I spent the majority of my adult life in search of my father. The man who was supposed to take me on Saturday morning fishing trips and teach me how to drive was absent for everything from my first steps to my first legal drinking binge. My mother always told me that he wanted to be here, but if that was true, why wasn't he? Surely he could have found a way.
I looked everywhere. I hunted down his friends, family, and even former bosses. No one knew anything or, if they did, they wouldn't tell me. It was really aggravating, you know? Life wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to have two parents: a mom that cooks delicious cookies for me and my friends, and a dad that rented us R-rated movies and said "don't tell Mom."

The hardest thing was watching my friends get in the back seat of their parents' minivan. For them, the passenger seat was never empty. For me, it was never filled. They hated being in the back, but I would have killed to have to sit there. Then there were the birthday parties. Man, those were the worst. All my friends would have both of their parents there to present them with their new electric scooters and cars in front of everyone who only dreamed about getting them. Me? I didn't have a dad, which means I didn't have enough money to even imagine acquiring those things.
I learned to live with it eventually, but there was always a part of me that wondered why. Why hasn't he been there? What kind of father doesn't want to see their kids grow up? What kind of father doesn't want to be there to encourage his child? What kind of father would be man enough to have sex, but not man enough to stay when he suffered the consequences? It shames me to think that mine was that kind of father.

These days, I don't actively search for him. I always wonder about where he is, who he is, even, but he isn't constantly occupying my thoughts. Or, at least he wasn't. Not until recently.

It was Thanksgiving. I was sitting at the table with my two older cousins, my baby nephew and his mother (his dad was also not in the picture and I wasn't on good terms with my "sister"), my grandmother, and my aunt whose husband left her two years ago. My mother came out to the living room where we were sitting (our tiny two-bedroom apartment had no room for a dinning room) and plopped a steaming bowl of delicious, slaved-over, hand-made mashed potatoes on the coffee table. It was the final ingredient to our amazing annual feast.

"Who wants to give the blessing this year?" Mom asked. Everyone glanced awkwardly at each other, no one wanting to be the one to speak out. Sighing, my mother grabbed mine and my nephew's mother's hand and began to pray.

"Dear Lord Jesus," she began, "I thank you for what you did on the cross and I thank you for the freedom that you have allowed us to have. We are so grateful to live in a country where we can speak freely and worship how we please. Lord, please bless this food that we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it. Thank you for allowing us to be with our family once again on this joyous occasion-even if the fathers could not join us. Amen."

"Amen," everyone else murmured in unison before attacking the assorted bowls and plates in front of us.

Justin—my nephew—anxiously waited for his mother to serve him his tiny portion of turkey while Jessica—my eldest cousin—yelled at her younger sister Sharon for taking too much macaroni.

I did nothing. I didn't reach for food and I didn't thank my mother or the other ladies for the food. Every year, the Thanksgiving prayer was the same. Except, no one had ever added that last part. The father part.

I was always closest to my Aunt Christina. I only ever saw her around the holidays, which is why she was always the one I confided in. In fact, I wouldn't have ever actually gotten around to searching for my dead-beat dad if it weren't for her influence. She was disgusted with how he wasn't around.

I nudged her and asked what was up with the prayer. She whispered in my ear that she couldn't talk about it.

"Why not?"

She looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was listening before she responded. "Excuse yourself to the restroom."

I thought her request was peculiar, but I did it anyways. I stood outside of the bathroom, assuming that she was coming to meet me. I waited three minutes before she finally arrived.

"Sorry I took so long. Your mother would not let me leave," she explained as she sunk down on the wall so that she was sitting on the floor.

"Why not?" I asked for the second time

She just shrugged. "Erin's weird."
"Cant argue with that," I giggled. She smiled and patted my back.

Then, her face got oddly serious and her voice strangely silent, which was weird since I'd never seen her without a smile plastered to her face and a joke exiting her lips. "Did you know that I'm not actually your mother's sister?"

My jaw dropped. My whole life, I'd been told that Aunt Christina was Mom's sister. They told me that they grew up together. I've heard millions of stories about the pranks they played as children and the things they said to their parents. Hearing that all that was a lie made me more confused than ever.

"I know what you're thinking," she declared, "but there's a logical explanation to this. And it involves your father."

