I was grateful for exam periods. I spent majority of my time in the library avoiding Daniel as much as I could. If he were there, I'd head to the courtyard near the tree where it was difficult to be seen from afar. Sometimes I'd even study in the Peer Support Meeting rooms where he didn't have access to.

Lunch time was easier. Mrs Fern gave me detention for the next five lunch breaks after that incident with Daniel and Kyle. Even though I was only standing there, Mrs Fern seemed to not care. Luckily, Daniel didn't get a detention. She thought being cut by glass and a broken leg was sufficient punishment. But it didn't mean Kyle was off the hook.

We sat in one of the classrooms and Kyle and I sat at different ends of the room. Him at the front, and me at the back. I caught him looking back at me a few times, but I only looked away, trying to avoid him as well. With Kyle in the room, all I thought about was Daniel. I didn't want to think about him. I tried distracting myself with everything around me. But everything reminded me of him. Kyle. Mrs Fern. Mia. Dad. Our home. The rain. Chemistry and even English.

The only thing that didn't was math and physics. The two classes I didn't have with him. The two classes I could sit in class, relax, and breathe.

After school, I saw Mia walking towards the train station. She still hasn't spoken to me. And it wasn't like I was making much of an effort to speak to her either. I gently pulled at the strap of my bag, looking at Mia when she sat at the bench.

I wanted to speak to her. I wanted my best friend. I wanted to cry, and I wanted her there to tell me to stop the tears and eat chocolate ice cream with her while watching Married at First Sight. I wanted things to go back to the way they were.

I walked over to her and sat down beside her. I felt her eye on me and when I turned to look at her, she looked away. She was still annoyed.

"I heard you broke up with him," Mia abruptly said.

I pressed my lips together. How did she find out about it? Probably from the fact that Daniel was never around me anymore. That whenever I saw Daniel, I would head the other direction or hide behind someone.

"Why?" she then asked.

"He dreams of moving to Sydney," I mumbled. That wasn't the only reason, but I didn't know how else to tell her.

"Wait, so he broke up with him? What a jerk."

I shook my head. "No. I broke up with him."

I was doing it again. The first time I was finally speaking to Mia after several weeks, I was talking about me again.

"It doesn't matter," I shook my head. "What matters is what I did to you and I'm so sorry. I don't blame you for hating me."

She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't hate you, Ellie. You're my cousin."

"That still doesn't excuse what I did to you."

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at your like that. It was reasonable for you to assume that I told Kyle because there no one else who knew about the deal. But—" she paused, looking down at her hands. "I felt attacked. You didn't even ask me if I did it. You just assumed I told Kyle and it really hurt."

"You have no reason to apologise. You're right. The way I handled it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. I should've asked you. I should've checked with you first."

Mia finally turned to me, a small smile appearing on her lip. I returned the smile, but she looked away again.

"I don't know. I think I was just jealous. I was so excited for you this year because of the bucket list, and I let myself get jealous because of Daniel. It felt like I lost my best friend."

Because what I did was pretty much abandonment. I left her on her own this year. I barely spent any time with her. The only time I begged her to go with me anywhere was because I was too scared to go alone. And when I did, I ditched her to be with Daniel. I did it at the party and I did at Gold Coast.

I never asked her to come with me because I wanted to spend time with her.

"And I feel guilty. You were stepping out of your comfort zone. It wasn't for me to say how you should move on."

"No. You're completely justified to feel the way you do. I was a horrible friend to you. Please don't feel guilty when all I've been is a terrible friend."

She took my hand gently and I held it back. She smiled at me and I returned it grateful.

"If I ever hurt you again, don't hold back. You don't need to protect me from my feelings when it's hurting you. I'm a little oblivious about being a good friend, I realised. And I want to be better, but I won't know I hurt you unless you tell me."

She wraps her pinkie with mine, lifting it up slightly and levelled with our eyes.

"I promise."

"And I promise to try being a better friend."

Mia suddenly engulfed me into a hug, and I returned it, holding her tightly afraid it was just my imagination, and it wasn't her. When we pulled back, we laughed tearfully.

My best friend is back, I thought happily.

She suddenly stood up, grabbing my arm, and gently tugged me to stand.

"What are you doing?"

"Come on. Let's go City walking. I always wanted to go up the Eureka tower too," she said excitedly.

I hadn't done it yet. It was on my bucket list but after standing on the bridge at Gold Coast, it completely flew out of my mind. I didn't want to do it again. But if Mia wanted to do it, then I suddenly wanted to do it as well.

I nodded and stood up. "Okay. We should have dinner here too after," I suggested.

