Jannet Everlast's party was going to start in two hours and I had no idea what I was going to wear. I couldn't wear my tight, black skirt because I didn't feel like hooking up tonight, but I couldn't wear jeans either because I wanted to at least make-out with somebody. That's what Friday's were for, right?

Maybe I should go on Facebook and see what Evelyn is wearing. She has the same morals as me--and she's got the best closet on Earth--so she should definitely be able to help me out.

Only, she wasn't online. Which is the weirdest thing, because Evelyn Rose is always online. Whatever. I'll just text her. I am her best friend, and even though she isn't online, I know she'll text me back right away.

Only, she doesn't. Which is also weird, because that girl always has her phone.

Well maybe I'll just ask Mary. She has the second best closet and is the fifth in line for best friend if Evelyn A) moves, B) dies, C) dates Charlie Weathers, or D) falls in love with me (which, believe it or not, has happened before).

Fortunately for me, Mary is on and helps me narrow down the clothing list to the dress I wore to my aunt's wedding and the outfit that matches the one I bought for ex-best friend, Paisley Brown, last fall. I tell Mary thanks and that she is now fourth in line and then I go to log off.

But Paisley has just logged on.

To be completely honest, I'm not all that over Paisley (platonically-that is). We were best friends for years and we always passed notes and drew each other pictures and Skyped and all the things best friends do. The best part about us, though, was that we weren't friends because we looked good together and people expected us to be. No. We were friends because we actually felt like we belonged together and our worlds lit up in the presence of the other. Which, I might add, is not mine and Evelyn's friendship. Evelyn and I were friends because of the first reason.

It all came to an abrupt end when one day, seemingly out of the blue, Paisley just stopped talking to me. Well, not out of the blue completely. There were signs, but I was stupid enough to ignore them. Like, she had stopped sitting with me before school--I assumed that was because she was always late or going to tutoring. She stopped sitting with me at lunch--I assumed that was because she wanted to study in the library or wanted to go sit with her crush. When I called her my best friend, she kind of laughed and turned away--I assumed that was because she didn't like public affection in any form.

Then came October. I would make plans, and she would blow them off. I would text her, and she would take hours--sometimes even days--to respond. One day, after having enough of it, I asked her what was up and why she was acting all weird. All she responded with was "I can't do this anymore," and we never spoke again.

So now I'm sitting here staring at her name and that stupid little green dot next to it. I wonder if she is coming to the party? Maybe I should ask her. Surely she's not still mad at me for whatever it was that I did to upset her.

And so, I click on her name and the little chat box appears, revealing all the messages from the good old days.

Man, I never realized how much it hurt to lose a friend for no apparent reason. I'm serious. I've lost like.. what? Fifty friends? Sixty? See, I can't even keep up with number of people who hate me. Never once have I felt like this. Never once have I wanted to reconnect with someone so badly.

Just look at that profile picture. How does she get her hair to be so perfect? She never told me. If there was one secret she kept from me, it was how on earth she got those black waves to be so perfectly straight and side-swept.

And that band shirt with the jean shorts and black leggings-no one else in our entire school could pull that off but her. No one. Not even Ashlyn Williams who has a body that has been known to turn hetero girls and homo boys. Speaking of bodies, I can't help but remember how I was always so amazed about how Paisley was on the chubbier side, yet she seemed to be one of the most beautiful people I knew.

My fingers hover over the keyboard. Do I or do I not ask her? The worst she could do is ignore me, right? I can handle that. I can handle her not wanting anything to do with me. Okay, I'll do it. I'll message her.

 R U going to Jannet's party 2nite? I type.

But I don't send it. I can't. That would be caving and I never cave. Instead, I delete the message and close my laptop. One hour and thirty minutes until the party and I haven't even showered yet.

***

The party was in full swing when I arrived (fashionably late, of course). There was no sign of Evelyn anywhere, but I'm not really worried about that anymore. True, she would never miss a party-especially Jannet Everlast's Spring EverBash-but she's always grounded for something and probably is just waiting for a chance to sneak out that hasn't presented itself yet.

