Chapter Fifteen 

                                                                  Regrets

My shoulders have never felt so light. Who would have thought that I was carrying so much weight because of the Keepers? The weight fell right off when I finally told the rest about what was going on. Well, by the rest, I mean my mom. I knew she’d get the word around faster than I would. The only thing I had to do was to tell Zach about the meeting with the Keepers. The only reason I felt the need to tell him was let him know that I had made a final decision.

Jack planted a kiss on my lips before trudging through the snow to his ship. He was back to his crazy schedule of flying. It meant that I needed to start my own regular routine. My life has changed a lot in the past few weeks. I didn’t even know what to do with myself at home. So far I had made breakfast for the kids, got them dressed, and took a hot shower. It was already noon and that’s all I had accomplished. If only I was a gifted painter or something so that I could spend my day created a master piece. But, unfortunately, creativity wasn’t my strong point. I wanted to go out running, so hard and fast that my muscles would wear down. That was my strong point. The snow was too high to even walk quickly. So I was stuck inside with a small fire going, thanks to Jack, and one really bored daughter and a sleeping son.

I bundled both of them up and began to prepare myself for the journey over to Zach’s house. Before I reached the front door there was a knock. “Cassie, go sit down and I’ll answer it,” I told her as I sat Daniel in his playpen.

To my surprise, it was Zach who was at my door.

“I was just going over to your house.” I laughed lightly.                  

He smiled back. “I guess I saved you a trip.”

“Good thing too. I hate this weather.” I immediately shrugged out of my coat and placed it on the hook.

He stepped in and stomped the snow caked on his boots before taking off his own coat. “What were you going to come over for?”

I started taking off Daniel’s and Cassie’s coats. “I just had to tell you about the Keepers.”

“That was what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Good timing. Want some tea?”

He took a seat on the couch. “If that isn’t too much trouble.”

I rolled my eyes and gave a light wave of my hand. “I don’t know… Boiling water and dunking a teabag in it seems like so much effort. I don’t know if I can handle it.”

He smiled and laughed at my sarcasm.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed the kettle, filling it with water. The kitchen was freezing cold from lack-of-use and no heater going in it. I stood close by the stove and shivered as I waited for the water to boil. When the kettle gave a shriek I immediately took it off the stove and poured the hot water into a white coffee cup and added a black teabag. For myself, I was thrilled to pour another cup of coffee in the mug I already had two cups in. I carried everything out on a tray, balancing the sugar, honey, and milk. When I came back into the living room Zach was staring at the fire. Cassie wasn’t in sight. Earlier she really wanted to play with her dollhouse. No doubt she was up there right now.

“I should have offered hot cocoa. This weather just screams something chocolaty and filled with sugar,” I claimed as I stirred an unhealthy amount of sugar into my coffee followed by milk.

Zach gingerly took the milk from my hands after I had finished, pouring some into his tea. “I prefer tea.”

I took a seat next to him and sipped my coffee, feeling my toes curl at each sip. “Of course you do. You’ve never been one for unhealthy.”

“You know me well.”

I kicked up my feet onto the coffee table and stared at the fire. It always memorized me to look at red flames. Something about it always made me think of when I was little and mom would make a fire before opening up Christmas gifts. It also reminded me of the one year when mom had accidentally left a gift in front of the fire, burning my Furby to the ash. “I told the Keepers no,” I murmured without looking at him.

“…How did they take it?”

The memory of their crimson eyes and harsh expressions filled my head. “Not too well.”

“I’m sorry.”

I turned my head to the right to look at him. “It’s not your fault, at all. I’m pleased with my decision and don’t give a crap what they think.”

His lips twitched in amusement.

“I don’t like them one bit. Paul pissed me off afterwards when he told me—“ I stopped, realizing that this wasn’t something I should be discussing with anyone. Not even Jack.

Zach looked at me expectantly.

Telling someone about what the Keepers think Jack is going to do because of me would only put Jack into the spotlight. Not in a good way. Plus, it was only speculation. “Paul just told me I was making a stupid choice…” It wasn’t a lie, really. Paul showed how much he disapproved of my decision.

“It is your choice, not theirs.”

I nodded in agreement. It was nice to hear someone other than Jack tell me this. Mom was too infuriated with the Keepers to tell me I made the right choice. “I hope they leave me alone now. You know, they butt in where they don’t belong.”

Zach rested his feet on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch. “They are just jumpy. After everything that has happened, they don’t know what to do. They jump right to what they think the best option is.”

“Without even considering the harm it would cause,” I added bitterly.

“Would it really cause that much harm? After all, Cassie has turned out just fine. Jack cares for her.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. “Are you trying to convince me to change my mind?”

“No. I’m just trying to understand if…”

I leaned forward and turned to face him. “If what?”

