk. "We make a good team, Watson."

I couldn't help but throw my head back and laugh. My hand itched with the urge to cover my mouth as it flew open, to hide the smile that I knew was too big and too goofy. But I couldn't reclaim my hand in time, because James wouldn't let it go.

"You're just full of one-liners tonight," I said, burying my face into his shoulder instead.

"I can't help it."

My heart skipped a beat. "I know. Me neither."

Our carriage rose further and further into the night sky, high enough that the fair-goers below us almost looked like tiny, glimmering stars. A part of me wanted to etch that moment into my memory—the same part of me that I'd trained to drink in every fleeting moment of warmth and love as though they were few and far between. As though it could be months or years before I'd feel happy again, so I had to bottle that feeling in order to survive.

I didn't know what the future held for me and James. I didn't know much beyond that moment in front of us. But I did know that, no matter what, he would always be in my life. And while I would always drink in every sweet moment with him, I knew I didn't need to anymore. Because another one would be right around the corner, ready to light me up the same way our journey into the clouds was now.

His hand disappeared from mine, quickly rising to cradle my face again.

"There's just one more thing, Madi."

"Mmm?" I prompted mindlessly. My eyes were still on the world outside, darting between the miniature people dotting the snow below us and the stars adorning the night sky.

"I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

He liked that answer. I could tell he did by the way he lowered his arm to my waist, pulling me closer to him until we were side-by-side.

"I need you to talk to me."

I jolted back ever-so-slightly, emerging from the tranquility our little bubble had created. Confusion washed over my features as I turned to him, rupturing the sense of security I'd so easily given in to. "Talk to you?"

He swallowed a grin, but his eyes dripped with mischief. "I need us to talk to each other," he clarified. "I'm just as bad as you."

"At talking?"

He nodded. Like day turning to night, sheepishness turned to earnestness. His gaze burned with desperation, with a silent plea for me to understand.

"We need to be able to talk. That's the only way that this can work." His voice sat low in his throat. So low that it almost startled me, but not because I was afraid. "No more secrets. No more hiding."

I closed my mouth, biting my lip. The guilt plaguing his gaze jumped over to consume mine, and my heartbeat steadied as realization hit me. 

Because I knew what James meant. I knew exactly what he meant; really, I'd known from the moment he said it. How couldn't I? Every problem we'd ever had was caused by our childish inability to talk to each other, by a horrible lack of communication on both sides.

Okay, mostly on my side.

Still, he was right. We sucked at the art of simple conversation. Because talking about how we felt was terrifying, especially when how we felt seemed too intense to put into words. Especially especially when the two of us weren't the kinds of people to talk in the first place—not when actions said so much more.

But I wanted him enough, I wanted us enough, to overcome every one of my fears. To work through every one of my flaws. 

I held up a hand, offering him my pinkie. "I promise."

"You do?"

I smiled softly as he linked his finger through mine. "I do."

Like he was butter and I was the sun, that heart-wrenching look of concern melted from his face. He blinked up at me gratefully, his squinted eyes swimming with appreciation.

But I felt my own expression turning coy. Because, as chance would have it, there was something that I needed to know, and James had unknowingly provided me with the perfect opportunity to bring it up.

"While we're being honest," I murmured, watching as he drew our entwined fingers closer to him. "There's still one thing that I don't understand."

He prodded me with a look, brushing my skin against his lips.

I could have sworn my heart stopped beating. It'd done that a lot over the past day. Still, I managed to choke out, "The list."

"The list?"

"You know. The Christmas theory." I rolled my eyes to illustrate my cynicism, and soon enough, he did the same.

"Oh." I felt him smile softly against my hand, though I was surprised that I could sense anything besides the ripples shooting over my skin. "You mean Noah's list."

"No. I mean your list."

He froze.

He actually froze as he considered my revelation, as he considered the arch of my brow and the knowing grin on my lips. As he realized we were hovering forty feet above the ground, trapped in a steel box with nowhere to hide.

Maybe I should have left it alone. Maybe I shouldn't have pried. But I had to know. I was a creature of logic and reason, after all, and not being able to figure that damned list out was actually killing me.

I nudged his shoulder. "No more secrets."

A chuckle caught in his throat, his trademark smirk pulling at his mouth. I could tell that he hadn't expected me to wield his communication clause against him so quickly, that he probably expected that he would be the one wielding it against me.

But there was something about that moment.