I just hunt for my next best friend, Talia Roberts, who I know will be here. If there is free alcohol and hot boys, then Talia is there no questions asked.

I find her by the keg searching for her new boy-toy with drink in her hand.

"Erin!" She squeals when she sees me approaching.

I grin and wave as I reach for her solo cup. "Mind if I take a sip?" I ask.

She hands it over to me and I take a swig. Not enough to feel anything, but not so little that people can't smell it on my breath. I take just enough so that "I'm drunk" can be an accurate excuse for any bad decisions that I will no doubt make tonight.

"Have you seen Evelyn?" She questions me.

I shake my head. "I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"Huh," she says. "Anyways, I just saw Paisley walk in with that hot brother of hers. What would you say to hunting them down and hanging out with her while I go shack it up with him?"

I laugh at her suggestion. It's ten thirty PM and she's already trying to hook up. Yeah, she's wasted.

"In case you've forgotten, she and I don't talk anymore. Anyways, you don't need me to help you get him alone. Just walk by and wink at him and he'll be ditching his sister before you can say 'hey, wanna hit the bedrooms?'" I inform her.

She raves about how genius I am and hurries off to track down her target, leaving me stranded next to the drinks watching everyone else have the time of their lives.

For someone with so many best friend backups, you'd think I'd have people lining up to talk to me. Instead, I'm here alone with the taste of watered down liquor on my tongue and the smell of smoke in my lungs

It's not long before I see Talia walking towards the hall with Jackson on her heels. And not much longer before I notice Paisley standing against the opposing wall all alone. I must admit, I feel bad for her. Someone so pretty and so kind should be chatting up the adorably awkward debate club leader, not staring at the clock and waiting for her brother to be done with Talia so they can go home.

Maybe I should go talk to her. It couldn't possibly be any worse than both of us standing alone. I know that for a fact. Yeah, I will. I'll go talk to her. And while I'm at it, I might as well demand an explanation for why she friggin ditched me right before our big Halloween hangout.

Just as I start to walk over there, Austin Long pulls out an empty beer bottle and Jared Reynolds shouts "Truth-Or-Dare!"

Everyone hurries into a circle surrounding the middle where Austin has placed the bottle, Paisley and myself included.

I can't help but giggle at how middle school this is. No really, I haven't played Truth-Or-Dare since the eighth grade dance when I had to kiss Ryan Mathis on the lips. Man, I'm actually kind of excited for this.

"I assume you all know the original rules, but Jared, Jannet, and I have made a new and improved version. So listen up.

"We go clockwise around the circle spinning the bottle. Whoever the bottle lands on, you have to ask 'truth, or dare?' and then come up with a question or a dare for them to do. If you fail to do the dare or answer the question, then you get your name on the blacklist.

"The blacklist is a list of failures and we will deal out even harsher dares to those on it. One dare for every time your name appears.

"Or you could use a chicken. You get three at the beginning of the game, but you can give and receive chickens if you want to. Chickens are the only way to get out of answering a question or doing a dare without getting blacklisted, but let it be known that once you are out of chickens, we will do everything we can to get you blacklisted. Use your chickens wisely," he explains.

This will definitely be fun.

"Does everyone understand?" Jared asks. We all nod.

Jared reaches for the bottle and hands it to Jannet.

"As the host of this kick-ass party, I will be going first," she smirks. "Good luck to whoever it lands on." With that, she spins with all her might.

It lands on Charlie Weathers and I know that this cannot be good. Let it be known, she has liked him ever since she moved here in ninth grade.

"Truth or dare?" She asks.

"Dare, obviously," he declares.

She glances at her two friends next to her who squeal with delight, knowing what she's going to do.

And then she says them. She says the dreaded words.

"Charlie Weathers, I dare you to kiss me. With tongue."

A little part of me dies when she says it, and then another when I notice him looking the exact opposite of disgusted.

