Chapter 12

The warmth of his hand calmed my beating heart. He hadn't let go of my hand, and I didn't want him too.

"Watch your step here" he tells me as he leads me on to the roof.

I step down and my grip on his hand tightens.

"We're almost there" he tells me.

We walk a few more steps and then he stops.

"Okay give me one second and then you can look"

The warmth of his hand disappears and I hear him walk away from me, and then towards me again.

"Okay open"

I slowly open my eyes and take in the scene in front of me.

A blanket was laid out, it had our food bag in the middle, and a few candles burning off to the side. Pillows were laid out along the edge and there were a pile of folded blankets.

Above the blanket was a arch covered in vines and various types of flowers, and weaved in between the vines and flowers were fairy lights.

My jaw dropped to the ground at the scene before me, and when I glanced up I felt my breath leave my body. The open sky filled with thousands of twinkling stars. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Do you like it?" I hear Josh ask.

I look over to him and catch him rubbing the back of his neck, a gesture I was learning to associate with him being nervous.

"It's beautiful Josh."

He smiles at me before gesturing for me to sit. I take a seat on the spread out blanket and he sits across from me.

He digs in to the food bag before pulling out my burger and fries and handing them to me.

I thank him and start munching on my fries.

We eat in silence for a few minutes before he speaks.

"Another question. If you're as good at football as your dad made it seem how come you're not on the team?"

I finish chewing what's in my mouth before swallowing and answering him.

"I was when I was younger, the middle school team. But after awhile Logan didn't like that his sister was on the team with him. The other boys would pick on him, telling him that I was better than he was. He didn't like that. So after I found out I dropped the team."

"What did your parents say?"

"They don't know the real reason. I told them I just wasn't feeling it anymore and that I wanted to focus on my classes. And they didn't question it."

Josh furrows his eyebrows.

"Why do you let your brother push you around so much?"

"He doesn't" I defend.

"Kelly I've known you less than a week and I can already tell that he does. Everything seems to be about him. Doesn't that bother you?"

"He's the more successful twin, and besides my mom and I spend time together a lot."

He studies me briefly.

"I can't figure you out." He says finally

"What do you mean?" I ask taking another bite of my burger.

"I mean you seem like a normal girl, I can't figure out what makes you tick yet. Tell me about you. Not the simple stuff, tell me about who you are, what you wanna do."

"It's pretty boring"

"I've got all night."

I take a deep breath and wrap up the rest of my food before putting it in the bag.

"I guess I want the life my parents have. I want to go to college and get a nursing degree, and I want to work with kids. Maybe be a teacher. I want a family. I want a husband who comes home everyday and kisses me and tells me he loves me. I want that stability in my life. I look at my parents and see how much they love each other after all this time, and I want that. I want to feel loved, and I want feel wanted."

I should've just stopped there but my mouth kept running.

"Everyone that I've ever loved has left me. My old neighbor, Dean, was like a grandfather to me and after he died I lost myself. I thought that I had become a burden on everyone, and I thought that everyone would be better without me."

A pained look comes across his face as I continue.

"I don't know why I did it, but it felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. I took a bunch of sleeping pills and cut my wrists then went to lay down in my bed. It was the only way I could think to stop the pain. It would've worked too if Logan hadn't come home early. He found me and called the police and our parents."

I take a deep shuddering breath and Josh wraps his arm around my body.

"I don't remember any of it, I just remember finally feeling at peace when I closed my eyes, and then when I woke up. I was in a sterile, white hospital room with needles sticking out of my body and tubes everywhere. I remember opening my eyes and seeing my parents sobbing. Logan was next to my bed holding my hand while my parents cried. That was the moment I knew that I needed to stay for Logan. He was squeezing my hand so tight, and his eyes were brimmed with tears. I can't get his face out of my head."

Josh has pulled me into his side and wrapped his arms around me, and rested him head on top of mine.

"I'm so sorry Kelly. I didn't- I shouldn't-"

"You didn't know. Don't be sorry" I say cutting him off.

"But I-"

"You wanted to know me. The real me. And that's who I am. That's what made me who I am today. It's why I want to help people. We all have our own demons that we like to keep hidden and that's mine."

"Why did you tell me?"

I glance up and look into his eyes.

"Because I trust you."

His lips slightly part at my confession. His grip on my body loosens slightly. I couldn't figure out why he had that look on his face.

"Kelly" he says my name in a whisper.

He cups my face with his hands and brushes his thumbs along my cheekbones.

"I don't want you to ever feel like you can't trust me okay? I don't want you to ever feel like you aren't wanted, or that you aren't worthy of someone's love because you are. I know this sounds crazy because we barely know each other, but I can't stop thinking about you, and now that I know how much you're hurting it makes me want to protect you. I don't want to see you hurt Kelly. I won't be able to handle it."

Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes, and it takes every ounce of willpower to hold them back. I didn't understand how someone could feel this way about me. How he could care for me so much already.

I didn't know what to say or how to react so I did the only thing I wanted to do, I leaned into his warm, safe touch and gently pressed my lips to his.

He reacted instantly as his hands tangled in my hair and he deepened the kiss. His lips felt so soft on mine and I didn't want us to ever stop. I felt safe in his arms, like nothing could ever hurt me again.