For a second, I feel my heart stop beating as her words register in my head, the solemn look on her face only deepening when she finally tears her eyes away from the view and turns to look at my face.
How am I supposed to react?
What am I supposed to say?
I feel my heart starting to break as het words start sinking in, the pressure on my chest rising as I look at her without blinking. A part of me wants to believe that maybe I didn't hear her right, but I know that I did. God!
When she notices that I am not going to speak, she runs a hand through her hair. I want to speak, I really do, but I don't want to say anything wrong if I cannot say anything right, so I'd rather not say anything at all.
"It started when I was around seven, I think.." she begins and I know the reason she didn't want me to turn around was because she doesn't want me to look at her while she talks, so taking a huge gulp which does nothing to ease the knot in my throat, I turn to look in front of me. The fairylights almost go unnoticed by me as I realise the darkness of the night looming over, suddenly noticing the change in mood.
I tighten my hold on her hand, conveying in some way that I was listening to her. "At first, it was a random slap because I broke a glass in the kitchen by mistake. Then, it shortened down to every week where she used to smack me around. She always had wine at dinner but that switched to bourbon soon, and Dad noticed but he had never restricted her, so he didn't tell her anything especially because she was recently fired from her job for stealing a huge amount.
"I was a kid, I didn't understand shit that was happening in the house but I thought every child was beaten up because the parents felt like they had to have some control on their kid. Dad was handling his business, it was a new budding company so he wasn't at home much. The slaps soon turned to much worse, she used her fist, and kicks as if I was the reason that everything was wrong in her life." She pinches the bridge of her nose.
I am so glad that I am not facing her right now due to the tears that are stinging my eyes. I bring our joined hands upto my mouth and press a kiss on het hand. When she said that she would rather have my situation where I didn't have a mom than her own, I didn't understand it then, but now, I do. It's fucked up in so many ways and I just want to hold her so tightly, but I know she isn't done talking.
"Every time she'll beat me up, she would immediately snap out of it and tend to my bruises like she was a caring mother, and I wanted affection, I was a kid.. so each time she said, 'I'm sorry Ruby, it wouldn't happen again.' I actually bought that bullshit, and that god awful name!" She tugs at the root of her hair.
She shifts my body a little so that my weight is now leaning on her left side while her right hand wonders into her pocket. She pulls out a cigarette pack and a lighter, and I want to object but I don't. I know it helps with stress, and even though it's toxic, that's the conversation for another time.
"Do you mind?" She asks, motioning to the cigarette that she has already lit up and I shake my head, not trusting my voice to speak.
"Anyway, one day she came home shit faced, and I knew she was out of it so I actually stayed in my room. I was already ten, by the time? I don't remember the age really, and I'd rather not actually. So, she came to my room and she was so out of it she could barely walk. I was half awake, and she started beating me up and then.." she trails off, closing her eyes as she takes a really deep drag and lets out the smoke in the air through her parted lips.
With each detail she reveals, the more I feel my heart breaking. No child deserves what she got, and the worst part was that she got it from someone who's supposed to look after you, someone who's supposed to be your care-giver.
I finally muster up the strength to speak up, "Jennie, you don't have to tell me everything." I tell her honestly because she looks so much in pain.
She doesn't look at me but nods, continuing, "She just did things that a no child should be done to, Lisa. It was so fucking awful especially because I was sobbing the fuck out. Dad wasn't home!"
I can't even imagine that so much was happening in that house across the street with mine while I had a perfect childhood with a loving father and a best friend. Somehow, it makes me feel guilty, because I should have been there. We were just across the street, if we had been friends, she would have said something, had someone to talk to and..
"Don't, don't think what I think you are thinking. That isn't fair to you." Her voice snaps me out and when I look at her, she's staring at me with darkness swallowing her gray orbs so I just nod, because this isn't about me. This isn't about me at all, and I cannot be selfish enough to make this about me.
