Jennie pulls up outside Seulgi's house and I take deep breaths, my head hitting the back of the seat as I force back the tears that are brimming my eyes as I let the realisation of everything hit me. Why the hell did she sent me that email? Did her heart not shatter into pieces before even trying to contact me? Fuck!

I run a shaky hand through my hair as I let the numbness take me over. I want to go home, right this moment but then everyone would start questioning me and that's the last thing I want. So, I suck it up and step outside. I am wearing shorts and red plain t-shirt, which I think passes for a house party, along with my sneakers.

"There they are." Jimin points at Jungkook's car as he steps out, moving to open Tzuyu's side of the door, and I snort.

Jennie eyes me at my reaction, and I roll my eyes. Jungkook is the least of my problems right now, although I do want to hug him and cry for hours like all those years ago when I finally learned the truth about my mother. But, this isn't the place for that, especially when he's with his girlfriend.

Jisoo and Rosé also come over to where we are standing and together, all of us make our way inside the house. I wonder sometimes what happened to Jimin and Jennie's famous popular group, because they seem to hang out with us a lot. Jungkook always fluctuated between hanging with Jisoo and I, and them. But now it's like we are a group of friends - and I like it, but I am just curious.

"You okay?" Jennie asks near my ear, so that only I could hear and I nod at her.

"Yeah." I say, forcing a smile.

I feel her hand on my back as we are hit by the smell of alcohol lacing the air. The whole team cheers as they look at their three players, and I turn around to get myself a soda, but Jennie's hand stops me from moving. I frown at her, but she's smiling and talking to her friends as her fingers move down to intertwine with mine. I ignore the feeling that tries to overwhelm me as she holds my hand like that, like it's something we usually do - but we don't.

She's distracted as two boys come over to join the conversation about today's game. I take that as an advantage and slip out of her grip. Seulgi's house is big, and I don't even have to wonder why - if she's throwing a party that means that her parents are loaded pretty well.

I move into the kitchen and find myself a can of soda, before pulling out my earplugs from my back pocket and moving between the packed house, the loud music turning even louder. It takes me a few minutes to figure it out, but I finally find my way to the back of the house. I am pretty impressed to find the deck, overlooking the greenery at the back of the house.

There are very few people out here, only three to four people, and I am thankful. A vacant chair is lying there, so I occupy it before putting my playlist on the shuffle, and closing my eyes. I deliberately didn't play the sad song play list, because I don't want to cause a scene at the party.

I am on the tenth song, I think when I finally open the mail again and reread all over again, my eyes looming over each and every word as I gulp, trying to think of something - anything that I would want to say to her. I have a lot, actually, but I don't know how to do it. And before I do anything at all, I want to tell my father about this.

It wouldn't be fair to him if I just do this on my own, because he's my family, my only family and if this concerns me, it concerns him too. I must have read the mail over fifteen times when someone pulls out the buds from my ears.

I look upto find a very pissed looking Jennie, "What the hell are you doing here?" She asks.

A frown etches over my face, "What I usually do at parties?" I offer, trying to make sense of why she's pissed.

She scowls at me, before taking an empty chair and that's when I realise that we are all alone on the deck. She sighs, running a hasty hand through her hair. She has actually managed to mess her hair up today doing that a lot.

"I have been freaking out looking for you all over the house from last hour." She says, making my insides jump at the thought of her worrying about me.

"Why were you looking for me?" I ask.

"Because you disappeared?" She says as if it's the obvious explanation.

"Well, you found me now. Go, party and get wasted." I say, and immediately realise that I am being a bitch to her right now, something I haven't been since we have started hanging out together.

Her worried eyes now turn cold as she glares at me, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She asks.

I shake my head at her, "I just don't want to talk to you." I snap.

She scowls, "Lisa, what's wrong?"

"Take a hint, Kim. Go away." I snap, my patience wearing thin. I don't want to be around anyone right now, mostly because I knew this is how it will go and I don't want to take out my frustration on others - simply because it isn't fair to them, especially not to her who has been worried about me.

Jennie shoots me a glare before pushing back her chair and turning to go back inside but I curse under my breath and catch her hand, "Wait, I am sorry, I am being a bitch."

She eyes me and I know she would have flipped me off if it weren't evident that obviously some shit is up. So she turns to me completely, "Something's up with you."

I take a shaky breath before mentally making a decision and offer her my phone. She frowns but then looks down at the screen, she must have read the first sentence because she sits back down and reads through the mail. When she's done, she looks up at me, her eyes dark as she opens her mouth to say something but then closes it right back.

"Is that your.." she trails off, and I nod.

"My mother? Yup."

She scowls, before looking down at the phone again, then she looks up at me, "It was a shitty move to contact you by mail. The least she could have done is showed you her face."

I laugh bitterly, "I think it's better that she didn't. I don't know how I would have reacted, I mean even the idea makes me shudder."