Zach placed his feet back on the ground and sat his tea on the spot where his feet were. “I wasn’t sure if you just wouldn’t do it because of me. I know we have a complicated past…”

“That’s not why at all!” I quickly defended in surprise. “I mean, it’d be a little awkward… Well, maybe more than a little… But if I did do it, I know we’d be just fine. We’re close enough not to let it get too bad.”

He nodded in agreement. “I would be there for the baby. You know that.”

I did. Zach has been so incredible with Cassie. It’s astonishing to see such dedication under these extreme and insane circumstances. He’s been there whenever she needs or wants him to be. It’s also just as astonishing to see how dedicated Jack has been. Jack has stepped into the role of fatherhood not only for Daniel, but for Cassie as well. “The baby would taken care of all the way around. There are so many that would step up to help,” I responded with certainty in my tone.

“Why not do it then?”

I rested my back against the couch and looked back at his. He was staring back intensely, curiosity burning in his pale green eyes. “I don’t want to complicate things any further. I like how things are now.”

He fell silent. There really wasn’t anything else to say. I made up my mind over a week ago, and there was no changing it.

“As strange as this all has been, it’s been kind of nice talking to you again. I feel like I’ve been so distant from everyone lately,” I mentioned to lighten the mood.

He smiled at me. “It’s been very nice talking again. I’ve missed it.”

“We should make a promise to hang out more. Maybe Penny can come too, or Zoey and Henry. Not my mother because she will hang on your every word.”

Zach raised an eyebrow quizzically.

I sighed and placed my head on the back of the couch. “My mom thinks you’re the most wonderful man here, besides Joe. She’s told me this several times.” It was embarrassing to admit.

“I feel special.”

“You should. She hates Jack and Henry. She thinks Henry is too rude.”

He pursed his lips in deep thought.

Everything, the hot beverage and the fire, made me feel a sudden wave of exhaustion. My body relaxed against the couch as my eyes drooped. Maybe staying in the house wasn’t so bad. It felt so comforting to just chill without a worry. I could just lay there forever. Unfortunately, I had mommy duties that meant I’d have to feed the kids eventually. They have to be fed at least three times a day. My mom would probably be coming over soon anyway to check on them. Such a nosy grandma. “Did you want anything to eat? I think I have some, um, cookies. You made them, so you probably don’t want them…I really need to cook more. Well, maybe not because I suck at it,” I babbled.

“I’m just fine. I could always teach you how to cook, you know.”

Zach has taught me how to cook before. It always ended in frustration and sometimes me getting burned on the stove. I don’t even know why I can’t cook. I just get impatient and give up. “I may or may not take you up on that. It depends if I suddenly want to make soup or something. This weather could really use some soup.”

“I can make you some.”

I grinned wildly in excitement. “Tomato with grilled cheese and everything?”

He smiled back with a light chuckle. “Just say the word.”

“Please,” I begged teasingly.

And then he kissed me.

I didn’t see it coming. Not at all. One moment I’m making a goofy face, begging for some soup and the next he has his lips pressed so hard into mine that everything seemed to go numb. My entire body turned to ice as if someone just threw me into the snow. I didn’t know how to respond. A voice in the back of my head was saying push him away. Another voice said it’s so familiar, respond. It took me several seconds of doing nothing before finally my thoughts caught up with me. Jack.

I pushed Zach back weakly, my eyes so wide that they actually hurt. I stumbled backward until my back smacked into the chair by the couch. I couldn’t speak. I was horrified by what I had done, even if I hadn’t done it.

“I-I’m sorry!” Zach apologized quickly as he stood.

I managed to pull myself to my feet as I tried to find my voice. “I have to tell Jack,” I blurted without any idea of where it came from.

Zach’s eyes widened. “I know it was wrong. I just fell back into an old habit. It was wrong. I’m so sorry. Things were just as they had been right there and I just…I’m sorry. It was very wrong.” He had rambled so much that he ran out of breath.

My thoughts were racing a hundred miles a second. I had to tell Jack. There was no other way around it. He would know through the connection, and it’d only make things worse if I waited. “I’m sorry if I led you on. I might have been too friendly.” I felt my heart pounding as if I had been running. I don’t know why. I’ve never been in a situation like this, as in committing adultery. Would just a kiss be considered adultery? I didn’t see why it wouldn’t be. “I just, I have to tell him. I’m sorry. Him and I are very open and he has to know.” I felt like I had said he has to know a hundred times.

“I know. The connection and all. I will apologize to him personally.”

“After he calms down. Give him a few days.” My eyes were wildly looking around the room. “He will listen by then.”

Zack gave a sharp nod and went towards the front door. “I truly am sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have…” He grabbed his coat off the hook and slid on his boots.

“It’ll be fine. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have acted like we were as close as we used to be. That’s unfair.”

He looked down at his worn black boots, nodding just a little. “I will see you in a few days, I guess. Tell Jack how sorry I am. It will not happen again.” He left before I could say anything else.

I sunk into my seat with my face in my hands. How am I supposed to tell Jack about this?