Much to my surprise, she continues, "I thought it was a one time thing, that what happened when she was so drunk wouldn't happen again, but I was in deep denial of what was happening. I actually started covering my bruises from everyone's eyes, and that was the most fucked up thing I could do. It happened for two years, and I kept my mouth shut because she started threatening me. She said that if I told my father, he would blame me, kick me out of the house because he was in love with her and that he would never cause her any harm.
"I was a really stupid kid who fell for that lie. There were times when she sobered up for months and things would go back to being fine, but she never got another job, and soon, she was a stayhome drunk. Dad was travelling back then, a lot, so he was barely home and I barely got out of home. But then Jimin and I became friends.. and he saw the bruises on my back. He confronted me, and I just told him to leave it alone, that it was nothing.
"He told me to stop defending whoever the hell was doing that to me, and that I needed to tell someone. He didn't even think it could be my mother because he actually suggested that I should talk to her about it, and I think that's when he figured it was her. Jimin talked to his Mom, and we weren't friends for long but I actually looked up to his family in so many ways, because they had such a normalcy in their life, Lisa. But, it pissed me off incredibly that he told his mother who, obviously contacted my father somehow.
"Dad flew in just the next day and asked me if I wanted to tell him anything, and I denied. Straight out. God, I remember the look of hurt on his face when he lifted my shirt and saw the marks." She closes her eyes and put down the cigarette, tossing it to the ground and then turned to me completely, finally making eye contact as she spoke, "He supported me, made me realise that I could go to him anytime I had any problems and he actually made me realise that the threats she was feeding me were all bullshits."
That has to be the most fucked up thing I have ever heard in my life, making me realise about the actual hardships. She went through so much shit as a child, in fact the word shit doesn't even muster up half of what she suffered from. I can't ever forget the look on her face as she repeated things one after another.
If I knew it was this, I would have never asked her in the first place because I cannot even begin to imagine how fucked up it must be inside of her head right now.
"Can I ask you something?" I say and she looks at me.
"Jail. She's in jail, Lisa. Dad reported her, got the best lawyer who made the strongest case. She isn't getting out for another few years and her parental rights have been terminated, and I also have a restraining order against her." She explains and I nod, not even wondering how she knew that I was going to ask about her.
I have never met the woman, but if I ever did, god, I would have punched her in the face with no remorse whatsoever!
"How much time did you take to forgive Jimin?" I ask, picking on the cloth of my jeans.
"One day. I couldn't be mad at him, if anything, he did me a favour." She shrugs and I nod.
"Is that why you let him kiss you? Returning a favour?" I give out a small smile, trying to lighten the mood because I hate seeing her like this.
She laughs, the sound of her chuckle surprising me yet sounding so refreshing to my ears as I smile at her.
She nudges my side and I take that as a hint to turn around to face her, still sitting in between her legs with my legs folded underneath me, my support on my knees.
"Thank you." She says and I frown.
"What for?"
"For listening to that, and not showing me any pity. I would've lost any feelings I have for you if I had seen any trace of pity in your eyes." She says and I shake my head.
"I would have apologised, Jane but what happened, I cannot undo it. But I can be with you and listen you, whenever you need me, alright?" I say, my hand moving upto her cheek and I look into her eyes, "This is okay, right?"
She nods, "Yes, don't worry, I kinda like your touch." She smiles and I lean forward to place a kiss on the corner of her mouth.
"Thank you for trusting me with everything, though." I tell her and she nods.
She wraps her arms around me and I do the same, and we stay like for a while, just holding each other. I could feel her body relaxing with every sigh that escaped her lips but then she groaned and I parted, following her gaze that landed on the burgers.
"Am I the worst date ever or what? I didn't even let you eat anything because I was busy in my soppy story." She says, irritated and I smile a little.
"It's alright, we can have something to eat when we head back." I tell her.
She nods, "Do you wanna head home? We've been here for about two hours already and it's a pretty long drive back." She says.