I was going to yell at her until I heard that last sentence. Instead, I didn't say anything and just let her explain.

"Years ago, Erin fell in love with a beautiful woman named Paisley. Their relationship was everything that love should be. It was ecstatic. It was powerful. It was insane. But most all, it was pure. Wherever Paisley went, Erin went too. There was nothing more natural than the electricity between them." She was staring off into the bathroom door as she spoke as if she were reminiscing the better times.

"So what happened? And where do you come in?"

She sighed before continuing. "I don't really know what happened with Paisley. She decided that the love of a woman just wasn't for her and she left. As for me, I was Paisley's step-sister. Her parents divorced when she was in high school, and her mother got re-married to my father just after she graduated. I grew close to Paisley, and even closer to your mother. They became my best friends and I loved them both. But two years after their marriage, Paisley cut ties with her parents—including my father.

"Shortly after that, she left Erin and cut ties with me as well. I grew even closer to your mom as a result and we decided that we were sisters by heart. She was so sad without Paisley, so I encouraged her to sign up for a dating app. That's when Erin met your dad."

Her voice had a hint of exhaustion and tenseness added to it. "He was a good man. He provided for Erin and took care of her when she was sick. For their one year anniversary of dating, he took her to Disney World and they stayed in Cinderella's castle. Two months after that, they found out that they were expecting.

"He offered to marry her. Well, offered isn't the right word—he wanted to marry her. But something prevented her from allowing the magical marriage that could be. When she gave birth, Paisley suddenly wanted to be in the picture again. So, Erin made the decision of stealing you and leaving Jack in the middle of the night to go be with her."

The story she told me was so crazy, yet so believable. I was in shock at the new information and I couldn't speak. There was nothing to say.

Finally, there was. "So... What happened to Jack? And where is Paisley now?"

Aunt Christy put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her. "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded my head yes. I've been waiting for this moment my whole life, of course I wanted to know.

"It didn't take long for Paisley to leave again. Just like she'd convinced your mother to do, she ran away in the middle of the night with no hint at where she went. We tried to find her for a bit, but Erin was tired of dealing with it all when she had you to take care of. We just agreed to forget about Paisley and focus on you. But your dad..."

She took a deep breath and paused a few minutes before she spoke.

"He killed himself."

The words were like picking up glass without gloves, but I felt nothing. All my life, I thought that I'd be happy to know the answers. Now that the moment has come, I felt like the information didn't even matter. I wanted to go back in time and erase this moment from happening.

"Your mom looked for him for years," she continued. "She wanted you to know him and she thought he wanted to know you too."

"How did she find out? When did he do it?" I questioned, even though I had suddenly lost interest. I owed it to my younger self.

"She got a letter in the mail two weeks ago from his mother asking if she was finally going to claim the things left to her in the will. She called her and found out that he shot himself on your fifth birthday."

Again, I had no words. My father was dead. All these years, and he's been dead the whole time.
I wanted to be angry at my mother for ripping me out of normalcy. I wanted to be mad at my father for taking himself away and not trying harder to find me. I wanted to be furious with Paisley for causing it all.

But instead, I felt nothing.

"Thank you," I mumbled to the only one who ever told me the truth.

"You deserved to know," she whispered back as she hugged me.

We then went back to the table and resumed normal conversation as if I hadn't just learned the information that would change my entire life.

That's when I felt it. That's when I knew what I wanted to do.

There was only one way to end this story, and it started with finding Paisley.

____________________

IM ON MY WAY TO MY PLANE FOR GERMANY!
My flight leaves in about 8 hours and then I'll be on the plane for another 8 hours. I'm so excited but nervous at the same time cuz I'm going with my siblings and not my parents. I feel safer with my parents.
Idk but I'm excited to go see my older sister and he kids in Germany!
Gosh, time went by so fast. I got my tickets at Christmas, but it feels like I got them yesterday.
What even.
So, sadly, this will be the last update for about three weeks. Don't cry my beautiful fans, for I will be back soon<3
I'll miss Plot Twist just as much as you will. It will hurt me more than it will hurt you to not post :/
Internet over there is sucky and Ima be living it up in Europe :p
Yay!

Anyways, I love you guys. I'll see you soon<3