"Obviously at a fancy restaurant," she nodded. Another item off my bucket list.

This was right. This was how it should've been. Her and me going through the thirty five items on my bucket list.

We left the train station and headed towards Eureka Tower. We were running around, going to alleyway cafes, eating our croissant before going to the Eureka Tower where I almost had a second panic attack. It was a lot easier if I wasn't so close to the window. But we looked through the little telescope they had set out and looked out to Melbourne architecture. It was seven when we got to the restaurant. When we entered, we got the strangest looks from the waitresses. Two teenagers having dinner at a fancy restaurant in their school uniform.

Today, I was more convince by how much everyone hated high schoolers. The dirty looks we got from everyone was beyond my imagination. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, Mia and I laughed about it like we completely forgot about fighting for the past several weeks.

I completely forgot about Daniel and the pain I had been going through for the past few days until the elevators of my apartment building opened and there stood Daniel. The smile on my face completely dissipated and I felt my heart racing.

His dark brown hair was messy, like always, and his dark brown eyes stared into mine, slightly widened. He was out of his uniform and he still had the cast around his leg. He didn't say anything. He looked as shocked as I was to see me. He blinked several times before stepping aside to give me room to enter. I couldn't run off now. It'd be too obvious. So, I entered and stood beside him. I looked the hazy reflection of us through the metal doors of the elevator.

What felt like forever, the elevator doors finally opened and neither of us moved at first.

"After you," Daniel whispered.

I mumbled a thank you before stepping off and heading straight to my apartment door. I pulled the key out of my bag, trying desperately hard not to peer over my shoulder and look at him. He can't know I'm in pain. He can't know how much I missed him. I unlocked the door and pushed the door open.

"Ellie," he said. My body froze. The door to my apartment half opened, and my eyes on my hand wrapped around the door handle. "Please don't do this. Can we just talk about it?"

"I already made up my mind, Daniel. I—please just don't make this harder than it already is," I whispered.

"Please."

I didn't want to. I don't want to cry again, and I don't want to do something I'd regret. Why couldn't he stay away from me. It would make all of this so much easier. He should just hate me. I deserved it. But if I just left—if I just kept walking completely ignoring his feeling—what would that do to him?

I stepped back, closing the door, and slowly turning to face him but I kept my eyes to anywhere but him. "Okay," I whispered softly, holding my arms close to me.

"I thought it, and I get it. I get why you did what you did but—" he paused, taking in a deep breath. "I applied to a bunch of universities in Sydney. I, uh, I applied to engineering and commerce."

"That's good. I'm sure you'll get accepted," I mumbled. I was glad he applied. I didn't want him to regret it down the track because I was somehow so sure he would.

"Come with me."

"I can't," I shook my head.

"Why not?"

I couldn't. I was only going to hurt him. That was my curse, and I couldn't tolerate the thought of hurting him. Mia and dad were family. They were stuck with me whether they liked it or not, and vice versa. But I was going to do everything in my power to not hurt them anymore. I just wasn't convinced I could do that to Daniel. Not when he was losing his best friend already because of me.

"I can't leave dad behind. I can't leave him alone here and live halfway across the country."

"If not then we'll just long distance. Sydney is only an hour flight away," he suggested.

"You know that's not going to work."

We were going to enter University. A completely different world from University. All my older siblings kept telling me and Mia that we wouldn't really stay in touch with high school friends. We all separate ways, living our own life with our own interest. And living in separate cities was going to be so much harder to even meet up.

"You don't know that."

I hated that I was doing this to him. I hated doing it to myself. But this was the right decision. It had to be.

"Beth said something to you, didn't she? At the hospital when she visited. You were there too, weren't you? You spoke to Beth."

I was taken back. How did he know that?

"What did she say to you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it clearly does if it convinced you to break up with me," he sounded annoyed now. I rubbed my arm gently, contemplating it. "She told you why she hates you, didn't she?"

"You know about that?"

"She told me after her party at the beginning on the year, at her place. She told me about it as a warning to stay away from you," he explained.

He knew this whole time. No wonder he still didn't want me to stay near Kyle. No wonder he was still adamant in keeping the deal. It wasn't because of his own false perception or caution. It was because he knew what I was like. He knew how easy it was for me to turn my back on my own best friend. Yet, he was willing to be with me?

"You aren't like that anymore."

"You don't know that."

"I do. Clearly, you don't."

I frowned shaking my head. "No, Daniel. You don't. I'm already going back to my old ways. I already hurt so many people and I'm back to blocking the world out. I can't change no matter how much I want to."

"You have changed."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Daniel."

Iturned around and walked back into the apartment without another word.