I didn't realise that it had already been two hours, but still I shook my head, "Fifteen minutes more, alright? Then we can go back." I tell her, turning around again to see the view and she chuckles, pulling me closer to himself.
"You know why I brought you here?" She asks and I shake my head.
"No, you wouldn't even tell me where we were going. Also, how the hell did you even find this place?" I ask, curious.
The mood had shifted to a little lighter now, and I was glad to see a smile on her face. She doesn't do that often, so seeing that just makes every part in my body relax.
"Dad brought me here a week after she went to jail, he said he came here to think for creative business ideas." She laughs lightly, "I love the man, but he never thinks about anything besides business."
"You seem pretty proud of him though, I remember when Dad asked about your father, and you had this smile on your face." I recall, the memory playing in my head.
She turns to me, "What smile?" She asks.
"Like you are happy to have him in your life." I shrug.
"I am, even though he's not around much. He stayed for next four years, taking caring of me. But two years back I told him it was alright if he wanted to travel, because his business requires that and I understood. And he's home once in a while now." She explains and I nod.
Although I wonder if it gets lonely to stay alone. Because so many times Dad is out of town for cases with Paul, or without Paul. And unless jisoo or Jungkook come over, I get bored out of my mind. It must be the same for her.
She clears her throat, snapping me out of my daze, "I brought you here because I remember the smile on your face when we went to the creek. You look so fucking fascinated with that whole thing. Kind of made me want to do something similar." She says and I internally swoon at her.
"Yeah, I get impressed easily." I tease and she laughs, "Thanks Jane, all of this, it meant a lot. It was really the best date, even if you don't want to believe it." I tell her and she kisses my forehead, nodding.
We talked for another ten minutes about her upcoming game next weekend, and I listened to her. It reminded me of Jungkook but I didn't want to think about him right now, so I pushed his thoughts at the back of my mind.
After five minutes, she started putting things back in her backpack and gave me a hand which I gladly took as I stood up.
"What do you want to eat?" She asks when we have already been driving for about fifteen minutes.
"What are you offering?" I ask absentmindedly and she laughs.
"You make sexual innuendoes without even realising." She points out and that's when I realise, turning red.
"You have a dirty mind, that was a serious question. I am hungry." I pout and her hand comes to rest on my thigh, immediately making the tingles spread through my skin.
"I'll make you something to eat when we reach." She promises and I stare at her.
"I've never been to your house, you realise that?" I say out aloud and she thinks about it for a second.
"Yeah.. now that you say it like that. Don't worry, you'll see it in a while." She tells me.
The rest of the drive isn't as silent as it was on the way home, mostly because either I am singing a song or we are talking about her friendship with Jimin which makes me realise how serious their bond is. It's kind of adorable.
When we reach, she parks her car in the driveway and then slides out, coming to open my door and I snatch her backpack from the back seat.
"It's kind of heavy, did you collect pebbles from there?" I ask, pointing to the backpack and she shakes her head at me like I am a child. She does that a lot, in fact, but in a cute kind of way.
"Let's go inside." She motions towards the front door and I nod.
She pulls out a key from her pocket and unlocks the door. The darkness covers the whole house and she mutters something under her breath.
"Wait right here, I forgot to leave a few lights on when I left." She tells me and I nod as she shuts the door behind me.
I know she isn't by my side so two minutes later, lights switch on and I stare at the house, taking in the whole thing. Unlike my house, the stairs in this one for the floor above is directly by the entrance unlike by the living room side. I take a few steps inside and realise that on my left is the brightly lit kitchen with ravishing white marble and dark brown cabinets.
Besides it is the huge living room, a full rounded attached sofa covering the middle of it with two coffee tables in the front and a big LED in the front and I squint my eyes, yup, that's Xbox. By the living room's side is a small hallway with two doors on each side, so I am assuming one is bathroom and one must be a bedroom. Not sure, though.