In case it wasn't obvious, I kind of have feelings for Charlie. I've had them ever since Paisley and I befriended him the first day of eighth grade.

They go to kiss and I'm left here waiting for my turn.

Aria goes next. She lands on Jared (who cowardly picks truth) and asks him to confess one thing he's done that no one in our school knows about. We find out that he is apparently the one who set fire to the microwave in the cafeteria last month when he accidentally put a fork in there.

Then Lou spins and lands on Mary. She is dared to take a sip of everyone's drink. She's allergic to alcohol, which apparently isn't a valid excuse, so she has to use one of her chickens.

A few more people go and the only interesting thing is Austin stripping to his underwear and Talia and Jackson joining in and then having to go do "seven minutes in heaven,"

Soon a boy I don't recognize spins and lands on me.

"What's your biggest regret?" He asks me after I pick truth.

I have to think about it for a minute. I regret not going to Orlando with my parents last summer because I wanted to stay home and marathon Breaking Bad instead. I regret saying no to Anthony Smith when he asked me to go to prom with him when I was a freshman and he was a senior (I could have been a four proms kind of girl because I went my sophomore year with Alex Garfield-a very hot junior). I regret thinking I was too old for stuffed animals and throwing all of mine out in sixth grade.

But I wouldn't call any one of those my biggest regret. Sure, I think about them sometimes, but they don't weigh down my heart at night. They don't make me really want to go back and change time.

I glance around the room for inspiration and then I see it. My biggest regret.

I take a deep breath, avoiding her eye as I say it. "I regret letting my best friend go without fighting for her back."

Someone jokes about how lame that is and someone else takes the bottle and makes their spin, but I don't care about that. What I care about is how I can feel Paisley's eyes staring sharply at my face as I avoid her gaze and look down. I didn't say her name, but she knows I was talking about her. Then Max Clemmins's spin lands on Paisley. She's just as much of a chicken as I am, so she picks truth.

Max is openly gay and has no interest in sexually exploiting her. His questions are safe and family friendly and I'm glad he was the one to land on her. Any other guy would have asked her about how often she masturbates or if she's ever taken it up the butt and Paisley is too concerned about public image to answer those kinds of questions. She would use up her chickens instantly and her name would be blacklisted more than once.

"If your ex came crawling back to you, would you take them?"

She breathes a sigh of relief and I know she's thankful she got such a simple question.

"Well Max, I don't have an ex-boyfriend or anything, but I have an ex best friend who I would never, ever, in a million years, take back," she answers, glaring at me as she says it. Her daggers make me feel like nothing more than gum on the bottom of her shoe.

I look at her and feel like I'm about to explode. Anger, sadness, and curiosity all stir dangerously inside me. Our gaze holds and others start to notice. Xavier, the person sitting next to Max, asks Austin if there's anyway we change the rules so that you can pick who you want to truth/dare. Austin does a quick huddle with Jared and Jannet, and concludes that yes, you can choose, but you have to give one of your chickens to the person across from you.

Xavier says it sounds like a deal, verbally gives his chicken to Mary, and picks Paisley who, again, says truth.

"What's your problem with Erin?" He says to her, pointing to me

Paisley rolls her eyes. "That's none of your business. Chicken."

Xavier glares at her and then hands the bottle to the weird fat girl sitting next to him.

She picks Paisley as well and 'gives' her chicken to Charlie Weathers. Paisley picks truth. The girl asks the same question. Paisley gives the same answer, which leaves her with one chicken.Then it's Juliette's turn and she does the same, causing Paisley to use her very last chicken.

And then it's my turn. I have all my chickens and I'm pretty much down to do anything they could possibly dream of asking me (up to third base, obviously), so I go ahead and hand off my chicken to Talia who is across from me.

"Truth or dare, Paisley. And don't forget that you're out of chickens," I tell her.

Her facial expression changes as she realizes what she's unknowingly just done to herself. She's doomed. Poor, goody little Paisley is going to be forced to do all the things people here could possibly think of. This should be fun.