She nods, offering me back my phone and I take it back, keeping it on my lap. A silence passes over, but it's not awkward or uncomfortable, it's a silence where we both have nothing to say, I know she wants to comfort me - but even she must be aware that words give very little assurance.

I am lost in my thoughts when she scoots her chair closer to me and I realise that our chairs are touching each other by now, and my legs are between her as she takes my hand and looks up at me, "Vent it out." She whispers to me and I shake my head.

"It's not easy, Jane." I tell her.

"I understand, but tell me what can I do to make you feel better? You obviously don't want to talk about it." She says and I offer her a smile.

"Last time we were at a party, we disliked each other too much and now you're trying to lighten up my mood. Who would have thought?" I say, and she grins.

"I didn't really dislike you, you just annoyed the hell out of me." She tells me before continuing, "Still do, by the way."

I laugh but then I look at her, "I have never met her, you know?" I say and she gives my hand a squeeze, making my stomach turn into knots, "Sometimes I feel like.. what if she was there in my life? But the other times, I feel like I have my father, and he has done so much for me, almost everything to make me not miss her even for a bit."

She nods, "I didn't have the best luck in mother's department either." She says, which shocks me, because Jennie never talks about herself, like ever.

"At least you must have met her?"

"Trust me, I would love to trade places with you, I wish I had never." She laughs but it's humourless.

"That bad?" I ask, and she nods.

"The worst." She whispers and then looks into my eyes, "You going to reply to her?" She asks.

I shrug, "I am going to talk to my father first." She nods, and I look up in the sky. "You know I am a good listener, right?" I offer.

She smiles, "You don't have to say, Lisa, I know you'll be there if I ever want to vent. And you should know that I'll be here too."

"Progress." I state and she laughs.

"Oh by the way, Irene tried to make a move on me." She says, amusement behind her eyes and I frown, not liking the way the thought of Irene and her makes me feel.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yup, I was looking in the kitchen for you, and she tried to apologise and say things like we should go into the guest room and shit like that. I just threw her a dirty look before getting out." She shrugs.

"Jane refused sex, how the hell did that happen?" I gasp dramatically and she gives me a look.

"I am not that desperate."

"Sure." I grin.

She looks around and then back at me, "Is this what do you do at parties? Come back out and listen to music?" She asks.

I nod, "Yup. Partying isn't really my scene."

"So far, you've broken literally every stereotype I had in my mind about you - you have a dirty mouth, you curse more than I do, and you sure as hell aren't a nerd. But you don't party, so that's a new." She gives me an amusing smile and I laugh.

"Is that a challenge, Jane?"

She shrugs, "Just saying."

"I don't like to drink." I tell her before my thoughts from earlier come into my mind, "Hey, now that you hang out with us all the time, what happened to your old friends?"

Honestly, I am a little glad that Jennie found me here, because I surely would have ended up crying if I was alone for this long. She's serving a distraction, in fact, I am enjoying talking to her like this, because she doesn't say much. We usually just annoy each other for fun, and that's just it. When we are working on the biology paper, we usually just talk about school. So, this is new.

"They weren't really friends, just members from the team, and the girls were Irene's friends. The whole group had their on-off make out sessions within themselves, and while I was dating Irene I tolerated it, but now that we aren't together, I am not forced to hang out with that group." She explains and I nod.

We talk for another half an hour, it's mostly her talking about her life with Irene. They dated for around three months before all this shit went down. I listen to her patiently, and I know that she liked her genuinely at some point but she seems to be over her now.

"You wanna head inside?" She asks, and I think about it before sighing.

"Sure."

We make our way inside the house and immediately spot Jungkook and Tzuyu dancing together, well, more like grinding into each other. It feels like someone just stabbed my heart about ten times as I look at them, and then immediately avert my eyes away. Jennie takes ahold of my hand, giving it a light squeeze and I sigh. My eyes move over to Jimin who's hanging out with the rest of the team and Jennie and I walk over to them. I try to get the image of Jungkook and Tzuyu out of my head as I shakily take in a breath.

"Jennie! Our man." Seulgi says, coming over with a red cup in her hand that she offers to her. She's just another girl on the team, good looking, but tall.

Jennie looks at me and I frown, is she not going to drink just because I don't? I give out an amused smile, "Oh please don't stop on my account. Go on, drink." I say and she gives me a small smile before taking the class and bringing it to her lips.

It's not like I am against drinking, because I am definitely not. I just hate the taste of it, and I don't like drunken mistakes, because I have made a lot of them.

Jimin notices me and offers me a seat by his side so I make my way over there, sitting by his side. He shoots me a smile, "Where were you?" He asks, and I know that he's not drunk, but he's definitely had a few drinks.

"Around." I say, and he nods, not saying anything further.