When I hear Jennie's presence behind me, I turn around, "You're loaded." I point out the obvious, causing her to laugh out loudly.
"I thought that was the reason you agreed to go on a date with me?" She arches an eyebrow, causing a huge smile on my face, "And I am not loaded, Dad is. I have no idea why we have such a house when I live alone most of the time."
"How do you even maintain it? There isn't an inch of dirt anywhere around here."
"Uhh.. service comes every morning?" She says, embarrassingly rubbing the back of her neck and I laugh.
"Do you want to go to Vegas and get married?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows, and she grins at me, going into the kitchen so I follow.
"On the first date? Let's wait till a third one at least." She jokes, and I roll my eyes.
She pulls out something from her fridge and I dramatically gasp, "When you said that you would make me something once we reached there, I didn't think you would go to such extents of microwaving frozen pizza for me."
A sheepish smile takes over her features as she looks at me, "I had to go to grocery shopping, which I totally forgot about, so.." she shrugs and I nod.
"Just heat the damn thing up. I am starving."
She does that, and then we settle in her living room. She switches on the television but I tell her to plug in the Xbox instead, causing her to give me a look.
"You play?" She asks and I smirk.
"I can beat your ass in it, I can bet."
"Ten dollars." She says and I nod.
"You're on."
We quickly finish our pizza first and then she starts Call of Duty. Ohh, the cliche! But, I love that game anyway, and I know all the fucking tricks that are to know about it.
Jennie is cursing under her breath ten minutes later because I am beating her ass, and then she scoots closer to me almost unknowingly but I don't pay attention to her as I focus my eyes on the screen.
She keeps her arm on my thigh, still focusing on my game somehow and I know what she's trying to do, and while it takes everything in me to not pause and push her on the couch while I kiss her, I stay focused on the game.
"Woop woop, Jane. You lost." I grin by the end of it and she glares at me.
"I cannot believe that you actually beat me to it!" She runs a frustrated hand through her hair before pulling out ten dollars and passing it to me which I take with a victorious grin, "Where the hell did you learn that?" She asks.
"When you have a best friend who likes to earn money off of Xbox games through bets, you learn a trick or two." I shrug.
"Jungkook?" She asks and I nod.
She doesn't say anything, and I know she wants to but I don't want her to, honestly. We are having a good time and I don't want to ruin it. I scoot closer to her and make her face me.
I pull het down to myself, my hands going in her hair as I start to kiss her, trying to let go of any other thoughts that might be there. She kisses me back, her lips moving against mine as her fingers come to trace the bare skin on my stomach, causing huge amount of flutters in my stomach as the warmth from her skin spreads through mine.
She pulls me closer to herself as she deepens the kiss, our tongues swirling together as she moans my fullname name, which is my new favourite sound.
But it is interrupted with someone clearing their throat behind us and the two of us immediately jump apart. I look behind the couch to see a very amused Jimin standing there, making me want to slap him for interrupting us.
"What the hell, man!" Jennie says, looking at her best friend. "Where did you come from? It's almost midnight." She points to the clock on the wall.
"Yes, it is, but I forgot you had plans with her. I was calling you and you weren't picking up, so I came to check on you. By the way, in case you want to have sex, at least lock the front door." He tells the two of us.
My cheeks flame red and Jennie just throws a murderous look to him, "Get out!" She tells him, "You came to check, I am dandy, now shoo." She motions for him to leave which only amuses Jimin further.
Before jennie actually punches Jimin, I speak up, "Actually, I am gonna go." I say and Jennie's eyes snap to me.
She looks disappointed but I offer her a small smile. I kiss her quickly before standing up, taking my sling wallet and phone with me as I make my towards the front door, with her following closely behind me.
"I'll walk you to your home." Jennie says and I give her a look.
"I live right there, Jane. Chill." I point to my house across the street and she shakes her head,
"No, I am walking there alone. And by the way, thank you for an amazing night." I smile at het and dhe nods.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" She asks, peaking my
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