"Well truth didn't get me anywhere good, so I think I'll go with dare," she calmly says like she doesn't know that I'm going to find out the very thing she's been chickening out of.

I can feel everyone's eyes on me like we're their own personal soap opera, but I don't pay them any attention. I just stare at Paisley, searching for that trace of fear I saw when I picked her, but it's not there. Somehow, she thinks she can concur me. She thinks that I'm not going to win this time.

Well, Paisley dear, you're dead wrong.

"I dare you to finally tell me why you just dropped me for no reason."

She laughs. "I'd rather have my name on the blacklist."

"Okay, but we're just gonna keep daring you until you tell us. And if you keep accepting the blacklist, then we'll make at least half of those dares you telling us your problem with her," Jared points out.

"Yeah. We're all pretty curious now," Jannet comments.

Paisley glances around and sees everyone agreeing and staring at her. She knows she's trapped. I've won.

Then, her character fades and she becomes the girl that I met back in fifth grade. A scared, insecure, bundle of opinions that no one would let her share. Except this time, she's a scared, insecure, bundle of opinions that she doesn't want to share but is being forced to. I almost feel bad for the girl.

Almost.

"You want to know the truth?" She whispers through clenched teeth. Her face has started to turn red and I know without a doubt that she's about to spill everything.

"Uh, yeah. I think I kind of deserve to know what the hell I did for you to hate me. Seriously, Paisley. Please tell me."

She looks me dead in the eye as she says the most shocking thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

"It's because I love you," she declares before turning and running out of the door.

I stand there shocked beyond belief. She loves me? All this time... And she was in love with me.

The very idea of another girl being in love with me should send me hiding under the covers and wishing it to go away. Instead, it fills me with something unexplainable. A kind of rush that you only get when you're high, going downhill face first on a roller coaster, or in love.

And considering I didn't take a hit of the blunt they were passing around earlier, and the fact that I'm standing in the middle of Jannet Everlast's enormous living room while everyone silently waits to see what I do, it must be the third thing.

It's in that moment that I decide to chase after her.

"Paisley!" I shout as I run outside.

She's sitting in the bed of her brothers truck, sobbing into her hands.

"Oh god, Paisley!" I run over and hop onto the truck.

I put my arms around her and pull her into me. I begin to pet her hair and rub her back like I did the day her parents told her they were getting divorced. We stay like that until she stops crying and pulls away.

"I don't understand," I say to her.

"Which part do you not understand? Me being bisexual, or me being in love with you?"

I shake my head. "Neither of those. I don't understand why that was your reason for cutting me out of your life."

She sighs and leans her head back against the window. "My parents are extremely religious and I was taught that homosexuality was a wrong. When I found out that I was bi, I was terrified. I was sure I was going to hell. Then, I told my brother, the only person besides you who ever actually cared for me and wanted to help me through my depression, and he told me to tell you.

"Remember that day back in September when you made me go to the bathroom with you? I was going to tell you then. I was going to look into the mirror and say something clever about LGBTQ and you were going to come out and see me and then hug me and tell me you accept me. But then I glanced at you through the mirror as you were walking by, and I realized that you were the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. Your hair was messy, your outfit didn't match, you had no makeup on, and yet, you were perfect. And I didn't know what to do, so I told you I didn't feel good and I went to the nurse.

"Every day after that it got harder and harder. Your laugh, your smile, the way you'd grab my hand and tell me to hold on when you saw me sinking into sadness... It killed me. Because I loved you. I knew I loved you and I couldn't have you. You wanted Charlie and you were straight.

"So that's why I stopped sitting with you. Seeing you was too hard for me. And talking to you was even worse. God, texting you that message and leaving you alone was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I had to do it though. It was for the best," she explained to me. Her eyes were shut and silent tears were rolling down her cheeks.

I noticed a crowd beginning to gather in the front yard. Everyone from the game wanted to see what was happening with us, all of them having different reasons.

"Paisley-"

"I'm not done. I was going to message you today. I was over being alone. Not being with you at all hurt worse than not being