Jisoo and Rosé come into my sight and when her eyes find me, she immediately gasps and yanks my arm, making me stand up as she yells, "We are going to dance." She says and I laugh.

"No fucking way." I retreat my steps back to the couch.

Ryan whistles, and I know that by now the whole team is looking at me, "C'mon, Manoban, we have never seen you dance at any parties, or even seen you in the house. You just come, and then disappear." He remarks and I shoot him a look.

"I am not dancing, if you just want to see someone dance, look right there, plenty of people dancing." I point to the middle of the room where everyone is dancing.

Tzuyu and Jungkook have come back from grinding against each other and are now gathered around with everyone else. Thankfully, Irene is nowhere in sight because the last thing I want is her to cause me more troubles.

"C'mon, Lisa. Don't hide your talent from the world now, I have seen you move." Jisoo whines and I smack her head.

"That's because you're my best friend, you idiot. What we do at sleep overs is supposed to be a secret." I say through gritted teeth and she smirks.

"Come, I'll dance with you." Jimin offers and I give him a look. Traitor.

It's not like I can't dance, I know that I can do it pretty well, but like I told Jennie, I don't like partying, and dancing is definitely a part of it. But the way everyone is eyeing me, my friend almost pleading me, I roll my eyes. To hell with it. I had my enough share of problems today, and I definitely need a distraction, so I might as well party for fuck's sake.

"Well, if I am going to break any rules, I want a drink first." I say and Jennie gives me an amused look while Jungkook looks at me with confusion. I have only had couple of drinks in the past, and while I am not a lighthead, I definitely don't like the taste of alcohol. "Also, it should be strong - like really strong." I say.

I know I am taking a leap decision right now, but I am tired of playing by the rules. Life hasn't been fair to me so far, so I might as well be reckless. Ryan grins and offers me a red cup. I do the mistake of smelling the drink and it definitely burns my nostrils with the fucking smell of liquor. It's hard liquor, and I know it's a mixed drink, and full glass, filled till the top.

Everyone is looking at me, so I snap, "Stop looking at me like that."

Well, now everyone is busy with themselves but my group of friends are still staring at me, so I gulp down at least one fourth of the glass in one go. It burns my insides, like literally but I close my eyes and call out for Ryan.

"What the fuck did you give me?" I ask and he shrugs.

"You said strong, so I mixed tequila, vodka and bourbon."

Jennie shoots him a glare, "You fucking serious?"

Ryan looks afraid but I shoot him a smile, "Thanks buddy."

I down the glass till half, and by now, I am aware that Jimin is beyond amused, Jennie and Jungkook both look very pissed, Tzuyu looks annoyed at Jungkook, and Rosé and Jisoo are just watching me with worried faces. My feet are tapping against the floor. I am not drunk, definitely not drunk, but I might be by the end of finishing this glass.

I mean, it's hard liquor - cocktail on top of that, and filled in the large red cup. Also, I don't have the best tolerance for alcohol. Within next few minutes, I down the rest of contents, the burning of my throat still there before I move to Jimin.

"Come on, let's dance." I say and he nods, taking my hand and leading me to the middle of the room.

He keeps his hand on my waist and I lock my hands behind his neck as we start swaying, the upbeat music giving me life as I move my hips to the rhythm and then my hands are in the air, and I move my whole body with the music, Jimin totally in sync with me. Fuck, he's a good dancer. I am not afraid of drunk dancing with him, because he's my friend, and I trust him and secondly, he's gay so he wouldn't try to take advantage of me.

When two songs end, I stop and Jimin grins at me, pecking my forehead and we make our way to the group again. Well, it's safe to say that everyone saw us dancing - the whole team and my group of friends. Ryan is the first to whistle, and that is followed by hollering, making me roll my eyes.

"Fuck, you can move." Seulgi says, and I turn to her, grinning.

"That, that was much better than I have seen you do in the past when we go crazy chicks on each other." Jisoo tells me with a huge grin on her face and I wink.

"Probably the effects of alcohol." I shrug, my head is a little foggy by now but when I look at Jennie, her lips are parted a little as she's staring at me with that intense gaze of her.

My cheeks immediately flame up as I try to look away but her gaze is too strong. I hear a voice and that's finally when I move my gaze from Jennie. Tzuyu is calling out Jungkook's name, but my best friends seems to be in a daze as he's staring at me, almost a hint of annoyance present in his features.

Jungkook finally looks at Tzuyu whose gaze follows to me. She curses before turning around to walk away, her boyfriend immediately following behind her. I shake my head and when I look back at where Jennie was, I realise that she's actually standing in front of me now.

"You can dance." She states and I grin.

"Thanks?"

She shakes her head at me and I hear someone call beer pong loudly and Jennie turns to me, "Wanna play?" She asks and I nod.

I am already dizzy by now, what better time to play drunk games?

•••

hey! hope everyone's having a good day.

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